• Published 3rd Feb 2014
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Frosty's AU Adventures, featuring probably everything! - TheBobulator



Somewhere in the universe, there's a copy of you doing something completely different.

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Chapter 2: “Freeze”

Chapter 2: “Freeze”

“The thermal drill, guys. Go get it.”

Date: Unknown.
Time: 2:16 PM, Local time.
Location: Canterlot Castle Town, corner of 4th and Numbers Street.

Flow begins.

I tapped my hooves impatiently against the cobblestones of the “Safe Storage and Associates” Barricade Street branch bank. It had already been eight minutes, and the disguise amulet around my neck was really starting to itch in a way that jewelry definitely shouldn’t. Even if it let me hear what the others were saying, this stupid blue hair that it gave me was incredibly distracting. At least nopony would suspect that the meek ‘lil filly Frosty was the bulky gray stallion loitering in an alley with a pair of overstuffed saddlebags.

“Holy shit, these guards just won’t fucking move. Get over here so I can punch you, asshole.” That was our team’s stealth expert, using the alias “Rad”. All I knew was that she- or he, at the moment, was some sort of C-rank DJ unicorn of some description. Real names weren’t exchanged so that we retained some plausible deniability in the event things went seriously south.

We’d been hired to knock over the bank for its recent shipment of bits. Anything extra went straight into our pockets, assuming the bank had anything else to take. The four of us were the best in the business- or so we liked to think. We hadn’t been caught yet, and that’s what mattered.

“I’m going to knock out the spotter ward in three, two, one… There.” Team mastermind and leader, alias “Bourbon”. I was ninety percent sure he was some sort of royal, but it was just a hunch. “Did any of them get the call?”

I peered around the corner in case a guard had come around from the street side. “Nopony here but Freeze getting cold.”

“Security colt just told the lobby guard about it. Looks like he’s headed to Rad through the stairwell.” The last member of our team, alias “Nectarine”. Self-proclaimed expert mage, but she wasn’t nearly that good. Somehow, she’d managed to waltz her way into the bank’s break room without any confrontation at all.

“Oh shit, who are you?” Very faintly, I heard a wet splat and the sound of somepony falling down several flights of stairs. “Shit! Uh, uh, uh- Bourbon, get that guy!”

It sounded like I was missing all the fun. Again. “Rad… What did you do?” Bourbon groaned.

“He came out of nowhere! Hold on, answering.” Rad cleared her throat and most likely picked up the guardpony’s little badge. It was similar to our little amulets, only it didn’t provide a disguise. We found out the hard way that those things hitting the ground usually caused other guards to get suspicious unless they were reassured that nothing was wrong. “What? I can’t hear you over the sound of my own boredom.”

We all held our breath for a second, sans Bourbon who was busy knocking out another guard.

“He bought it. We’re clear.” Rad sighed.

Then it was Bourbon’s turn to answer for the guard that he’d knocked out. “Um… uh… I don’t… I don’t… ah…” And then he made a pathetic choking noise.

“Really?” I hissed, glancing back at the street. “That was the best you could come up with?”

“Says the mare that tried to get away with ‘Everything normal here in normal town’.” Bourbon snapped back. After a moment, he sighed in relief. “Whew. At least the security colt didn’t do anything.”

“Girls, shut it. Who knows where the last guard is?” Nectarine urgently reminded us, stopping my retaliatory comment in its tracks.

“Roof clear.” Rad responded.

The alley was still deserted, and I was still bored. “Alley clear.”

“Back room looks clear.” Bourbon likewise replied.

“I’ll prep the silence field. Remember, we have twelve seconds. Freeze? Get those tellers, or we’re totally fucked.”

I stamped my hooves. “I know.” I shifted my saddlebags for easy access to its deadly payload.

“Ready? And… go.”

I burst through the door and galloped around the corner to get behind the tellers’ counter. The two mares behind it weren’t allowed to have a moment to figure out what was happening before I knocked both of them to the ground. “Down on the goddamn ground!” I yelled at the few customers that were still in line. “Down!”

“Hey! Watch the civilians! You want the guard to come down harder on us?” We ignored King’s warning and continued carrying out the plan.

Likewise, I could hear the others yelling at hapless customers and employees to get on the ground. The faster we could pacify the customers, the faster we could get to work. I did my job and continued to make sure that the six ponies in here didn’t do anything stupid.

“Downed guard back here. Rad, get on it.” Bourbon ordered from one of the areas across from the lobby where he had come in. “Rest of you, Tie up as many civs as possible.”

I pulled some binding rope off from the easy-reach strap of my saddlebags and tied up the two red stallions in front of me. One of them tried to cast some sort of spell, but a kick to the horn made him stop. The other obediently accepted the tie and shut up.

A pudgy blue pony, probably the bank’s manager, shakily stood up and opened his mouth to say something until Bourbon stomped in. “You see this macadamia cupcake? This means I get to tell you what to do.” He brandished the weaponized pastry in question at the shaking stallion.

I made sure to unzip my saddlebags a little bit farther, revealing the many extra nut-based pastries I had in store. The two unfortunate tellers had taken a caramel-pecan cupcake each. A waste of good ammunition, but we weren’t taking chances that they’d raise the alarm first.

“Nobody has detected you yet. Control the civilians and get that vault open.” King, our mysterious handler ordered. All we knew was that she was definitely a mare, and she really hated incompetence.

“Freeze and Rad- you’re on crowd control. Nectarine, go do your thing. I’ll take care of the last loose end. I want to be out of here in the next ten minutes.” Bourbon snatched a small watch on a chain from the manager’s vest. “Move it.”

“Front-leaning rest! Down on your face, doof.” I barked at the unfortunate few in front of me that had decided to visit their local branch bank today. “Don’t be tricky. Freeze don’t like tricky.”

Like the drama queen she was, Rad jumped up on the counter and began to recite the speech that she had prepared beforehoof. She claimed that it made our hostages more calm by reassuring their fears, but I was ninety percent sure that she just wanted to hear her disguise’s stupid manehattenite voice.

“We want to hurt nopony! We're here for the bank's money, not your money. Your money is insured by the Royal Mint; you're not gonna lose a single bit! Think of your families, think of your friends. Don't risk your life. Don't try and be a hero!”

Fillies and gentlecolts, Rad. Round of applause. What a speech.

“I need a few more cinnamon spice cupcakes back here, Freezie.” Nectarine singsonged. “This one’s a lot more solid than the last one.”

Once I made absolutely sure that Rad had the lobby secure, I picked up my bag of confections and made my way through the break room and into the back room where the vault was located. Nectarine had already placed several of her custom-created cupcakes against the huge brass door frosting-first. As far as I knew, there was a rune printed onto the wrapper that was motion-sensitive and that they somehow managed to explode with no explosive components whatsoever.

I dropped my saddlebags at her hooves. “Supplies, motherfucker.”

“Thanks a bunch.” Nectarine pulled out a few more of her special cupcakes and mushed them into the vault door to complete the circular pattern she was making. “Okay, that’s done. Everypony back up and maybe cover your ears.”

King must have been tapping her amulet on something to get our attention for a few minutes now. “Hold on, what’s going on in there?”

Nectarine and I jumped into the break room and covered our ears.

“Wait, are you blowing the vault? Don’t blow it!” Bourbon yelled so loudly that I was getting an echo from both my amulet and his voice somewhere else in the bank. “Stick to th-”

The subsequent explosion nearly blew out my eardrums, even with my ears covered. Considering that it was from a small pile of magically-charged cupcakes, it was actually quite impressive. When the two of us stumbled back over to inspect the damage, the vault door had been blown off its hinges and thrown a few feet away from the rest of the vault.

“What the fuck, guys? Looks like you’re going hot- somepony heard an explosion and called the Royal Guard.” King groaned. “You’re about to go hot.”

I heard Bourbon sigh. “And it was going so well.”

“How was I supposed to know blowing the vault freaked everypony out?” Nectarine shot back, clearly perplexed with how we’d gotten here. “It didn’t happen the last time!”

“That’s because fireworks were legal inside city limits, you dork.” Rad explained. “What I am supposed to do with these pumpkin tarts against the Guard?”

The smoke had cleared just enough to reveal the busted security gate inside the vault, revealing our fairly-stolen treasure. Mountains and mountains of bits, just sitting there waiting to be taken for the four of us. Okay, maybe just one really big mountain.

“The vault’s open! Bag the gold, everypony.” King reminded us.

“Everypony, you know what to do.” Yes, Bourbon. We know what we’re doing. Thank you for reminding us. “I see first responders arriving.”

As per our standard plan, Rad and I were in charge of getting bits packed into the bags that Nectarine magically produced out of nowhere while the aforementioned mare and Bourbon were in charge of knocking the Royal Guard down a few pegs with our weaponized pastries until we could get the goods moved from the vault and into the sewer entrance behind the bank.

All in all, we’d managed to get five bags- not a bad payout, considering we didn’t have the time to open every single deposit box lining the walls of the vault. “Bits bagged. Let’s get out of here!” I called out to the others.

“Shield! Another fucking shield!”

“What’s up with this response time? Seriously?”

Sounded like the two out front were having a really bad time. At least they were proving to be an effective distraction. I dropped the first of the bags down through the open sewer grate and headed back inside when I heard a chilling, distorted voice behind me.

“I like the way you fry, boy.”

Uh oh.

Bolt after bolt of paralyzing electricity forced me to spasm in place, making me drop the double-walnut chocolate cupcake that I was trying to throw. However, I still managed to jerk and twitch myself to face the navy-armored Guardspony currently casting his volt spell at me.

My spasmodical fumbling eventually managed to let me touch the amulet around my neck. “I tase you, fool.” A tiny square shield materialized in front of me, reflecting the arcing electricity back into its caster.

I managed to enjoy the look on his face for a fraction of a second as the spell rebounded “What th-” He stammered, right before the resulting shock knocked his stupid yellow-striped helmet right off his head. A second later, he joined his headwear on the ground and stayed there.

Thankfully the Guardspony hadn’t brought any friends with him. “Taser down.”

A bag full of bits slammed into my ankles, which was quickly followed up with yet another one. “Keep ‘em moving!” Rad called out, already hefting another bag.

“I’m movin’, I’m movin’.” I picked up the bag in my teeth and chucked out the door and right into the open grate.

“What are we on bags?” Bourbon yelled, over the din of the swordfightery and pastry-izing. “There’s a lot of these guys out here, and I’m almost out of cake!”

I continued to move our stolen goods, giving Rad a dirty look as she dashed past me with the last bag while I was still fumbling with the tiny zipper on the one I was trying to get a hold on. “Last bag’s at the escape zone. Time to go!” I informed him. “I dropped the extra snacks right outside the vault.”

“I’ll drop the last of my cinnamon cakes on the way out to slow ‘em down. Let’s get out of here.”

Nectarine had the right idea. Staying around longer increased the chances of us getting detained by the Guard, and that was the last thing anypony wanted.

I cupcake’d the next two guards who thought that dropping down on us was a good idea. From what it sounded like, the Guard had decided that a frontal assault was no longer practical, so they were trying to get around behind us.

For one reason or another, I kept hearing this annoying ringing noise in my ears. In case it was my amulet, I gave it a tap or two to maybe get it working properly.I kept a few more of my cupcakes on hoof in case more Guards decided to show up and ruin the party. Bourbon dove into the sewer first, followed by Nectarine and Rad after her.

The whine built up to an intolerable pitch, and I stopped to glare at my amulet again. Unfortunately, I shouldn’t have done that because a stun baton bashed me upside the head and knocked me on the ground. I was still trying to comprehend what was happening while my assailant kept hitting me, all the while bellowing into the back of my head, “Is this what you want? Huh? Is this what you wanted?”

“Freeze is down! Somepony help her!” King yelled.

“Where’s the fucking ladder?”

“I don’t know! Maybe we can’t get back up there.”

“Let’s just get out of here.”

“Ow, fuck! Just leave me! Go, go go! Ow!” I yelped, hoping they could still hear me.

They did, since I heard hoofsteps receding into the distance. Several other guards showed up and simply stood around me while I lay face-first in the cobblestones being beaten.

“Woo! Tightest. Crew. Ever!” By the sounds of it, the other three had managed to escape. King would find a way to get me out of imprisonment later.

Flow ends.


“Why am I constantly getting face-planted and injured? Seriously?” I whined, coming out of my trance-spell-thing.

Again, quill and notes at the ready, Violet stared at me. “Tell me everything.”

I crossed my forelegs. “No. You’re just going to do the thing again.” I hmphed and looked away.

“You mean this thing?” Tinkle of magic, and then I was falling again.

At least I landed on my back this time.

Author's Note:

If you've got other games or places you'd like to see Frosty in, go leave it in the comments, would ya? I've got nothing better to write at 2am.

SOMEONE STOP ME THE NEXT ONE IS SILLY