The Notes
"Good morning, Angel," Fluttershy said while getting out of her bed, " I'm going to get the mail." She was opening the door when Angel jumped onto her head. He started brushing her hair. " Thanks Angel." She stepped outside and got her mail. She read the letters during breakfast. "This ones from Pinkie pie, this ones from Rainbow, this ones from... Oh dear."
Discord was watching Fluttershy from a cloud. "THATS IT!?! I thought she would be screaming her head of!" He was becoming bored. Fluttershy heard all of the commotion and went outside. She looked up and saw the draquonicus. "Oh, My," Fluttershy just stood there like a statute. " Goodness."
" Did you get my note?"
"Yes,"
"OK, good. You know I found a castle in the Everfree forest. Maybe you could come over sometime?"
" Um, sure?"
"How about, at seven tonight?"
"OK."
"please! Wait, what!?"
" I said, OK."
" Right. See you tonight!"
He snaped his fingers and disappeared. Fluttershy just sighed, " I think I should maybe dress up." She went inside and told herself that she should give him a chance. " I'm going to see Rarity, Angel." Angel waved his paw as if to say, bye! See you later! After she left, Angel threw a party.
When Fluttershy got to Rarity's house, she asked her to make a dress for a dinner. " Darling, who are you going to dinner with?" Rarity asked. "He said I couldn't tell." Fluttershy fibbed. She didn't want to tell her friends yet. If she did, they would get mad with her,just for having dinner with the lord of chaos. When Rarity was done with her dress, she put it on, and ran to Sweet Apple Anchors. Applejack was working the farm, but when Fluttershy showed up, she stopped and before she could say hi, Fluttershy blurted out everything.
" I got a love letter from, from.."
" Sugarcube, are ya'll alright?"
" DISCORD!! I GOT A LOVE LETTER FROM DISCORD!!"
" No need to yell, sugarcube."
"Oh, sorry, Applejack."
After an explanation later...
"Your going on a date with DISCORD!?!?" the southern pony exclaimed.
"Not going on a date having dinner with Discord."
"Ya'll sure you want to do this?"
"Yes, I want to give him a chance."
"Alright, sugarcube."
Meanwhile, at Discord's castle, " YES!!! YES,YES,YES!! Right, got to get ready! Where is it? Ah, here it is! " He pulled out a suit, put it on, and ran outside to the garden he made just for Fluttershy. He summoned a table for two and put it in the middle of the garden. "Too romantic. Not romantic enough. Too flowery. Too green. Too pink. PERFECT!!!" The garden turned into a very romantic outdoor restaurant. " THIS IS GREAT!! I am just about to be evil!! If I make Fluttershy fall in love with me, she won't use her element to try to turn me to stone! Man, I forgot the tulips! You know, I'm having a hard time believing that I'm doing this." Discord said when he went into his room to wait for Fluttershy.
"GO TO YOUR ROOM YOUNG BUNNY!! NO THROWING PARTIES WITHOUT MY PERMISSION!!!" Fluttershy screamed when she saw the animals partying without her. Well, I'm SORRY! Angel seemed to say with an attitude. She could not stand it anymore. She had excepted Discord's date-thingy and didn't know how to get out of it. She lied to one of her friends and told the truth to the element of honesty. It was like the lord of chaos was turning her on and off of her chaotic form. This is getting to weird. WAY to weird she thought, Maybe he is in love with me.. NO WAY! NO WAY WOULD HE EVER LOVE ME!! That would be as weird as me being in love with him AND chaos.She trotted downstairs and look at herself in the mirror. " I need more makeup. " she sighed, " I'll have to go back to Rarity." I think having dinner with Discord is a good idea. He is sort of cute..
" WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME!!!!!! I need to see Zecora. She'll know what to do!Then I'll see Rarity.."
Discord was watching pony couples in his magic mirror. "Some mare named Derpy loves some sort of doctor. He loves the mare back. How do they do it? This is starting to make me gag." He snaped his fingers and the mirror shut off." Time to think. How do I win Fluttershy's heart?" He said while gagging, " I think I'll visit my neighbor, Zecora for advice! She knows everything!"
While Fluttershy was wandering in the Everfree forest, Discord was standing in Zecora's doorway. "Hi neighbor!!"
" May I say Neigh. What the Hay!! How very rude of me. Would you come in and have some tea?"
" Cut the act. I can speak English."
" I don't care. Would you think that was my flare?"
" STOP SPEAKING IN RIDDLES!!!! THATS MY JOB!!"
"Alright, alright! I get it! Now would you just quit it!?! I do not care how I speak! Now go ahead, Take a peek."
"How do you know why I'm here? I never told you."
"Because I do. Now please, look into my brew!!"
" OK, I get it! Look into the brew. Is that all I have to do? Great, now you've got me doing it!!"
" Do you want to know how to do it or not!?!"
" OK! OK. Hey, your'e not speaking in riddles!!"
"just look into the brew already!!"
" Fine. You win."
Just as he looked into the brew, Fluttershy burst into the hut, and Discord did not hear anything, because his whole head was in the brew.
" Fluttershy, did you know the Grand Galloping Gala is coming up soon?"
" Hey, Zecora! Wait, your'e not talking in riddles! Nevermind. I think you know why I'm here."
"Yes, I do. Would you look into my other brew?"
" Now you speak in riddles."
" Look in the Brew!!!!!!!"
"Fine. You win."
" Funny. That's what he said."
Zecora pointed her hoof at Discord, who's head was still in the brew.
" Oh my goodness!! I did not see him here."
" UGH!! JUST LOOK IN THE BREW!!!!!!"
"OK OK OK!!"
She put her head in the other brew, just as Discord took his head out of his brew.
"Wow. I never thought of that."
"I know."
" Thanks!! You are welcome at my castle anytime!!"
He left without noticing Fluttershy. Five minutes later Fluttershy took her head out the brew.
" Oh my. Is this really how I feel about Discord??"
" The brew can not lie."
" Alright. I'll see you later Zecora!! Thank you!!"
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Huh.
I thought this sounded familiar.
Could use some fixing grammar-wise, but it's not a bad idea. It's like my story without the whole captivity thing. I wish I knew what his note said though.
This is really adorable but also feels kind of rushed.
Some common mistakes:
It's "snapped," not "snaped"
Should be "too" instead of "to" (e.g. too weird)
"except" means to exclude something, "accept" means to receive or approve of something
Might I suggest you type your stories in Word first then transfer them here. It should help with some of your grammar problems.
Also "can not" those two words become "cannot" when used in that order.
I must admit, Zecora shouting "Look in the brew!" Makes for a hilarious mental image.
Haha I did think it sounded a bit like bride of Discord! :D either way i'm still gonna read this story
This is good. Feels like someone hit the fast-forward button on BoD and snipped and added things here and there.
There are a few capitalization and grammatical errors, but the story is GREAT!!!!!!!!!!
Love it so far!!!!!!!
Whenever they look in the 'brew' I imagine for some reason that they are sticking their whole head in it!