Arreis Of Avalon
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Judging by the tags, this is a little bit out of my comfort zone, but you made a case for it anyway! The grammar is just about spot-on, and the characters are doing a good enough job of staying in-character. I want to offer some constructive criticism here, but nothing's really coming to mind. As far as the prologue goes, a very nice job.
Im on for this ride into a darker adventure then usual
I knew this was the direction you were going with. It's a safe and usually relatively interesting path all things considered. I'm definitely awaiting the next chapter.
3258915 ^^ Thanks for the comment. Working on it right now, and I'm almost done the next chapter already!~
Um how did they all die exactly? and i like the psychiatric hospital idea too.
This is kind of a minor complaint, and a subjective one at that, but it might be worth toning down Applejack's accent a notch. Anyone that's on this site and reading this story most likely knows what Applejack sounds like and can apply it appropriately. A country accent can be shown, but such heavy emphasis on it (at least in writing) makes her character come across a little strangely to me.
With that said, I don't even know how much Applejack is going to be in the story, so take that as you will. This chapter seemed good as far as grammar is concerned, although I did see a couple small mistakes in the last one. Don't worry about rushing chapters out the door! Taking your time, proofreading them and all that can prevent some silly mistakes. We'll still be here when the chapter's ready.
I'm still enjoying this story. Keep it up!
3261486 Thanks for the advice. I'll take it into consideration. I was rushing the last one a bit last night, I had to go to bed and wanted it posted ^^;
Thanks for the comment~
3261187 ;) You'll see what happened soon. Hold your ponies~
That was creepy. I think Pinkamena just came a-knocking.
In "Party of One", I'm pretty sure the only reason Spike wasn't there because he wasn't interested in attending a party for a pet. If he's not one of Pinkie's closest friends, then who's he left with, I wonder?
I also noticed you're trying a little too hard to emphasize Applejack's southern dialect. Replacing "I" with "Ah" and abbreviating certain words is usually the preferred method, but here you're replacing everything that would make a long "I" sound with "ah". You also shoehorned a completely unnecessary apostrophe into "alright". And when southernizing the word "my" you used an "ai" where an "ah" would have been appropriate. Might wanna give her dialogue a once-over and fix the words that were lightly butchered there.
Yes, very considerate...if you ignore the fact that she refrained from inviting one of her friends, opting to leave him alone while they all partied.
And now I'm starting to like the story.
I was predicting and hoping for this twist, and it feels good.
3261187 Before your question can be answered, we have to ask: Is Pinkie in the hospital? Or is she lying in her bed after a party?
Ho. Ly. Frick. My notifications box exploded with comments xD
3350800 Just a few notes. I appreciate the comment. However, I also feel the need to clear a few things up
), and since he's a baby dragon, he needs his rest.
(Or else Twilight was just a jerk and didn't tell him about the party like Pinkie expected 
)
Spike most likely stayed home, asleep. The party takes place at night (Pretty sure at least - sometimes my own writing goes beyond even my knowledge
I've already had a comment on AJ's accent, and I know I have a few problems with it ^^;; I attempted an accent, and am personally happy with the results. Otherwise, I thank you for the comment, and will try and work on it ^^;;
And the comment about Pinkie's consideration is answered above by Spike staying home to get some rest.
3350930 The world may never know! Except it will, cause I'm writing more
3352198 The scene in which the party takes place is just in Pinkie's head, but for the record, Spike has only ever needed sleep in one episode: Owl's Well that Ends Well. And it was only for plot convenience. In Winter Wrap-Up, he even stayed awake and active longer than twenty-four hours.
3362666 And in this fic, Spike is asleep for plot convenience as well.
3364446 Touché, my friend.
i was actually able to read pinkie pie saying about tanks bday!!!
this is like, the best fanfic ever!!! thats saying alot because i read rainbow factory! -now dashie be like
"Who told you?!" then
"TELL NOPONY!!!"- lol
posting these comments as i read, and it is so awsome!!!
yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayy cant wait for chapter 5!!!
I would like to see her get some good old fashioned pay back on that dragon...
(except Spike of course)
Go after that dragons hatchlings, his mates, and anything that dragon ever cared about.
I wanna see that dragon suffer at the hooves of "Pinkamena the Dragon Slayer!!!":
Maybe she can do like DragonHeart and start the wholesale genocide of the entire dragon race
3590921 ...You have a very wild imagination~
3591747Dovahkiin!
3686191 It's not done yet, good sir!~ Wait until the 'Tragedy' tag really sets in~
What does the voice of depressed Pinkie Pie sound like, I wonder?
3696360 When she's been crying, she sounds a bit stuffed up. But other than that, she sounds like normal Pinkie. When numb... well now, I suppose she sounds like Pinkamena~
3686747 Thiis is probably the saddest thing I've ever read and IT GETS SADDER!!? HOW!!?...also, I'm not a sir, I'm a girl.
my FEELS!!!
3699564 Sorry for the gender confusing there, Miss. And yes, it was supposed to get sadder ^w^. Thankfully, or maybe not so thankfully, the sadness will 'end' soon (I say 'end' because there's always a bit sprinkled in).
No, what comes next is the Tragic parts~ The parts that make you feel PAIN before Sadness~
And people call Diane bad~
Damn you and your feels inducing writing!
More please
3726052 Working on them as best as I can. All my stories are technically on hiatus. Buuuuuut I know you all love them, so who can resist? ^w^
3727136 I was by no means implying you should write faster, take as much time as you need
Absolutely loving the alternate events of the sleeping Dragon :)
This is so sad
, BUT ITS SO GOOD!!!!!
3729937 *bows my head gratefully* Thanks for the lovely comment. I've been so flustered lately, because I have a very long fan fiction to finish by Febuary, and I'm only on chapter 4. Plus, I have a lot of projects to do, and I have the SAT coming up (If you're not from america, that's basically a really long test that I need for college). So yeah. Thanks.
3732994 Transitioning from school to college has got to be by far one of the most stressful parts of a person's life. I'm from the UK, so my SATs were just some shitty 20 page common sense nonsence
Best of luck to you
3733228 Thanks!~
Interesting story, I am curious to see where this goes.
Question: You have twice used the term "She fell to her hooves." What/where was she before? Did you mean that she fell to her knees?
3741091 Basically. I'm still learning how to write in pony. Imagine, if you will, a pony standing. Then, imagine said pony letting his/her hooves bend, so that the bent part is touching the ground. The action is shown in the show a few times, such as when Pinkie greets Cranky Doodle and slides in on her 'knees'. ^^
oh btw pinkie you gotta make friends w/ fancypants, blueblood, octavia, moondancer and photo finish right away otherwise we have to kill you to get your element for the safety of ponyland
Next chapter soon please!
4218813 I must ask that you don't tell me what to do in my own story, unless it is constructive criticism. Pinkie will do as she wishes, and as you will see in some of the newer chapters, killing is ALL that will happen.
And quite a bit of heartbreak~
4218971 ;) Just as soon as I'm unburied from my homework.
4219082 I understand that.