Time Lord: The Story of Polaris

by Thrawn1800

Chapter 2: Loss and Reflection

Chapter 2

When I woke, the sun was up. I stretched and yawned, still fairly tired. I froze when I saw my foreleg. I remembered where and what I am. I’m still a pretty scared, but I’m trying not to think about it too much. I know that that will just make me feel worse. Just then, my stomach lets out a massive grumble. I realize I haven’t eaten since I’d arrived. I wonder what they eat here. Since they’re ponies, I would assume that they must not eat meat. I don’t actually mind though. I never did really like to eat meat.

I can see the sky through the windows. I’d like to see more than that. I want to see where I am. I push the covers off of me, and then roll of the bed. I collapse to the floor, my right foreleg and ribs burning in protest. I try to stand up, but fall again with my ribs raging at me. My legs weren't strong enough to hold me up. I realize I’d cried out when I’d gotten off the bed. The door opened and Dr. Blue rushed into the room.

“You should not have tried to stand up yet!” he said, “Your leg is not strong enough to support your weight!”

“I know.” I said, gasping in pain.

“What were you trying to do? Why'd you leave your bed?”

“I… I wanted to see out the window.”

“I see.”

Dr. Blue walked over to me, and leaned down next to me.

“Put your foreleg around me.” he instructed.

I reached my left foreleg around him, and tried to stand up. After a few tries, I managed it. My legs were weak, and they shook from my weight.

“Get on the bed, I'll help you.” said Dr. Blue.

I climbed up on to the bed, and rolled on my back, gasping for breath.

Dr. Blue gave me a concerned look. “I told you that you would not be able to walk for several days,” he said. “You shouldn't have tried to move around yet.”

“I forgot.” I said.

“I imagine. If you wait right here, I'll get a wheelchair.”

“A what?”

“You did want to take a look around, right?”

“Well, yeah, but I didn’t think that ponies would have such a thing as wheelchairs. You just don’t, you know, sit on chairs that much… do you?”

“Actually, we use them fairly often.”

“Oh… okay.”

“I'll be right back”

Dr. Blue left the room. I stared up at the white ceiling. This was all so new to me. I wasn’t sure how to react. Not being able to walk… that’s a new one. And now I’ll have to learn again. Only this time, on four legs. How do I even start? I wondered to myself.

I turned my head and looked out the window. From this angle, there wasn’t much to see, just the sky, which was cloudless and blue. I hadn’t seen a sky that open for a long time. Not since… since… I struggled with my memories, but everything was fuzzy. First I couldn’t remember my name, and now all the absolute specifics are going. That thought brought me close to tears. I tried to ignore the feeling. I rubbed my head with my hoof, a mild headache was starting to form.

Dr. Blue walked in pushing a wheelchair. I have to say, that was unexpected. I still can’t see how a race that walks on four legs actually needs chairs, let alone a wheelchair. Despite that, he’s holding the handle of one in his teeth, which doesn’t seem particularly hygienic to me. Once he’s maneuvered the chair over to the side of my bed, he lets go of the handle.

“I'll help you get on.” said Dr. Blue.

I moved to the side of the bed, and he helped me to clamber onto the wheelchair’s seat. I sat like I usually did. The chair was more comfortable than any wheelchair I’d ever been in before.

“Now what?” I said, leaning against the backrest of the chair.

“Now,” he said, “you get your first view of Equestria.”

He took the handle of the wheelchair in his mouth and pushed it over to the window. I gasped in amazement. Stretching out in front of me was a bright green landscape, mountains in the far distance. The fields nearby gave way to a forest, which extended far into the distance.

“Good view, right?” said Dr. Blue, chuckling, who now stood next to me. “The hospital has a fantastic location.”

I nodded silently in agreement, awestruck. I looked hard into the distance, and I saw what looked like an enormous group of white clouds.

“What’s that?” I asked, pointing my hoof.

“What, those?” said Dr. Blue. “That's Cloudsdale. It can be hard to see sometimes, but today is especially clear, so…”

“Yeah.” I continued to admire the view, seeing a river in the distance, and I also noticed something else.

“And... what’s that?” I asked. I pointed into the far distance, at a faint orange smudge on the horizon.

“That's the badlands. Nopony lives there, too dangerous.”

“Nopony?”

“Yes?” I opened my mouth to question him, then closed it. I guess it made sense that they would use words like that.

“Now,” said Dr. Blue after a short pause, “how about we take you for a walk…er, ride through the hospital.”

“What?” I said.

“You do want to see more, right?”

“Well, yes. But…”

“Good.”

He wheeled the wheelchair around, cutting me off, and started moving it towards the door. I guess I had been feeling a bit stir-crazy. I wasn’t really used to being stuck in one place, let alone one room, for so long. We went out the door, and turned left, and then continued down the hallway. After passing several doors, we came to a gently descending ramp. Since I was in a wheelchair, I guess we couldn’t exactly take the stairs. I also assumed that there were no elevators. I hadn’t noticed any signs of electricity. We descended, and at the bottom, Dr. Blue turned right down a hallway, towards a set of double doors. We came to a stop in front of the doors, and Dr. Blue walked up next to me.

“Feel up to going outside?” he asked.

I looked at the doors, determined. “Yes.”

“Okay then.”

The doors’ handles glowed gold, and Dr. Blue pushed the wheelchair through. We were in a garden. Several paths went out into it. As we descended another ramp to the ground, I noticed several other ponies in the garden, all different colors. I saw multitudes of flowers and there was a fountain in the center. Benches were arranged around it, and around the benches, a green hedge circled. The golden brick paths all radiated from the fountain, which bubbled gently. I hadn’t seen plant life this green and alive for a very long time.

We came up next to the fountain, and Dr. Blue said, “Like it?”

I nodded, again awestruck by the natural beauty of this place. I may have lost some of my memory, but I definitely remembered how I loved nature in its glory. This place was absolutely stunning.

“This is a just a hospital garden?” I said.

“Yeah,” said Dr. Blue. “I know it's a little dull, but I think it is alright.”

“Dull? This is what you call dull?”

“Well, yeah?”

“No, it isn’t. This is spectacular!”

I looked around at it all. Compared to this, the fields and forests around where I’d lived were what was dull. This was awesome.

“Who takes care of all this?” I asked. I wanted to know who was responsible for this work of art.

“You know,” Dr. Blue said, “I don't actually know who takes care of the gardens. I never had reason to ask about it before now.”

“Can you find out for me?” I asked. “I want to find out how they got it so green and fresh.”

“I told you, this isn't the exactly the best garden there is. You don't have to get so excited.”

“Excited? Excited?! What’s wrong with getting excited about this place?!”

He stared at me, confusion and concern mingled in his expression. I felt that maybe I should tone it down, I was making a bit of a scene.

“I’m just saying.” I muttered, slumping back in the wheelchair.

We stayed there for a while, exchanging meaningless banter. Dr. Blue was able to explain some of the things I had found strange, like why he had to push the wheelchair, but had opened the doors with magic. It turned out that magic is usually more specific to a pony’s individual talents, so it was a bit hard for most unicorns to multi-task unless it was something they were more familiar with. I also learned about some of the history of Equestria. Then, we just sat quietly and enjoyed the glorious day. Just as I was about to ask another question, when my stomach interrupted me with a loud rumble, protesting the lack of food. I blushed, embarrassed.

“I guess I should probably eat.” I said.

“I haven’t eaten yet either. Guess I forgot too.” said Dr. Blue.

We shared a laugh at our collective forgetfulness, and Dr. Blue wheeled me inside.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The hospital’s cafeteria wasn’t that bad. Sure, the food wasn’t the best, and Dr. Blue and I shared a few jokes about it. I appreciated being able to eat now, though. It did take me a minute to figure out how to eat. Looking around, I figured out that most non-unicorns don’t really use silverware, I did alright, just eating it directly off the plate. The cafeteria was sparsely decorated, but the design of the room was interesting enough.

While we were eating, I asked “Do you know who the other pony was, Doctor?”

“Hmm?” said Dr. Blue, chewing on a mouthful of food.

“The one that was with Luna when she found me.”

Dr. Blue swallowed, then said, “Oh, him. That's Starswirl. He’s a friend of Luna's."

“Okay.”

After a minute thinking, I said, “When can I learn how to use magic?”

He thought about this for a moment, then said, “I can't be sure. Though definitely not until you've recovered.”

“I guess that makes sense.”

Once we’d finished eating, we returned to my room. Dr. Blue helped me back onto the bed, and said, “You need to rest now. The more rest you get, the faster you'll get better.”

“Okay,” I said.

As he turned to leave, I said, “Thanks.”

“What for, Polaris?” He asked.

“For helping me. And giving me a tour of the hospital.”

“Sure thing.”

Just before he left the room, he stopped and said, “You can call me Blue.”

I said “sure” and he left.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When he returned, he had someone… fine, somepony else with him. She was taller than him, taller even than Luna. She had wings and a horn, and her mane rippled gently in a nonexistent breeze. This must be Luna’s sister. They approached the bed, and Blue introduced us.

“Polaris, this is Princess Celestia.”

“Your majesty,” I said, trying to bow. “It is an honor to meet someone of your importance.”

“A pleasure to meet you, Polaris.” she said, in a kind, gentle voice. “Please, tell me, are you finding the accommodations here to your liking?”

“Yes, your majesty.”

“That is good. And you need not address me as ‘your majesty’. Celestia will be fine.” After a pause, she said, “Are you having any trouble adjusting to life here?”

She didn’t need to explain further. It was clear to me she had spoken with Luna.

“A bit,” I said, “Everything is so different, but... but I think I’ll be fine.”

“Very good.” she said. “I am glad that you are responding well to the change. I just hope that it remains so once you leave the hospital. You may have a hard time adjusting to the outside world.”

I thought about it. I guess a hospital is a rather isolated environment. It hadn’t occurred to me yet, but I realized how large a world I was in now. I noticed something else. Celestia had a picture of a sun on her flank. I realized then, that all of the ponies I’d seen so far had had some sort of picture on their flanks. I looked over at Blue, curious. He had a picture of what looked like a cloud with a sun peeking out from behind it.

”Pardon me for asking,” I said, hesitantly, “but why does everypony have some sort of picture on their flanks?”

Celestia laughed gently. “Those are called cutie marks. I guess since you do not originate from Equestria, you would not know of them. They represent our special talents, and appear magically when we discover them.”

“Oh.” I said. I was struck with a sudden curiosity. I hadn’t actually looked before. Did I have a cutie mark? I pushed my blankets off, and turned to the side. My flank was blank. Oh goody, that rhymes. (Yay)

“I don’t have one.” I said, curious, slightly concerned.

“Maybe it's because you've only been in Equestria for two days.” said Blue. “I wouldn't expect someone to find theirs so quickly.”

“Yeah.” I said, feeling disgruntled. “I guess.”

“Do not worry Polaris,” said Celestia. “In time, you will discover that which makes you special.”

I nodded. I had hoped that by now in my life, I would’ve discovered something unique about myself. I had another question, one I was scared to ask. I was scared of what the answer might be. I decided to ask Celestia anyway.

“Can… can you send me home?” I asked her.

She gave me a sympathetic smile. “I am sorry, but I cannot do that. Tearing a hole in the fabric of space and time could, and probably would, have devastating repercussions. I cannot risk the safety of my subjects.”

“Oh.” I said, crestfallen. “Of course. I understand. I guess that means I am trapped here indefinitely?”

“Unfortunately, yes.”

Again, the overwhelming sadness flooded over me, washing me away in its ruthless currents. I laid back, devastated by the news that I would never be able to return to my home. I was beyond tears now.

“Are you okay?” asked Blue. I realized that I’d been silent for a very long time, staring into space.

“No,” I said, “but I hope I will be.”

He nodded, understanding.

I looked up at Celestia and managed to say, “If I’m going to stay here, can you arrange for someone to teach me to use my magic?”

“Of course, I will see what I can do.” she said.

“Thank you.”

After a brief pause, she said, “I must go now, but I will see if I can find a tutor for you Polaris. Farewell.”

She walked out the door, which she had opened with her own magic. I wonder who she would get. I couldn’t wait to start learning to move things with my horn. I wonder what else a unicorn could do, other than move things.

“What can you do with magic?” I asked. “I mean, other than move things.”

“Plenty of things,” said Blue, “you can use all sorts of spells. It just depends on what you are best at. Now, it is time for you to rest some more. You'll be able to walk soon, but if you keep overexerting yourself, you'll take longer to recover.”

I laid down on the bed, and relaxed my tense body.

“See you tomorrow.” Blue said.

“Uh-huh.” I said.

The door closed behind him, and I closed my eyes. I was swept away by exhaustion I hadn’t realized I had been fighting. I drifted into a deep sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was back at my house. A bolt of bright white lightning had lanced down from the sky, torn through the roof, and set it ablaze. I was inside trying desperately to escape. The smoke clogged my lungs as I tried to push a collapsed bookshelf out of my way. I was trapped in the room. I circled the room, trying to find a way out. The bookshelf caught fire, and started to burn. Tears brought on by the smoke streamed down my face.

Then, a blast of cold air came from above. I looked up and saw a gap in the roof. Above, the stars twinkled. Centered in the hole, the moon blazed with white light. Tongues of flame now licked up the walls of the room. I looked up, and cried out again for help. Just when the fire had started blazing its way towards me, I heard the faint sound of a voice. Almost indistinguishable from the roaring of the inferno, but definitely there. I yelled for help again.

I heard the sound of rushing wings, and looked up. Luna was descending from above, the moon directly behind her. She flew down, and landed next to me. Her horn began to glow with a dark violet aura. The flames around us retreated slightly, held back by a glowing circle of violet fire that matched the aura of Luna’s horn. I collapsed to the ground, struggling to breathe. Luna wrapped her forelegs around me, and lifted me upward. I stayed limp from exhaustion.

We soared over the ground, the cold night air flowing past us. The smell of smoke followed us, but the fire remained on the house. Luna landed a short distance from the house, which continued to burn. I laid against the ground, tired. I looked up at the stars, bright and distant, but so few. I turned my head towards Luna. She was watching the house burn. I saw tears in her eyes. She turned to me, and she spoke.

“Was this your home?”

“Yes.” I managed, my throat dry from the smoke.

She nodded sadly, and her ears went back. Her head drooped.

“You are dreaming.” she said.

“I am?” I said. “It feels pretty real to me.”

“It would. It would.” She paused a moment, then, “When you wake, don't be too sad.”

“What about?”

She looked like she was fighting to keep herself composed, and failing miserably.

“You'll know when you wake.”

I pondered on that, then I said, “How are you here?”

“Do you remember what I told you?” she asked quietly. I shook my head.

“I told you,” she said, “that as the Princess of the Night, it is my duty to walk in the dreams of my subjects. I also told you that that now seems to include you.”

“Oh, right.” I said. Luna came over to me. She bent down, and gave me a hug.

“It is time for you to wake.” she said into my shoulder, still embracing me, her tears rolling down my back. I laid my head into her shoulder, and closed my eyes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My eyes shot open. It was the middle of the night, judging by the darkness outside. I was laying on my side drenched in cold sweat, and my heart was going at an extreme speed. My mane was an even bigger mess. I tried to pull myself upright, but I was restrained by a hoof to my side.

“Stay down.” said Blue, next to me. “You've been thrashing around for over half an hour.

“I have?” I asked.

“Yes.”

I laid down, my body aching.

I remembered speaking to Luna, which surprised me. I usually forgot my dreams fairly quickly. I wondered what Luna had been talking about. I tried to remember the rest of the dream, but I couldn’t. I tried to remember anything not related to my time in Equestria. I struggled with my memories. I started to panic. All I could remember was lying in the rain, arm broken, looking up at the stars finding my favorite, my star. My jaw quivered open, and I let out a dry sob.

“Polaris?” said Blue, sounding concerned.

I burst into tears. As I cried, I realized what Luna had been talking about. I had lost all of my memories. Everything, gone. I only knew a bit now. I knew that I had been human. I knew that I had ended up here, in Equestria. I knew that my name here was Polaris. I knew that was the name of the star I loved most. I knew that I was now a pony. I knew that I didn’t know how to walk on four legs. As I cried, I felt a hoof on my shoulder. I looked up. Blue was standing next to me.

“What is wrong?” he said.

“I… I can’t remember.” I cried. “I can’t remember anything.”

Blue put his hoof down, and said, “Okay. Do you mean anything at all, or just anything before you were brought here?”

“Everything before… before I got here.”

“Okay.” He stood there thinking hard, then said, “Want to go back to the gardens?”

I realized that I had curled myself into fetal position, hugging my tail with my forelegs.

“Y-yes.” I sobbed out. I wanted to go somewhere where I could feel calm, at peace. The garden might do that.

“I'll go get the wheelchair.”

Blue went to the door, opened it, and exited. He returned shortly, by which time, I had stopped sobbing, tears still pouring out. I was lying on my side, still hugging my tail. He helped me onto the wheelchair, where I continued to cry, and started hugging myself, head down. It was like I was trying to physically hold myself together.

We exited the room, and retraced our steps from earlier to the double doors. While we traveled, I became unnaturally focused on my tail. It was perhaps the newest part to being a pony. I hadn’t paid it much attention until now, but I wondered about how it was attached to me. I guess it was just like my mane. Wow, really weird things going on up here. I thought absentmindedly.

When we arrived in the gardens, I started to feel more relaxed. It felt so good to be outside. I guess that Blue had known that being outside would help me calm down. I realized something. Yesterday, there had been no wind, not so much as a breeze. Tonight, however, there was a gentle breeze wafting through the gardens. I felt a strange sensation. My coat was being softly tickled , and it felt really, really good. It was so unusual, that I shivered.

“You okay?” said Blue. He must have thought I was cold.

“Yes.” I answered. “I’ve never felt something like this before. I… I can’t remember much, but I’m pretty sure that humans aren’t covered in fur.” The statement made more tears leak out.

“Oh.”

The odd sensation continued, especially on my legs and neck. I closed my eyes and turned my head in the direction of the breeze. That felt even better, the fur on my muzzle caressed softly. My mane was ruffled gently. My ears twitched, tickled by the moving air. I tried to move my ears, and succeeded in making my ears go forward and back. The sensations were all so new to me. Then I realized something. I hadn’t actually seen what I looked like. I hadn’t seen a mirror since I’d arrived. I opened my eyes and turned to Blue.

“Can I see a mirror?” I asked.

“Why?” he asked..

“I’ve never seen myself like this. I want to know what I look like.”

“I understand.”

It wasn’t like I was being vain or anything. I just wanted to see myself. I had to know what I looked like. I knew I had a dark brown coat, but I didn’t know anything else. We went through a series of halls until we reached a small foyer on the same floor as my room. One of the walls had a mirror. Blue moved me in front of it.

I was dark brown, like I said, but my mane and tail were pitch black. My eyes were a brilliant green, the color of evergreens, with hints of lighter shades. I stared at myself. How I’d changed. Or, at least, I thought so. I didn’t remember what I’d looked like anymore. I looked at myself closer. Tears were still visible on my cheeks. I raised my left foreleg and touched the mirror. I almost felt like breaking down again, but I restrained myself. I pulled back from the mirror.

“I want to go back to my room.” I said quietly.

Blue just nodded, not saying anything. We returned to my room. I thought about what I’d felt and seen. Everything was so new. So different. My eyes started watering at the thoughts. Blue helped me back into my bed. I laid on my side, quiet, staring into the distance. I was lost in thought.

“Good night.” said Blue.

I just nodded, unable to speak. Blue left, and I stared into space. I felt my heart starting to fracture from the pain. I closed my eyes, and cried silently. I cried hard and long. After a while, I drifted into a restless sleep. I did not dream again that night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In the castle of the Royal Pony Sisters
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Luna was awake. She always was at night. She was in the throne room, gazing through the windows at the moon. Tears were trailing down her cheeks. She was horrified at what she had done. Celestia walked in, as regal and gentle as ever.

“What has happened, my sister?” said Celestia.

Luna looked at her sister, then drooped her head.

“I have done something horrible.” she said, not even bothering to be formal.

“What happened?” said Celestia, concerned.

“I have just caused a great deal of pain.”

“In what way?”

“I-I was walking through the dreams of our subjects, just as I have always done. When I came upon the sleeping mind of Polaris, I could not help but see what he was dreaming. W-when I entered, I saw nothing. I d-decided to try and h-help him regain his memory.”

Luna was choking on fresh tears. Celestia was starting to understand, but she wanted to be sure.

“And then?” she asked.

“And then,” Luna continued, “I cast a simple memory spell. It should have helped, if only a little. B-but, it did something far worse.”

“What?” asked Celestia, starting to feel a bit worried.

“Whatever magic has brought him here,” said Luna, “it has no intention of being interfered with. He started to dream, and… and.”

At this point, Luna threw herself to the ground and started crying profusely. Her wails of misery resonated throughout the room.

“And then,” said Celestia softly, “it purged his remaining memories.”

“Yes!” wailed Luna. “I have destroyed all of his memory! He can remember nothing before he arrived here, save that there was something! Only the absolute basics remain! He dreamed of his old dwelling. He watched his old life burn away before him. He nearly died tonight. If I had not been there, he… he...”

Celestia laid next to her younger sister, and laid a wing over her. She could not comfort her sister, could not say that it could be fixed. What she had done was irreversible. They both knew it. Polaris would never regain his memory. It was irretrievable. He was now well and truly trapped in Equestria, both in body and mind.

They stayed there for a good while, until Luna had stopped crying. Celestia stayed with her the whole while. Soon it would be dawn, and they would need to attend to their royal duty to care for the sun and moon. By silent agreement, they rose, and left the chamber.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In the Everfree Hospital
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was still sleeping. My sleep, while not fitful, was not restful either. I kept waking up, and somehow, that was more exhausting than just being awake. At some point just before the sun rose, I finally fell into a deep sleep.

Comments

[MuzaWaza]

Welp. Sucks to be him at the moment.
Don't know what would be worse though. Losing all of your memories and start anew or know that you have memories of a different life and being unable to remember them.

[Blue Cultist]

An interesting story, I'll keep an eye on it and see how it develops. Keep up the good work, and try to avoid common tropes.

[Thrawn1800]

3421164 I don't plan on leaving this character to his misery.

[Bad_Seed_72]

Poor Polaris.

At first, I was wondering if this takes place before Luna turns into Nightmare Moon because Starswirl is alive. But I'm thinking this is just an AU where he was an immortal.

[Thrawn1800]

3441883 No. It's pre-nightmare moon.

[Thrawn1800]

I fixed a minor flaw. Second/first person error.

[damnaion]

hummmm

[Lycanthromancer]

Most of my issues so far stem from Polaris's bland speech.

"Okay."

"Uh-huh."

"I guess."

It's not exactly stirring dialogue, and all it tells us about him is that he doesn't have much of anything to say.

[Lycanthromancer]

So, what is the difference between a human with complete memory loss turned into a pony and a pony with complete memory loss?

I'm serious. What's the difference? I'm not even sure why this is HiE, honestly.