Rainbow's Nursery
As Rainbow Dash landed on her cloud house, she pulled out the key from her mane (Compliments from Pinkie Pie for teaching her that trick) and opened the door to her living room. Rainbow's living room was quite expansive, with a few couches made of clouds, which she never used i might add. In front of each of the couches was a little table and a few coasters, no doubt used for placing her mugs of apple cider and some of her parcels on. Finally, next to the front door itself, was a three layer bookcase with each shelf covered in books, she had it installed once she found out that she could damage her Daring Do novels if she left them on the floor.
"I had been thinking of adopting a foal of my own, but there weren't any pegasi in stock when i went for the past 30 times." Rainbow Dash said to her three new kids, "Let me just get you three into the nursery, and i'll be back with some food, OK?"
As she headed upstairs to her room, Spitfire, Soarin and Fleetfoot shared surprised looks, they had no idea that Rainbow Dash wanted a foal of her own and had prepared a nursery in case. But their confused looks suddenly turned into gleeful looks once they saw what was inside.
"Here it is, everypony, your own little slice of heaven." Rainbow Dash said as she unstrapped the foals from the carriers and let them roam free in the nursery. It was quite expansive, considering that this was also Rainbow Dash's room at the same time. Most of the floor had been covered in soft little blue and white padded mats, some areas had foal toys and blocks just lying around. And next to the window, was a changing table with some draws, no doubt filled with foal powder and diapers.
"Dis pwace wooks amazing." Fleetfoot said with a smile on her face
"She weawwy wanted kids dat much." Soarin followed up as he came close to a nearby crawlthrough tube and came out of the other side giggling.
Rainbow Dash couldn't understand anything they said, but she could tell they were impressed, "Make yourselves at home, kids." She said before heading downstairs for something.
"Hang on, if we'we foaws, does that mean we no fwy anymowe?" Spitfire asked to both Soarin and Fleetfoot who both shared confused glances.
"I not know." Fleetfoot said, "But i guess we find out wight now."
After she stopped, the three of them opened their now tiny wings, and attempted to get at least some feet off of the ground. Shockingly, they couldn't even get off the cloud floor, their wings were too small in this state. Another attempt had the exact same results, and another try, and another, and another. No matter how hard they tried, Soarin, Spitfire and Fleetfoot could no longer fly.
Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash opened a cabinet in her kitchen. It was full of medicines and pills, just in case she came down with something. She sorted through the many cures and enhancers she had in the cabinet until she finally found what she needed, "Here we are. Mothering Pills." She said as she read the instructions aloud.
"Take two pills a day, no more, no less. By following this rule correctly, your teats will produce breast milk, perfect for feeding foals of at least 3 months of age."
After she finished reading the instructions, she heard crying from her room. She quickly swallowed two yellow pills from the jar and flew to the door of her room with her wings. once she opened the door, she could see that Soarin, Spitfire and Fleetfoot were crying. As she walked in, she picked them up in her mouth and placed them in a little crib next to her bed, "Awww, what's wrong, kids?"
"Mama, we no fwy anymowe." Spitfire said, after which, the three of them shared confused glances before crying once more. As she said it, they even gestured their wings flapping wildly, only to see them not gaining any elevation at all.
"Awww, you can't fly yet?" Dash said with a reassuring tone of voice, "Don't worry about it, it's common for foals to have the disability of being flightless. And even though Pinkie Pie claims that Pound Cake can fly, i need to make sure that Pinkie has evidence of the event."
Upon hearing Rainbow's calm, motherly words, the three foals stopped crying and were looking up at her with some tears left in their eyes. Then they started crying again once they felt a wetness on their flanks.
"Ooff, geez, i think someponies need a quick change." Rainbow Dash said covering her nose as she immediately caught the smell of soiled diapers. After she lowered her hooves from her nose, she immediately picked up the three foals and carried them over to the changing table.
Once on the table, Rainbow Dash laid down Spitfire and took her diaper off first. Then she hurled it into the trash can with perfect aim. After hoof-pumping, she opened two draws and pulled out a bottle of foal powder and three new diapers. After which, she closed the draws and sprinkled some foal powder onto one of the diapers. after doing this, she slid it underneath Spitfire's flank, making sure to pull her little tail through the hole at the back. After this step was complete, rainbow started folding the diaper around Spitfire's flank, making sure to make the three ends meet and to tie the tapes up tight afterwards. Once Spitfire was wearing her new diaper, Rainbow Dash placed her back in the crib, and went back to the table for Soarin and Fleetfoot.
Luckily, all three of them had calmed down once they noticed that Rainbow Dash was changing them, so she had no trouble taking off Soarin and Fleetfoot's diapers together and hurling them both at the same trash can, once again with perfect accuracy. After sprinkling the foal powder onto the diapers once more, Rainbow Dash pulled the two remaining diapers underneath Soarin and Fleetfoot's flanks. She made sure that their little tails were poking out of the holes at the back before she wrapped up the diapers once more. Once they were nice and snugly wrapped around their flanks, Soarin and Fleetfoot were carried back to Rainbow Dash's bed. After they were placed down, she pulled Spitfire out of the crib and placed her on the bed as well.
"Now doesn't that feel better, my little angels?" Rainbow Dash cooed at them with a maternal smile growing on her face.
Instead of trying to speak like they usually tried to in this state, the three Wonderbolt foals instead clapped and were now giggling. They didn't know it yet, but the aftershock from the Triad Drive had inserted foal minds into their consciousnesses. And little by little, these new foal minds were completely destroying any and all memories of them being Wonderbolts. Luckily they still had the ability to talk to and understand each other, but it wouldn't be long before they lost all their memories of growing up in the first place.
"I knew you'd like it." Rainbow Dash said after they had calmed down, "Now who's hungry?"
Rainbow Dash had climbed onto bed and was now exposing her teats to them. At first they were surprised by this but them Soarin said, "Weww we awe foaws now, and dis is what foaws do. and i not know about yoo two, but i feew pwetty hungwee."
After complying with Soarin, they both rushed over to Dash's teats and began to nurse, with Soarin and Fleetfoot sharing a nipple, and Spitfire suckling by herself. As they fed, Rainbow Dash unfurled her wings around them to keep them warm and give them some privacy.
After drinking some wonderful breast milk, they all felt happy again. The wonders of being a foal again are usually thought to be impossible for pegasi to experience. So now they were happy for performing the Triad Drive, and being age-regressed. They showed this happiness by gesturing for Rainbow Dash to pick them up again.
Rainbow Dash happily accepted their gestures, and lifted them all up in her muzzle. She them carried them around for a while, making them laugh with excitement, before she set them down near a pile of building blocks.
"Why don't i make you adorable?" Rainbow Dash asked the three foals, who decided to talk to themselves again, before squeaking out a noise and nodding their heads, "OK then, it's time for some costume playtime!"
Rainbow Dash then dashed off to a trunk which none of them had seen on the way in, and pulled out some little costumes. These ranged from, a wizard, to a bunny, and even a little Wonderbolt costume. As Dash pushed away some costumes and whatnot, she eventually found three perfect costumes, a spacepony costume, a little bear costume and finally a sweet little sheep outfit.
As the three foals slipped into their new clothes, Fleetfoot said, "Dis is gonna be fun."
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Rainbow Dash wants her foals to play dress up? Well I suppose she has to have some way to create memories.
3541521 Her 'children' always dress in style
Also this sounds as though theres a supermarket full of foals
3542249
Don't you go to the Supermarket when you want new kids? That's the best place to find them
I don't know why, but I enjoy that semi-dark paragraph right there. But yeah, not sure if good or bad.
Awww, so cute. Wait, what is this feeling in my heart? I... I can't breath.... hurk-blah. *Heart attack from cuteness.* (Guess I should have made sure I had no heart problems. Too late to see the doctor now.)
Update soon.
3542454 well hey there Squee-chi, hows training going? the wind bowl giving you any problems?
3546296
NOPE. Not even a little Bit!
Sadly, I don't think I care for this. Not giving a thumbs down, but I will give some judgment now.
First: There is a repeated use of the un-capitalized "I" in this chapter. Once or twice is excusable as a mistake. I recommend fixing that, as it is easy to fix and disproportionately looked down on. At least as grammar mistakes go.
Second: I suppose I can understand the wonderbolts being calm, as it is bad to panic in their profession, but they seem a little too chill. As for Dash. Strait to taking them home and calling them yours? Not going to call and see if anyone lost their children? Not going to file some kind of notice or report that you found them and are taking them in? Nothing? Well, OK then, I guess. Seems odd to me.
Third: This feels pointless. Hold on! I mean that there seems as if the story is waiting or without direction. I am not insulting it. I am worried that there will be several chapters of fluff that nether advance the plot nor develop the characters to a great degree. And fluff is fine and so is filler, but I don't care for meandering.
Kicker: I will admit that I always look for reason not to read a story. But only if it is a justified one. I have a very large number of fan-fiction stories to read, several hundred chapters of stories on this sight alone in fact, and the whole internet, books on my shelf, movies, games, ect., to be involved in that could also use my time. So I mean no slight when I say I am not going to continue reading. This is just not to my taste or so wildly outstanding that I wish to continue.
Respectfully wishing you well,
The Smileyrat
You have the premise of a very entertaining and cute story, but there are simply too many things that I can't look past. The biggest one being that Rainbow is so out of character. Sure, she may have wanted foals of her own, and you can easily keep her in character while still having her be "motherly."
Secondly is that Soarin, Spitfire and Fleetfoot still maintain their adult minds, memories and all. Quite a from of the story is from their point of view, and you make it easy to see that they are as intelligent as a grown up, albeit prone to fits of crying. They are foals and their minds should be as such as well. It would have worked better if you had kept everything from Rainbow's point of view, and if you wanted to have something from Spitfire, Soarin or Fleetfoot's point of view, you would have to change your writing so that it fits a foal. Here's an example.
This is practically how you write, though in my style. You write them as having the intelligence of an adult, whereas it should be something along the lines of this.
The first one is more where Spitfire is in control, where we see things from her point of view, whereas the second is more of an outside looking at Spitfire and detailing things like how she'd see them. She wouldn't know what building blocks are, and just seems them as a bunch of colours. The blankets she registers as a soft place, and the narrator calls it as "snuggly-place" because of that.
I'm not expert at writing baby-stuff, but I suggest that you write them as being babies/foals, not adults in foal bodies.
I can only say practice, practice, and then practice some more. If you keep writing you will eventually become better.
Until then!
~Kapuchu
Fleetfoot is female. Rarity said so in the episode "Sweet and Elite".
rainbow seems more maternal than i'd've given her create for. she must really have wanted a foal
4149545 All mares have the capability to become adoptive mothers, so Rainbow Dash being maternal is no surprise to me...
ngh the cuteness level is off the charts ahhh! *explodes into confetti*