Desati
The following is a work of fanfiction. I do not own any characters, setting, or plot. They belong to their respective owners. Please support the official release.
Friendship isn’t Easy, But it’s worth fighting for.
Falling…
I’m falling backwards, through blackness. Memories of my past. I stand with my friends against Discord as he sits on a throne, then charge at him. During the charge the scene shifts to us facing down an army of changelings. Just as I’m almost swarmed by them, they vanish in a puff of smoke. When I looks up, I’m in the Castle of the Royal Pony Sisters, with Nightmare Moon standing before me on a dais. Nightmare lifts one hoof in a gesture that suggests “Join Me,” and the hoof is outstretched for me to reach to. Then the scene changes so that each of my six best friends are the ones with their hoofs are out, constantly changing. As I run towards my friends, I feel sand beneath my hooves, a tidal wave appears behind the image/friend that changed into Princess Celestia, and crashes down on both of them. I struggled to fight the current, and as I struggled to breathe, Celestia is no longer the one with her hoof outstretched, instead it is myself with blackened wings and draconic eyes. As my vision faded, I lose my fight with the current and fall backwards through a ripple, the reflection vanishing. I landed and blackness, that bursts into birds, revealing a stain glass platform of a light blue pegasus mare with a five-leafed blue flower Cutie Mark sleeping, with a circle behind her head that shows Princess Luna and Celestia and snowflakes lining the edge of the platform.
Harmony…has been lost…
Twilight spun around trying to find the source of the voice, only to see blackness beyond the platform.
Balance…Harmony…it must be restored…
The door…must be opened…
Twilight, despite her knowledge, was confused. She opened her mouth to ask what the voice meant, but was interrupted.
You…born of Magic…must open the…door…
Choose your form…
Around Twilight, three pedestals arose. One had a shield floating over it that was reminiscent of her brother Shining Armour’s cutie mark. Another had a sword with red blade and gold handle, with an emblem of a red-and-yellow sun. The third held a staff with an eight pointed star made of six colors.
The Shield…Defense of the innocent…Will to never surrender in the face of adversity…
The Sword…Destructive and jealous…carving one’s mark in history…
The Staff…Wisdom and Magic…subtle and easily forgotten…
Twilight considered each weapon before her. The shield reminded her of her brother, stalwart and strong and always there for those he cares about; but then she thought of when Discord was first freed and shook her head, she had given in easily. She looked at the sword and walked toward it, its color and markings sparking the memory of Sunset Shimmer when they first met; powerful and strong in magic, but friendless. She looked away in disgust, to have power but to lose who she cares about? Not worth it. Finally she turned to the staff. Its star looked like the one on her Cutie Mark, but it held swirling colors that reminded her of her friends. With barely a thought she reached out with her magic and took the staff.
Now…choose what you will give up…
Once again she looked at the sword and shield, and touched the sword. She may not be as brave as others, but she will stand for friends. As the sword vanished, the pedestals began to sink into the platform, causing cracks to appear. Twilight ran to the edge, but the cracks shattered the platform and she fell into darkness.
Landing on another platform, Twilight looked around to get her bearings. This had a pink and blue unicorn mare with a Cutie Mark similar to a clover with five leaves. On a circle behind her head are images of five other mares; two pegasi in armor, two Earth ponies in robes, and a unicorn with a crown. Lining the edge of the platform was a repeated image of a heart made of fire.
There will be times…when you must fight…
Behind Twilight, a black insect-like creature with yellow eyes rose from the platform.
Look Out!...
Twilight turned in time to see the creature leap at her. The staff she chose appeared above her head, already covered in her telekinetic magic. The staff blocked the attack and Twilight swung it at the creature. After it vanished in a cloud of darkness, more arose. The staff hovered just above her back, in what would be a reverse group for a biped. As she attempted to fight them, they would periodically sink into a two-dimensional form and look like a shadow on the ground. As they were defeated, green balls and clear bubbles appeared; the bubbles causing a tickling feeling in her horn and the balls removing her wounds. After defeating the hordes of enemies, a light shined down from her from the darkness. The light moved forward to rest above the unicorn image’s horn.
Step into the light…
As Twilight moved forward to the light, it took a greenish tint and began to swirl. As she stepped into the light, she felt a warmth through her and felt healed. A door appeared next to her, but it seemed as solid as cloud to anyone not with pegasi magic. Next to the door, box popped into existence. Without any cue from the voice, Twilight began to move the box around, thinking it like a puzzle in her mother’s books. When that didn’t work, she thought about her staff, and in flash it was in her magic grip, and proceeded to destroy the box. After the box was destroyed, the frame of the door became solid. A chest appeared in a flash next to the door and the swirling light. With still no cue from the voice, Twilight just swung her staff at the chest, surprising her when it opened. The door took a completely solid form and inside the chest was a bottle of green liquid. When she touched the bottle, it vanished yet still she knew where it was. How is tha-- no that road leads to Pinkie Pie, and that is just too much trouble. The voice being strangely silent, Twilight approached the door and pushed, opening it to light.
This door is not meant for you…You have another fate…Now, tell me about yourself…
As the light vanished, Twilight found herself in the main floor of the now destroyed Golden Oaks Library, with three ponies she recognized. There was Trixie, a show mare and her self-proclaimed magical rival; Scootaloo, an orange pegasus filly and trouble maker; and a brown earth pony filly she only knew from stories, her friend Applejack’s cousin Babs Seed. Of them, only Trixie had a Cutie Mark, which is not unexpected as Scootaloo and Babs only recently gained theirs., but Trixie had Twilight’s Cutie Mark from before her ascension to an alicorn. As she approached Trixie to ask what was going on, Trixie spoke in a voice like her own and the mysterious guide’s.
“What is your dream for the future?” She asked, looking at Twilight through half-lidded eyes and a smirk. Twilight looked confused before she responded, “To care for my friends.” Trixie looked more directly at Twilight and said “Are friends really that important?” Twilight, incensed, could not keep her voice down. “Of course they are! What is going on Trixie!?” But Trixie merely smirked and looked away. Twilight glanced at Trixie, then walked up her stairs to where Scootaloo was sitting.
“Scootaloo, what is going on? Where are we?” Instead of responding, Scootaloo spoke in a voice both hers and not hers, just like Trixie.
“What do you fear most?” Getting the feeling that no pony in the room was real, if the room itself was real, Twilight answered
“Losing my friends, nothing could ever be scarier than that."
“Is it really that scary?” Twilight ignored Not-Scootaloo and went over to the Not-Babs.
“Let me guess, you have a question for me too?” Twilight asked not actually expecting a response, which she received in a Neigh Jersey accent.
“What…” the pony paused and tapped her hoof to her chin. “What is your favorite flavor of ice-cream?” Twilight, Not-Trixie, and Not-Scootaloo all looked at Not-Babs stangely. "What, I don’t want to seem repetitive, ya know?”
Twilight, still incredibly confused and feeling that the mood and been broken “Um, well it was Rocky Road, but then Pinkie introduced me to this new kind from Neighpon, so Sea-Salt Ice cream, I guess…?”
So…you really like your friends and Sea-Salt Ice Cream? Good choice on Ice cream. Now…Your journey begins as the day turns to night…
The light grows blinding and then fades away, and Twilight is standing on a platform with a green and white Earth pony mare with a swirl of blue separated into five prongs, creating a star like pattern. At the edge of the platform, stain glass stairs appear, floating in the blackness leading to a pillar with stain glass sides. Twilight cautiously walks up the stairs, which vanish behind her. When she looks back, the prior platform is gone. When she reaches the top of the pillar, the platform is unlike the others; the image was her, asleep with her wings slightly curled around her. In the circle by her image’s head where pictures of her friends, her brother and sister-in-law, and her teacher. The background looked like a cracked and crumbling castle and the edge of the platform had an eight pointed star repeated. There was a bright light coming from the blackness that Twilight walked towards, gaining a feeling of dread as she did so.
The closer one comes to the light…the greater their shadow will become…will that shadow be who you are?
Twilight jumps in fear as she feels something behind her. Her image on the platform became the twisted reflection she saw when she fell here. As the image became three dimensional it turned black and became gigantic, dwarfing Twilight greatly. Twilight ran to the edge of the platform but saw only blackness and in her fear could not fly. When she turned to face her Darkside, it had become a bi-pedal being with yellow eyes long forelimbs with claws, two small torn wings on its back, hair that was like snakes and formed a scarf where the mouth should be, and a giant gaping hole on its chest in the shape of a heart.
Remember…your heart is the greatest weapon of all…
The thing lifted its hand and punched toward Twilight causing the floor to turn black and the small insect-things rose out of it. She ignored the bugs and attacked the hand, when it stopped calling the creatures, it rose back and shot orbs of energy from its chest. Twilight constantly attacked wherever she could reach, but the creature grabbed her. It through her off the platform, forcing Twilight to open her wings and glide towards its face. As the creature died, it fell on top of her and causes her to be swallowed by darkness. As she began to struggle and drown, she heard the voice once again.
Remember your light…Twilight… “Twilight!” “Twilight!” “Twilight!”
-----------------------
“Whaaa!” Twilight looked around her room and saw her assistant/little brother Spike looking concerned, along with…Princess Luna?
“Princess? What are you doing in my room?” Twilight asked, completely confused. Looking outside, she saw the sun was up and though Luna was not strictly nocturnal, to see her up during the day isn’t a common sight. The Mistress of the Night calmly spoke to the distressed mare “I sensed something wrong in the Realm of Sleep, Princess Twilight, you were both apart of it and yet beyond my powers. This in of itself distressed me, and as I was flying towards Ponyville, my dear sister forwarded a message from Sir Spike.”
“Yeah Twi.” Spike spoke up “You didn’t wake up to open the castle and you were struggling in your sleep, like you were having a nightmare. I got worried.”
Luna stared down at Twilight, analyzing her. “What did you dream Princess Twilight?” Twilight looked down at her sheets, thinking, remembering her experience.
“It was black, with stain-glass windows; like in the Castle in Canterlot; and there were these, things made of…black? They attacked me, but this weird voice kept helping me and gave me a weapon…and…I can’t really remember. Just an Earth pony, a unicorn, and a pegasus. I’m sorry Princess Luna.”
Luna closed her eyes and considered what she had heard. “The ponies, whoever they may be, could symbolize the parts of you that make an alicorn. The black creatures may be your fears, most likely of the future and your role as princess. Perhaps the dream was just that a dream.” The Princess of the night backed up until her form was covered by the shadows of the room, but still visible. “Still” Luna spoke again. “The fact I could not sense you nor aid you distresses me, I must take time to investigate this. I will be seeing you again soon, Twilight Sparkle.” As she spoke, her form faded into the shadows and vanished, as if Luna had never been there.
“That was creepy…Are you sure you don’t remember anything Twi?” Spike asked, concerned for his oldest friend.
“Yes, Spike, I’m sure. Now let’s open the castle, I’m sure somepony wants help from me today.” Twilight got up and stretched her wings, still not quite used to sleeping with them. Perhaps a cloud bed is in order?
“Oh, don’t worry about Court, I’ve got it taken care of…Like I usually do anyway. No pony really comes in besides to look around and get lost anyway. But you have a play day with the girls, remember?” Twilight looked at her calendar-clock over her desk.
“Oh, No! I’m Late, I’m Late! For my very important date!” Forgetting all normal conventions, such as the door, Twilight forced her window open and dived off her balcony, barely opening her wings in time to pull up into the sky like a bird and flew off to meet her friends.
KINGDOM HEARTS: Friendship Is the key
Equestria, putting on a gigantic sign in archaic lettering couldn’t accurately sum up the world Twilight lived in. Not that it had stopped Pinkie Pie from attempting. How, she got enough funds to carve an entire mountain range with the letters, Twilight would never know. Still, it’s her home, especially the small town of Ponyville. It always amazes Twilight that only three years ago, being a in a small town with close friends was the furthest thing from her mind, a mind dominated by books and studies into to the intricacies and science of magic; not that she isn’t still an ‘egghead’ as her friend Rainbow Dash would say, she just knows that there are more important things in life beyond knowledge, like friendship. As Twilight glides to a landing in Town Square, she overhears a radio from a window, coincidentally playing a song she recorded for her friends shortly after becoming a princess.
My Little Pony, My Little Pony
What is friendship all about?
My Little Pony, My Little Pony
Friendship is Magic!
(My Little Pony)
I used to wonder what friendship could be,
(My Little Pony)
Until you all shared its magic with me.
When I was young I too busy to make any friends.
Such silliness did not seem worth the effort it expends.
But my little ponies, you opened up my eyes
And now the truth is crystal clear, as splendid summer skies.
And it’s such a wonderful surprise.
(My Little Pony)
I used to wonder what friendship could be,
(My Little Pony)
Until you all shared its magic with me.
When danger makes me wanna run and hide, you’ll Rainbow Dash to my side,
Kindness never in short supply, once smitten twice Fluttershy.
For honesty no pony can deny, you are the Applejack of my eye,
A heart that shines so beautiful, a Rarity to come by
And you all make fun and laughter as easy as Pinkie Pie!
(My Little Pony)
I used to wonder what friendship could be,
(My Little Pony)
Until you all shared its magic with me.
Our friendship’s magic and it’s growing all the time.
A new adventure waits for us each is yours and mine.
We’ll make it special every time!
We’ll make it special every time!
(My Little Pony)
What a wonderful wonder friendship brings
(My Little Pony)
Do you know you’re all my very best
(Friends) Friends, you’re my very best
(Friends) Friends, you’re my very best
(Friends) Friends, you’re my very best
(Friends) Friends!
*Splat!* “Hey! My cupcake!”
Twilight looked down. Indeed there was a cupcake on her left fore hoof, double mint chocolate by the rather messy appearance of it. Shyly, Twilight lowered her wings enough to see the pony behind her, and keep her blush hidden. “Oops, Sorry.” Twilight said, in a rather passable imitation of a buttercup pegasus she was on her way to meet. “I’ll just be- going now.” A good idea if the glare on the other pony’s face was any indication. Hopping off of the table she’d landed on. Twilight went to the nearby town fountain and rinsed her hoof before continuing on her way. Looking around herself as she trotted on, Twilight noticed a strange lack of ponies in town mixed with a rather paradoxical appearance of large buildings drowning the old, thatched roof buildings she had grown to love. Ignoring the faint buzz of importance the buildings may have, she continued on to the park, where her friends were waiting.
“Yo, Twilight!” Looking up, she could see a small could with a rainbow tail above her head.
“Dash?”
“Yeah.” A head popped out from above the cloud, blue mare with a mane to match the tail and purple eyes glinting with mischief. “Ya know, it’s not really like you to be late, especially for a test. Which I remind you, you wanted in the first place. If it was me, I wouldn’t take any test! Unless it was promotion exam at the Wonderbolt Academy, then I would not be late at all!” Rainbow Dash said with a smile. Twilight couldn’t help but share the expression, but hers was much more sheepish.
“I had a weird dream and over slept.” Twilight said.
“Yeah, whatever. Now come on, we’re testing how strong you are now that you’re an alicorn.”
Arriving at the park, Twilight could see a veritable boot camp of equipment and obstacle courses. Her four friends after the blue pegasus apparently fine tuning the equipment as they were waiting. “Sorry I’m late every pony, I over slept.”
“No harm done Sugarcube. Now let’s get to testing.” Said a Stetson wearing Earth pony mare. “The first test is a strength test,” Applejack said “we want to see how much stronger you’ve gotten first, and adjust the other tests as needed.” Twilight blinked, “Wow Applejack, that’s a really good plan.”
“What, you think with all me an Dash compete, I wouldn’t have a system like this? Please Twi, I’m not one for fancy talk, not stupid.” Walking over to machine, Twilight could see it was simple, make a block hit the bell at the top of a post, or get it as high as possible. Lining up her hind legs Twi—“Press Triangle to Interact!” lost her balance and fell to the ground. Looking up she saw the eternally, almost too bright smile of Pinkie Pie, only slightly silhouetted by the sun and her poofy mane.
“What are you talking about Pinkie?” Twilight asked, hoping for an answer that wouldn’t be…Pinkie. Pinkie simply pointed a hoof at the trigger for the machine, there was a bright green triangle painted onto the flat surface. “See, press the triangle to interact with the machine!” The pink mare bounced off out of Twilight’s sight and Twilight readied herself again.
*Bang!* *Dong!* *Crash!* *Meow!*
“Well. I think you need a new strength tester Applejack.” A rather stoic statement from our heroine, but considering the machine no longer has a bell, or the top two feet of the device, it probably was deserved.
“Not a problem Sugar, Big Mac breaks it all the time. Though he usually only takes the bell.” The orange mare trotted over to the device to check for any other damages as Rainbow Dash came up.
“All right, now that we know you’re strength is at least equal to me and AJ.”
*Hmhm*
“…AJ and me..”
*HmHM*
“…AJ and myself, happy Twi? Let’s test those wings of yours. Follow me, I’ve got a simple obstacle course set up.” A short distance away there were cloud rings set up at regular intervals, with small clouds between a few to act as landing pads.
“Now, you just need to glide through the rings and land on each platform. Normally I’d ask you to fly through all of them at top speed, but you aren’t me, so I won’t.” Rainbow Dash turned away with her hooves crossed and floated over to the first ring.
“Ooh! Twilight, Don’t forget to press the circle button to jump up high!”
“Seriously Pinkie! Not now!”
“But Dashie, you know Twilight isn’t that good a flyer, so I set up a spring button so she can get some height to make it easier for her to glide, see?” The group looked down. Yep, there was a spring with a circle painted on it.
“What’s next Pinkie, Exe to attack and square to roll away?” Dash asked, clearly exasperated by the psycho-physical anomaly that is Pinkie Pie.
“No silly, squares can’t roll and an exe wouldn’t really help in a fight, it’s a letter not a weapon!” Pinkie giggled out, which is pretty much the only way she speaks Twilight noted.
Twilight bent her legs and leapt onto the spring, bouncing above the first ring. She arched backwards, aiming towards her target, and opened her wings to soar through. She missed the next ring but corrected course through the third, and landed on the platform. She finished the course rather quickly ‘Hm, must be getting better at flying. I barely touched the platforms.’
“Ok, time of completion:*mumblemumble*…all platforms reached…total number of rings: Not bad. Wow, you’ve really improved! Way to go Twi!” Rainbow Dash congratulated Twilight.
“Thanks Rainbow Dash.” Rarity trotted up to the group, followed by the Cutie Mark Crusaders with a cloth covered wagon.
“Now darling it is time for the last test, telekinetic control. Now I don’t mean to brag but I’ve always had better control of my telekinesis than you. So I believed that a simple exercise of controlling one item in intense conditions was best. Girls, the weapons.” On cue, the Crusaders took the cloth off the wagon and revealed multiple melee ‘weapons,’ if the kid friendly toys could be called that. “Now I know what you’re thinking, Rarity and Combat? But I’ll have you know I need to protect my clothing and jewels quite often.” The white unicorn fluffed her hair at this. “A lady must be able to fend for herself after all.”
Twilight looked at the wagon of to…weapons and three stuck out to her. An overly large ping pong paddle procured by Pinkie Pie, a baseball bat and… Twilight turned to look at her friends with a cynical look. “Really?” She held up a golden scepter with a ruby gem bottom and her face with a disturbing smile at the top. “No.” Tossing the disturbing cane away, with a mental note to hurt Discord next time she saw him, she picked up another magic wand, this time a Trixie Lulamoon toy with a magician’s hat. “Still no, but good for Trixie.” Twilight settled on a baseball bat. “All right, got my weapon. what’s ne…” A rumbling sound was heard as bulldozers appeared on the field. “Ok, move along now. You’re standing on the future spot of the Ponyville Maxi-Mini Mall!” Yelled out one of the construction workers. What had been a peaceful idyllic picnic park was suddenly a brown and gray construction sight, with a few of the workers harassing Fluttershy as she tried to help some animals out of the way.
Wait…
Harassing Fluttershy!? For a normally non-violent mare, Twilight was quite quick to jump in front of Fluttershy with a baseball bat; Twilight slightly noticed she held it as she’d held the weapon in her dream, and then proceeded to kick prodigious amounts of flank. Regrettably, despite her new found skill at combat, the group was forced off the site by rather dark looking ponies.
“That was awesome Twilight! You were like whoom! And they were like Arrgh! And…” Dash said excitedly, buzzing over their heads.
“It doesn’t matter how good I was Dash, I still shouldn’t have done that! Oh what will Celestia think of me!” She began to panic, her mane starting to frizz.
“Ah don’t think she’d be to upset Princess Twilight, those ponies were big meanies.” Applebloom spoke with adorable and sad eyes. “Ah think all of Equestria is going that way honestly. Babs was telling me that Manehattenites were being ruder than normal. And in the day, even when the sun is bright, it fells cold, like a dark room. Ah don’t like it.” Applebloom and the Crusaders headed off to their clubhouse, noticeably saddened.
"Well, time for the party!" Pinkie Pie said as the group suddenly came in front the Castle of Friendship, Twilight's student Starlight Glimmer putting a banner over the main doors.
"Party? For what?" Twilight asked.
"For taking me in..." Starlight said shyly. "I know I'm not the best pony, especially with what I tried to do...but I was able to convince everyone that I needed to thank you."
Twilight enveloped Starlight in her wing. "You didn't have to do that Starlight."
Starlight sniffled. "I know, I wanted to."
Everyone went inside and Pinkie threw her first 'Un-Birthday and Twilight's First Student Party'. Twilight enjoyed herself immensely. All the gifts had been given out; from Applejack, a white Stetson; from Rainbow, a Wonderbolts poster; from Pinkie, a coupon for two free combo meals at Twilight’s favorite burger joint; from Rarity, a new necklace; from Fluttershy, a book on caring for endangered species; from Starlight, a book on ancient Unicorn magicks; and from Spike, a dragon-fired ceramic bowl.
“Now Twilight.” Rarity said, in her magic a wrapped box. “We have one last gift for you. It shows how important you are to us, and how much you’ve changed us for the better since you first arrived. I know for a fact Applejack and I could barely stand each other, now thanks to you, I can’t imagine life without her.” She set the box down and undid the bow. Inside the box was a pendant shaped like a five pointed star, each point an elongated hexagon with the color of one of the girl’s Element of Harmony and their Cutie Marks inside, with a stylized version of Starlight's acting as the chain. In the center, holding the points together, was the star of Twilight’s cutie mark. Rarity explained at Twilight’s confused look. “They say sailors make these for those closest to them, and it comes from a far-away island with star shaped fruit. They say that fruit, when shared with another, binds their destinies together. These Wayfinders are a promise that even when separated, friends will always find their way back to each other."
Twilight took the Wayfinder into her hoof, and held it close to her heart. She sniffled and let the tears flow from her eyes as a happy smile came to her face. "Thank you all of you. " Twilight opened her eyes and looked into the eyes of her dearest friends. "I know that even if we somehow never meet again" Twilight saw Starlight flinch. "we will never forget each other."
That night, as Twilight tossed in her bed trying to sleep, she kept thinking about her dream from before. "I know my dream has something to do with all the weird stuff lately... I just don't know what." Twilight felt a chill cross her body and she feared that something was coming.
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This is looking real good, though the shift with the bulldozers seemed sudden. Make sure to put more detail into events and double-check for common spelling errors. Other than that, I can't wait to see more
...not to be confused with "Friendship is the Key", one presumes.
Love this.
even with pinkie being my favorite pony i believe i gave myself head trama every time she opened her mouth
3662650 I know, but meta jokes were the only way I could get in a tutorial reference and Pinkie does break the fourth wall. Don't worry, it won't happen again. They hurt me to write actually.
3662439 I knew the title sounded familiar. Thankfully with all the "Twilight eats a peach" right now, I should be fine.
3662421 The bulldozers were intentional. Both as foreshadowing to things to come and because sudden transitions happen in the show all the time.
And really, no comment on the music? Ok, I'll keep it till You guys say otherwise.
Press Triangle to win!
3666784 Reaction commands are both awesome and useless. From now on use your imagination to think of where they'd be.
This is very good. My favorite part was Not-Babs ruining the moment. I eagerly await more!
3676948 What was she supposed to do? Ask her favorite color? Honestly I couldn't remember what the third question was, so I went with comedy, and honestly it seems to work better.
3680583 Maybe… the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
3683256 African or European?
Now, I know someone is wondering where the next chapter is so let me be clear; I am a college student going into his toughest semester. Updates will be infrequent, and getting the proper characterization will take some time. That being said the next chapter Tension Rising will be the second day after Twilight's Awakening, and will set up a bit of the main enemies' goals. Then I will lead into Chapter 3: Night of Fate, which is where I'll give Twilight her keyblade (no it isn't the one in the cover art, I'm more original than that). But please, bear with me as I try to find time to write this while still getting my degree.
Also because I can't seem to get the link to work: original cover art found here http://sakuyamon.deviantart.com/art/KH-Twilight-Sparkle-281665630
This is rather interesting. I like it a lot so far!
But some parts of it seemed as if they were rushed.
If I were you, I'd explain things in better detail and lengthen this a tad bit. It's just my opinion and I don't wanna come off as rude. Besides, this is just advice! You can choose to take it or not. Keep up the good work! I'll be sure to keep reading this. 
3878232 Thank you for the advice. And yes it is rushed, intentionally. Try watching the Destiny Island cut-scenes from the first game with no game play between them. It feels like this, a lot. I can't describe the "Game play" because it doesn't exist and would honestly be boring. Once the third chapter is ready, called "Night of Fate" (guess what happens), I will be putting in more action to match the fact this is hack and slash.
Though when that will be when I can barely work on chapter 2, does say a lot.
But hey, I'm working on my Undergrad Thesis, that kinda takes priority.
3887940
And you're most welcome with the advice. It's the least I could do!
Understandable.
Just a bit of friendly advice, whenever you start any dialogue, make sure it's on a new line, so your readers can more easily differentiate speakers.
3903776 Normally I would, however I've learned from people taking a creative writing class at my university, that that isn't what I should do in a dialogue heavy story. Ironic I know, but they are the one's in the class, not me, so I'm taking their advice.
3944263 I can see where you're coming from. It just reads very strange when several people are speaking in the same paragraph. I'll be honest, this is the first time I've seen it like this. Now, the only exception I have seen from that general rule is that speakers should be in different paragraphs, but their dialogue doesn't need to necessarily start the paragraph.
In fact, a lot of creative writing material I've looked over always struck me as strange. Using "single speech marks" instead of "double speech marks" had to be one of the strangest bits of advice that I had ever seen. They often just make up words and advice, because there is no such thing as "speech marks" in the English Language. There are Apostrophes and Quotation Marks.
Your friends might be trying to tell you what they've learned in class, and they do mean well. But before you take their advice, it might be a good idea to read the works of several different fiction authors to see what is a more accepted style.
That being said, I am looking forward to more, the story itself seems interesting.
3945832 Why thank you. If you'll note in one of the comments, this is not a priority. I'm working on my undergrad thesis and though I have a total idea of where the story is going, actually making the characterization fit is difficult when you have only few hours each day, not counting weekend. hopefully when I go on to spring break I will have more. (Still hoping to at least have Chapter 2 out by then.)
3973715 I want too, however actual life and my Undergraduate Thesis has been sucking a lot of my creativity out
. I'm going to put it on hiatus for a little while, but keep it watched so you don't lose track of it
!