In the land of Equestria

by damandan28

In the land of ponies pt2

“Damn it! Did I just get knocked out again?!?” I yelled into the darkness of my mind. I sighed, “Dad are you back?” silence. “I guess that’s a no… what the hell do I do in my own mind by myself. If I jack off in here is that considered a mind fuck? …What the fuck did I just say!? Damn it brain, get it together!

“I knew you were a bit messed up, but damn son.” My dad said out of nowhere.

“D..dad? H..how long have you been here?”

“Long enough to know I messed up somewhere with you.”

“Screw you.”

“You were about to do that with yourself weren’t you?” he chuckled.

“I’m not that perverted!”

“But we can both agree that you are. Don’t worry, so am I.”

“Damn it dad!”

“Alright shut up, we have a visitor here.”

“Who would yo…Damn it, it’s Jesus, isn’t it?! Oh, god, I hope he didn’t hear that.“

“It’s not Jesus you moron! I wouldn’t be stupid enough to bring him here!”

“Then who did you bring?”

“Hear for yourself.”

A familiar feminine voice spoke, “Hell-“ a voice from the outside world interrupted.

---

“It was an accident!” yelled a raspy feminine voice, same as the one from the forest.

“Why did you fly through the window in the first place!” Applejack yelled back.

“I told you, I was working on my routine when Derpy got in my way. I managed to avoid her but I lost control and crashed here.”

I opened my eyes to see what the commotion was about. As I did the bright light, again, penetrated my eyes and I closed them immediately. “Damn lights.” I said under my breath, which, apparently, was loud enough for the others to hear.

“Good you’re awake.” Twilight said as I looked at her to my left.

“What happened?” I asked.

She only pointed her hoof to my right, across the room. When I looked over I saw a blue pegasus in a hospital bed covered in bandages. I then realized what happened to me that caused me to black out. “You!” I said pointing at the culprit, “You crashed into me!”

“It was an accident!” she yelled back

AJ sighed, “This here’s another one of mah friends, Rainbow Dash, and she helped me rescue yew from the forest.”

Rainbow Dash and I stared at each other intensely. I sighed and broke first, “Well, I guess it was an accident. Sorry for yelling at you. My name is Daniel.”

“You have nothing to be sorry about; I'm sorry for crashing into you.” She said. “The name is Rainbow Dash, best flyer in Equestria and soon to be member of the Wonderbolts.” She said with a lot of ego in her words.

My eyes opened wide and said, “If you're the ‘best’ I’d hate to see the rest.”

Everyone but Rainbow laughed. Instead, she shouted, “I told you that was an accident!” Her voice cracked slightly.

“I’m just teasing you Dash.” I turned to the rest of the girls and asked, “Hey girls. What’s Equestria?”

“Is this guy serious? He can’t be serious. He's not serious…you're serious arn’t you?” asked Rainbow.

“Um…hello, does it look like I'm from this world”

“All you need to know is that you are in Equestria. I would tell you more but remember our deal.” Twilight said.

“Oh yea I forgot.” Suddenly my stomach growled so loud that it sounded like the manticore was next to me. Everyone laughed except for me, who just blushed and smiled. Remembering that I didn’t eat the tray of food brought to me at first. I think the nurses heard it too because nurse Redheart came in with a fresh tray of food in her mouth and placed it in front of me. I thanked her as she left and started eating.

As I was eating the girls started talking amongst themselves while I went into thought. I was thinking about the voice I heard before I woke up. I know I've heard the voice somewhere I just don’t remember who it’s from. I started naming off deceased people I know in my head, Grandmas Jill or Mar… nope. Aunt Joanne, nope. Damn it! The only time I want to be knocked out no one is stepping up to the plate!

Then Rarity walked through the door with a bag. She handed the bag over to me with her magic and said, “Tell me what you think.” I open the bag and took out the shirt. It was all black except for a green stone in the middle of the chest area, smaller ones on the sleeves, and a big one on the back.

I looked at Rarity and asked, “Are these real emeralds?” she nodded, “I can't accept this.”

“But why ever not darling?”

“I can't afford this.”

“Don’t worry about it dear. It’s on the house.”

“Nonononononono, I can't. It’s too much.”

“You must. You saved one of my best friends. It's the least I can do.”

I again entered another stare battle, but this time with Rarity. It was broken up this time by a voice of what sounded like a young boy entering the room.

“Twilight *huff* I've be looking *puff* all over for *cough*you.” the young voice said like he had run to Mordor and back. “You’ve *huff* got a letter from *cough* Princess Celes-“at this point I look at the source of the voice to only see a small purple reptile with a green belly and spikes. I've started a new stare down.

“Girls, watch out for that monster!” reptile and I said in unison. I searched for my knife, which was nowhere to be found, while the young reptile sucked in some air and blew out a green fire. I was far enough where I wasn’t engulfed by the fire, but close enough for my gown to catch on fire.

I screamed in shocked while waving my arms all over the place. The reptile, which I now guess is a dragon, got closer to deliver the final blow. As the dragon inhaled and was about to exhale the fire Twilight sealed the dragon’s mouth shut using her magic and he expanded like a balloon. The dragon calmed down with smoke exiting his ears, nose, and mouth. I'm still on fire, screaming like an idiot, when Rarity used her magic to rip the gown off me and threw it to the side. Fortunately for everyone involved, I still had my underwear on, but still I picked up the covers on my bed and threw them over me.

“Spike, stop!” yelled Twilight. “This is the creature that saved Applejack.” She then turned to me and said, “And That’s no monster; that’s Spike my number one assistant.”

“Oh," I said in embarrassment, “sorry about that...um, Spike right?" he nodded, "'Sorry about that Spike. As you can see, I'm not from this world and I'm not used to seeing dragons from the one before."

“No, it's my fault, I shouldn't have assumed that you were a monster." said Spike.

"Oh, but you had the right too. I mean seeing a strange new creature arguing with your friend doesn't scream out 'this is a nice guy,’ and that was a very brave thing to do to defend your friends."

"I guess it was wasn't it?" Spike smiled.

Twilight interrupted by clearing her throat and said, "Um… Spike the letter?

"Oh yeah! Here you go Twi." he handed twilight the letter.

Twilight read she letter to herself. When it looked like she reached the end of her letter her eyes widen, looked at me, and said “The Princess requests your presence.”

I stood there shocked and wide-eyed. "Well I wanted a meeting with the Princess, but I didn't expect it to be so soon." I said, "Do you think I can also get a meeting with the king or queen?"

"We don't have a king or queen." said Twilight,”We have two princesses who have ruled for thousands of yea-“She stopped herself. "Darn it! Since I answered that question, you have to answer one of mine.”

"Fine, shoot"

"How did you end up here?”

"Um.... I honestly have no idea."

"What do you mean you don't know?" said Applejack.

"I just woke up in the forest not knowing how I got there. I walked around for a couple of minutes and then I heard your voice calling for Applebloom and I walk towards it.

”Twilight asked, "Well, what was the last thing you remember?"

"Well, the last thing remember I was in my apartment getting ready to go see my mother in the hospital."

Rarity asked, “If you don’t mind me asking sweetie, what was your mother doing in the hospital?"

"Breast cancer" I said with sadness in my voice.

"Oh my Celesteia, I'm sorry darling I didn't know.” she said with surprise and sadness in her voice.

“It’s alright." I assured her. "That’s why I need to go back to my world."

"Hey Twilight," Rainbow asked, "couldn't you use that spell to restore the memories like you did while we were messed up with the whole Discord thing?"

"Rainbow, you’re a genius!" yelled twilight.

"Yeah, tell me something I don't know." said Dash.

"Wait... Do what now?" I asked.

"I'm going to use my magic and bring back your memory of what happened before you got here." said Twilight.

"You can do that?" I asked incredulously.

"Yep, now hold still this is going to feel weird."

“Wait,” I stopped her, still under the covers in my underwear. “Can someone call a nurse and get me a new gown first?”

“Oh no you don’t.” Rarity said with an evil grin as she pushed the bag of clothes towards me. She closed the door and locked it with her magic. I thought to myself, she can rip off clothes and close and lock doors very easily. I better have a friend with me when I see her or she might rape me….Damn it brain, not again! I snapped back into reality and gave Rarity a weak smile.

“Alright give me the bag.” I said while Rarity squeed in joy. “Can I have some privacy please?”

“Why?” asked Twilight.

I gave a confused look at first, but then I noticed that they don’t wear any clothes. How does Rarity get any business? I thought to myself. “I don’t want to go into details about it. Let’s just say it's a human thing.”

The girls, satisfied with the response, left the room for me to change into my new clothes. I first picked up the pants and put them on. They felt better than any other pair of jeans I had ever worn. I next put on my shirt and, Oh my gosh, I thought to myself, this feels amazing! I started to rub myself all over. I wanted to stop but I just couldn’t.

“I'm guessing it's to your liking?”

I turn around to see that the four girls there were all trying to hold in their laughter, except for Rainbow Dash, who wasn’t even trying.

“Uh…..” was all I could say. “Yea, this feels amazing. I never felt anything like this from Earth. What is it made from?”

“Simple cotton.” Rarity said. “It is just amazing what my magic can do to clothing.” She bragged a little.

“Speaking of magic,” Twilight interrupted, “let’s start on that memory retrieval spell.”

“Let's get started I guess”

“Now remember, this is going to feel weird”

I lay down on the bed as Twilight came towards me. She stopped right next to me, and with her horn glowing, touched my forehead with it. I closed my eyes as I entered the darkness of my mind.

---

AN: i would like to thank Bronymaster for editing this. with out him this would look like my report card

Comments

[Icer]

Okay, so here's my thoughts.

You're really choppy, very choppy. Your sentences all feel too short, with not enough information being passed through to the reader. The conversation, in my opinion, is worse than the normal narration. It's very choppy, and you don't get a feel for the character. Normally I would have heard the reading in either a different voice from the narration, or as the character's voice (in the case of cannon characters with voices), but in this case I don't hear it, because you're being too choppy and are having them act slightly out of character. They don't feel like the mane 6, so I don't hear them as the mane six. You get what I'm laying down?

You need to flush out your narration, give it more depth, same with the conversations.

[Bronymaster]

363314
Well, you can't expect it to be perfect. As for them acting out of character, I don't see what you're seeing. It would help if you would give examples to back up your claim. If they do act out of character, that can also be explained in this short statement. What the hell would you act like if an alien creature saved your life or your friends life? The narration is choppy for a reason. It's a stream of consciousness in a lot of areas. That's just how it works when you attempt to write like this.

[Distorted Flare]

its very likely that the main 6 would of been horrified by the dead manticore breast cancer i very much doubt that a race of ponies still using horse drawn carriages would know what breast cancer was or probably woudn't even know what it is