O Noes
POV: 3rd Person
Around the castle garden grounds wandered the royal sisters, Luna playing with the little details of her night sky as she and her sister had a nice chat. They enjoyed these rare moments very much so. Their duties were quiet, and their schedule matched up handsomely, allowing them to have the night off. It was an occasional thing they did; adding and taking a few hours from here and there so that they'd have a day together, or maybe just a few hours. As Luna moved one last star, a subtle grin formed onto her face. Her elder sister smiled, trying her best not to look up yet.
"Is it done, Luna?" Celestia asked.
"...Definitely." Luna said in awe of her own art. Celestia looked up, first to the moon, and then to the stars. It was truly a sight to see. A cluster of stars that reached from one horizon to the other, making you feel infinitely small if you took the time to really take in the detail.
"Luna, after countless centuries..." Celestia left her sentence hanging, causing Luna to look towards her sister in question. After a moment of observing the sky, Celestia finally looked down to her sister.
"You still manage to find ways to amaze me." She smiled. Luna caught her sister off guard, returning a hug rather than a smile. After getting over the initial surprise, Celestia more than happily hugged her young sister aswell. They remained like this for several minutes, until Luna decided to speak up in a hushed tone.
"Now... go have fun."
Celestia cocked her head slightly.
"I'm sorry?"
Luna smiled again, speaking in normal volume again as they made their way back into the castle.
"It's been a while since Sunny Skies visited Canterlot. I think she'd love it if you could invite her to stay for a little?"
As they passed a few guards, Celestia almost gave away the act as she felt a huge smile wanting to form. Though with many years of experience, she held her unbreakable iron poker face. With a well practiced grin, she nodded.
"You know what? That's very thoughtful of you. In fact, it's still pretty early. I can arrange for my cousin Sunny to come this very moment!" They both stopped in their tracks, turning to face the guards.
"Guards." Celestia casually called. They saluted in an instant.
"Yes ma'am?" One of them spoke up.
"Be prepared to receive my dear cousin Sunny Skies please. I'm going to send her an invitation that she'll surely accept. She should arrive in no longer than an hour." Celestia smiled. "Is that clear?"
"Absolutely ma'am. Soldiers! You heard the princess!" They all moved in uniform, each trot in perfect sync. Celestia made sure to listen to their steps until they were far from earshot, and turned to her sister. They began to whisper.
"You can always change your mind, Luna. You know I was only joking when I said you owed me?"
"No no no, I insist that we move this along! Now, go get ready. If anybody asks, you made a last minute trip to attend some matters. Meanwhile, I'll be in charge. Just our usual slip that we give everypony. Everything will be absolutely fine. So no worries, and have fun!" She gave a playful shove behind Celestia, their giggles filling the deep corridors.
"Okay okay!" The sun goddess laughed.
POV: Chris
Ahh, a sigh of bliss. No more aches, just some mild bodily pains, no more mindfucks, no more headaches, no more vomit or nausea.
Simply, no more stress.
Everything is going to be a cakewalk. All thanks to the most generous creatures in the universe allowing me and my bro to stay in their luscious castle, and my zebra friend with a heart of gold who's making a potion to fix my pony situation (even though it means being one for a whole month). Just pure relaxation as I lay down on my recliner, looking up at the absolutely marvelous night sky from the balcony as I lay my feet- ...um, hooves... up on the leg propper mechanism thingy, whatever it's called. Things just couldn't possibly get any better.
I mean, I didn't have to lift a finger. As douchebaggy as I'm acting right now, legs up as I lay on a recliner and such, I deserve it. I mean, don't get me wrong, I truly appreciate everything that everyone here is doing to help us feel at home. I really do. But right now, after surviving an accident that was suppose to obliterate everyone in it, suffering repercussions from drinking, being turned into one of the alien species of this planet (even though they're just talking ponies), and having amnesia all on top? I'm not going to regret saying it.
I. Need. This.
Man, the temperature out here is just perfect. Not a fahrenhiet above or below of the perfect climate. No too windy, not too quiet. It's just right. God, I can even feel my eyelids getting heavy. Hell... why not? I'm just gonna... sleep... right here... for a bit...
Ooooohhhhh... this is heavenly.
Knock. Knock.
All I wanted was sleep. Sleep, atleast for this one night. I suck at sleeping, like I said the night before I picked up my bro. Worst of all, I love sleep like nobody else, but I can never sleep. Most of the time I have too many things in my mind to let me sleep, so when I do get sleepy, it's like a gift for me. I mean, just imagine having nearly a decade's worth of bottled up emotions, thoughts, and stress that never got to see light just sit on your mind only for you to bear. It's nothing but a bad recipe to stir up bad habits, but the only ways that I can settle it is either staying up late, or drinks. But I'm not fond of drinking, so sleep deprivation is my favorite yet most hated option. So moments like these where I don't have a single thought running through my mind as I slip into precious sleep are HIGHLY, HIGHLY APPRECIATED. BUT SINCE I HAVE SOMEBODY KNOCKING ON MY DOOR, I'M GOING TO HAVE TO WHIP OUT MY ALMIGHTY COCK, AND BITCH SLAP-
Deep breaths, like you taught yourself, Chris. Just a deep breath. Let your eye twitch. Let's just... stretch our mildly aching limbs, and walk on over to the door. Get whatever needs to be done, done. Then put a big fat 'do NOT disturb' sign outside and hope that we still have our grogginess intact to help us fall back asleep after all is done. Okay? That'a boy. Now we're making our way to the door. We're yawning. Stretch one more time. Rub our eyes before we scratch our ass cheeks. Ok, now open the door. Now stare at the princess of the night with the most eat-shit-and-die expression that you can give.
Wait.
POV: Luna
Oh my... it appears I may have walked in at the worst time.
He looked like he hadn't slept in days. Goodness, do I know that feeling a bit too well. I should definitely apologize first, before anything.
"Oh- I'm terribly sorry for disturbing-"
"NONONO! No worries princess." His eye's shot wide out of nowhere. He suddenly bowed, almost knocking his face into the ground. I felt awkward for a moment, wanting to help him off from the ground, but I figured that I should just let him calm down himself before anything. He was panting like he just galloped a marathon. Unfortunately, he stayed like that for another 15 seconds or so. I sighed.
"Relax, Chris."
"DUDE I DIDN'T KNOW YOU-"
"Chris, listen-"
"I MEAN, HOLY SHIT, I JUST STARED AT YOU LIKE IF YOU WERE SOME DRUGGY LIVING IN THE STREETS OF NEW YORK AND-"
What? Drugg-y? What is thi- oh never mind.
"Calm down, please-"
"YOU'RE THE PRINCESS FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, I SHOULD'VE-"
Do I have to do this?
"INSTEAD I JUST OPEN THE DOOR AND GIVE YOU A SHIT EATING FACE, HOW RESPECTFUL IS THAT?! I DON'T EVEN-"
...I do.
I grab him, and try my best to give a firm smack on his face. It hurt me as much as it hurt him. However, it was effective, since he was now silenced. It's definitely been a while since I've met anyone this... alive. I can tell he's probably quite the card.
POV: Chris
Ah. I needed that. Very much so. I gave my head a small shake, looking towards the lunar princess who just freshly struck me across the face. She held a half worried half apologetic expression. I began to rub the area that stung on my cheek.
"Egh- thank you. I rarely get like that, honestly. I just... really need sleep."
"Not a problem, and I can tell you need the sleep. Believe me. Takes one to know one."
I chuckled.
"You don't get much sleep either?"
"I actually do, but there are days where Equestria is in a state of disaster, often being attacked by others or odd things here and there."
"That's... rather unpleasant."
Seriously.
"Oh, it's usually under control. No worries. It doesn't hurt to be safe though."
"That's very good to know. Seriously. I actually don't know how I would react if some random dragon burst through the castle right now."
"Well, that should be the least of your worries then! Dragons are actually an independent race here, and are quite neutral with us." She smiled.
Well. I was joking, but that's good to know too. I smiled back.
"Ah. So what's the 'usual' kind of disaster?" I made air quotes.
"Hmmnnnothing too serious most of the time."
"Most of the time?"
"It's rare for anything to get out of hand really."
"Ohh, okay."
Sorry if I seem to be acting like a pussy, gosh. Don't blame a guy for not wanting to die, okay?
"Erm- Sorry, we went real off topic. I actually came here simply to tell you something."
"Oh? Shoot."
"I'm sorry?"
Queue awkward stare and stutter contest.
"Huh?"
"What you just said, I-"
"Oh! Oh oh, no it's just a thing we say, back where I'm from. Ugh- You're a princess, I'm sorry for using slang termin-"
"Ah! That's fine, honestly. I actually enjoy a little slang here and there. It's fun! Speaking so royally uptight to the nobles and such of Canterlot can sometimes be really... tedious."
"I can imagine." I'm not one for uptight snooty people. You don't wanna know me if you're a snooty prick. Believe me.
"Anyway, back to our subject before we go off topic again." She giggled. I threw in a chuckle.
"No worries, it's fun talking to you actually." I smiled. Eyyy, easygoing Chris is back! YES! She smiled back.
"So, Celestia invited a relative of our's to stay for a while. She'll be here soon, so don't be alarmed if you see some random mare walk in to Celestia's room."
"Oh! That's cool. What's her name?"
"Sunny Skies."
"Alrighty! I'll make sure to give her a nice hello and handshake."
"Hand... you mean, hoofshake?"
"...Heh, yeah. That."
Aaaand there goes my charm again. She giggled.
"I'm sure she'd like to meet you."
"Cool- Wait a second. Do we... tell her about me actually being aaaa...?"
"Oh, I think it's best if you-" She stopped in mid sentence, seemingly lost in a thought. She placed a hoof on her chin, her eyes wandering aimlessly.
"I guess not?" I tried suggesting. She finally snapped out of her mini trance, a small smile forming on her face slowly. For some reason, a little thought in my head shouted conspiracy from the way she smiled, but I shook it off quickly. She's a princess, come on.
"Nah. Just go with your pseudoname, Vallis." She winked.
"Mkay! Easier sparing another whole minutes-long explanation."
"Very well then, I'll see you another time!" She waved as she began to trot away.
"Likewise!" I waved back.
With that, I closed the door, making my way back to the balcony. I laid on my chair, propped my legs up, and sighed as I looked up to the night sky again. I closed my eyes, the sweet sound of a gentle breeze merely gliding over my face...
And now I can't sleep.
Okay. So, I can't sleep. What do I usually do? I watch movies until I pass out, or just stay up all night playing games and watching youtube videos until I pass out. None of those two exist here, so scratch that. What else do I do? When I'm REAL bored, I would just start tinkering with my car or bike. None of those exist here either, which is MUCH to my despair. Not even dirtbikes man. So what else? Well, I picked up a few pieces of paper and a pencil, and drew a random comic. I haven't done that in like... almost a decade, so that was somewhat nostalgic. Only killed like 20 minutes doing that though, so what else? Balancing the pencil on my snout to make it look like some mustache or something. I even began pointing up my nose in the air with the pencil as I trotted just to imitate those irritable high-society ponies around here for fun. I swear, this is probably how they practice walking 'perfectly' and 'gloriously'. Pencil on their nose.
Then I heard a rumble in my stomach.
"Ah. Dinner already?" I said aloud to myself. I looked over to my gilded clock that sat on the nightstand next to my bed. That's right, gilded. Be jealous. Be very jealous. Now, time to call up my personal servant maid pony person who I don't know how to call properly. I'd call her Jarvis, but as you can tell already by my context, it's a she. Would've been a great if I could've called my servant Jarvis though.
Be very, very jealous.
"Lilyyyy?" I called for her the first time today. I instantly heard a shuffling of hooves, followed by a very hearty gallop. Holy shit. She got here in 10 seconds flat. The white coated mare with a creamy yellow mane bowed, closing her eyes.
"Yes, master Scratch?"
"Oh nonono. Just call me Vallis please."
She looked up, only giving me a blink.
"Um... can you take me to the kitchen? I'm a bit hungry now."
"I can cook and bring you something?"
"No thank you, I prefer making my own food." I smiled at her offer.
"No no, a guest deserves to be treated as an equal to the princesses." She stomped her hoof mildly to get her point across.
"Hm... very well then. But I'll help you with the cooking."
"What? No-"
I closed the door behind me, pushing her to move on as I followed.
"C'mon, move along now! I get worse by the minute when I'm hungry!"
Wow. Just wow. Imagine, this poor maid has been so use to serving douchebag nobles to the point where she doesn't even know how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. She really asked me what it was. After dinner, I decided that a pb&j sandwich would've been a great desert, but now I'm teaching her how to make one. Not that I have a problem with that, it just humors me a little, and kind of frustrates me that the poor sweet mare never got to enjoy a simple yet delicious sandwich before. She held the butter knife in the peanut butter jar with her magic, absolutely static, waiting for the next command.
"Come on Lily. Sandwich. Peanut butter, and jelly. So, easy."
She seemed to be sweating now.
"I'm sorry master Scratch-"
"Vallis." I corrected.
"-Er, Vallis. I've never heard of this before, I simply can not make something that I've never heard of."
"But it's real simple!" I really wanted her to figure it out, pleading with my hooves to cheer her on. "Just think about it. Sandwich. Sandwiching things together. Peanut butter. Jelly."
She gulped, thinking for a second. Finally, with a slow movement, she scooped the peanut butter up, and placed it onto one slice of toast. She froze, and turned to look at me as she bit her lip. I smiled happily, nodding quickly to keep her going. She spread the peanut butter allover the slice of toast, and screwed the lid onto the peanut butter jar. She levitated the butter knife over to the jar of jelly now, scooping it up aswell, but froze again. I just nodded once more, same smile. She did the same with the other slice of toast, screwing the lid onto the jar of jelly afterwards. She sighed, and held the plate towards me as she bowed.
"One, peanut butter and jelly sandwich!"
I snickered.
"Nuh-uh."
She looked up at me in distraught. Lily stood up, looking at the two slices of bread frantically.
"Oh no, what did I do wrong?!"
"Shsh calm down, it's okay. Here, just look at me."
"Okay."
"Now do exactly, as I do."
"Mhm?"
I motioned with my forelegs to bring the slices up, touching my hooves together as if I had them. She simply stared.
"Exactly."
I motioned again.
"As I do."
Touched my hooves together.
"Exactly."
Motion.
"As I do."
Hooves together.
She looked at the two slices of toast, and then her hooves.
"Exactly... as you do."
She picked up one slice per hoof, and placed them slowly together. It stuck together, just like how it was always destined for. She placed the sandwich back down onto the plate, and looked back at me. I smiled, holding my hoof up for a fist/hoofbump. She bumped it, jumping giddily in place.
"Yes! I did it!" She giggled in delight.
"You did it!" I laughed, picking up the sandwich. I then held in towards her. "You take the first bite."
"Me? Oh, I can't. It's your desert."
"C'mon, a nice pony like you deserves it."
She smiled, but shook her head.
"Thank you... really, but no. It's your food-"
"C'mon Lily. You have to let your hair loose sometimes?"
She stared for a moment, and took a quick look around.
"May I?"
"Absolutely!"
She began to undo her ponytail, and shook her hair until it took form naturally to its usual manecut. Reminded me of someone that I've seen in the internet before, but I can't quite put my finger on it... like most other memories lately.
Anyway, I hung my head, somewhat not surprised that she took it literally. I have to stop using metaphors with these people. It's like they've lived in nowhere else but this city their entire lives.
"That's, not what I meant... but, I guess that works. Anyway, c'mon, take a bite." I held the sandwich to her once more. She stared at the sandwich, then me, then the sandwich again. She then smiled.
"...Thank you." Lily took a small bite.
YES! Also, I kind of wanted to laugh. I felt a little fucked up that I had to treat her like some zoo animal with food to make her my friend. Anyway, I awaited for her response. She only chewed, and swallowed.
"...It's so. Simple."
"Really? Oh well, everypony has their own tastes." Hm. A little disappointing, but ok. I took a casual bite out of my sandwich, shrugging.
"No, I like it!" She clapped her hooves together in delight.
"Oh? Awesome! Since we're already here, feel free making one for yourself." I suggested with a smile.
"Really? Thank you master Scra- I mean... Vallis." She smiled back.
Ahh, that warmed my ice cold stone heart a bit. I took another bite, making my way out of the kitchen. Oh, I just remembered something. I turned my head around as I trotted to give a small yet important tip.
"Oh, Lily dear. Don't forget to set down the timer for the toaster just a notch, or it'll overtoast your bread since it's already prehea-"
"Whoa!!" I heard a female voice shout right by my face as she almost bumped into me and my precious sandwich.
"Oh gees, my sandwich! So, close." I said more to the sandwich than anybody else. I quickly eyed the bright white coated mare, who was taller than the average mare now that I looked closely. In fact, she's up to my height. Eye level. Whoa, and she had quite the hefty amount of guards following her. She looks... very... important.
Better apologize. Like, now.
"S-sorry miss. I wasn't watching where I was going." I was expecting a typical snooty response, so I braced myself for it.
"That's alright sir, I wasn't exactly looking my way either."
...Do my ears deceive me?
"...Oh. Okay. Um, have a nice day miss." I gave a small awkward grin, hesitating to give a tiny wave. She giggled.
She giggled. No I did not type that twice by accident.
"I'm actually here for dinner."
"Oh? OH!" I felt like smacking myself as I moved out of the way. She giggled once more, and began making her way.
"Guards, you can go now."
"Yes ma'am."
As she watched them leave, she eventually moved her bright purple/dark pink eyes onto mine. I awkwardly stared back for a bit, grinning.
"I guess, I'll get going?"
"You're more than free to stay?"
"Uh-" I looked towards the dining section of the large room, and noticed that the large lengthy table was absolutely empty. Of course, it was an hour passed dinner. I slowly turned back to her.
"Sure!"
Well... she is pretty decent, compared to most ponies around here. Can't hurt to keep her company.
I finished my sandwich rather quickly, before the mare even got her appetizer. As she swallowed her first bite, I decided to think of ways to break the ice. It was going to be a lengthy dinner afterall, judging by the way she ate. I took a few glimpses from the corner of my eye at her as I tapped my hooves trying to do the cup song beat. Oddly enough, since I have hooves and what not, they sound alot like the cup beat if I tap them the right way. I still miss my hands...
As time passed, I began to notice her features were pretty flawless. Her light pink mane was utterly perfect, light reflecting off any part that it shone on. Her coat seemed really fluffy to touch, as short as it looked. Her stature and tone was practically supermodel-like, having curves extremely close to the princesses. I won't lie, she was... as awkward as it may sound coming from a once-human being... she was attractive. Oh, hold on. No way. Is she really?...
"I'm sorry for interrupting, but are you a super model?" I cocked an eyebrow to add to the effect. She simply blinked as she stared at me for what felt like minutes.
Oh. Shit. Unintentional flirty compliment. Oh fuck.
She began to giggle, eventually breaking into a small laugh.
"What?" I asked, genuinely confused.
"No, dear. I'm not. But thank you!" She recollected herself, and took another bite out of her meal. Jesus, even the way she ate was like... well trained high-society and proper n' shit. I felt like smacking myself for the second time today. I was on a losing streak for crying out loud; not thinking before speaking, and being flustered 24/7. Let's just... start simple. Names! That's right. Nothing more casual than the exchange of names.
"Um... sorry again, for interrupting."
"No, feel free to talk. It's why I invited you to stay afterall." She gave a warm grin.
"Heh. So, we've yet to introduce ourselves."
"Oh! Well, you first, if you'd like?"
"Right. Okay, so my name's Vallis Scratch, and I'm currently residing here in the castle. Y'know, just incase you're wondering why some random man-" COUGH "Stallion, is trotting around here."
...Close. Shave.
"Ah? Well, look's like you're going to be my roomate then!"
"Oh that's ni- Wait... what?" Hold the fucking phone is what I would've said, if I didn't have manners.
"Well, I mean, not actual roomate, but close enough. I'm staying with my cousin! Celestia!"
Cousin? OH SSSHHHHHH-IT.
"My name's Sunny. Sunny Skies!" She held her hoof out for a shake. I awkwardly shook it, trying my best to give a normal smile.
So. Quick recap.
I made myself look like a fool in front of Celestia already. That's one. Now I made myself look like an idiot in front of her cousin. That's two.
Two. From the royal family. In one day.
I quit.
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Just read the whole damn thing so far... If you wanna know what I think of your story, then I'll just leave you with this: I have liked, and faved it!
Except we all know she's really Celestia. Right?
3729789 Oh shit, you must've got hooked to read it all within that kind of time frame
3729904 We do, I don't.
3729789 Best. Picture. EVER.
3729950 Yeah, you got me hooked like a crack whore.
3730140 Need a new avatar? Why not Zoidberg?
3749527 I will push on for it to take over, and expect the same from you my valiant crusader