Elliot The Crazy

by FoxWithAMask

Up, up and SWIRLY TIME!!

Prologue-Wait, No, Let’s Have A More Original Title! Or, PWNLHAMOT! Or, Overly Long Titles For The Win! Or, My God, Does This Title Ever End? Or, SHUT UP AND START THE STORY!!

“Mr Elliot, what have we learned today?” The Dude asked. Why’s he called the Dude? Well...I don’t know. He’s just like, duuude! You know? No. Of course you don’t. Fuck you; he’s the Dude, or just Dude.

“Um...I...don’t really know, I kinda zoned out.” I shrugged. “Sooo...bye.” I slowly stood up and tried to walk through the door. “Ow. Hmm, not a ghost yet. What an intriguing development!” I opened the door and walked out.

“I despise that stupid piece of sh-” I slammed the door shut. I opened it again. “Can...I help you?” The Dude asked, raising a dudely eyebrow on his dudely face on his dudely head attached to his dudely...yeah, I’ma stop now.

“Nope. Because...Well, you’re kind of a Meanie Mcmeanerson.” I slammed the door shut. Opened it. Slammed it shut. Opened it. Slammed it shut. Opened it. Slammed it shut. Opened it. Slammed it shut.

“HEY!! STOP THAT!!” The Dude roared, getting up from his seat and blank room. Seriously, the room has two chairs and that’s it. No desk, no pictures, no...uh... what do people usually have in their offices? To hell with it, I don’t know, I’m not boring.

I stopped slamming the door and looked at him. “Uh...No?” I slammed the door shut. Opened it. Slammed it shut. Opened it. Slammed it shut. Opened it. Slammed it shut. Opened it. Slammed it shut.

Then I fucking ran for the hills. Tonto! Save me! I am your foreign lover, Bigus Dickus!

Nah, I didn’t really. Are you really that stupid? Hello, 21st century?!

I really ran for my room. I ran down white corridor after white corridor after white corridor. For about five minutes. Eventually I arrived back at my current...accommodations. I nodded to the two guards in front of my door. “Guard #1. Guard #2.” They never told me their names-it’s against the rules-and I’m to goddamn lazy to come up with real names. Plus, it makes them sound like Secret Agents! Squee!

What? Secret Agents are cool!
Squee!

What? Squee mean squee. Don’t like it get out.

They ignored me and opened the door to my room.

“Yeah, well your wives are cheating on you with a banker!” I said cheerfully as I entered and they slammed the door behind me.
Now, you’re probably thinking, Elliot, what’s a bright, friendly and dashingly handsome guy like yourself doing in a hotel thing like this, where my personal guards are silent, the teachers are nasty and you get locked up all the time?

Newsflash! I’m not in a hotel, school thingy! This is a mental asylum!

And yes, I’m insane, but the nice kind! Don’t start screaming, don’t start running, don’t start rubbing my cock-unless you’re a disembodied hand-, just relax!

Okay, so here I am at Winston’s Institution for the Criminally Insane, and I got to say, not too shabby! The walls are clean of shit-unlike others-, the other patients don’t scream all night-unlike others-, you don’t have to fear for your life in the lounge-unlike others-, you don’t get verbally abused by the majority of the staff-unlike home-, and you don’t have to wear a straightjacket.
But I do. Why? Because straightjackets are cool! Duh.

I eventually got bored and started walking into the padded walls. “Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Potato! Bored. Bored. Bored. Penis! Bored. Bored.” I stopped and looked at my watch. “Hmm...a hair past a freckle. Ah! Fap O’clock! Hmm...on second thoughts...not seen any females in the past month to fap to. BUT NO!!” I tapped my finger on the end of my chin. Then I jumped up to the cell door and started making gibberish sounds. “I have no idea...what I’m doing!” I said while smiling.

I reverted back to walking into walls for the next hour. Then I got into the straightjacket. Then I escaped from the straightjacket. Then I walked into walls again. A grin spread over my face. “FLUFFY!!” I yelled, running into the walls.

I eventually got bored and sat down on the floor.

“Boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooord. Woooooooooooo!” I yelled, running around again. “Happy times, lonely times! You gotta rock, you gotta roll! You gotta...Wait, hold on! Hold on here! I got this! It’s a long way to the top if you wanna rock and roooo-oooooo-ooooooolllll! Long way to the top if you wanna be a god! Boobie boobie boo boo! Derp, derp, derp, derp, derp, derp!” I sung, spinning around and around.

I stared at the wall for a second before gasping and attempting to hug it.

“Please stop.” A voice came from the intercom.

“Oh, hi, Intercom Dude! How’s the wife and kids? She still nagging you about getting drunk at the Flying Dove the other night?” I asked cheerfully.

“Yeah, she...Wait, how’d the hell you know about that?!” He gasped.

“Know what?” I asked, confused as to what he was talking about.

“Huh? Bu-you-aba-hubba-ju-jus-pth-HUH?!”

“Are you hearing voices in your head? Now don’t be afraid of them. It’s going to be okay.” I said soothingly.

“That’s it! Be quiet or I’ll administer the knock out gas!”

“It's Peanut Butter Jelly Time!
Peanut Butter Jelly Time!
Peanut Butter Jelly Time!

Where he at?
Where he at?
Where he at?
Where he at?

Now, there he go!
There he go!
There he go!
There he go!

Peanut butter jelly!
Peanut butter jelly!
Peanut butter jelly!
Peanut butter jelly!

Do the peanut butter jelly!
Peanut butter jelly!
Peanut butter jelly with a baseball bat!

Do the peanut butter jelly!
Peanut butter jelly!
Peanut butter jelly with a baseball bat!”

“SHUT UP!!” Intercom Dude screamed and I heard a button being smashed. “Let’s see how you like...huh? What’s that smell?”

“Nighty night.” I said smugly.

“Oh, you son of...a...bi...zzz...”

I chuckled. “Bit of a strange time for a nap, old buddy, old pal, old friend of mine!”

You see, despite popular belief, I’m not insane. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. I don’t. Take that knock out gas for example. Last week it was installed because I wouldn’t shut up. After two uses of it, I relocated it to Intercom Dude’s room. I’m not telling how! That’ll be cheating! Na, na, na, na, na!

So, no. I’m just crazy! Yay!

Hmmm...I have nothing else to talk about!

“La, la, la, la, la!” I sung while bouncing around the room.

Then, for a completely inexplicable reason, a yellow portal popped into existence over my bed with a quack.

I studied it for a good few seconds. “Finally! About time the Plot Device got here!” I turned and tapped the screen. “What? You thought I didn’t know I was in a story? Allons-y!” I cried as I grabbed my straightjacket and jumped head first into the portal, which shut behind me. Don’t ask me how I know this stuff, I just do.

To be continued...

Right now...

Previously on My Little Idiot, Why Don’t You Just Die.

“Dude, dude, dude. Dude, dude, dude, dude, dude. Dude, dude.”

“We’re Secret Agents, we can’t really talk! It’s fine, you can squee.”

“Hi, I’m an intercom!”

“Sweet! A portal! Jump into it, I’m sure nothing will go wrong! No, really!”

And now...

“Whee, whee, whee, whee, whee!” I cried in joy as I spun around, and around, and around, and around, and around.
And around, and around, and around, and around, and around, and around, and around, and around, and around, and around, and around, and around.

And around, and around, and around, and around, and around, and around, and around, and around, and around, and around, and around, and around, and around, and around.

...

And around.

...

And around, and around, and around, and around, and around.

...

...

...

And around.

I eventually fell flat on my face on something that felt, and smelt, like tiled floor. How do I know what tiled floor smelt like? You try being stuck in a corridor with them for two hours with nothing to do and a straightjacket on. No, really! Try it! I’ll write to you at the mental hospital!

I laid there for a good few minutes, soaking up the smell and coolness, while combating my sudden case of motion sickness. No, wait, it’s gone.

“Um...Is it dead?” A dudely voice asked.

I slowly raised myself to my feet. “Nein! I iz alive!” I slung my arm around his neck. “Now, my faithful companion! To the mystical land of talking plants! Our fortune awaits us!!” I glanced at my new pal. “You’re a horse.” A white horse actually. With a blue mane at that. Weird.

“A pony.” He corrected.

“...Is there really a difference?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes! There is!” He cried, sounding annoyed. “The difference is-”

“I don’t CAAAAARE!!! But, Daaaaaad! I DON’T CAAAAAAAAAAAARE!!!”

He narrowed his eyes. “Do you want me to arrest you for breaking and entering, or not?”

“What was that? Sorry, I was too busy stealing stuff.” I said, holding out a bowl of salad.

“When did you take that?” He asked, shocked.

I stared at him. “Take what?

“The salad.”

“I don’t see any salad.” I said, tasting the salad.

“You’re eating it.”

“No, I’m not.” I replied, eating the salad. Wait! Something’s wrong! Something’s very, very wrong!

I’m missing my straightjacket. “NOOOOOOO!!!”

“What’s wrong?!” Blue Eyes White Unicorn cried.

“I lost my jacket!” I whined. He simply rolled his eyes and his horn lit up in a purple glow. “Oooooh shiny...”

“I’m taking you to see Princess Celestia.” He said as my body was covered in the same purple glow as his horn.”

“YAAAAAY!!! I get to meet a Princess!” I yelled happily as I floated out of a pair of doors.

Author's Note:

Peanut Butter Jelly Time, sung by Buckwheat Boyz

Edit: I've changed a few things here. I've changed the layout (that's the spacing, right?) and a few of Elliot's lines so he doesn't swear. (Something that I personally don't care about [I am English, swearing is as common as breathing] but something that Elliot as a character doesn't do.

Comments

[Pop chatters]

3678240 Aye, it doesn't seem like someone who is insane to me, just severly mentally retarded. Seriously, do those guys ever sit still? They don't? TOO THE ASYLUM!

Haha, I learned how to escape from a standard straight jacket once, on some kind of demonstration day, that might be usefull me figures.

Herp Derp.

[StraferElite]

I was lost and then I found this story