Fluttershy on Earth?!

by Cherrylover

Earth Bound or Bust

Fluttershy woke up in a grassy field,similar to the one at Applejack's farm. "Where did Twi's portal take me?" The pink haired pony wondered. She stood up and got used to her surroundings, then deciding to fly. "I'd probably be able to know more when I have a better eye in the sky." Suddenly, a bullet whizzed past her. Fluttershy screamed and flew back down to the ground. "Hey Josh! I think I found a duck out here! It's a big one too!"Someone yelled, very close by. A duck? Fluttershy thought. Nopony ever mistook me for a duck before.. Fluttershy didn't know that the thing trying to shoot her wasn't a pony. Nor a monkey. The creatures were fairly tall, with clothing and shoes on their back.....hooves. The one who had spoken had a baseball cap and a gun in his oddly shaped hooves. The other one had a T-shirt and jeans on, the shirt saying "Whatcha gonna do about it?" They were horrifying. "What the-" The one named Josh said. "It's a yellow winged horse!" The other one laughed.
"I bet it's uninteligent." He grabbed some of the grass and made an annoying clicking sound with his tongue. "Heeeere horsey horsey. Heeeeere horsey!" He said, waving the grass around. Fluttershy was insulted.
"Um.. Excuse me Mr. Monkey?"
"AIEE! IT TALKS!" Josh screamed. "Wait. Did it call you Mr. Monkey,Dan??" Know Fluttershy knew both of their names. She asked them another question.
"Umm. Can you tell me what part of Equestria I'm in? It doesn't look familiar.." Both boys look confused.
"I never heard of a place called 'Equestria', magical talking horse." Dan said. " But I have heard of big money land before..." He said and winked at his comrade.
"What do you mean?" Fluttershy asked, getting worried.
"Why, you're like a freakin' talking yellow horse with wings! You're worth millions of dollars! That all goes to us.." Dan said, aiming the gun at Fluttershy. She gasped, first thinking to fly, or weather to run. Flying felt like a better choice. Despite her timid flying, Fluttershy was actually a pretty fast flyer when she needed to be.
"Hey! Get back here!" Both boys shouted in unison. Now they had to decide weather to shoot or not. Shooting felt like a better option. Unfortunately for them, Fluttershy could dodge each bullet. "Forget it Dan,"Josh said. "She'd be worth more alive. Let's get the police on the phone." Fluttershy had been long gone, and was heading for a city. Maybe those creatures were the only ones on Equestria? When she reached the city entrance, there were carriages spread out everywhere, yet nopony was pulling them. "Such strange vehicles..." She heard a lot of noises, them sounding like machinery usage.
She walked in the background through the busy streets, hoping not to be recognized. It turns out she was wrong. Those strange creatures were everywhere! In pony-less carriages, walking about in the streets and entering buildings. Flutters wasn't much of a ninja. "HEY! THERES A WEIRD HORSE OVER HERE!" Someone yelled, pointing at the frightened pegasus. Suddenly she was surrounded by many of the weird creatures. "What in the human nature is that?!" A woman yelled, grasping her daughter.
The little girl squirmed in her mothers arms. "Mommy! I wanna see the pretty horsey!" She yelled. Fluttershy wrapped her wings around her body. "Umm.. Please, don't surround me like that." The whole crowd gasped.
"She can talk!" Some man yelled.
"She's scared!" The little girl yelled again. "Don't hurt her!" The mom hushed her daughter as she called animal control.
"Yes, hello. I'm reporting the case of a yellow talking winged horse. I don't know, it's right in front of me! No, I'm not making this up! Ok thankyou." She clapped her hands together. "Alright everyone! I called someone who could help us with this situation. We need to keep the horse-" Someone interrupted.
"Technically it's called a Pegasus, ma'am." The woman rolled her eyes.
"We need to keep the Pegasus here with us." She slowly walked up to Fluttershy. "Don't worry," She said. "We won't hurt you." The little girl walked up and hugged Fluttershy around the neck.
"You're pretty," She said, feeling the shy one's hair.
Flutters was confused. The first of the, what were they called- humans she had met were trying to kill her. This young one felt comforting to her. "Thank you." The girl let go and waved to her mom.
"Hey mom! Can she come to our house?" Her mother smiled sadly and picked up her daughter.
"Oh Emma, you know we can't."
"Why?"
"We, just can't. I'm sorry."
Emma frowned and went over to hug Fluttershy again. "I wish you could come stay with us..."

Comments

[Wacky]

Not a bad premise, but you're rushing things a bit.

First, space your paragraphs (or at least indent them) so it's easier to read. Second, describe rather than tell the reader--Fluttershy comes from the land of Equestria; she wouldn't know what a gun or even a bullet is. Third, try to get her expression to match what's in the show; only Applejack and Rainbow Dash call Twilight, "Twi"...Spike on very rare occasion.

You'd be better off describing how something made a loud noise, then another something wizzed by her head. If she then turned to see the strange hairless ape (doesn't know what a human is) holding a smoking metal tube, she could then put two and two together.

You're doing okay, but still need a little refinement to get you to a nice solid story.

[Cherrylover]

Huh. Never noticed that stuff.
Guess I'm still new to this stuff
Thanks anyway for the review, and not saying it was shty like someone else would.

[Wacky]

3686562 We must start at the beginning; there's no shame in that...

[dream1990]

when will the next chapter for this story come out