While Twilight was crying, Spike was downstairs eating a tub of rainbow sherbert ice cream. He was about halfway through the tub when he heard a know on the door " Hello? Anypony home?" Came the muffled sound of Rainbow Dash's voice. "Hi Rainbow, what are you here for?" Asked Spike. "Oh um, I came to see Twilight to help her learn how to fly better" "Sure, She's upstairs" "K', thanks Spike" Said Rainbow Dash. Twilight heard Rainbows hoof steps and stopped cry and wiped away the tears.
Even though she stopped crying she still felt horrible on the inside. Rainbow got to the top of the stairs she saw Twilight sitting there by the window just staring into to space. She just frowned and suddenly yelled "UP AND ATTENTION" The sudden yell nearly gave Twilight a heart attack.
Five minutes later she was flying throw Rainbow Dash's obstacle corse. She was still wondering how in Equestria the clouds where on fire. It wasn't very easy to concentration on the course with Rainbow dash in the background shouting "HUT TWO THREE FOUR HUT TO THREE FOUR HUT TWO THREE FOUR" About three hours of flying lessons Rainbow finally let Twilight go home.
And didn't want to know what would happen tomarrow.
all right so i like the premise one of my problems right now so far is your grammar so I'm going to copy paste the story and try to make corrections.
(maybe I'll do them in color while I'm at it)
While Twilight was crying, Spike was downstairs eating a tub of rainbow sherbert ice cream. He was about halfway through the tub when he heard a know knock on the door " Hello? Anypony home?" Came the muffled sound of Rainbow Dash's voice. "Hi Rainbow, what are you here for?" Asked Spike this doesn't feel right maybe have it as answered spike instead of asked, also I don't think you need the A capitalized as the two words Aked and spike do not make a complete sentence. . "Oh um, I came to see Twilight to help her learn how to fly better" "Sure, She's upstairs" "K', thanks Spike" Said Rainbow Dash I think at this point you can replace Rainbow dash with she as since it's only a two person conversation the audience should recognize what you mean.. Twilight heard Rainbows hoof steps and stopped cry crying and wiped away the tears.
Even though she stopped crying she still felt horrible on the inside we already established in the last sentence that she's isn't crying anymore, maybe replace with something like even though her eyes were dry she still felt as though her mind were mired in a deep swamp... or something like that. Rainbow got to the top of the stairs she saw Twilight sitting there by the window just staring into to space. She just frowned and suddenly yelled "UP AND ATTENTION" The sudden yell nearly gave Twilight a heart attack. I don't know where you're going with this it seems kind of abrupt for Rainbow to suddenly pull a drill sergeant act on twilight, also your UP AND ATTENTION doesn't feel right when I read it. Is that really what they shout?
Five minutes later she was flying throw through Rainbow Dash's obstacle corse course. She was still wondering how in Equestria the clouds wherewere on fire. It wasn't very easy to concentrationconcentrate or maintain concentration on the course with Rainbow dash in the background shouting "HUT TWO THREE FOUR HUT TO THREE FOUR HUT TWO THREE FOUR" I think you could use a period after the quote and then place After about.. as your transitioning time About three hours of flying lessons Rainbow finally let Twilight go home.
Andshe? didn't want to know what would happen tomarrow tomorrow (I have trouble spelling this one as well).
hope this helps
ahh that reminds me wasn't it raining in the last chapter why are they doing training now and how are the clouds staying lit?