That Which Makes up a Rainbow

by maxxxxxx

Guilt

What have I done? I've lost everything now. My love of flying, my childhood, my friends, even who I am... or who I thought I was. Now, I just sat and watched as my last chance for happiness died in front of me. I can never love anypony again. What do I have to go back to!? Damn it! Love, how dare you! How dare you tell me I have anything left inside when I watched you die, the last part of me that deserved to live die! I... I just want to.. unfeel. I don't want to feel anything, and why should I? I have nothing left to feel. Now, I don't have anything to go back to. I don't deserve to go back.

“Dashie, Dashie, Dashie. The fact that you lost your ability to love isn't even on the list of reasons you don't deserve to go back.” She slowly looked up at the source of the voice. Her eyes were cold and dead, her face expressionless. When she spoke, it was almost with a mechanical lack of feeling.

“Who are you?” She asked simply. He was a young earth pony stallion with short, wavy black hair and a gray coat. He smiled a smile full of spite, but with a hint of sadistic glee.

“Oh come now Dashie, you can't lie to me in here. I know that you're trying to protect your fragile broken heart with a guise of complete surrender. But I know. I know that you haven't lost it yet, you're still hiding from your pain. Your still locking out the true pain that you know you deserve to feel.” Rainbow Dash gazed at him, nothing he said had altered her expressionless face.

“I've lost everything. I don't feel anything because I don't have anything to feel with. Now who are you?”

“You haven't lost everything, you're still clinging. Desperate to find another place to hide from what you have done and what you will feel because of it. Rainbow Dash, I am Guilt. I am going to show you the past that you have forgotten. I will show you the pain of guilt that you should have felt much more strongly, but chose to bury away. Now, It's time to face that pain. I will break that frail guise you're hiding under. You will have to face the truth and by the time I'm finished, your wall's will crumble and you will truly feel bad for what you have done. Now... watch!”

“Ha! My baby brother can fly better than you!” The two colts jeered, standing over a distraught pink pegasus who looked like she was on the verge of tears. Suddenly, a shadow moving across the sky caught her attention as it swooped down, landing dramatically in front of her. It was Rainbow Dash.

“Leave her alone!” She commanded, staring the boys down.

“Do you remember this day Rainbow Dash?” Guilt looked to her, she hadn't yet shown even the slightest feeling.

“Yes, this was the day I got my cutie mark.”

“Do you remember why you stepped in? Do you know why you became friends with poor little Fluttershy from that day on?” She didn't respond right away, instead she stared blankly at scene for a minute before shaking her head slowly.

“I do not.”

“Then let me show you.” As he spoke the scene changed.

A small rainbow maned filly walked alone down a hallway filled with young ponies talking and laughing. She had an embittered look on her face.

“Hey look, it's Rainbow Crash!” Dash turned around, baring her teeth. It was a colt with a tan coat and a brown mane, next to him were two other boys. She glared at them, looking as though she would lunge at any second. Suddenly, she was knocked off balance, nearly landing on her face.

“Alright, who's the pony who just pushed me!” She spun around, ready to jump on the first pony she saw. But, when she turned the only pony she saw was a timid looking pink filly, cowering beneath her.

“Oh, I'm so sorry, I wasn't watching where I was going. Please don't hit me!” She shut her eyes tight, she was shaking like a leaf. Dash sighed.

“What's wrong with you? I'm not gonna hit so stand up already. You're embarrassing me.” The other ponies watched the events unfold, the fillies for the most part looked on with fear. She slowly stood up, though she didn't meet Dash's eyes.

“Uhm, are you..” She gulped, glancing around nervously. “Rainbow Dash?”

“Yeah, what of it?” Dash said impatiently. Fluttershy winced at the harshness of her tone, withdrawing back a step.

“Oh, well... it's just that.. I..”

“You were told to stay away from me, is that it?!” Dash looked around the hall, glaring at the other fillies. Fluttershy looked up in surprise.

“Well, actually. I was hoping we could be friends? I saw you flying and, you were going really fast I thought it would nice if you could give me some help, you may be surprised but I'm not all that strong of a flier. Also.. I saw you eating alone at lunch and I..”

“I don't need you're pity!” She shouted angrily at Fluttershy, who crouched down, on the verge of tears. Dash took a deep breath and then let out a sigh.

“But if you want to work on your flying, I guess I could help you out. I did score the second fastest time of the track on my entrance run so I can definitely show you a thing or two I guess.” Fluttershy's eyes brightened and became wide with excitement. She jumped up and grabbed Rainbow Dash in a tight hug.

“Oh thank you Rainbow Dash, I was so worried I wouldn't be able to make any friends but now I have one on just my second day!” She seemed very happy and relieved. A small smile made it's way across Dash's face as well. She opened her mouth, but was cut off.

“Crash and Flutters sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G!” The colt jeered, the two boys behind him bursting into laughter. Dash looked around nervously and could hear giggles rising out of the onlookers. Suddenly, she put her hooves on Fluttershy's shoulders, and pushed her away, knocking her to the floor.

“There's no way I'm gonna be friends with a wimp like you. Now get lost!” She screamed before turning around and walking away. The ponies in front of her quickly made ample room for her to get through. Fluttershy stood, tears flowing down her muzzle before she ran off crying down the other end of the hall.

“This was the day before you got your cutie mark. The reason you stepped in when she was being bullied, the reason your entire friendship with her existed, was out of guilt. It's no wonder it ended with you getting hurt, a friendship based of guilt alone will always end in pain.”

Rainbow Dash never turned to face him. Her eyes remained fixed forwards and stoic.

“Is this it? I already know I hurt Fluttershy, and that I never had true friends. If that's all, then you may leave. I want to be alone now.”

“No Dashie, you're heart is still cocooned in denial. You will break, because you're going suffer for the pain you have caused those around you. No, we aren't finished. There is one more thing I must show to you. Rainbow Dash, I will show you the truth of how you are here. Now, watch and you shall see, the pain you caused to those who cared about you the most!”

“You aren't even going to apologize?” It was Twilight. She and Rainbow Dash were in the library. Dash was sprawled out on a pile of pillows reading a Daring Do novel. She looked up at Twilight in confusion.

“What do ya mean? Apologize for what?” She looked up, with a bemused expression. Twilight was on the other side of the room sorting books. She lay the last one down and turned to Rainbow Dash. She looked annoyed.

“For what you did to Rarity. What else would I mean?” Dash rolled her eyes before looking back to her book.

“Twi, I'm not going to apologize cause it wasn't my fault. She should have been watching where she was..” Her book became enveloped in a purple magical aura, then floated away from her.

“Hey! I was reading that!” The look of aggravation on Twilight's face was intensifying with every word Dash said.

“Rainbow Dash! She's going to be in that cast for three more weeks because you were being reckless.” Her eyes softened with a look of sadness. “Don't you feel even a little sorry?”

“No, I don't! It wasn't my fault, it was just a crazy coincidence. She was in the wrong place not paying attention.”

“Rainbow Dash, I was there, I saw the whole thing. You flew right towards her, you didn't even try to stop.”

“Like I told you Twilight, there was a freaky up draft and it knocked me out of the sky! There was nothing I could do.”

“Rainbow Dash, I talked to the weather team, they told me that there were no hot or cold patches that would have caused an updraft strong enough to take out a pegasus.” Dash's eyes were wide with surprise, and pain.

“You checked?! You thought I was lying so much that you actually asked the weather team? I thought we were friends Twilight? I thought you were supposed to give your friends the benefit of the doubt or something?” Her hurt feeling were quickly covered by a wave of anger as she glared at Twilight, who only strengthened her look of compassion in response.

“Rainbow, if it was a prank that went wrong we'll understand, but you need to apologize. I know you feel bad about it, why don't you just tell her?”

“You don't know anything Twilight! Just give me back my book and leave me alone!” She lunged for the book but it floated away just before she got it. She glared at Twilight, but this time, she glared back.

“Oh, I don't know anything? I don't even think you know how you feel sometimes! I thought you felt bad about what you did to Rarity and were just ashamed that you messed up but I'm starting to think you don't feel anything!”

“You're right I don't! I'm Rainbow Dash! If I mess up I admit it, but I didn't so I'm not going to go and pretend like it was just so you can feel better.”

“This isn't about me Rainbow Dash. Fine, you don't think it was you're fault? Apologize anyway. Your friend got hurt and you should try to make her feel better. That's what a loyal friend would do.” Rainbow Dash snapped, she bared her teeth and got right up in Twilight's face.

“Don't talk to me about loyalty you stuck up know it all! I don't have to stand here and listen to this! I'm going home!” She was about to turn to leave when Twilight spoke up.

“You really do feel bad Rainbow Dash! You're pathetic, you can't even admit to yourself that you did something wrong let lone tell somepony else.”

“What did you say!?” She got back in Twilight's face, but she continued unfazed.

“You heard me Rainbow Dash. You act all cool but you know what? It's obvious that you only act that way to cover up the fact that you don't even know how to express your feelings!”

“Shut up Twilight!” She shouted angrily.

“You can't admit that your sorry even to yourself because then you would actually have to face something deeper than your own shallow excuse for feelings!”

“Shut up, shut up, shut up! Just shut up!”

Rainbow Dash's facade began to brake down. She knew, deep down, what came next. No... No, don't do it.. Fear and panic overtook her deadpan expression as she watched, mouth agape.

“It's the truth Rainbow Dash. I know that's new to you, the truth, because you never tell it to yourself I'm going to tell it to you!”

“Shut up!” She put her hooves over her ears and shook her hear, her face contorted in anger and pain.

“You can't really feel anything!”

“No!” Rainbow Dash shouted, stretching her hoof out, her vision becoming blurry with tears. There was nothing she could do but watch, and hear the next sound echo painfully her mind and heart.

'Smack!'

The sound echoed throughout the room as her hoof made impact, leaving them both in stunned silence. Twilight slowly brought her hoof to her tender cheek and felt it gently. Blood began to trickle out of her mouth and tears were building in the corners of her wide eyes. She just stared at Dash, whose eyes were closed tight and her face full of rage and pain.

“I hate you Twilight Sparkle! I never want to see your face again!” She spun around and ran out of the room. She swung the door to the library open and exploded into the air, leaving a rainbow trail in her wake.

She flew quickly thought the air. Her eyes were dull, lost deep within the euphoria of denial.

Suddenly, Dash felt a sharp, stabbing pain in her chest. Clutching her chest with her hoof she fell to the floor in pain. She opened her mouth wide, trying to take in a breath. Guilt watched, his eyes filled with contempt.

“You hurt her, just like you hurt everypony else. She saw right through you and you felt exposed and vulnerable. You knew then, that she saw just how empty you were. Do you know what the most pathetic thing is? You did it all intentionally, everything! You wanted this to happen because you couldn't handle the guilt. You wanted to push Twilight and everyone else away because, deep down you knew you were using them. You knew you didn't truly care for them and you knew you didn't deserve them. In the end, the damage you did to your soul reached your heart. There was only so much you could hold back until something gave. You had a heart attack, and you died. Now, truly suffer for what you did. He will be coming soon, he can feel his walls being broken and when he finds you, he will finish killing you, and you will be begging him for it.” Everything went black and Guilt vanished leaving Rainbow Dash, sobbing on the floor.

“Twilight... Twilight I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.. I-I. I can't go back. I don't..” Her eyes were tired from crying but the tears continued to pour down her face. She couldn't even talk though her choked sobs. She folded her hooves and lay on the ground burying her face in them, she screamed out her pain and frustration into the darkness. Her veil gone, she now truly felt the pain.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!” She tried to take a deep breath but she couldn't, all she could do was keep screaming, because she had no more lies to hide her pain behind.

Comments

[Kodeake]

I don't have anything left. I've given you all the praise I can, I've said all that I can say, I'm just done. It's just too good.

Please, next chapter... make it happen...

Wait, this seems to be wrapping up, and you have yet to make use of the romance tag. it also looks like you're going to be using that Tragedy tag for something I really don't want you to use it for...
for once in my life I hope I'm wrong.

And I still say Twi somehow triggered all this.

[maxxxxxx]

3714818 indeed, there is only one chapter left before the two part ending, this story will conclude by friday

[Kodeake]

3714872
Amazing.
Seriously, if The We'll Run earns a like, which I don't see how it couldn't if it's anywhere near as good as this, then you'll have earned yourself a new follower.

[iLikeMuffins]

I showed this to my friend, and she didn't quite like it at first. Once she was done reading the first chapter, she was crying litterally, she was even trying to hide the sound of her sniffing. She's really looking forward to this story! And so do I! Good job on the story. It made me cry. A lot.

[Raidah]

I have nothing left t say. If Then We'll Run manages to get a like from me, you have a new follower. Since I have that sitting in my read later just waiting for me to read it

[Tom the bomb]

A rainbow is made up of broken light. Hopefully she can realize that there is still light even if it is broken.

[maxxxxxx]

3716843 how poetic. all i can say is... "Watch and you shall see."

[Derpyx0]

3716843 that is beautiful

[Dynasty-Kaine]

img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20121219171649/mlpfanart/images/f/f7/Mother_of_Me.png
That was just....damn! LOVED IT!

[Daring Cammie Do]

4783445 Hey! That's what I was going to say!