Part Two
Chapter Eight: Unexpected Help
Many thanks to Silver Wrench for Co-Authoring
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Days had passed since the resolution and eventual adoption of Phantom Mask, and Applejack couldn’t have been happier for her friend Fluttershy. Just the day before she and Phantom had officially announced that they were marefriend and coltfriend. It was good to see that Fluttershy’s shyness didn’t impact her relationship. Applejack might have been the most honest pony in Ponyville, but she didn't want to hurt her friend's feelings and she didn't want to say anything to Fluttershy about her shyness possibly hurting her chances with Phantom. Well, luckily it turned out that Applejack had been wrong, and everything had worked out all right in the end.
Applejack ran, swung, and with powerful legs bucked hard against an apple tree. The apples shivered and fell into the baskets that lay under the tree as the bark where Applejack’s hooves struck protested with a loud and thunderous crack. She smiled and looked down at the filled apple baskets. It was going to be another long harvest, but with Big Mac being injured again, there wasn’t anything she could do. Fluttershy and Phantom were going to come out and help later in the week, as were Rainbow Dash and Twilight, but she wanted to get a good portion of it done early. She started to pick up the buckets when another loud crack sounded from just over the hill.
“What in tarnation?” Applejack muttered to herself. She’d never heard a sound quite like that, and was hoping that Apple Bloom and her friends hadn’t decided to become Cutie Mark Crusader Apple Harvesters. Shuddering at the very thought, she walked over to see what had caused the sound.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
James Cage, the Silver Wrench of Company C groggily began to regain consciousness. He must have been knocked out by the machine exploding. On assignment off in the Middle East, he’d been assigned to investigate equipment that they suspected was used to make explosives. He might have been the unit’s expert on mechanics, but even he could make mistakes. There had been a failsafe activation that he missed, and he guessed that the machine had exploded. That could explain why things didn’t feel right to him. For example, he couldn’t feel his fingers. He started to open his eyes.
Bright light assaulted him, and he gasped in shock. It had been early evening in Afghanistan, but it appeared that it was now daylight. Something too was off in the way that the air tasted. Rather than the continual dry and slightly baked taste in the desert air, this was sweet and fragrant, with just a hint of apple. Once his eyes had cleared and he could see, he noticed one thing immediately; The colors. Blues, greens, and reds, they were all far too bright, too cheerful.
Now James was an avid fan of science fiction novels, particularly the ones where people were transported against their will to places unknown, like A Princess of Mars or Wasp. In fact, the more off beat the story, the more he liked it. So he was more than willing to accept that this could have happened. He would never have told anyone, but he’d always had a fantasy of something similar happening to him. The best he could figure was that there had been something in the machine that had caused this. All thoughts of how stopped when he looked down at his body.
The body he saw was not his human body swathed in desert camouflage, but rather the body of a pony in hues of purplish blue. He lifted what he thought was an arm, and saw a hoofed leg raise instead. He sat there in shock as he realized that this was his body. He guessed that the grey tail with blue highlights was his then too. It was a little much for him. He sat there trying to figure out what could have happened. Sure in some of his books the people changed too, and he guessed that that could have happened to him, but there had been nothing in that machine that he could see that could have caused this. Perhaps he’d died. He didn’t know, and while he was busy trying to figure it out he didn’t notice the orange and blond pony approaching him.
Applejack crested the to see a blue pony laying in the grass by some of her precious apple trees. She didn’t know if he was an apple thief or not, but she suspected the latter since he had a look of deep confusion. She took a few cautious steps forward, waiting to see if he’d notice her. After standing there for a few moments, it became apparent that he hadn’t and so she called out to him. “You all righ’?”
James looked up at the orange pony, noticing her for the first time. It seemed that he was in a world where everyone was a pony, and that fact set him a little at ease. This was so much like his books he half expected it to turn out to be some kind of hallucination or a dream, but either way there couldn’t be any harm in having some fun with it, could there? “I…I’m fine.” He managed to blurt out. He was so torn between being excited and being confused that he’d quite forgotten how to speak.
“That’s good. The name’s Applejack, and this here’s mah farm.” Applejack looked at him as he stood up slowly and tentatively, as if testing his legs for the very first time. In fact for him it was, and he rather liked the stability that four legs gave him. He turned his head and looked down the length of his body, and much to his surprise there was a small silver wrench on his flank. Applejack noted the way he jumped when he noticed it. “Ah guess you’re not from around these parts.”
“Not really, no. I’m not even sure where here is actually.” James stopped his inspection of himself to turn and talk to Applejack. He realized that he hadn’t even introduced himself yet and felt a little foolish. He didn’t that it would matter, but if he was going to introduce himself, he’d do it properly. He stood a little straighter and a bit more militarily in posture and with a clear firm voice declared, “I’m the Silver Wrench of-“
He didn’t get farther as Applejack had swooped forward and grabbed his right hoof and was shaking it enthusiastically up and down. “Well nice ta meet ya, Silver. This here’s Sweet Apple Acres, and it’s mah family’s farm.” It was just the way she was, friendly and outgoing and always glad to make new friends.
So they had handshakes, or rather hoofshakes, here in this world. He figured that there were probably a dozen terms that he was going to get wrong simply because of differences in anatomy. Well he’d figure those out as he went. And while he wasn’t planning to go by his moniker here, it had been habit that brought it up, and it might not be bad to distance himself from who he was. Not unlike Alexander Smith from The Darkness of the Elderlands It was his all time favorite book, and it was astonishing to him that things were unfolding along a similar parallel. He just hoped that his ending would be different.
Applejack looked over Silver Wrench carefully, trying to determine if he was a danger or not. Silver looked around at the apple trees as Applejack looked at him. “Miss Jack, I must say that your apple trees do seem to be the most bountiful I have ever seen.” This wasn’t a lie outright, mainly because he’d never seen an actual apple tree in person, but also because their fruits seemed larger than what he typically thought of an apple to be.
Silver’s mention of her apple trees brought back to Applejack the fact that she was still in the middle of Applebuck season, and needed to get back to harvesting. “Thank you kindly, and it’s just Applejack, not Miss Jack.” Applejack’s voice was stern but kind, and she felt honored that he was trying to be polite. “And as much as ah would like to stay and talk with you some more sugarcube, I have to get back to harvesting.”
Silver’s face fell a little bit. He hadn’t realized that Applejack could have been working, even though she’d directly stated that this was her farm. She turned to leave and he panicked a bit. He didn’t want the only other pony he’d met so far to just leave him alone when he had no idea where to go or how to act. He came up with one idea, and even though it seemed totally crazy, he decided to go for it. “Could you use a hand with the harvest?”
Applejack stopped and turned back. The last time she’d had to try and do the harvest entirely on her own, she’d been stubborn and refused help. She actually kept working day and night to the point where she’d risked becoming dangerously ill. She’d learned her lesson then. She should accept help when it was offered, and she could always use some additional hooves at harvest time, whether Big Mac was laid up or not.
“Well sure ah could. Have you ever harvested before?” There had been something about the way he’d asked if she needed help that was off, but she couldn’t quite put her hoof on it. It hit her suddenly that it was the word ‘hand’. She didn’t know what that meant but she figured it was just a phrase that he was used to using wherever he was from, and she’d be polite and not point it out.
Silver simply shook his head. He’d never even so much as tended a garden back at home. The closest he’d ever come to harvesting had been picking a few flowers here and there. He realized that her slight delay in answering might have been because he’d used the term ‘hands’. It wasn’t something that he’d normally think about, be here in a world where everything was so different, little slips could mean a huge fallout. He’d have to work harder in the future to not use terms that seemed too otherworldly. If he didn’t he might cause a war or something. That had happened in his books too.
“Well, you’ll have to learn as we go along, I can’t really slow down cause mah brother is injured and can’t help out this season.” Applejack didn’t really want to have to teach another pony how to buck apples, even though she was the best pony for the job, she didn’t have the time either. But no matter how she felt about it, she could use the extra help, and so she’d take whatever she could get. Silver looked like he was strong, and she was sure that once he got the hang of things, he’d be a first rate apple bucker.
Silver wasn’t sure that he was taking the best course of action. He’d known this pony for only a few minutes, and he wasn’t even sure that he could do something like harvest apples. For that matter, he’d only been a pony (as far as he could tell) for a few minutes, and he wasn’t entirely sure of his own limits. It wouldn’t do to go getting ahead of himself, but that was exactly what he was doing.
Applejack looked over at Silver, as if sizing him up. “So, you ready to get started pardner?”
Silver simply stared and nodded. After all, how hard could harvesting apples be? Sure he was a pony now and didn’t have the luxury of hands, but it couldn’t be all that bad. Heck, at worst it would be almost as hard as boot camp.
Exactly how bad it would be for him, he would soon find out, and he would be wishing for those easy days in boot camp soon enough.
Poor Silver Wrench, he is going to learn that apple bucking ain't fun.......
357348
Things only go downhill from here I'm afraid... Part 2 is one that I need my most consultation because Silver Wrench was a Marine and so I have to go and talk to actual Marines to learn things.... One of them worked on a farm so that's where that whole Idea came from.
And no, it's not fun, especially when..... apples.... Poor silver....
Cliffhangers...
Cliiiiifhanger!!!!
Great writing as always, I guess Applejacks number came up.
358441
sort of. i just throw darts at the wall and whomever i hit is next.....
358504 Well, that's a way to do it, I guess
Yeppers.
I know you're working on Applejack right now, but I've had a random thought. What if two members of the mane 6 turned out to be matches? Like Twilight and Pinkie Pie or something, but I only said that because I'm a hardcore TwiPie fan. Whatever, it's your story
The writing is really uneven. Again, show, don't tell.... reveal details, don't laundry-list them. Don't tell us the character is shy or has certain fantasies, reveal them as you go.
The namedropping is pretty gratuitous, and not done very smoothly.
Applejack is really out of character. A complete stranger has, with an enormous bang, appeared out of nowhere smack dab in the MIDDLE of her orchard and is gawping at everything, including his own body. Considering this very thing just happened a week or two ago with Phantom, Applejack ought to at least have a clue as to what's just happened. A realistic reaction would be for her to approach him cautiously, tell him to stay put and go hollering for someone to fetch Twilight because ANOTHER dang hyoo-mon has fallen out of the sky. "Howdy, nice to meetcha, well back to bucking apples" is NOT a realistic response.
HIS reaction, sci fi fanboy or not, is completely unrealistic too. If anything he should be having a WORSE reaction because he's a sci fi fanboy--- nobody reacts well when the stuff they were just reading about starts happening in real life.
He should be confused, disoriented, suffering from shock and dismorphia, wary if not outright hostile and on a highly defensive footing (he's a SOLDIER, folks, and he's just been abducted by forces unknown, yet he's not REACTING like one.) He shouldn't even be able to WALK yet, and would probably spend not a few minutes trying to determine if he was hallucinating. Or plain outright screaming "oh God oh God where are my hands".Of all possible reactions, "oh hello talking pony in a hat, need help picking apples?" is not on the list.
358601
You'll just have to wait and see. I won't promise anything though. Most of the story is fleshed out already though....
358650
Alright, First off, if my style of writing offends you, I apologize, but it is the way I write, and that's that on that subject.
Secondly, THe events with phantom happened over a month and a half, and nopony saw him materialize, Fluttershy, and Fluttershy alone found him after he dropped out of the sky. So nopony knows just how he got there, and therefore Applejack would not run off to twilight expecting it.
THIRD) Every reaction and sentence of Silver Wrench is carefully edited by my co author, of the same name. The character is based on an actual person, and he is ninety percent of the input into the character. The man was a Marine in Motor-T, and is also a major sci fi fan. I based the characters reactions on his responses, and am writing the character the way he asks, since it is essential him in the story.
I do not, nor have I or will I ever claim to get every little detail perfect in the writing, I write the reactions of the Canon characters as best I can based on what I can figure out of their personalities from the show. In every episode, there is no indication that AJ would EVER be rude or non-accepting of another pony.
Also, since you bring it up, I will reveal a part of the story earlier than I intended. There is a reason that the new ponies are able to more easily accept their situation, and it has to do with the spell. If you want to know more I suggest you wait for the story to be closer to finished. There are a total of nine(9) parts, and we just started two(2),
Now, you seem to be ignoring major things. If you read, it is stated that time passes, I don't use exact measurements because I don't like to, and so with two passes of A few and Several weeks, (note the S) you cannot assume that it has only been a week or two. So forgive me If I don't take you seriously.
>>RealityCheck
Thank you for trying to dictate my own actions.
My character in Lt Bubbles' story just survived a explosion (or some how completely being by the explosion by the teleport).
He (or rather I) in the story is some what out of it, as far as Silver Wrench knows he is ether dead or this is a dream. And since Silver Wrench is basically me I would NOT be hostel; It is not in me. Any ways a real soldier, air men, sailors or me a Marine (don't call marines soldiers we don't like it) would asset the situation before making a action. As in the real world in combat, hasty uneducated guesses can get people killed. Another consideration is that Silver Wrench is in a state of shock (survived or miss a lethal exposition), and thus the usual thinking and response stop applying and start to accept the mental input he receives from his own surroundings. Which many accident reports describe how some people act in a state of shock. "Oh my leg came off, excuse me buddy can you help me reattach this leg" was words spoken by a man who was a victim of a accident where a truck hits him.
363208
Well, apparently you don't take constructive criticism, so we might as well be blunt.
YOUR PORTRAYAL IS STILL UNREALISTIC AND YOUR WRITING IS THEREFORE BAD.
Your character is simply NOT BEHAVING like a real person would. Even given the excuse that he thinks he's dreaming or hallucinating, he would be demonstrating a great deal of disorientation and shock--- followed rapidly by denial, panic, anger, despair and (eventual) acceptance (generally well into the story, not on the first page). That is a REALISTIC response to being abducted and crammed into a deformed, alien body.....None of which being demonstrated here. The author of "Through the Eyes of Another Pony" skipped that, and played against it for laughs, and did it well.
You are not that author.
Your portrayal of Applejack is ALSO unrealistic, given her character and the circumstances of the story.
You want to write a character you have to set aside what YOU would want to do in that situation, or even what you WISH you would do in that situation, and accurately portray what someone with their background and circumstances WOULD do. To do otherwise is called bad writing.
366374
Sir, until you can post a story yourself, I am not going to take you seriously. I have looked through your other comments, and I am inclined to think that you enjoy tearing apart other peoples work. As far as what I say to you, this is over. Please note, that there is a reason for everything in the story, and I want you to keep reading, because all your criticism will be taken care of in part 5 (yes, you'll just have to wait). Again, If my style offends you I apologize, but that's how i write.
Also, constructive criticism is defined as criticism or advice that is useful and intended to help or improve something, often with an offer of possible solutions. Your so called constructive criticism,comes across as an attack, not as criticism. Consider the way you say things before you get angry that people attack. Also consider that as a writer and a Theater professional, I might have a clue as to what I'm doing. Have you ever heard of hidden elements? Things that aren't seen that are explained later?
If you want to offer criticism and advice, I'd be happy to listen, but not when it comes across an attack, and definitely not when what is complained about shows that you have not been paying attention. Let me point this out. Chapter 1 they cast a spell, and in Part 1 you learn that Twilight is figuring out more about how the spell works, so it would follow that there is more to learn still...
If you want to discuss the story, I will be happy to, but I will no longer do so through comments. You can PM me, and I will respond, but I will not respond to comments from here on.
me thinks that one of their soulmates should be a girl... for the lulz.
Prolly Dash if you do a lesbian pairing.
366787
I like those Ideas. I might just have to write that story... "Derpy and the giant muffin man......." Interesting...
I don't usually do lesbian pairings mostly because I suck at writing them. I have no experience with those so I can't really get any of the details right.... \
But I can do a separate story as an attempt if you'd like.