For Queen and Crazies

by Mcstuffins

Change Lingers

“Not one word Miss Punch,” I growled. She chuckled softly, but kept her mouth shut otherwise. Apparently that tree was seriously jealous of my ability to walk, and decided to put an end to my flaunting once and for all. I only just learned that my hindlegs were staging a strike a few moments ago, when I tried to follow Berry out of the clearing in an uncomfortable silence. Long story short, I fell flat on my face, and she had to carry me back down the road… On her back.

“Hows the ride so far? I could get you some snacks if you’d like, maybe even an in-flight meal.” She chirped in a tone obviously meant to annoy me, and while I hate to admit it, she was nailing it.

“That doesn’t even make any sense,” I groaned, “we’re on the ground!” She looked over her shoulder to give me a playful look.

“Well, I could always chuck you off a nearby cliff to fix that,” she said in an overly-friendly voice, “or you could stop poking holes in my jokes, and we’ll leave it at that.” And so I did, preferring to listen to the soft rustling of leaves rather than calling her bluff. After all, it’s better to be humiliated than falling to your death as I always say, and by always I mean never because that isn’t a situation you should be getting yourself into on a regular basis.

“Soooooo,” I started off awkwardly, wiping sweat from my brow as the Sun continued to leer creepily, “where exactly did you learn that old rhyme anyway?” My hindlegs dangled off her side, and obnoxiously bounced around as she walked.

“My mom used to read it to me before bed, said it had a nice moral or something.” She said casually. Strangely enough, I could feel a flitter of sadness in the air for just a few brief moments. “How about you Cheese Legs; where did you pick it up?”

“Firstly, these ‘cheese legs’ could snap a fully grown pony in half if they were all currently working,” I growled, prompting an eye roll out of Berry. “And secondly, I don’t give away information on any past experiences that may jeopardize-”

“What, exactly?” She asked, “will it jeopardize your not-so-secret mission to let a little mare like myself know where you heard a poem?” I blinked at that. She made a good point, but that doesn’t mean I have to agree with it.

“I suppose it wouldn’t, now that you put it that way…” She grinned, “but, it would jeopardize my ability to annoy you by being overly-secretive.” And just like that, the grin fell right off her muzzle. I probably shouldn’t enjoy teasing her as much as I do, but she just makes it far too easy.

And then I was dropped on my face… Again.

Regardless of Berry’s blatant overreaction, we finally cleared the trees. With nothing but open ground for miles in all directions, I guess it’d be best to get this out of the way now.

I quickly tapped her shoulder, “Berry, I’ve got some bad news for you.” Without stopping or turning to face me, she responded.

“If you have to use the bathroom, please wait until after you’ve gotten off my back.” I chuckled at that, and also at how uncomfortable this next part was going to be for her.

“Well, seeing as we don’t have any cover out here, and it’d be pretty weird for me to ride into town on your back looking like this…” Her eyes widened, as she realized exactly what I was implying.

“Oh no, no no no no N-” But it was too late. I gave her one last smile before my chitin caught fire. She immediately screamed, and bucked my still burning form off of her back. “You complete bastard!” I laughed hysterically; that was awesome. The gauze wrapping around my abdomen was far too loose for a colt’s tiny frame, and I wiggled out of it. Physical damage could be hidden by a disguise, so I looked no worse for wear. Actually, now that I think about it, where did she get the first-aid supplies from..?

“Berry!” I said in mock offense, “how could you say something like that to a colt?” When she finally pried her eyes open, she gasped at my new disguise. The coat, mane, and eye colors were more or less similar to Berry’s own, making us an inconspicuous pair to anypony who didn’t know her.

“H-how did you…” she rubbed her eyes, and shook her head in exasperation, “forget it, I don’t even want to know how a fully grown stallion-

“Changeling.”

“-Whatever, could shrink into a colt.” And with that out of the way, Berry continued onwards. Wait…

“Wait!” I shouted, “I’m still on the ground!” my little pale blue forelegs flailing uselessly.

“I know,” she giggled, “I just had to see you throw a tantrum before you changed back into a big creepy bug thing again.” I smacked myself in the forehead hard enough to slam my head into the ground.

“I will lay eggs in your basement if you keep up with this shi-” And that was about as far as I got before being practically thrown onto her back again.

“That’s a bad word mister!” She chastised, “do I need to get your father in here?” Now we were finally back in motion, and Ponyville was maybe a five minute walk from here. Little was said between us, as we passed by multiple weather ponies likely on their way to investigate the rogue lighting strike. Two particular pegasi broke from the group flying overhead, and came down to meet us.

“Hey Berry!” Exclaimed the twins in sync, as they landed on either side of us.

“Hey Flit-” she was immediately interrupted by the pegasus on our right, who gasped sharply.

“Look at this little guy!” She said excitedly. I had the strangest feeling that whatever was about to happen would suck really badly. For the next few minutes, I was very viciously cuddled by two mares whom I’d never formally met before, by the names of Flitter and Cloudchaser. I won’t share the details, but needless to say, I may have left with a few crushed ribs to match my paralyzed legs. Damn, these crazy pedophilic pegasi could probably turn hugs into a tactical CQC takedown. Berry excused us, saying she had to return her ‘nephew’ to a mysterious brother-in-law that neither pegasi had seen or heard of before. There was no way they would ever belie-

-And they totally bought it.

Luckily(ish), they were the only two who bothered to pay us any attention, and we made it into town with little interference. I had a good few questions to ask, such as why Berry would surround herself with lunatics like that, but they would have to wait. Passing by stall after stall in the marketplace, I only just realized that I had no idea where we were going.

“I have no idea where we’re going,” Berry said cheerfully, peering at the various wares on display. Sadly, it wasn’t considered ‘normal’ for colts to violently curse in public… or anywhere else, so I had to restrain myself.

“Maybe,” I said through gritted teeth, “we ought to go home before this gets any worse, auntie.”

She chuckled, “is it really that hard to pretend we’re related?” This mare was going to give me an aneurysm, I swear. Honestly, this whole situation is just bizarre when you think about it. Realistically, I should either be rotting beneath a tree, or in some sort of jail cell. A healthy silence ensued between us, as the uncomfortable idea of owing my life to this nutcase bubbled to the surface like a puppy whom had previously been punted out of a window, and now floated in a lake outside of said window.

When we finally made it out of the marketplace, and into the residential area, I found that maybe I should’ve been more specific when asking that we return home. As it was, the door Berry was currently unlocking was decidedly not my own.

“You do realize that when I said home, I meant my home.” She stopped fumbling with her keys for a second to look over her shoulder at me.

“Well I figured we could have a little interrogation here, to repay me for not-

“-killing me with a stick?” I asked with a raised eyebrow, which looks a lot less serious on a small colt I should add.

She giggled, “I didn’t try to kill you with a stick.” I rolled my eyes, but said nothing. Stepping inside the quaint little house, Berry finally ditched me on a small couch, and slipped into the kitchen to make some tea, strangely enough. With some time to myself, I took a moment to analyze the last few days, and how strange they’ve been. It all started with those idiots in the alley, who I still haven’t heard from. I was expecting a much larger reaction from Ponyville as a whole, but those three seem to have just… vanished. They knew who I am though, and if they were sent by somepony else, it could be a serious problem.

When she finally emerged from the kitchen, Berry had a tray precariously balanced on her snout with two mugs onboard. She set them down on the coffee table adjacent to the sofa, and pulled up a small pillow on the opposite side. From her position, we were more or less at eye level now, as I didn’t dare drop the disguise and risk being spotted by anypony who bothered to peek through a window.

“I suppose we’ll go back and forth with questions to keep it fair,” I nodded at her suggestion, prompting her to continue, “so, how long have you been hiding here in Ponyville?”

“Four years.” I had already predicted that she would start with something along those lines. She nodded at that, and took a sip of her tea.

And then promptly spit it in my face.

“FOUR YEARS?!” She shouted, eyeing me like the corpse of a puppy that’d been pun- yeah you get the joke.

“Meh, you get used to it.” I lied, wiping tea from my face, “forget about that though, I think we ought to get to the real question here: why didn't you turn me in to the guards when you had the chance?”

She huffed, “No need to thank me or anything…” I glared at her as hard as I could with these tiny adorable eyes, “Alright, alright! It was because of the little ‘stunt’ you pulled when the tree was about to kill us; nopony else that I know would've done what you did if it meant risking a hair on themselves to do it.” Try as I might, not even I could figure out what drove me back to save Berry, but it sure wasn't heroism.

“...Sounds like you need some new friends.” She laughed darkly at that, shaking her head and looking off into nothing.

“I wouldn't call them friends, Diflex… Can I still call you that?” I shrugged, and nodded my head. She smiled, and looked down into her mug, as friendly silence flooded the room. It was short lived, however, as somepony pounded on the front door. Her content expression shattered, and panic filled the room with an unpleasant odor.

“I take it from your reaction that I should be going?” She said nothing, opting to shoot out of her seat and sprint down the hallway instead. I was about to call out for her when she came stomping back down with a pair of medical braces in her muzzle. They were obviously meant for me, and I quickly burned back into Diflex’s skin, as they would never fit a colt. Without a word, Berry fixed the braces to my hindlegs, and they began to glow with magic as I gained control of them for the time being.

“W-wait, where did you get the enchanted braces, and the gauze from the forest for that matte-”

“No time!” With no further warning, I was hurled out of a small window, which closed with a BANG behind me.

And so I fell on my face… AGAIN.

Author's Note:

Hooray for unrealistically long wait times!
You'd think that having more time to work on this chapter would get it done quicker, but that'd be underestimating my ability to not do things.

Hope you enjoyed it regardless, and if not, feel free to share why.
Eughhh, these author's notes are way too short; I don't get enough time to talk with you guys!
...Because this isn't a one-sided conversation at all, right?

:[END TRANSMISSION]:

Comments

[Tehonepony]

Well, its totally not a conversation if its a transmission. I do believe that you forgot your English rules.
that's some seriously quick glassblowing. I would totally make a glass knife for CQC with dem skills. Or just heat up their eyes.

[Mcstuffins]

4563808 Hm, i'll keep that in mind. Thanks for the heads-up, I tend to forget that English has rules a lot...

Hyper fast CQC glassblowing is awesome.