Darkest Fears

by Foxes33

Prologue

It was about midnight when a pegasus mare headed towards a dark forest. The forest was like a silhouette, however hard to see against the blackened sky. No moon shown for a storm raged, yet she didn't turn back towards the homes of Ponyville. Her heart thudded and she gulped as she took a step into the forest, feeling wet grass. She walked for a while, until she got to the darkest area, where blood splattered the floor. She gulped and waited for the sounds of foot steps, and almost wanted to scream, but held it until she saw glowing bright red eyes.

"You have got what you wanted, why don't you leave me alone?! I have done what you have asked and now I got the blood on my hooves... They will find me perhaps, but you have to go, I can't take it anymore!" Screamed the young pegasus mare, her voice quivering as a large crackles came out of the darkness.

Dark trees loomed short in the sky, however the branches spread far, weaving together to make it so the rain didn't fall onto them. A slight breezed drifted through and there was a loud crack of lightning and the forest lit up, revealing the wolf-like creature and its shadowy fur and red eyes. Large claws that were maroon from the stains of blood stretched far, tapping the ground. The heart of the pegasus thudded, and she felt as though it was going to burst and she could tell, he could hear it.

"My little murderer, you do as I say! I command you, remember what happened to the last one who betrayed me. Man your father's blood tasted good, he suffered and died, I love to see the life drain from a pony's eyes. You bring me victims to eat, you don't die and during my slumber you get a break. Just one year, but it is your time." The wolf-like creature snapped, its paw lashing forward and slashing the mare's snout.

She screeched in harsh pain and whimpered, cowering and backing up. Tears came from her eyes, making her face feel warm where liquid touched. The pain burned like fire, and was quite deep, but not deep enough to scar, he couldn't leave proof. Her head slowly lifted to see the creature lick its claws to taste her blood.

"Oh come on, that wasn't hard, stop crying you weakling!" The creature growled before lumbering away, it turned to say one last thing, "Oh yay, and don't ever fail me Rainbow Dash."

Comments

[Mist Shaker]

okay this is a bit jacked up. not really entertaining either

[FluxerCry]

Awkward. that's all I can say about this fic so far... The prologue seems pointless as it doesn't really make the story look promising; rather, quite the opposite. your dialogue could use alot of work as it's awkward and unconvincing. and work on your punctuation! and grammar! I can still tell what you're trying to say, but it's in no way graceful.

You commited 0 of the 7 mortal sins of writing fanfiction so far.

My overall oppinion: