An innocuous package left on Twilight Sparkle's doorstep marks the beggining of a journey of self discovery, which will challenge her perceptions of Equestrian society, her relationships with the ponies closest to her, and even her own sexuality
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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A) I'd be interested to see them as their own chapters, just to give a change of pace.
And B) I like it and have noticed no things to criticize about. I honestly haven't even noticed any glaring errors or typos! Good work.
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Thanks for your input and kind words!
Also, the request for criticism extends to all future chapters, so don't be shy about pointing out my mistakes if and when you catch them.
Some input on what is going trought Dash and Pinkie minds would be lovely, some big interludes or preferably some chapters of their own would be great.
Also I found the fact that you made Twilight pretty vocal about her climax while Rarity was just silent until she came adorable.
Sadly I dont have anything to criticize.
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Thanks for commenting.
Well, I've pretty much decided to give Dash and Pinkie their own chapters. Starting with what happened to Rainbow the night of the party.
I think that artist guy had a their instead of there/they're in his dialogue in Ch. 4, but if anyone could make that mistake while speaking aloud it's him.
Also a minor point: Twilicorn is a bit taller than most ponies, which might be noticeable or at least narrow done who she could be.
Your villains were distinctive assholes, great job on them. Rarity's motivation for dragging Twilight into this feels off; dragging Twilight into this really seems selfish, or was that intended?
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Actually, Agit Prop never had a bad "their," but Rarity had a couple. Fixed now.
I've always operated under the assumption that the pony's body types were more varied than we see, and that visible differences were just contextual cues to help the viewer gain additional information about the characters. That said, Twilight most likely became taller than she had previously been (Maybe because she is now part Earth pony as well?), but I doubt it's so much different that it would matter.
I'm elated that you are suspicious of Rarity's motivations! She hasn't been especially forthcoming, and her own penchant for scheming is meant to be a minor source of agitation for Twilight. I won't say anything too spoiler-ific, but it is meant to be more of a source of tension between them than an indication that Rarity is up to something. Her motivations are basically the same as the show: furthering her business.
Thanks so much for commenting! I'm glad you like my villains, I hope you love to hate them even more as we learn more about them and their malevolent designs.