The next hour or so was spent tending to Luna's wounds. She talked to Night who explained that he was keeper of the night. He traveled all around the universe checking up on stars and galaxies, keeping track of new stars that were born out of dust, and old stars which died of age and expanded until they exploded disappearing forever. He explained how the moon was one of over 3000 homes he had set up in the universe for when he needed a night or two to himself.
Luna told him of her experiences with Nightmare Moon and how she was sent to the moon. Night listened to her story as he wrapped her leg. The gash had been deep and landing on the leg hadn't helped. It was still steadily bleeding, red liquid oozing out and down her leg onto the sheets of her bed. To add to it Luna had sprained her ankle when alling and broken her leg a few inches below her hip. She winced as Night cleaned out the cut in her leg for the third time.
From her hoof to her hip her leg was wrapped with a splint against her leg, but it would have to be redone because of the blood that now stained the wrappings. Luna's wing had been wrapped against her side to keep it still while her joints mended themselves and the feathers grew back. The cuts on her shoulders and face had stopped bleeding and only one bandage was across her muzzle where the deepest of these cuts had been.
Nightmare Moon was left to bandage herself which she hadn't done yet as she refused to except anything from Night. Though Luna could see the jealousy in her eyes as she watched him tend to her leg. Eventually Luna's flank stopped bleeding and her leg was re-wrapped.
"I guess I'm lucky you happened to stop by here today," Luna said after Night had laid down next to her.
"Yeah," he replied, "of course I think I'm the lucky one... After all I got to meet you today." He gave Luna a small smile causing her to blush.
Luna had never thought it would be so easy to fall for a stallion before, but even as he spread his wings and said, "I should go. Let you rest." She knew she wanted him to stay.
"You could stay you know," Luna said. "Maybe duplicate the bed or something..." she added trying not to sound too pushy.
"If you're sure...' Night replied. "I wouldn't want to intrude."
"Oh, it's fine. After all, this is your home," Luna stated.
"Alright," Night smiled as he duplicated Luna's bed and laid down. "Goodnight, Luna," he whispered.
"Goodnight, Night," she yawned in reply as she curled up on her bed noticing Nightmare Moon glaring at her from across the room.
Alicorn oc with 500 word chapters? The only time she can see Night is at....Night? Well holy balls that's got to be a deal breaker right there.
>Alicorn OC
>Black
>Less than 1k word chapters.
>No
1. Night is a REALLY bad OC name. Like, could you be less creative?
2. The only time she can see him is at night? Why is this a problem? She's the goddamned Princess of the moon. The night is kind of her thing.
3. What the hell why would she have to leave Equestria that does not even make sense
Now. On to the actual story!
You need to actually write out numbers. Instead of '1000 years', it should be 'one thousand years'. If you are tying to be a writer, write.
Also, we don't need a recap of how she wound up in the moon (Celestia banishing her), because we know that, given that this is a site for ponyfic about the show that we have all, presumably, watched.
soooo she has the post on the moon? If she can send a damn letter, what's stopping her from sending herself
proper nouns like names need to be capitalized
Are you high? The moon belongs to Luna. I think she would have noticed.
Entire fourth chapter: Nope. Or, in the words of Luna: Nay. Nay. Nay. Nay.
This is just... bad. Have a downvote.
The OC is freaking gorgeous I really like the plot
I approve
Still loving this fic so hey you have one fan
Ummm... what did I just read?
I...I like it. Though it is severely lacking in a lot of aspects.
Your grammar is... surprisingly good. It's far from perfect, but it is a lot better then half of the stuff I see on this site. I think your main downfall in this aspect has to be you paragraph spacing.
Now onto your biggest demon... pacing. You need bigger chapters, what you have written so far is about half of what I would put in a normal chapter. I suggest either combining what you have so far into one chapter or some how lengthen them.
I like the story, I honest to Celestia like the story. But... there is a lot of problems...
~ Michael
Make them longer chapters thin it mite work. Basically rewrite the chapter's to show more detail. Enplane who Night Is, how did they meat?, and other things like that. Have some compulsions in the relationship It makes it more enjoyability. Express the charters feelings. How do you make a friend?................. You get to know them. If the readers can't get to know the charters It's a falling story. Make the chapters at least 1000 words or more.
Hope this help's.
Shined
Slowbro95
P.S: If you have any questions or need help send me a P.M
I will be on anywhere from 2:00Pm to 9:00 PM CST(Central Standard Time). Hope to hear from you................MOO!
3409590
Plus I'd hate to be stuck in a place where each side of the room holds a bad.