That Which Makes up a Rainbow

by maxxxxxx

Love

Her eyes struggled to adjust from the bright light. When her vision returned the sight of what she saw filled her with sadness and anger at once. She was in a small, pure white room. At the center was a single white bed, occupied by unicorn mare. Her coat was a pale pink and her mane was a gentle shade of purple. Her eyes were emerald green. She was beautiful, but her condition revolted Dash. She looked sick and emaciated, her eyes seemed sunk into her skull and her legs were thin and shaky. She seemed ethereal, and dash felt that making a single move could dispel her into a light vapor, like a cloud. Her head was propped up on a pillow and she smiled weakly at Rainbow Dash.

“Are you the one that called me?” She spoke softly, fearing that her voice alone would make the mare before her crumble.

“Yes, I am. Come, stand beside me. I have much to tell you and not much time.” Despite her state, she spoke with kindness and caring, as if she were afraid that Rainbow Dash was the one who would fall apart. Dash walked to the side of her bed, which came up to her shoulders. She felt an immense amount of pity as she looked down at the mare.

“Who are you?” She gave a wispy, delicate smile.

“I am Love.” Rainbow Dash backed away from the bed, pressing herself against the wall. Her eyes were on the verge of tears once again.

“No!... No, it can't be true! You can't be... you're, you're so frail... Oh Celestia what have I done!? It's all my fault.. I.. No! I don't want to hear anymore... how can I live with myself... Look what I've done to you!” She brought her hooves to her temples and fell into a fetal position against the wall. No, no, no, no.. no more... I... I can't take this... I've been killing myself for so long... I hate myself.. She self a hoof touch hers, it was warm and steady. Rainbow Dash looked up from her sorrow with tears in her eyes. Love was holding her hoof, she rolled over in her bed facing her.

“Rainbow Dash, I hold no animosity towards you.” Rainbow Dash's voice trembled with grief and disbelief.

“How? How can you not hate me? Look at what I've done to you... I hate myself just looking at you.”

“Do you know why Shield and the others hate you?” Rainbow dash shook her head, her crying had stopped and her tears were drying into her fur. Dark trails ran from her eyes, left behind from all the tears she had shed.

“No... I do know why. It's because I've abused them. I locked them away and used them to kill my self. That's why they hate me. I deserve it.” She felt Love's hoof rub comfortingly against hers.

“That's not all Rainbow Dash. There is more. First let me ask you, do you understand what Shield is to you?”

“Not really.” Dash could see a look of disappointment flash across Love's face. She knew, as well as Dash that, that was a lie. Dash had already figured it out, but she couldn't bring herself to acknowledge it.

“Shield is your lies Rainbow Dash. He is who you created to bury us in comforting lies, he is your denial. The shield that protects you from your pain and from the vulnerability of your heart. You and he suppressed us, and we died. One by one. There are very few of us left, those that survived are those that aid Shield in strengthening your lies or those whose hatred for you are strong enough to sustain them.” Rainbow Dash again felt a crushing guilt, but her words didn't contain even a trace of anger. No, if anything Dash felt empathy from her words, but that only made it hurt more.

“Then.. why did Shield show me the scene from my past? The one with my mom? If he's supposed to protect me why is he hurting me?” She felt scared and abandoned. It was only now that she realized how much she relied on Shield for protection and comfort, even if they were lies. Oh Celestia I'm so pathetic! Even now, I want to make it all go away. I'm want Shield to come and take away the pain. I have nothing left anyway, why shouldn't I die with a comforting lie? Why can't I just fade away thinking that my life was real? That it meant something. Why can't I just have a soul, even if it's a fake one? If I'm going to die anyway why can't I die happy?!

“You can't die happy, because you killed you're happiness long ago. You can't truly feel it anymore. Do you not remember what Logic said to you? When your bravado fails you, all you have left to hide behind is despair and hopelessness, That is why he showed you those memories. Shield knows everything you have ever done. Every horrible thing, every painful memory, every locked away guilt and every heartache. He knows you better than even you do, and that is why he hates you. I, on the other hoof know of the pain that comes with love. I know, that with love comes opening you're self to the pain of loss. You couldn't handle such pain, so he locked me in this room. Rainbow Dash, I do not have much time. I am going to show you a past that you locked away, because of the pain of loss after opening your heart.” Her body relaxed, though she kept hold of Love's hoof. At least through the pain, she would have some tenderness, somepony who cared. Even if it was a lie.

The room faded away, leaving only themselves and the bed. Then, they were once again in Cloudsdale.

A young mare walked down the street, side by side with another pegasus about the same age.

“Hey Fluttershy, the Wonderbolts are doing a show in a couple of days, you should totally come watch them with me! It's going to be awesome!” The younger Rainbow Dash jumped into the air, giddy with excitement. The pink pegasus, looking at the ground nervously. She even seemed a little distraught.

“That's me and Fluttershy, back when we both lived in Cloudsdale.” She turned towards Love, who watched the events unfold with pain in her eyes. I don't remember this yet, I looks like it this didn't happen too long before I moved to Ponyville though.

“Yeah... awesome.” Fluttershy said sadly. Dash fluttered back to the clouds, landing beside her. The shy pegasus's downcast demeanor wasn't lost on Dash.

“What's with that? You've been saying you wanted to go see them with me every time I brought up how awesome they are. Don't tell me you got something going on? What could be more important than hanging out with you're coolest friend watching the most amazing fliers in all of Equestria being unbelievably radical!?” Fluttershy faced away from her, looking to the ground, her mane obscuring her face.

“Well, I um.... never mind, just forget I said anything.”

“Aw come on Shy! Ya can't leave me hanging like that. You said you wanted to go and I already got the tickets. Whatever you got going on can wait till after the show!” She looked up, meeting her friends impatient and annoyed expression with her own full of compassion.

“R- Rainbow Dash.. Actually, I can't make it. I'm so sorry.” Anger swept over Dash's face.

“And what could be so important that would would just abandon your friend like that?! Ya know Shy, I just don't get you, you're nice one minute then you're leaving your friend's hanging the next. So what is it Fluttershy? What's more important? Your friend or..”

“I'm moving Rainbow Dash!” She blurted out, cutting Dash off mid-rant, shutting her eyes tight. Rainbow Dash was stunned for a moment, then an annoyed and condescending look replaced that.

“So what? Cloudsdale ain't that big. Where ever you're moving you can still make it to the show with me, quit making excuses."

Rainbow Dash held Love's hoof tighter, shaking her head as she watched incredulously. No... no. That's not what happened... That's not how it went.

“Dashie, I'm sorry.. I'm moving out of Cloudsdale, to Ponyville. I want to be on the ground and take care of the animals, I can't do that up here.” Dash's eyes filled with pain, it almost looked like she would burst out into tears. Watching it unfold, Rainbow Dash was praying that she would cry, but by this point... her heart was already too far gone. Her bravado kicked in.

“Ya know what!? Fine! Who needs you! Go be with your stupid animals cause they're the only friends you'll ever have again! You were just plain lucky to get a pony like me as a friend and if you want to throw it away on something so stupid it's your loss! I can make plenty of friends, you'll always be alone and that's fine by me!” She was huffing with anger, tears rolled down Fluttershy's face.

Rainbow Dash fell to the floor, only her hoof was still raised, holding on to Love's. “No... no. I was the one who moved to Ponyville first... Fluttershy followed me.. I remember.... I-I wouldn't hurt her like that.” As she watched the pain in Fluttershy's expression grow, the true memory of that day dawned on her.

“I-I'm sorry!” Fluttershy took off running down the street to her home, tears falling from her face as she ran. Leaving Dash angry and alone. She stomped on the ground.

“Who needs her!”

Cloudsdale faded away, leaving Dash and Love, back in the small white room.

“You didn't have any other friends. She was the only one who could stand you, and she was the first one to whom you opened up your heart to, even if it was only a little. You were hurt, sad and confused. You wanted to hug her and cry. You wanted to beg her to stay, but you had already opened your heart to her and look what happened. She hurt you, and you didn't want to feel anything. So you drowned out the pain with anger and bravado. You forced her away from your heart so she couldn't see the emptiness or the lies, so she couldn't hurt you. Instead of accepting the truth, instead of facing your pain you chose to put the suffering on someone else. Fluttershy bared the pain of your denial, and you locked up the pain, the guilt and even the memory. You, for a short time, felt love again. But when it began to hurt, you locked me away again. This time to this one room, forever.” What have I done!? Fluttershy.. all this time, you knew what I did to you and yet... and yet you still stayed by my side. Oh Shy, you must have been holding in so much hurt for my sake. You never brought it up, you never talked about it. What else have I done to my friends? Or... I thought they were my friends. I can never really have them. No, they were all just distractions. After I hurt Shy... that was the moment when I lost my ability to connect with anypony. From then on... I was alone. And that's just what I deserved. Suddenly, she felt Love's hoof twitch in hers, she let out a dull moan of pain. Dash stood up, clutching her hoof.

“Rainbow Dash, I am almost out of time. There is one more thing I must show to you.”

A young filly flew quickly through the sky, the force of the air blasting tears off her face. Her eyes were shut tight from pain.

Rainbow Dash felt an unfathomable pain and sadness in her heart.

“This is the memory Trauma showed me. What happened to me?”

“I don't know, Shield has taken that knowledge into the darkest depths of your mind. It is your greatest trauma and you deepest pain. It was when you're soul died for the first time. I know not what happened, only that it stems from the powerful pain of loss of love. You lost something Rainbow Dash, and on that day, you died.” She convulsed in pain as soon as she finished speaking. She began to fade away, becoming transparent. The corners of the room began to be consumed by darkness.

“No! You can't die! If you die then I have nothing to go back to! What's life worth with out you? What kind of life can I have without love?!” Her tears fell onto Love's hoof, but fell through. Then, her hoof became completely intangible, leaving coldness behind in Dash's grasp. She smiled up at Dash.

“You'll just have to find out. Don't worry Rainbow Dash, I believe there is still something left of you're soul. Find it...” With those last words, she faded away completely. The darkness consumed the room, leaving Rainbow Dash all alone. She put her hooves over her chest.

“It can't be true... because, if it were... I wouldn't feel completely hollow inside.”

Comments

[Kodeake]

If I wasn't half asleep and I didn't have work to do, I'd read this. Back tomorrow when I can focus on words. Will give a full review then. Stay tuned.

[maxxxxxx]

3709532 i understand about the sleep thing.. i once tried to read a story drunk on no sleep... didnt go well.. anyway thanks bunches preemptively for the review hope you enjoy

[SophieSkys]

Wow this makes me think about what I have done and said to hide from how I feel thank you for this and it's not even done yet can't wait for more

[maxxxxxx]

3709630 i'm so glad you enjoyed it so much and that the story is having the effect on my readers i was hoping for it to have, it makes me really happy to hear that.
I intend to be finished with this story by the end of the week (doing one chapter per night)
anyway, the ending will be (i hope anyway) truly moving. At least, that's how i feel when i think about it

[Tom the bomb]

3709697 you are going to kill us all with feels.

[Raidah]

I've already said it, so I'm not going to again. You already know the impact this is having on me

[maxxxxxx]

3704583 would you mid if i linked to your comic in the description in my story? I really like it

[maxxxxxx]

3709532 you still think you'll be doing that review tonight? no pressure, just wondering.

[Kodeake]

3713043
Should be, assuming nothing comes up. Of course, being new year's eve and everything I won't have much time to read, but what I do have time for I'll review. I'll also end up reading your "Then We'll Run" at some point, which I've been meaning to read for a while, but that may wait until tomorrow.

[maxxxxxx]

3713130 i understand, it's new years have fun. also i'm super glad that you're interested in another of my stories. I tend to write sad stories the best, or at least i think so. Anyway thanks bunches and enjoy

[Kodeake]

hey, that wasn't so bad! Counting the time it took to write the review it took about 1 1/2 hours. So finale thoughts? Amazing. Seriously, the story and pacing are amazing. Writing could use some work, but an editor can fix that no problem.

I absolutely love what you did with this chapter. (get it?). Seriously, that was awesome. Dash's character throughout this whole thing, slowly being broken down by each and every lesson... it's amazingly well written. I just cannot give this enough praise, seriously. I can understand how some people would find Rainbow's reaction unbelievable, but you also have to remember that with each of her feelings visiting her she is slowly being torn apart by the memories she forgot she had.

And Love's final words, and Rainbow's.... just.... beautiful. I'm interested, though. Supposedly mos of these feelings hate her, right? And yet I get the feeling they are also trying to help her. I mean. why else would they show her these things? Do they all know that some of her souls is left? do they secretly think that she can redeem herself? And what was with that thing last chapter where she heard Twilight call out to her? And then Logic said that Twi saw through it all and just oh god I'm actually thinking that Twi did this to her, somehow put her in a coma and forced her to face herself... that would be amazing...

So many good question and you've really kept me guessing... I'm so addicted. I cannot wait for the next chapter!

Anyway, hope you appreciated the review... that kinda turned into straight up praise by the end, but I really don't have any complaints.

[Kodeake]

Have a fave and the rarest of things from me; a like. Seriously, a fic only gets a like from me if it is truly top-tier. This thing deserves to be featured on the story line alone.

[maxxxxxx]

3713781 thank you so much for the reviews and i'm so glad you're enjoying my story In response to what you said about the fight between rainbow dash and her mom escalating too quickly, there are two things about that but one is a spoiler so i'll keep that bit to myself, but in a kid with that much anger, escalation happens fast and without much provocation unfortunately
anyway, in regards to what you said about how the past can't really change who you are essentially. I agree to an extent, but that's if the past is dealt with in a healthy way. Neurologically speaking, if an emotion or feeling isn't used enough it can actually atrophy. that's why there are cases of people who were abused as children for long periods of time sometimes take years of therapy to feel trust again.
Anyway, i'm thrilled that you like my story and are going to keep reading, the next chapter "Love" is out now and i think it explains a lot about Shield and Dash's relationship and how her lies are hurting her on the inside. Also the next chapter after that will be done tonight

[maxxxxxx]

3713855 wow, thanks for the like and all the praise, you've definitely motivated me for the next chapter. Also, i can't stop saying just how incredible an ending i have planned. Two more chapters until the two part finale

[Kodeake]

3713951
As true as all of that is, the point still stands that Dash, no matter how she changes herself or why, is still Dash. As I stated int he actual comment, that does not diminish the impact of that chapter, I would have simply preferred if it had been more focused on the fact that she changed for the wrong reasons then the fact that she changed. But it's your story and that is just an opinion.

[Derpyx0]

No tears no tears no tears no tears.........

[justarandompony]

3868978 none at all

[Daring Cammie Do]

Stop! Please! Before I was all like Now I'm like

The feels are too much! The way it reminds me of myself when I was younger! Too much! Must give like and fav!