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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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THIS SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS.
HOW MAKE EMOTION GO?
Yaaaay
If greentext stories are against the rules, but yours are still here... It might just be that they are just. That. Awesome.
1461595
You can't generate natural emotion without reader emotional investment, which can't really happen if the story is either too short to allow for this, or the emotional buildup is not immersive.
If the story is too short, the emotional impact needs to be delivered through scenarios, rather than characters. Things need to happen that the readers can be captivated by, suspending the need for the readers to be immersed in the characters, they just need to be affected by the events and they will relate to the characters experiencing those events.
That would not work for this story because the events are related via a perspective character who's emotional reactions to the events overwrite the reader's.
However, the story is barely long enough for a character emotional immersion, but you destroyed this option by going for a plot structure that reveals it's story through twists.
If you had laid everything out for the reader from the start. Maybe with Dash's oblivious miscommunication, followed by a snippet of the day in question with Anon being let down by Dash, and then the next morning with all the ponies happy to see him and his confusion at Dash's attitude, fostering resentment fueled by his guilt and self-loathing and fear of corrupting the ponies (made vague, not explicitly stated). Then cut to the story where it starts here, and his idiotic passive aggressive plan to come to terms with his friendship with Dash by getting a bit of retribution as an excuse to forgive her. Now we know where he's coming from and can, if not completely relate, at least empathize. Then Dash's question and Anon's angry reaction wouldn't be such a WTF to the reader. You could still leave the final misunderstanding between them that started the whole mess, as well as Anon's specific issues as to why he wanted to leave so badly, as the end reveal to solve the conflict.
By turning the plot twists into plot turns, giving the reader understanding and perspective and a bit of foresight into what is going on, the reader will be more immersed and engaged by the plot, so the sudden twists and reveals are not necessary to keep the reader engaged or excited as they read.
I liked it.
1463548
Not to be dismissive, because I'm positive there's something I can learn from this comment, but really? Do you know the process for generating these things? There's no laying everything out. There's no planning. They just happen in one little burst.
And while my writing might be emotionally lacking, a comment like "HOW MAKE EMOTION GO?" is pretty clearly not a request for a dissertation. Sorry, I'm a bit agitated at the moment for completely non-pony reasons.
1465717
Yeah, sorry. I read your (obviously not a real) question and some analytical part of my brain got a stiffy which I just mindlessly stroked until that comment was spurted out. I am willing to pay compensation for any bad touch that may have occurred. And I totally understand if your comments section does not want to keep it. I can recommend a nice button who is fast, reliable, and discreet with these kinds of things.
1466137
NO. The comment - she stays.
There IS information in there that can be useful. I just didn't happen to be looking for it at the time, but who am I to say nobody who reads the comments ever will? And you don't need to apologize at all. You were trying to be helpful, and I was in a snippy mood.
Greater than the only thing I hate about greentext stories is the way my text-to-speech program reads them. Greater than it says "greater than" before each line. Greater than however, it's easily fixed with a search-and-replace-all in Notepad++ (replace ">" with "", or nothing).
/me runs search and replace on his text-only download of The 4Chan Chronicles. 8006 occurrences were replaced.
Ahh...I should have done that a long time ago.
Edit: I also hate it when it says "slash-slash-hyphen-hyphen-hyphen-hyphen-hyphen-hyphen-hyphen-hyphen-hyphen-hyphen-hyphen-hyphen...", but I can fix that :P
/me replaces all occurrences of three or more hyphens "---" with "".
1466230
>And you don't need to apologize at all. You were trying to be helpful, and I was in a snippy mood.
>You were trying to be helpful, and I was in a snippy mood.
>I was in a snippy mood.
>snippy mood.
>snippy
img.webme.com/pic/m/megasupertacoman/rainbow_scared.png
1466584
Now I just am imagining these stories being read by all different downloadable text to speech voices. Like this last chapter would have been awesome voiced by Christopher Walken.
1465717
Are you talking specifically about greentext stories? Is that some sort of unwritten rule? Nobody would know if you wrote the whole thing in advance and posted a little bit at a time, would they? I don't know. HOW DO I 4CHAN?