3) Decisions
Destiny is no matter of chance. It is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.
~William Jennings Bryan
"Today, I consider myself the luckiest pony in Equestria. Thank you friends, thank you every-pony!"
It was perhaps the greatest day of Twilight's young life, her friends and family surrounding her with their love and support. Her beloved mentor, standing tall and proud of her most faithful student. Indeed, she felt like all of equestria was there to share in her accomplishment and celebrate her joy. All that is, save one.
"How quaint" spoke a malevolent voice from the entrance to the throne room. Silence fell immediately, as all eyes turned to the armor clad pony who had spoken. There stood King Sombra, staring straight at her, feeling his burning eyes study her every detail. Before another word could be spoken, a brave guard leapt froward, sending his spear crashing through the King's armor and flesh, only to come out from his flank, as if he were made of shadow. Without removing his gaze from Twilight, Sombra snorted in contempt and cast both guard and spear aside in an angry purple and black nimbus of magic.
"Do not fear princesses, my purpose here is purely diplomatic, so take care to treat me accordingly."
"Sombra! How dare you come to these halls! Leave now before you are struck down again!" bellowed Celestia, surprising and frightening Twilight to hear the hatred in her mentor's voice.
"Oh come now Celestia, is this any way to treat your guest? But do not worry, I forgive your transgression."
"Now how about we get down to business? I'm fully aware of the second chance you granted the draconequus, and I am here to ask of the same."
At this point Twilight spoke up, "Why would you volunteer to be reformed as Discord was?"
Sombra simply laughed and said "Do you mistake for a fool? HAH! No, I do not wish to be reformed to use my ability for scum like you. No, I simply wish to give you the chance to try."
Cadence could hold back no longer, her people where so happy now, but she still heard tales of the time of Sombra's reign. "After all the atrocities you've committed, you do not deserve such a chance, and we will never be able to trust your word!"
Still unsettled by Sombra's steady gaze at her, Twilight turned to the other princesses. "Don't be too hasty Cadence, we thought Sombra utterly destroyed once before, yet he still returned. To simply refuse his request would make for an enemy to all of equestria and the crystal empire that we could potentially never be fully rid of. Furthermore, we were able to keep Discord in check with the threat of the elements of harmony during his reforming. The gain is just as great for just as much risk as it was for Discord, and his attitude was none the better at the beginning. I'm confident that my friends and I can come through for you again"
"Such hubris." mocked King Sombra, "It suits you well, princess."
Ignoring him, Celestia looked down on her prized student, so confident and calm, and to her five friends showing their full support of Twilight in the setting of determination in their eyes. "You do not have to take up this task dear student, but I know the power of your friendships, and the love within your heart. The choice therefore, I leave up to you."
Turning back to Sombra, Twilight announced to the whole room, "Sombra, your request has been granted, you shall receive your second chance"
Grinning wickedly, Sombra thanked her for the opportunity, but demanded first that the reformation be led by Twilight herself, and as he would need accommodation in Ponyville for the duration of the project, that she allow him live there as her guest. Once again, confident in her ability, Twilight agreed to his conditions; and with that, he was gone in a blast of dark magic. The celebratory mood that had earlier permeated the atmosphere now gone, the guests began to disperse and head home. Reassured in her decision by her friends one last time, Twilight soon too retired for the night, feeling ready for the task that coming day. All through the night however, images of the King's burning eyes tormented her dreams. Those eyes staring deeper and deeper, until it seemed even her soul was bare before him and aflame as his laughter echoed forevermore.
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seems interesting and that cover-art looks beast, something tells me that twilight will be needing some team work for a much bigger evil (unless it ends up like kiss of the dark where she kills the princesses), also badass twilight FTW.
I like the story so far, but why is all the dialogue italicized? It's more than a little distracting.
You know, I've always enjoyed Sombra, his possibility as a character, I feel that this shall be fun. You have an untapped sandbox to mess about with, his powers, his personality, and of course his traits. Have fun with this my friend, I shall have fun reading it I am sure.
However, that last paragraph is all tell and no show I'm afraid. I understand you are hardly willing to be up to revising, but that last paragraph is keeping a potentially great chapter merely mediocre.
"Do you mistake me for a fool?
To simply refuse his request would make for an enemy to all of Equestria and the Crystal Empire that we could potentially never be fully rid of.
Furthermore, we were able to keep Discord in check with the threat of the Elements of Harmony during his reforming.
5961376
Perhaps it was all the errors?
Well this is getting interesting......
A bit too generic to be fair.
Did the events in this chapter appear just a bit too fast for anyone else?
Not bad so far, but the way Twilight speaks is way too formal.