Elliot The Crazy

by FoxWithAMask

I like big PLOTS AND I CANNOT LIE!!!

This Means War! Or Something Like That...

As the room grew cold, I stared into the hard, self-righteous eyes of The Snob.

“You...You just dissed the Pancake of Truth...For that you must may the highest penalty,” I growled.

So I threw the pancake into his face! And he shrieked like a little girl!

“Aunty, arrest him!” He blubbered. Hah, hah! Like he get me...wait, did he just say ‘Aunty’?

I turned and saw Sun Butt stood there with a disapproving look on her face. To him? To The Snob? To Blue Eyes White Unicorn? “Blue Eyes White Unicorn, you’re an aunt?”

“NO!! Celestia! He’s talking about Celestia!” He yelled.

“Oh. Sun Butt. That makes more sense.” I muttered.

“Aunty, do something about this buffoon!” The Snob whined.

I pulled out a custard pie and swiped a finger through it and tasted it. “Hmm! This is nice.” I smiled. I turned to Snobby, my grin turning evil.

“Oh no! No, no, no, no, no!” He cried as I threw the pie into his face.

“Ah. Gotta love the classics.” I laughed.

The doors suddenly slammed open, I turned and saw Moony standing there glaring at me really, really angrily. “THOU WILL SUFFER FOR WHAT THOU HAS DONE TO US!!!”

“Hi, Moony! Want to make out again?” I called over.

“SILENCE, FOOL!!! WE SHALT DESTROY THOU!!!” A light blue aura surrounded my throat and started choking me while walking closer.

“Urk...I’m...not into...urk...this kinky stuff...urk...” I coughed out.

“BE QUIET!!!” She cut off the aura and wrapped her hooves around my throat instead. ...Somehow.

“LUNA!!” Sun Butt yelled pulling Moony off of me.

“TIA?! THAT CREATURE IS DRIVING ME CRAZY!!” Moony roared. “HE KISSED ME!!”

“That is no excuse for a Princess. You should...Blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.”

I took a look at the stained glass windows. Wait, is that Moony? Huh. So she was overcome by jealousy and gave in to the darkness in her heart and became an evil version of herself and tried to bring the eternal night? And she recently returned and six Ponies used the power of Skittles to free her from herself? Interesting.

What? I can read these vague things well.

“Ugh!” The Snob grumbled, wiping the last of the pie off of his face. “Princess Luna shouldn’t even be allowed here. For all we know she could be faking her regret. She doesn’t even like me! That should be proof enough that she isn’t to be trusted!”

I turned to Blue Eyes White Unicorn. “Can you punch him for me? I hate violence, unless it’s in a comedic way. Like so.” I snapped my fingers and a large stone from the wall fell and smashed The Snob over the head; he teetered for a second before falling to the ground.
Blue Eyes White Unicorn blinked. “How did you do that?”

I stared at my hand. “...I have no idea.”

“SORRY!!” A familiar voice yelled.

“THANKS!! YOU HELPED KNOCK OUT A SNOB!!!” I yelled.

“...Is...Is that you?”

“...I don’t know, is it me? Is that you, cutie?”

“Yes!”

“Then it’s me!”

“Come see me in Ponyville! My name’s Derpy! Bye!”

“Okay! My name’s Elliot! Bye-bye!” I looked back to the others, they were just staring at me. “What?”

“How...How did you...manage to...do that?” Blue Eyes White Unicorn asked slowly.

“Well, Blue Eyes White Unicorn, I just have a way of attracting strange folk.”

“My name is SHINING ARMOR!!”

“Is that spelt, O U, or just O?”

“Just an O!”

“Okay, Shiny, I got it.”

“Don’t call me that! That’s what my marefriend calls me when flirting! It’s a flirting name!”

“...Oh, Shiny, I missed you so much, my love!”

“I hate you.” He growled.

“Okay, buddy!” I laughed.

“Enough!” Sun Butt yelled. “Let’s try to get back on track here. Why did you come here?”

I shrugged, “I jumped into the swirly portal.”

She blinked, “You jumped into a portal? For what reason?”

“Dunno. I was bored.”

“You...Let me get this straight. You jumped into a portal because you were bored?”

I nodded, “Yup.”

She just stared at me for a second before sighing. “All right. We can probably find a way for you to go home.”

“Awwwww!” I whined, “But I like it here! I don’t wanna go back! Don’t make me go, Mummy!”

“...Fine. You can stay.” Sun Butt finally gave in. “But you’re staying with Shining Armor until we find you a real place to stay.”

“W-what?! P-Princess Celestia, I don’t really have any extra room in the barracks.” Shiny said quickly.

“Until further notice you may live back at your home, Shining Armor. Do we have a problem?”

He closed his mouth. “No, Princess.”

“Oh, one last thing. Don’t let him out of your sight.”

I should probably ask why we both speak the same language; I even understood the writing in the kitchen. “Hey!”

“Yes?” Moony asked.

“Why can I...” I trailed off as Shiny picked up the loose stone in his purple aura. “What’s the aura about?”

“W...What aura art thou speaking of?”

“The purple one that Shiny’s using.”

“He isn’t using an aura,” Sun Butt chimed in, “he is using magic.”

“Ooooh, you can’t see it! Cool! Hang on!” I hopped up to Moony and slowly extended my hand towards her face.

“What art thou doing?” I stuck my tounge out in concentration. “No. Seriously. What art thou doing?” I continued. “Stop! I’m warning you!” Almost there, almost there!

Boop! “NOSE BOOP!!” Moony just stared at me. “...What?”

“Must you act like a complete idiot?”

“...I know you are but what am I?”

“Really? Jeez, I would have thought...Why am I speaking like this?! I am speaking like everypony else! How does this happen?!” She was freaking out. Cool. “How is this...why is there a purple aura over that stone? Wait, did you do this? I’m seeing what you said before!”
...Whee! More stuff!

“Um. We’ll just go.” Shiny said, grabbing me in MAGIC and carrying me out of the room. As he carried me out into the corridor the door closed behind us. “Alright. Now, this is how-”

“YOUR AURA IS GOLD!!” Moony’s voice echoed through the door. “BUT MINE’S BLUE!! IT’S MORE ORIGINAL!!!”
“LIKE HAY IT IS!!” Sun Butt cried back.

Me and Shiny stared at each other.

“And this country is ruled by them?” I asked, feeling a little scared.

“Uh huh.” He whimpered.

“Yay, chaos!”

Comments

[FoxWithAMask]

3686657 Seriously, dude?
Also, I was the one who posted this ssssooooo...I believe that the first goes to...what?! ME?! Oh, I'm so happy! I'd like to thank my mother, my friends, and my neverending supply of insanity!
You mad bro?

[FoxWithAMask]

3686690
I'm so...so...I DON'T EVEN HAVE THE WORDS!!!

[FoxWithAMask]

3686668 Originally the Derpy thing was going to be a oneoff thing. Like the Luna kiss. But then I decided to keep it as an acctual thing. Glad I did, so much opportunities!

[FoxWithAMask]

3686732 TO THE PARTY CAVE!!!
WE NEED STREAMERS, CAKE, CAKE, CAKE, CAKE AND MUFFINS!!!!
ARE YOU READY TO PARTY?!?!

[FoxWithAMask]

3686760 DON'T WORRY!!! I HAVE THE BEAR REPELLENT PARTY-SPRAY!!!

IT'S OKAY PONIES!!! THE BEAR HAS LEFT THE BUILDING!!!
...CAN YOU HEAR KNIVES FROM WHERE THE BEAR LEFT?!?!
LET ME LOOK!!!

...NOT GOING BACK THERE!!!

[FoxWithAMask]

3686792 DON'T WORRY!!! I'VE GOT AWAY AND I'LL GET THE ROYAL GUARD-ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!

H e h e h e h e . . . y o u ' l l n e v e r g e t a w a y . . .

[FoxWithAMask]

3686820 Dunno.
...Wanna go bug Moony and Sun Butt? Chill with Discord?
...Restore Sombra to his rightful throne upon the world which would evolve under his iron hoof?

[FoxWithAMask]

3686853 Eh, sure, why not? We can stop at Mount Doom. My main man The One Eye can give us a major discount.

[FoxWithAMask]

3686879 I know right? I mean, the giant flaming eye for a head and body was a little off putting at first, but we got chatting and realised we both want to take over the world!

...FORGET YOU HEARD THAT!!! FORGET IT OR SUFFER THE CONSACUNCES!! I DON'T EVEN CARE TGAT I'M SPELLING WRONG!!!!

[FoxWithAMask]

3686904 Yes...details.
T e l l m e d o y o u l i k e b r e a t h i n g . . . ?
Ah, crud. He's breaking loose!
D o y o u l i k e b l o o d . . . ?
He...almost...NO!!!
H e l l o , m y b a b y , h e l l o , m y h o n e y . . . !

[FoxWithAMask]

3686930 Who you gonna call? Ghostbusters!!
...Hello? Why am I alone?
...Meh.
PARTY TIME!!!

[FoxWithAMask]

3686943 *pulls out shotgun* Oops, sorry wrong pocket. *Pulls out random morality choice* Damn. I hate these things. Do you take the blue pill and go back to your boring, everyday life? Or do you take the pink pill and see how far the pony hole goes?

[FoxWithAMask]

3686973 In your rash choice you have inadvertently doomed yourself. As the pills reach your inner soul through the TARDIS they explode and turn you into a dragonaquis. Landing you in an Equestria where dragonaquises are hunted by ponies to the death. And you landed in Celestia's throne room. As she blasts you into peices your only regret is that you should have farted in her face.

[FoxWithAMask]

3687009 Spoken like a true...something or other.