Twilight asks for assistance from Fluttershy which a spell malfunctions. Fluttershy is warped into a strange world a bit like hers, except the strange monkey-like creatures are out to find her. Will she be able to get home? Or will she forever remain on the run?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Not a bad premise, but you're rushing things a bit.
First, space your paragraphs (or at least indent them) so it's easier to read. Second, describe rather than tell the reader--Fluttershy comes from the land of Equestria; she wouldn't know what a gun or even a bullet is. Third, try to get her expression to match what's in the show; only Applejack and Rainbow Dash call Twilight, "Twi"...Spike on very rare occasion.
You'd be better off describing how something made a loud noise, then another something wizzed by her head. If she then turned to see the strange hairless ape (doesn't know what a human is) holding a smoking metal tube, she could then put two and two together.
You're doing okay, but still need a little refinement to get you to a nice solid story.
Huh. Never noticed that stuff.
ty like someone else would.
Guess I'm still new to this stuff
Thanks anyway for the review, and not saying it was sh
3686562 We must start at the beginning; there's no shame in that...
when will the next chapter for this story come out
If you start experimenting in her YOU DIE
3709751 O_O
It is bound to happen..
3711156 by experimenting I mean the sorta cliche "evil humans" experimenting
I like so far
UPDATE!