Pinkie Pie has the best life ever! She's got all her friends with her, and everypony smiles all the time! Nothing could possibly ever be wrong... Until the day Pinkie realizes EVERYTHING is wrong.
This is kind of a minor complaint, and a subjective one at that, but it might be worth toning down Applejack's accent a notch. Anyone that's on this site and reading this story most likely knows what Applejack sounds like and can apply it appropriately. A country accent can be shown, but such heavy emphasis on it (at least in writing) makes her character come across a little strangely to me.
With that said, I don't even know how much Applejack is going to be in the story, so take that as you will. This chapter seemed good as far as grammar is concerned, although I did see a couple small mistakes in the last one. Don't worry about rushing chapters out the door! Taking your time, proofreading them and all that can prevent some silly mistakes. We'll still be here when the chapter's ready.
3261486 Thanks for the advice. I'll take it into consideration. I was rushing the last one a bit last night, I had to go to bed and wanted it posted ^^; Thanks for the comment~
Um how did they all die exactly? and i like the psychiatric hospital idea too.
This is kind of a minor complaint, and a subjective one at that, but it might be worth toning down Applejack's accent a notch. Anyone that's on this site and reading this story most likely knows what Applejack sounds like and can apply it appropriately. A country accent can be shown, but such heavy emphasis on it (at least in writing) makes her character come across a little strangely to me.
With that said, I don't even know how much Applejack is going to be in the story, so take that as you will. This chapter seemed good as far as grammar is concerned, although I did see a couple small mistakes in the last one. Don't worry about rushing chapters out the door! Taking your time, proofreading them and all that can prevent some silly mistakes. We'll still be here when the chapter's ready.
I'm still enjoying this story. Keep it up!
3261486 Thanks for the advice. I'll take it into consideration. I was rushing the last one a bit last night, I had to go to bed and wanted it posted ^^; Thanks for the comment~
3261187 ;) You'll see what happened soon. Hold your ponies~
3261187 Before your question can be answered, we have to ask: Is Pinkie in the hospital? Or is she lying in her bed after a party?