The Prince and the Pauperess

by Bluecatcinema

Cockatrice Season

The next day, after bidding farewell to Dusty (with Blueblood giving her some 'last words', much to her amusement), Blueblood and the eight mafia brothers made their way into the woods.

"Shh..." Caboose shushed. "Be very, very quiet, we're hunting cockatrices." He gave an oddly-familiar laugh.

"Who are you talking to, Caboose?" Blueblood asked.

"The nice folks readin' this, a'course!" Caboose chuckled.

"Dang it, Caboose." Murray groaned. "Remind us to get you checked out again when we get back."

"Dude, what's with the helmet?" Vinny pointed out Blueblood's pith helmet.

"What? Don't explorers wear these when they are exploring?" Blueblood asked.

"Yeah... if you're Daring Do." Lars snorted.

"Oh, and I suppose those fedoras are any better for this kind of situation?" Blueblood jibed.

"Hey!" Slot glared at Blueblood. "Don't. Sass. The. Fedora!"

Blueblood gulped.

"Okay, boys, gather up!" Grimoire called.

The stallions gathered around.

"So, what exactly are we hunting?" Blueblood asked.

"Oh, a creature most foul... a cockatrice." Grimoire declared.

"Cockatrice?" Blueblood repeated, having read about such creatures. "Uh, you can find those nasty creatures all over the Everfree Forest."

"Not this cockatrice." Murray told him. "This is a brown-feathered, blue-scaled greater Cockatrice, a very rare and very dangerous counterpart to your usual cockatrice."

"Oh." Blueblood gulped again. "How do you intend on catching this creature?"

"Simple, really." Grimoire pulled a set of crossbows out of his backpack, sending one to each brother.

"Crossbows?" Blueblood asked. "Don't we want to capture this creature alive?"

"We will." Grimoire declared. "These weapons are equipped with tranquilizer bolts, with enough tranquilizers to drop a Cerberus."

"How... lovely." Blueblood grimaced. "And where's my crossbow?"

Grimm looked at his brothers... and all of them laughed.

"No offense, Blueboy, but we wouldn't trust you with a loaded weapon." Murray snorted.

"But how will I defend myself?" Blueblood asked.

"You figure it out." Salt told him. "Besides, you got eight highly professional hunters to protect you."

A bolt suddenly rushed towards Blueblood, who yelped and ducked under it. All eyes turned to Caboose, who had fired his crossbow by accident.

"...Murray did it." He pointed.

"Seven highly professional hunters." Murray rolled his eyes.

"Don't worry, Blueblood, since you're an 'excellent navigator', you can run the map." Grimoire passed the map to Blueblood.

"Hmm..." Blueblood frowned, as he opened up his pack to place the map inside. Vinny looked in, and pulled out a can of hairspray.

"Manespray? Why is there manespray in your pack?" Vinny asked.

"What? I always bring my products with me in case of an emergency." Blueblood shrugged.

Vinny looked in and levitated the 'products' out.

"Combs? Hoof filer? Make-up?!" He said in disbelief. "Where do you think we are, some fashion show?!"

"Hey, unlike others, I always want to look my best for the ponies." Blueblood said defensively.

Murray leaned towards Grimoire.

"Come on, Grimm, let's waste this bozo." He whispered.

"No, Murder!" Grimoire hissed. "We don't kill ponies!"

"We don't have to!" Murray smirked. "We can just ditch him out in the woods! No one will miss him!"

"Murray, this is Prince Blueblood, the nephew of Celestia herself!" Grimoire pointed out. "If we do anything to him, we will have her wrath upon us! Not to mention Dusty would never forgive us."

"Please, Grimm!" Murray begged. "He has perfume, PERFUME of all things!"

"Just deal with it!" Grim snapped. "Your niece wants all of us to get along with him, and get along with him, we shall, even if it kills us! Got it?!"

"Fine." Murray sighed dejectedly. "Let's just get this over with."

The hunting party made it's way into the forest. Blueblood sidled up to Grimoire, trying to make small talk.

"So... you do this... hunting thing often?" He asked.

"Sometimes, yeah." Grimoire shrugged, "If a client wants something, we get it for them by any means necessary."

"I suppose it helps you stay in shape." Blueblood noted. "An old- I mean, distinguished gent like you could use the exercise."

"Yes, actually." Grimoire nodded. "Not that it's any of your business."

Blueblood frowned.

"I don't think he likes you very much." Caboose whispered.

"Oh geez, Caboose, I would never have guessed that." Blueblood growled.

Caboose's face soon turned into a glare, as he growled in a very different voice, "It's O'Malley."

"Okay..." Blueblood cringed, freaked out.

Suddenly, an arrow flew past Blueblood's head.

"AAH!" He yelped.

"Sorry, Blueboy. Slot sniggered. "My hoof slipped. Hope I didn't knock a hair out of place."

"Let me get the arrow." Lars rushed forward, knocking Blueblood aside as he did.

"Excuse me?" Blueblood griped.

"Oh, you're excused." Lars sniggered.

"Hey, is that the cockatrice?" Sonny fired his crossbow at a nearby tree, causing a nest full of eggs to fall on Blueblood's head.

"Ugh!" Blueblood groaned.

"Ooh, talk about egg on your face." Murray snickered.

"Hey, no problem." Salt sneered. "Blueboy can fix it with all that product he's got stacked away."

"Got a hair salon in there, too?" Slot taunted.

"Alright, enough!" Blueblood roared. "I know what you're all doing. You're hazing me. That's what you're doing."

"Hazing? We have no idea what you're talking about." Vinny falsely smiled.

"Yeah, we are only messing with ya." Salt chuckled, patting Blueblood 'hard' on the back.

"Well, cut it out!" Blueblood growled, as he wiped the egg off his face, "You ponies are grown stallions for Pete's sake!"

"Hey, get the lead out back there! We don't have all day!" Grimoire called out from ahead of them.

Blueblood gave a steamed "Hmph" as he stormed off to catch up with Grimoire. However, Murray and Vinny exchanged evil smirks as Murray pulled out a fake spider.

The two slowly trotted up behind Blueblood, and within seconds, Vinny pounded a tree with his legs, while Murray slipped the fake bug under the Prince's helmet. Caboose heard the noise.

"Guys? Did you hear that suspicious 'thud'?" He asked.

"Yeah…" Blueblood cast a glare at Murray and the others, who all faked innocent expressions, as he lifted his helmet and scratched his mane, unaware of the fake spider. "I sure did…"

However, Caboose immediately noticed the bug, his expression turning to horror, using his magic to lift up a club-like stick…

Blueblood glanced at Caboose oddly, "What are you looking at-"

*POW!*

"GAH!" Blueblood gasped, as he was whacked on the head. "DAH!" Again. "D'OH!" And once more, causing the prince to stagger back in a daze.

"Don't worry, Blueblood! I'll make that bug pay for it's insolence!" Caboose declared, as he began swinging the club again.

"Bug? What b-OW! OH!" Blueblood cried as he was whacked constantly on the head, the bug bouncing off his head.

Watching their younger brother beating up the prince, the brothers (with the exception of Grimm) were all laughing riotously.

"Hey, Murray, you think we went too far this time?" Vinny asked.

"You kidding? This is the most fun I've had in my life." Murray smiled.

Soon, Caboose stopped, as a bump grew on Blueblood's head, while the prince himself was groaning in pain.

"Stubborn little vermin. I'll take care of you." Caboose growled, shifting to O'Malley for a second, as he pulled out a crossbow and aimed it at the prince.

Blueblood immediately snapped out of his daze as he yelped, "No, no, no!" He quickly bat the crossbow down as Caboose pulled the trigger. The bolt flew under his legs, horrifying the prince.

The six brothers only laughed harder.

"Why you little…" Caboose pouted as he pointed the crossbow at Blueblood again. The prince immediately cried out in horror as he began running away from Caboose, as the youngest mafia brother tries shooting the bug.

"PLEASE." Blueblood dodged a bolt, "STOP." He dodged another bolt, "FIRING!" He pleaded, as he suddenly runs into a tree. Unfortunately, the tree happened to have a beehive, and as naturally in a comedic story, the beehive fell and released a swarm of angry bees.

"OH COME ON!" Blueblood cried, as the bees began chasing him now.

"Don't worry, Blueblood, I'll help you in a jiff!" Caboose reassured, as he loaded more bolts into his crossbows.

Murray and the others' laughter soon began to falter as the prince was suffering more from their 'prank.'

"Oh boy…" Murray frowned.

"That's not good." Sonny stated.

"Yeah… I think the beehive might had been a bit of an overkill." Vinny stated.

Blueblood let out a high-pitched scream as he then leapt into a pond. Grimm soon came onto the scene.

"What's going on here?" Grimoire asked, as he saw the wet and miserable prince, "Why is Blueblood wet, and why is Caboose wasting bolts like a crossbow-waving lunatic?" He glared at Caboose.

"Sorry, bro, I was trying to get the bug that latched onto Blueblood." Caboose explained, pointing to the fake bug on his head.

"Bug?" Grimoire repeated, as he levitated the spider for closer inspection. "Caboose, this is a fake." He then glared at Murray and the others, who cringed a little under his glare. "You had been deceived."

"Oh, not again!" Caboose groaned, as he threw his crossbow to the ground, causing it to discharge another bolt into a nearby tree.

"Well, no harm done." Grimoire shrugged, as he turned to Blueblood, "Come on, Blueboy, get out of the water, it's really cold out here."

In that moment, Blueblood's temper reached it's boiling point.

"That. Is. IT!" Blueblood roared, as he stomped out of the water.

"Would you relax? It's just a little water." Grimoire said nonchalantly.

"NO! This entire trip, your brothers have been the utmost worst! I have been humiliated, terrified, and now brutalized by them!" Blueblood screamed.

"Hey, it's not like you didn't ask for it." Salt sneered.

"Yeah, I mean, what kind of pony, let alone a stallion, brings perfume?" Vinny sniggered.

"Honestly, of all the ponies Dusty could had brought home, she brings home a wuss!" Murray spat.

Caboose however, felt guilty, "Oh gee, sorry, Blueblood. I was only trying to-"

"Shut up, Caboose!" Slot snapped, silencing the younger brother.

"You ponies are animals!" Blueblood yelled.

"Whoa!" The seven brothers leapt back in offense.

"Who ya calling an animal?!" Vinny snarled.

"Those are my brothers you are badmouthing there, boy!" Grimoire growled, shoving Blueblood a few hooves back "As long as you are dating my daughter, you will treat them with respect!"

"Or what?!" Blueblood challenged. "You'll make me 'sleep with the fishes'? Arrange an 'accident'? Make me unable to walk again?"

"Geez, this pony read too many noir books." Lars whispered.

Grimoire tried to remain calm, "Look, my brothers were only teasing you, they meant-"

"Say 'no harm' and I will scream loud enough for everypony in Bitaly to hear!" Blueblood cut him off.

The seven brothers gasped in horror.

"Uh-oh…" Caboose whimpered.

"He just interrupted the don!" Lars hissed.

Grimoire was not amused, as he got up in Blueblood's face, snarling "You listen here!"

"NO! YOU LISTEN! ALL OF YOU!" Blueblood interrupted, pushing Grimm back. "You can scare me all you want with your whole 'mafia' motif, your death threats, and your homicidal 'black sheep'-"

"Wait, we have sheep in our family?" Caboose dumbly asked.

"But you will just have to accept the fact that I'm dating Dusty. You think I'll leave her if you make things unbearable enough for me? That's where you're wrong! You can just do your worst, because I'm not going to do it! Dusty is the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I'm not going to give her up because of your immature pranks! You hear me?! I'm not GIVING UP!" He declared loud and proudly, stomping his hooves.

Grimoire and his brothers all stood in shock, gaping at the unicorn's words. Grimoire wasn't sure what to say in the least, but just as he was about to say something, they suddenly heard a loud snapping sound, causing everypony to glance around.

"What was that?" Vinny looked around.

"Guys, I think we might have company." Salt noted.

"Everypony, crossbows at the ready!" Grimoire ordered.

Immediately, all eight brothers brought up their crossbows, one pointed in each direction.

"Guys..." Blueblood said warily.

"Don't worry, Blueboy. I happen to be an excellent marksman." Murray boasted. "That cockatrice is good as g-"

Suddenly, a blur sped towards them, and grabbed Lars.

"AAAAAAAAAAAH!" Lars screamed.

"LARS!" Everypony cried.

The blur sped past again, taking out Sonny.

"GAH!" Sonny yelped.

"Arson!" Grimoire called.

Suddenly, Slot was pulled into the bushes.

"HELP ME!" He screeched, digging his hooves in the ground.

"Ah, geez, it's picking us off, one by one, like a cliché horror movie!" Vinny gulped.

Suddenly, the blur pulled Vinny up into the trees.

"Vinny!" Murray yelped.

"Hey!" Salt yelled. "Give our brothers back, you coward!"

The blur whipped across his head, conking him out.

"Salt!" Murray cried, as the trees began to stir. "GAH!" He fired his crossbow at the tree, hoping to get it, but the cockatrice jumped out and tackled him into the bushes, leaving Grimoire, Blueblood, and Caboose.

"Oh no! Oh no! I gotta get outta here!" Caboose yelped as he ran away.

"Caboose, get back here!" Grimoire cried, as Caboose hit his head on a tree branch, knocking himself out. "Oh, horseapples!"

The cockatrice came out of the bushes, slowly approaching the two remaining stallions.

"What do we do?" Blueblood gulped.

"I'll hold him off!" Grimoire declared. "You get your flank out of here!"

"What about you?!" Blueblood asked.

"...Look, Blueblood, Dusty cares a lot about you, and I can't let her lose you because of us!" Grimoire told him. "I'll be fine... somehow.

The cockatrice began to petrify Grimoire.

"Grim!" Blueblood cried.

"Go, Blueblood!" Grimoire called. "Tell Dusty that her father loves her and that her father and uncles died like heroes! And makes sure that our petrified corpses get an engraving, nothing too sappy though!"

Blueblood stood still for a moment, racking his brains. Suddenly, he had an idea.

"You want to turn somepony to stone?" He told the cockatrice as he advanced. "Try me!"

"What are you do-" Grimoire's question was cut off as he finished turning to stone.

The cockatrice rounded on Blueblood. As it's eyes lit up, Blueblood held up a hoof mirror, reflecting the light back. The cockatrice clucked with horror as it's own body turned to stone.

"Gotcha." Blueblood smirked.

At that moment, the stone covering Grimoire shattered.

"What the-" He groaned, staring at the petrified cockatrice. "How?"

"Never leave home without one." Blueblood smirked, flipping the mirror.

"Whoa… Not bad, Blueblood." Grimoire admitted. "Not bad."

After the others had been found, and the cockatrice had been contained and brought with them to the mansion, the stallions sat with Dusty in the dining room.

"I told you Blueblood would be a big help." Dusty said smugly.

"And, as always, you were right." Grimoire chuckled. "I should've known my girl would pick a winner."

"Yeah, guess we owe you an apology, Blueboy." Murray admitted. "You may not be the most macho stallion around, but ya came through when it counted."

"No doubt." Sonny nodded. "We got no problem with you bein' with Dusty now."

"Thank you." Blueblood smiled.

"But we're still gonna break that pretty face a' yours if you ever hurt our little Dusty." Slot sniggered.

Blueblood cringed once more.

The next day, Blueblood and Dusty returned to Equestria. They were greeted by Celestia and Shine at the front doors.

"Welcome back, Blueblood, Ms. Speck." Celestia smiled. "I hope your visit with Dust's father went well?"

"Oh, it went swimmingly." Blueblood smiled. "I think I hit it off well with the old stallion."

"He sure did." Dusty nuzzled Blueblood.

"That's great to hear." Shine beamed. "How about we head back inside and you can tell us all about it?"

"I'm afraid we will have to decline." Blueblood shook his head. "It was a long trip, and I'm beat."

"Me too." Dusty agreed.

"Very well." Celestia nodded. I'll have your personal guard bring your luggage up to your room.

"Personal guard?" Blueblood repeated. "I don't have a personal guard."

"Well, you do now." Shine declared. "We just had a transfer from Saddle Arabia, and he volunteered to be your royal guard."

"Better yet, you might know this pony, Dust." Celstia smiled.

"I might?" Dust asked.

"Does somepony need their luggage towed?" A familiar voice inquired.

Blueblood and Dusty turned, and were stupefied to see Caboose, wearing a royal guard uniform.

"Allow us to introduce you to your guard, Private Caboose." Celestia announced. "According to him, he is your uncle, Dust. Is that correct?"

"Uh, yeah." Dust said nervously. "So nice to see you again, uncle Caboose. Didn't realize that you were a Royal Guardspony."

"Neither did I." Caboose admitted, getting an odd stare from Celestia and Shine. "I mean, neither did I, when I first joined the Guard. Been out there, fighting bad guys for a long time"

"Well, we'll leave you three to catch up." Celestia smiled. "Come along, dear, Miracle needs a bath."

"Of course, dear." Shine followed his wife, stopping only to mouth 'Great job!' at Blueblood.

"Wow, what a pair of nice ponies." Caboose smiled. "And by gosh, that princess was sure pretty."

"What are you doing here?!" Blueblood glared at Caboose.

"Uh... unpacking your stuff?" Caboose held up a suitcase.

"He means, why are you here in Canterlot?" Dusty asked. "I thought my dad approved of Blueblood."

"Oh, that." Caboose said dully. "Don't get the wrong idea, Grim does approve...but he was 'very' insistent that somepony he trust keeps an eye on his baby girl and Blueblood."

"But why you, of all ponies?" Blueblood asked.

"Simple." Caboose grinned. "I wanted to spend more time with my niece... well that, and I got the shortest straw of the bunch. I somehow always lose that game."

"Come on, you don't trust your own niece and a noble prince alone together?" Blueblood groaned.

"It's not a matter of trust, it's a matter of me making sure you two don't do anything rash." Caboose declared. "Because, if you hurt Dusty or worse, not only are Grimm and the others going to kill you, they're going to kill me for letting you hurt Dusty or worse, and then O'Malley..." He pointed to his head. "...Would have to kill you again."

"...How would that work?" Blueblood asked, freaked out.

"I don't know, and I wouldn't worry about it." Caboose shrugged. "You two won't even know I'm here."

Caboose took the suitcase and hummed a silly tune.

"Look, I know Caboose." Dusty told the still-freaking out Blueblood. "I'm sure he won't be any problem."

"I just can't catch a break, can I?" Blueblood sighed.

Comments

[Magthere]

You'd think the others would have been smart enough to pack a mirror if they specifically knew they were going after a cockatrice, then again they gave Caboose a crossbow in the first place... so their intelligence was debatable for some time.

[VanguardLuard]

I like Caboose. In red vs blue he is my second favorite charter with Church being my favorite.

[SageBrony07]

This is just funny to read. I can't wait for the next chapter. I wonder what is going to happen when O'Malley comes out to play.

[Frankie2]

Is Caboose really adopted and is the long lost cousin of Pinkie Pie?

[Sarged]

So wait Blueblood is Church. Makes sense.