• Published 3rd Feb 2014
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Frosty's AU Adventures, featuring probably everything! - TheBobulator



Somewhere in the universe, there's a copy of you doing something completely different.

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FoE Memories Chapter Somewherearound20orsomething

WARNING: THIS IS NOT CANON AND CONTAINS VERY MINOR NSFW.

Deleted Scene: Expectations?

I laid on my sleeping bag, still unable to sleep. Somewhere out there, a radroach or insect or something had the irresistible urge to make more noise than the entire wasteland combined with its endless chirping. It also didn’t help that the ruined house we were camped up in wasn’t as ruined as we first thought. There was enough insulation left to keep in the heat, and I’d been rudely woken up by my own sweat.

Not very far away in the adjoining room, Sparkle loudly snored, scratched her ear, and continued to sleep. “Good to see some of us can sleep through this sweltering heat.” I quietly groaned and rolled over onto my face as to air out my wings.

“It’s because you’re a pegasus and have a lower heat tolerance.” Tangerine yawned, coming down the stairs behind me. “G’nite Frosty.”

The stairs shook and crunched as Rumcake stomped down after her. “Ugh, I’m exhausted. Go get Sparkle up for her shift, would you?”

“Yessir.” Tangerine dragged her hooves all the way into the next room and began the arduous task of waking up Sparkle.

Rumcake scooted around the moldy couch and settled down by my side. I lazily flapped my right wing at him in a sleepy greeting as I continued to try to find a comfortable spot in my pillow. This thing was proving to be a worse and worse investment every minute.

Beside me, it sounded like Rumcake had taken off his helmet and placed it on the ground next to him. I hugely yawned and carefully rolled onto my side, splaying my wings out behind me. A moment later, he endearingly looked into my eyes and ruined the warm feeling in my heart by yawning into my face.

“Thanks, hay-breath.” I amusedly groaned.

“You started it.” He shook his mane hard, a few pink strands flying away.

There was a very annoyed groan from the next room as Sparkle finally somewhat roused herself out of sleep and stormed upstairs for her turn to keep watch. She must not have been very awake because her angry stomping paused, became louder, stopped again, and began to become marginally more distant and overhead.

For the next few minutes, I listened to Tangerine toss and turn on an equally uncomfortable bedroll and Rumcake simply creak and breathe. The bug outside sounded like it had found compatriots to assist in its noble mission to prevent my good night’s sleep. Part of me wanted to grab my rifle and go outside for some justice, but I wasn’t nearly that agitated.

“Your wings keep twitching.” Rumcake murmured.

Yes they did. “That’s because I’m annoyed.” I drowsily responded.

I felt him scoot closer to me, the cold metal of his armor pressing up against my body. “Hmm. Sorry if I woke you.” I dragged myself closer to him and did my best to use him as an armored body cloud.

“Mnh. W’s already up. Too warm.”

“It’s not that hot. I’m actually freezing in this.”

My ears perked up. A chance to peel Rummy out of his armor? And he was cold? This was an opportunity to take care of certain needs and further curiosities.

“You’re a perv.” Gala Frosty sighed from Rumcake’s other side.

I opened my eyes, sleep forgotten. “Shaddup.”

“Hm?” Rumcake was undoubtedly confused, like always.

I patted his shoulder. “Not talkin’ to you.” As much as I attempted to mentally resist, murderous curiosity got the better of me.

It had been a while, but I could probably turn on the ol’ bedroom Frosty charm. “Why don’tcha hop out of that and snuggle up by me? I’m hot in every way possible, you’re cold- sounds like a win-win to me.” I mentally winced at parts of that statement.

“I’m not taking off my armor.”

“I did.”

“That’s because you’re hot.”

Hook, line, and unintended sinker. “You betcha.”

Rumcake loudly facehoofed.

“C’mon, it wouldn’t hurt. Besides, I’m sure Sparkle can take care of everything.” I gave him a quick peck on the cheek for good measure.

“What about Tangerine?”

A quick swivel of my ears revealed that the scribe had finally nodded off, probably in a back-wrecking position like always. “She’s asleep. What are you, chicken?”

Hopefully that was enough to convince him to relax and finally take off his damn armor for once. I was more amazed that he could sit around in his armor literally all the time without the slightest hint of being uncomfortable.

“Well…” Rumcake looked around. “I guess it wouldn’t hurt.”

Yes! Score one for Frosty. I watched him stand up and slowly shed parts of his armor, one piece at a time. In the interest of safety, I didn’t get up to help simply because I barely knew how my power armor came on. The last thing I wanted to do was get something stuck or damage a clasp or whatever.

Finally, Rumcake shook off his last greave and folded everything down into a nice neat square- something I still couldn’t understand. He flopped down next to me and allowed me to drape myself across his back.

As I made myself comfortable all over him, I felt like the atmosphere in the room needed a slight shift. “Say something sexy.” I coaxed.

“Your ass is grass and I’m going to mow it.” Rumcake proudly whispered back.

I visibly winced in reaction to his attempt at possibly romantic comedy. Couldn’t be sure. There were also a few unintended mental images that also wormed their way into my mind. However way he intended it, he obviously noticed too.

“Was it bad?”

“Zero out of ten, would cringe again. Try again, doofus.” I reassuringly hugged him around the neck. “Try something out of a romance novel.”

Rumcake carefully mulled over his next words. “I’m bringing sexy back?”

I face-floored. “I said novel, not bad pre-war music. Sexy’s about to leave if you keep this up.”

“If I said you have a beautiful body, would you hold it against me? ”

I cracked a goofy smile and squeezed him tighter. “That’s more like it.”

“Now I’m bringing sexy back?”

I softly cuffed him under his chin. “No. Bad.”

“Meh. I’m just tired. Give me a break.”

“I could help you blow off some steam.” I coyly whispered into his ear.

Suddenly, all movement ceased from the stallion under me. Oh, he knew what I meant all right. The pressing matter was whether he was in the mood or not.

“I don’t know… I mean, Tangerine’s right over there.”

Unfortunately, he had a point. “Well, let’s just hope she’s a heavy sleeper.”

“And Sparkle? You get a bit loud and flappy when y-”

Blood rushed to my cheeks. “Sh! We don’t talk about that.” I immediately demanded, clamping my claw over his mouth.

“Mnghf tfh.”

Admittedly, he had a point again. “Fine, how about this time I’ll do the work and you sit back and let me work my magic. Let’s not wake anypony else up.”

“What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Don’t you want to, you know…”

I batted at his ear playfully. “You could take me like the mare I am.”

Rumcake awkwardly coughed. “Yeah, about that…”

Uh oh. I didn’t like where this was going.

“I don’t really have the natural equipment to do that with you.”

“What.”

“Well, it just so happens I did pick up some very interesting stuff from a sex shop I’ve been saving for just this reason.”

I was still trying to get over the impact of the first revelation. “Wh- HOW?”

“Now here is the most interesting thing. It not only resembles the male phallus. but it also oscillates and gyrates when an electrical current is passed through with a switch.” Rumcake reached over to his armor to try and access his saddlebags. “It’s also the most fabulous shade of yellow.”

“No- I mean-” Wasn’t possible. Nuh-uh. No way.

With a sudden colossal heave, I flipped Rumcake onto his back and didn’t find what I was hoping to see. “WHERE’S YOUR DICK?” I violently hissed, not wanting to disrupt the peace any more it already had been. Correction- her back, apparently.

“Frosty, I’m a chick.”

Somewhere, in the vast openness of the galaxy, a minor goddess cringed at the profanity being violently proclaimed in her general direction.

Author's Note:

To think I posted this to the blog almost a year ago. Huh.