Chapter 28: The Elements of Harmony II – Resurgence of Illusion
The events behind Nightmare Moon’s return are (as previously mentioned) said to be the official ending point of the stagnation. And despite all that era’s bullshit, Nightmare Moon’s “revenge” and “redemption” were indeed a new turning point in Equestrian history. And with this change, things would never be the same.
Celestia’s plan was now in full swing; its success dependent on this moment in history. Well, a lot of moments actually, as we’ll get into later. But definitely this first one.
A lot was riding on Twilight Sparkle and the smooth-sailing of her “friendships”, a plan that Celestia had put over a decade of time preparing for. Yes, Nightmare Moon’s scheduled return could be a great boon to building this six-wise friendship if everything went according to plan. But, on the off chance it did fail, Celestia could just scrap the six and start from square one. Set up a new six group of friends, what have you.
But obviously that would take a lot of effort, and Celestia already invested a lot of time into these six, so (for the moment at least), this was it.
This was it!
You might think that there’s not exactly much to say. Historians, while continuously citing this event’s importance on later events and reshaping the modern nation, don’t exactly have much to discuss in regards to the event itself. Most of it is already known; Twilight and her friends united in Ponyville against this old foe, reawakened the Elements, freed Luna, etc. But as you’ve learned through the past 27 chapters of this essay, when it comes to Celestia, nothing is ever easy. Except for getting into bed with her.[430] I’m sure a lot of stallions could vouch for that.[431]
There’s a lot more behind Nightmare Moon’s return than these historians (and Celestia) are privy to admit. For such an important event, “kicking-off” the show so-to-speak (the show of course, being a colloquial term for Celestia initiating this new façade), there’s still a lot hidden from us. For such a recent event, you would think it would be quite difficult for Celestia to continue to hide the true details from us. Count yourselves lucky you have such a gracious historian to help you see the light. Yes, yes, you can stop your cheering now. No need for applause, educating the minds of you ignorant peons is its own reward.
Returning to the end of the Civil War now, as we (and Celestia) know, Nightmare Moon was due back in a thousand years to the dot. Which is weird because there’s no “i” or “j” in “a thousand years”. Another one of Celestia’s twisted mechanisms, I’m sure.
With this knowledge in mind, Celestia obviously wouldn’t fuggedaboutit;[432] during the thousand year off-time, she would have time to prepare. And within the context of the years leading up to it, the coinciding periods of her Search for Succession and Nightmare Moon’s imminent return cannot be ignored.
In order for things to run smoothly in accordance to this first of her master plans, many assumptions had to be made. Celestia would need to be able to read Nightmare Moon’s actions to a “t”. Which again, was probably difficult, because Nightmare Moon Luna didn’t have a “t” in her name.
Which is why Celestia probably went “screw it”, and decided to negotiate with Nightmare Moon directly. If Celestia could get Nightmare Moon to play the Game of Negotiations with her, things would go much easier for her.
So in essence, the whole background in understanding the details of the Nightmare Moon event was just that it was another quasi-False Flag attack. Case solved!
No, case not solved.[433] Not only does directly negotiating with her evil (yet excessively superior) sister raise some major flags, it makes Twilight Sparkle’s journey along the roads of friendship completely meaningless!
Which is exactly what it was. A twisted delusion created by Celestia to fit her own goals. I’m not gonna hear any rebuttals to this, y’hear? And after you hear what I gotta say, I don’t think you’ll need to.
And with that, let’s begin.
The first clue we have to understanding Celestia’s role in all this can be seen in the legend itself (which by-the-by, was something that she wrote), when describing Nightmare Moon’s return.
“The stars will aid in her escape.”[434]
Well, correct me if I’m wrong, but is the sun not a star?
Obviously, not only did Celestia allow Nightmare Moon to escape, but she did it to drive the mane six to reactivate the elements. This is the most logical conclusion that can be derived from this.
But let’s get into specifics here. As I said, Celestia must have made a deal with Nightmare Moon. History says that Celestia and Nightmare Moon never faced a direct confrontation during the crisis of her return; such a conflict could have been catastrophic in terms of pure magic power, and in regards to Nightmare Moon’s seething rage. However, if I may add my two cents here (and I know I can), Loose Change rulez and history droolz.
Because history took a shot and a miss. Again. To the surprise of no-one.
The sisters had to have met up. And it all works out from simple logic.
So Nightmare Moon escaped her imprisonment on the moon. Fantastic Gymnastic.
But let’s think about this. If Nightmare Moon did escape on her own (and did not meet up with anypony before her first documented appearance), why the heck would she go after Ponyville first?[435] Why not Canterlot? Or, (under her old knowledge) the Castle of the Two Sisters?
Upon returning to Equestria for the first time in a thousand years, why the heck would Nightmare Moon go to the dinkly little town of Ponyville? (a town, which might I add, did not even exist during her time.) Even if you say that it was because Celestia was scheduled to appear there on that day,[436] how would Nightmare Moon know this? She was kind of in the moon at this point, so she wouldn’t know about the preparations for the Summer Sun Celebration, let alone that the Celebration existed in the first place.
So what was she there for? To make a bragging speech on a victory she hasn’t even earned yet to ponies she doesn’t even know, laugh maniacally while a few lightning bolts flash in the background (because apparently she can do that now), and then disappear into smoke?[437] I mean, I know she likes evil laughs and all, but to go this far. Really.
If Nightmare Moon was truly on her own, why not just walk right up to the six when they began their search for the Elements (the one thing that she knew could defeat her) and slaughter them with her magical powers of darkness? No, instead as soon as she confronted them at the celebration, she fled, and silently followed the six in their journey, choosing to act like an idiot and play some practical jokes on them. (like spooky trees? Really?)
It defies all other sense of logic. And whenever there’s a noticeable lapse in logic, one can always suspect Celestia to be behind it all. Nightmare Moon must have made a deal with Celestia!
As to explain why she acted like an idiot? Well, whenever some pony makes a deal with Celestia, I guess their IQ drops significantly by a couple of points. As soon as Nightmare Moon made this deal with Celestia, she lost all respect in my eyes.
Let’s cover the background behind this deal that obviously went down. Obviously Nightmare Moon’s first act upon her return would be to go to the royal castle immediately (which is where Celestia would expect her to be at her first visit; as Nightmare Moon would obviously first want revenge on her sister), which is how this foul deal was able to go forth.
Upon the sisters’ reunion, there would obviously be some bad blood. Alicorn venereal diseases aside, I’m sure that if not a direct outright magical confrontation, there was probably the exchange of some foul words. Probably like “poopy head” and the ol’ comeback, “I’m rubber, you’re glue”. But after some civility was returned to their reunion, Celestia would present a deal and her terms.
Celestia must have made a bet with Nightmare Moon, telling her that if she could beat her “mane six”, her six chosen warriors, she would be given control over all of Equestria and rule it as she saw fit. I know this spits in the face of everything the Equestrian Civil War represented and all the reasons for why Celestia fought her sister in the first place, but hear me out. It’ll make sense by the end of it.
Under such great conditions, Nightmare Moon obviously agreed, especially when Celestia promised to take herself out of the equation, not to interfere with this fight, and even give the Elements’ location to Nightmare Moon herself (which, of course, was in the very castle that they were both in). The only stipulation was that Nightmare Moon could not directly touch the Elements or the six until Celestia’s groupies had reached the Elements themselves; only then could she do as she pleased with the both of them.
While wary of her sister, Nightmare Moon accepted the deal, thinking that once she had beaten these “chosen six” using her ghostly powers and destroyed the Elements personally, she could have her final end-all-be-all “NO HOLDS BARRED, SUMMER SLAM ROYAL RUMBLE 2010”[438] fight with Celestia that she always wanted, and destroy Celestia herself. With all of this in mind, Nightmare Moon quickly assumed victory was for certain. Oh, you sweet beautiful thing. As wise as you may have once been,[439] you really don’t learn anything do you? I would think that in the face of the Battle of Canterlot, you would know to:
1. Never assume victory is assured because…
2. Celestia’s always got some unfair shit to pull out her ass.[440]
And Celestia had indeed. But more on that later.
With this, now Nightmare Moon’s idiocy can be fully explained. Why was she doing stupid things, like transforming into a prickly thorn when she could have easily possessed the manticore instead and slash the ponies apart with her claws? She made a deal with Celestia so she couldn’t! And that IQ thing too. But mostly because Celestia told her not to.
You might ask how exactly I got this information. After all, this second sorta false flag attack would be not only intensely secretive, with only Celestia and Nightmare Moon knowing the exact details, but highly damaging to the stability of the regime. How could any of us normal ponies know about such a foul deal?
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With the deal now completed, and Celestia keeping her secret ace in the hole up her sleeve in her ass,[441] now all that was left was to cross her fingers[442] and hope for the best. And by that, I mean she manipulated every damn thing in sight to make sure it all goes well. Always the predictable one, she is.
In the day leading up towards Nightmare Moon’s “surprise” reappearance in Ponyville, Celestia was nowhere to be seen. Not found in Ponyville, where she should have been, and not in Canterlot either.[443] So where was she in all of this? Obviously she was kinda busy meeting up with Nightmare Moon earlier on in the ancient castle; her absence tying in with my Nightmare Moon deal I mentioned before.
And don’t worry about possible contradictions this time (not that you would normally need to worry about them in this essay), because I’ve got evidence! Multiple sources confirm that on the day of the celebration, Celestia was noted not to be seen by anypony, not even appearing in front of Twilight.[444] The only contact received from her at this time was a letter delivered by a certain Spike the Dragon, which tried to assure Twilight on her worries over the return of a certain Nightmare Moon.[445] Worries, in might I mention, were deliberately placed there days before by Celestia to prepare her for the coming event.
This letter that was sent might be seen as a possible contradiction; after all, how could Celestia respond to Twilight when she was busy negotiating with a certain princess of evil? But what did I just say about talking about contradictions? Get back into the corner and think about what you’ve done.
This message was probably a pre-written form letter, I’m sure. A response set to be immediately sent to her upon the sending of Twilight’s own letter; after all, nopony can even write a response that quickly.[446] And this form letter response by Celestia wouldn’t be above the realm of possibility; Twilight was known to write to her mentor about many inane academic things, like thousand word essays on the studies of comets without even so much as a prompt. I mean seriously, who gives a shit? I’m surprised Celestia didn’t start doing this sooner.
The letter itself, upon form-letter based analysis, makes this proof even clearer.
“My dearest, most faithful student [INSERT NAME HERE],
You know that I value your diligence and that I trust you completely.
But you simply must [INSERT AFOREMENTIONED PROBLEM]!
My dear [INSERT NAME HERE], there is more to a young pony's life than [ADDRESS PROBLEM], so I'm [SOLVE PROBLEM]. And, I have an even more essential task for you to complete: [TRICK HER INTO MAKING FRIENDS TO COMPLETE EVIL FRIENDSHIP PLOY].
Love,
Celestia”[447]
Heck, in the letter itself, Celestia even directly instructs Twilight to make some friends! (as seen above) Real smooth there Celestia, real smooth.
Under the guise of sending her to “check over the preparations for the Summer Sun Celebration”,[448] a job that may I mention did not need to be specifically done by her, Twilight slowly became indoctrinated into the cult of friendship that Celestia and her Echelon had planned for her years in advance. She met her friends (in the pre-picked order), came to rest at her library (which was pre-picked for her, due to its spacious environment and lots of books to “advance certain friendship plots), and encountered Nightmare Moon upon her first arrival back into the realm of history (which was pre-picked).[449]
Owing to this encounter, along with Celestia’s seeming disappearance, a mission was presented to Twilight, a test-pilot of sorts. Or a pilot of tests, whatever. And with the bare minimum of a bond formed with these five pre-picked ponies (after all, Twilight was purposely kept dense and obtuse over the whole friendship thing throughout her life to strengthen her learning of the lesson even further when the time had come), these six would unknowingly begin their journey into a much greater world than they knew.
Twilight Sparkle. Applejack. Rainbow Dash. Rarity. Fluttershy. Pinkie Pie.
Chosen by fate. United by destiny.
jk, Celestia’s behind it all.
Their quest for the Elements to “save the day”, would of course be countered by Nightmare Moon, who continued upon her own path of stupidity and spookiness. Oh no, dark palette-swapped Wonderbolt rip-offs! Whatever shall we do? OOOooooOOOOooooOOO!
Nightmare Moon’s incompetence aside, Celestia knew that her absolute failure in posing any kind of a threat (which was kinda weird, considering that Nightmare Moon did single-hoofedly start a Civil War the last time she was evil; Celestia must’ve counted on that “dumbing down” effect she had on ponies) would only serve to strengthen the bond between the six.
By giving the semblances of a threat without ever actually posing a real threat, the six would begin to learn to count on each other, and learn of each other’s strengths. But most importantly, it would serve to show Twilight the real meaning of friendsh-PFFTTTTTTTT.
Sorry, couldn’t help myself there. It just keeps getting more and more ridiculous. And you thought my version of the fall of Equinus was bad.
The story goes on from there. Some might even go as far to say it was in fate’s hands, a history already made. Upon confronting Nightmare Moon and watching her destroy the old Elements, Twilight realized the truth behind the Elements of Harmony. And with the power of friendship and the help of her friends, the six reawakened the true Elements, defeated Nightmare Moon, and freed Princess Luna from the darkness.[450] Then Celestia would return at that very moment, giving hoofbumps to all, all-the-while running her victory lap.[451] Luna would have a return party, Twilight would stay in Ponyville, yada yada yada.[452] If there’s anything the historians were right about, it was that this history was already set in stone. Literally. I bet Celestia and her Echelon already had the stained glass window made before all this crap even happened to save on costs. And to snag a great deal on glass prices.
Sure, history says that their friendship was spontaneous and spur of the moment, and it was because Twilight and her friends had learned the magic of friendship that they was able to use the Elements, not because of anything else.[453] But as we know, history is often wrong (when it’s not mine). And was history wrong on this one too? The short answer? Yes. The long answer? Yesssssssssssssssssssss.
For while I said that history was already set into place once Twilight and her friends set off on the journey, there was still many more explanations behind everything, hidden from the eyes of everypony except those who are more insistent to see the truth.
What really went on behind the six’s confrontation? What exactly was Celestia’s plan behind the deal? Why did she take such a great risk by doing this? All this and more, on Equestrian Mysteriez: Solved 4 Good.
Which is right now. Let’s roll.
First question; how was Luna supposedly purified by the mane six? It would stand to reason that purification entails the use of light magic. However, as we had stated, the Elements of Harmony were incapable of light magic.
A problem behind this event was the lack of true witnesses regarding the use of the Elements on Luna; wait no, on everything that the Elements were used on. No seriously, how could it be that there were never any witnesses around when the Elements were used, other than the pro-Celestia mane six to ever behold its power? Really think about it. Nightmare Moon’s sealing, Discord’s sealing and re-release later on, Twilight’s own ascension; all only had the mane six and maybe Spike there to see them be used. Suspicious, no?
This is certainly something that must be questioned, for it is too much of a coincidence. Perhaps it was always deliberately set up like this? But why?
Because.
Pause for dramatic effect.
The Elements used by the mane six were a façade all along! Why else would Celestia leave them unguarded for a thousand years, spell out their whereabouts in a handy reference book (also coincidentally found in the Ponyville Library),[454] and tell Nightmare Moon of their location? For it was because the real Elements were kept secret; and these “fake” elements were only made and planted there to strengthen the illusion.
In fact, to push it even further, upon their “activation” with the magic of friendship (somepony hold back my mane, I think I might laugh/throw up again), the fake elements re-assembled to resemble the six’s cutie marks, as well as take the form of easily marketable accessories, in order to make the six think that they were all special destined friends.
Indeed, the six fake Elements in their stone form may have once been the real Elements, but they were like an empty container, a husk of their former selves. In truth, while they retained their old appearance, they were really empty in power, their true essence taken from them and replaced with something else. Which is probably how they fooled Nightmare Moon.
Upon the false Elements’ release, the six’s eyes were said to glow white in unison (an obvious method for them to be blinded from what was really transpiring before them, and to make it so they wouldn’t question things as much), and a rainbow would shoot out from them, striking the target in question.
Nonetheless, with this, Celestia left a major hint for us intelligents again. She chose to represent the false elements with the power of a rainbow, a “Rainbow Power”, if you would.
But what is the science behind a rainbow really? The splitting of pure white light into distinct colors. Representing the corruption of the purity of light!
Once again consolidating my theory; the Elements were powered by dark magic all along. In fact, this explains why bacon hair turned into some she-devil in the mirror world, or at least according to the testimony of a disgruntled royal guard who happened to eavesdrop on a certain conversation, who for all intents and purposes for his safety from Celestia’s retribution, shall remain anonymous.[455]
The real purpose of this rainbow? Its main purpose was said to represent the unification of the six friends, and the full power of friendship. But in truth, they were just made to be flashy colors to give the appearance of real power, so upon the battle’s conclusion, the mane six and Equestria would believe in the magic of friendship. To make them believe that the magic of friendship was stronger than Nightmare Moon, and on a subtle note, were stronger than Celestia herself. This planted seed in particular was important in allowing her to retire one day, to be replaced by Twilight, a pony who wielded the power of friendship; a “greater power than herself”.
So, in the end, the extent of these false Elements’ power was little more than a pretty little light show. And in a cruel twist of irony (probably deliberately set up by Celestia), Luna was indeed defeated thanks to the light. Just not like, “pure” light, more like light as in the flashy stuff.
And it would be for this reason that Nightmare Moon had lost. You know, ignoring all the stupid things she did. Celestia obviously could never entrust the real Elements to her, in risk of her actually being able to take their dark power for her own. So little did Nightmare Moon know, but in that deal she had made with Celestia, Celestia was in control the entire time, with the real elements in her possession all along. Nightmare Moon had played right into her hooves, and lost for her arrogance. And stupidity. I must have mentioned that stupidity thing a few thousand times by now.
I guess I’m just disappointed in Nightmare Moon. You had so much potential, girl. I’ve seen it before. You think you really got something, but in a second’s time, it all dissipates into thin air as soon as you trust Celestia with anything. I’ve certainly learned not to.
But let’s analyze where the real Elements were. And the story behind Celestia’s own actions at the time.
Obviously, as concluded, the mane six never once held the real Elements during this time. After all, if they were the real Elements, if Celestia with her Elements could not rehabilitate her sister during the Civil War, why would it now? The Elements were powered by dark magic after all, how could they do anything like redeeming? All they could do was punish “evil” through its own version of evil.
In truth, when it came to Luna’s purification, Celestia handled it with her own power, a redemption spell if you would, which in turn, explains her disappearance while shit was going down.
After all, it is said that upon Luna’s redemption, Celestia randomly appeared from the adjacent castle window to forgive to her sister.[456] Isn’t that nice. Nicely convenient!
Of course, purification spells, while strong, were not always enough, especially in dealing with an alicorn princess possessed by the strongest of Nightmare forces. They could not be used by a being so impure such as Celestia, with all her naughty sexual escapades. How can you still have wear a white coat after all the stuff you’ve done? Don’t tell me it’s part of your fur, that’s just more lies. Oh, and the whole mother of dark magic thing too.
Therefore, to properly use the purification spell, she would need an extra helping of dark magic. What? Don’t question my logic here. That’s just how magic works.
Just think about it. If the dark becomes too dark, then it becomes light! And if it’s light light, that’s simply too much light. And if you look at something too bright, you see black. There we go.
So where did Celestia hide the essence of the true Elements? Well, while a mare certainly has many secret areas to hide things in (and technically, so does a colt), this is another one of those “Celestia hiding it in plain sight for us smarties to see” kinda deal.
For has anypony noticed that the main jewel of Celestia’s crown is purple? And wasn’t purple the dominant color of the main Element of Magic?
If purple is the “leader of the Elements”, so to speak, purple would obviously be the dominant color in their combined power. And so the purple jewel in her crown represents Celestia’s “crowning achievement”, if you would excuse the pun; her hiding of the true essence of the elements. And that extra purple jewel on her…bib thing? Just some extra evil she keeps behind. In case of purple-related emergencies.
And let us not forget, when a unicorn uses dark magic, what color does their horn turn into? Usually, unicorn horns shine a specific light in regards to the unicorn’s own personal magic, but under all the documented cases of dark magic, it is always known to be purple.
As this unites with my Elements = dark magic theory, as well as the Celestia evil crown theory, this observation clearly holds weight. And water. Weighted water.
This discovery can even be extended past my original idea. Twilight Sparkle is a purple unicorn isn’t she? Another one of those “clear hints” of Celestia! Celestia was behind her birth, and she made her purple on purpose, as another hint that not only was Twilight chosen and molded by dark magic, but she would hold the darkest magic of all as the leader of the Elements and future successor to the throne! It all fits!
And there’s more!
Spike! Purple!
Twilight’s balloon! Purple!
And that’s all I have. But believe me when I say that these three things obviously point to the obvious point of the evilness of the color purple.
So Celestia needed another source of dark power to properly fuel this powerful redemption spell, and by using her own power, the true foul essence of the elements sealed in her crown, and that extra helping of dark magic (now we know why she’s wearing a bib all the time), simply waited outside the window for the whole time to hit Luna with the spell.
And when did she choose to fire? As soon as that rainbow hit. The mane six would be conveniently blinded, Nightmare Moon would be kinda occupied with an engulfing show of pretty lights and rainbows,[457] and no one would be any the wiser. Everypony except me. Because I’ve realized the truth, and I am better for it.
For in this moment, I am euphoric. Not because of Celestia’s lies. But because, I am enlightened by my intelligence.
I gotta say, it sure feels good looking down upon others. I can see why Celestia likes it so much.
With all this finally explained, the event was pretty much over.
As I said before, with Luna redeemed, Twilight made the same mistake that her previous foe had made; she had played right into Celestia’s hooves. For throughout the experience, and experiencing first-hooved the real “power of friendship” (which just happened to actually be a nicely colored rainbow light show and a well-timed dark-magic powered redemption spell; real great lesson for the kids, Celestia), Twilight had learned about friendship and magic. Unfortunately, she also learned more than she would ever know.
Twilight would of course plead with Celestia to allow her to stay in Ponyville with her friends, saying that she had “learned how wonderful it is to have friends, [and she did not want] to leave them”.[458] Celestia, you really don’t let up for a second, huh? It’s not enough that you had to manipulate your way to shove your friendship ploys down the poor pony’s throat, you had to make her beg for it. Just another way you get off, I suppose.
So Celestia of course “graciously” allowed Twilight to stay, all-the-while reciting the moral on the importance of friendship just to make sure it really sunk in.[459] Another victory lap for Celestia. Ugh.
If there’s one lesson Celestia needs to learn, it’s to close her legs once and a while. And subtlety. She needs a big ol’ heaping lesson in subtlety. And there’s nothing more subtle than closing your eyes during the Equestrian Games, to take a nap of sorts during the javelin tossing event. If you’re reading this (and I hope that you are, I’ll be sending a copy of this essay your way once the world is ready for it), please keep this lesson in mind for next year.
To close off this event properly, we’ve got to get into what would become of Luna. For it’s not as cut and dry as you might’ve thought.
In Chapter 22, as I said, Nightmare Moon was most recognized as the evil, vampiric-like pony instead of the envious, crazed Luna who created the name in the first place. This was the reason for Celestia creating Nightmare Night, in an attempt for her to attempt to separate the villainy of Nightmare Moon and the “good-heartedness” of Princess Luna. To make it seem as though instead of Luna turning flutterbatshit crazy great and starting the war herself, that she was instead possessed by the Nightmare forces. Creating the front that the one who started the war was Nightmare Moon, which would allow her to retain Luna’s “good” image (good in the figurative sense of course, there was still that whole dream invasions thing) for a thousand years.
Of course, all this prep work would go to naught once Celestia was actually given the opportunity to reform Luna, making one wonder why she bothered in the first place.
You might think that as according to modern history, the sisters’ reunion was a joyous and touching one. Finally, the sisters were a family again, and could see past their mistakes of centuries long ago, and more importantly; could forgive each other and themselves. After a thousand years of sadness and isolation, such a reunion must have been heartbreakingly sweet.
But it wasn’t. Sure, Celestia had to put on a show for everypony else, especially at Luna’s return party in Ponyville, but there were some hidden secrets and secret hidings that would transpire upon Luna’s return to Canterlot. Namely the whole re-banishing to the moon incident.
For once Luna had played her part, in her happy return and redemption for all of Equestria to see, in the privacy of her castle, Celestia, using the dark essence of the Elements, went up and banished her to the moon again.
Why? Probably for the shits and giggles.
How do I know this? How the heck can I make such a claim? After all, the sadness that befell Celestia after the Equestrian Civil War and the forceful banishment of her sister had characterized an entire era. And upon reuniting with each other, they both would have been so happy and their love for one another would fill up the old wounds in their hearts.
So why in the wide, wide world of Equestria would Celestia do something so rash and OOC-ish?
Well, not to worry, I’ve got proof. Again.
Brief photos of Luna after her reawakening show her in her what I assume to be original form (as no pictures of her survive before this point in history). A solid light blue mane, and a paler blue complexion. However, upon on her next public appearance, little more than a year later, she looked drastically different; her height becoming closer to Celestia’s and her coat and mane became much darker, with a starry effect within. What’s the deal with that?
The official reason was that this was just her weakened form, it would take time for her to regain her strength and return to her normal form.[460] But fuck that.
There is one explanation and one explanation only. Celestia must’ve gone and banished her sister to the moon again.
As I said, with her return, Luna played her part. She showed to Equestria that the final remnants of the Equestrian Civil War were now over; both sisters had forgiven each other, the balance between sun and moon had returned, and most importantly, Equestria had gained a bit of its spirit back; content that this new power of friendship could defeat even the strongest of evils. The Millennial Stagnation was finally over (and thank freakin’ goodness for that).
So with the illusion of friendship now strengthened in the minds of the six and all of Equestria, while simultaneously hiding the true culprit behind the victory, Celestia and her dark magic, she had succeeded in her evil quest.
Upon redemption, Luna was indeed returned to her weakened state, which allowed Celestia to banish her to the moon again without any real problems. Ignoring all the pain she had went through during the Stagnation, and how happy she would have been upon her sister’s return. No, this is surely the most logical thing she did in dealing with Luna. Because she knew the dark powers of the Elements and the redemption spell couldn’t redeem her, ‘cuz even when it was all said and done, the redemption spell was still dark magic after all. And, as an aside, when all was said and done, Celestia was still an evil prick too.
So, faced with the possibility of having to deal with Equestrian Civil War Part 2: First Blood upon Luna’s re-strengthening, it’s clear what Celestia did, sisterly love notwithstanding. Best to strike when the iron’s hot, right? Or when the alicorn sister is weak, whatever idiom floats your socks.
Heck, I bet she even laughed maniacally while shoving more cake in her mouth as she did so. She probably saw it as payback from the last time they fought.
In the end, however, in order to maintain the continued illusion, other preparations had to be made. For while the real Luna was secretly re-banished for no real reason in particular, everypony across Equestria knew that Luna had returned (because Celestia wanted to show off Equestria’s strength without actually having to deal with the return of her sister), and as such, new complications arose. And with this, Celestia was forced to hastily create a Luna doppelganger.
Stop laughing. No, I mean it. It’s not the weirdest thing to come out of this essay.
Celestia had of course experimented with clones before. The mirror pool, of course, was one of her most darkest and sinister of cloning secrets. But there was always the problem of clone deterioration, something that continued to weaken her military to this day. So, contrary to popular belief, during her off time in the Stagnation, she wasn’t entirely in grief (after all, a couple of centuries mourning for your banished sister isn’t exactly reasonable), but rather, she was experimenting with ways to improve upon her clones. Maybe experiment with making a few Luna clones to help her loneliness. And maybe she tried making a few Starswirl clones as well! That would explain why Starswirl somehow kept living on, right? R-r-right?
Of course, Celestia’s experiments yielded little fruit, and for the moment, she had to stick with her mirror pool clones. But upon realizing that by re-banishing Luna to the moon, she had opened up a whole box of troubles she hadn’t even realized (the least of which would be Luna’s understandably pissed off return after another thousand years); that she would have to fool the public into thinking Luna was back for good this time. So the secret clone experiments returned after their centuries of hiatus.
Because the process of experimenting in the creation of a proper Luna clone took a long time (as Celestia did not exactly have the mirror pool to use, given that Luna was kinda banished before she had to chance to be forcibly plunged into it), Celestia used the fact that “Luna was readjusting to new society” and was therefore kept locked up in Celestia’s castle, as the royal excuse.[461] And apparently that stupid excuse worked. Because Luna wasn’t to be seen for at least a year. Not even at the gala. And no pony would ever question it.
No pony until now, of course. However, it seems that I’ve struck a few three years too late. But you know what they say, better late than the early bird’s worm. Because like heck I’m gonna be some dumb bird’s breakfast.
Traditionalists also agree upon this excuse, stating that her lengthened absence was because Luna still felt quite shy, and much preferred to watch over the night in solitude as she adapted to her the changes of the nation and her lost thousand years.[462] But again, this is another convenient excuse.
No, she was absent because Celestia had to keep experimenting on constructing a Luna clone from scratch. One built in her own image, yet still shorter and lankier than her (to fit in with some descriptions of Luna’s past appearance). And more importantly, one who would be stupider than the original (and given that IQ drop from the Nightmare Moon deal, is saying something) to ensure she would never rise against her again.
That’s why this new Luna’s appearance became “retconned” into being her original form and her previous returning appearance was said to have been her “weakened state”, even though that’s what Luna always looked like. It’s not like anypony other than Celestia could refute this claim; no pony still alive had ever saw Luna’s original appearance. Stop arguing with me, this totally happened. All other “canon” reasons pale in logic with this one so zip it.
And Celestia succeeded. Once perfecting her formula by adding Chemical Socially Awkward, this new Luna was sure to be a hit. But of course, this doppelganger was not perfect. Adding “Chemical So. Awks.” was a last ditch resort, and would only serve to heighten possible distrust in this false Luna’s true identity. (for the sake of clarity, let us rename this false Luna into the singular “Luna”; after all, the real Luna wouldn’t exactly be making any sudden appearances in history, if you catch my drift). So Celestia, all the while continuing on her crusade of consuming baked goods, searched for another way to make perfect(er?) copies. Something we will return to reallll soon.
Sure, Luna’s present awkwardness upon her return was explained away by traditionalist historians, saying that Luna, during this “rehabilitation” back into society, would often use the Royal Canterlot voice, which also had to net effect of scaring most ponies away.[463] But she would continue to use it because that’s how she always talked; after all, in the past, it was the only way Luna could speak and have anypony properly pay attention.[464] But I say that’s stupid, and you’re stupid. No. We’re sticking with the doppelganger and Chemical Socially Awkward idea. Luna’s Royal Canterlot voice can be explained as mild retardation brought on by the doppelganger creation process.
So with this Luna question now put to rest once and for all (to summarize, the real Luna was sent to the moon, while a fake one was put in her place, with nopony none the wiser), we can finally end this whole façade of an event we call Nightmare Moon’s return.
With the powers of the (false) Elements now in these “right” hooves of the six, it ensured that their strength would never go forgotten again. These elements were sure to solve every moment of crisis, be it rogue attacks of evil or invasions of the sinister, like a deus ex machina shoved in to save the day.
And they would always be used.
Always.
Because the writers (of history mind you, which would obviously be the fabricators, Celestia and her Echelon) would never give up their dark power; that would be absurd.
Now if you would excuse me for a moment, I need to get to my part-time job. I know it’s shameful that such a brilliant mind as myself must devolve myself into such labor, but the trials of geniuses are never easy. Where’s my weed-whacker?
The real hidden Elements and the role of the mane six would come into much more importance in the next year, but for now, the rest of Twilight’s time in Ponyville was devoted to inane things, like pest management and dealing with snide zebras.[465] Ooh, perish the thought.
We’ll just skip most of the backstory and situations that the mane six found themselves in once a week (according to regularly scheduled programming), which often cumulated in a friendship letter to Celestia[466] (a new system implemented by Celestia herself, to once again ensure that the importance of friendship really became imbedded into Twilight’s mind, as well as a Chekov’s gun for later).
After all, what kind of idiot would spend their time watching the playful 22 minute misadventures of these pastel ponies? They’d have to have less of a life than some writer who writes 100,000+ word fanfictions for the better part of a year.
Anyways, if you want a recap of this crap, just read the letters in Celestia’s archives. Or illegally watch them through Celestia’s supposed multiscreen spiritual plane in which she watches these “episodes” in the lives of these ponies in high definition video quality and sound, with appropriate directorial direction and camera angles. But now I’m just sounding absurd.
Let’s move on, shall we? The Elements and the six weren’t done screwing around with history just yet. And with a certain someone’s return, it ensured that these mane six, in accordance to Celestia’s ultimate plan, would have a role to play in Equestria yet.
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This caught me completely off guard and I couldn't stop laughing.
I wonder what crazy conspiracies will come next.
Change, you don't have to be lonely....
She's not, ya know!
Change, that's not nice!
What.
Remember, Misery builds character!
Change, you know happy pills aren't good for you!
You point out that Luna would likely arrive in the Everfree Castle instead of Ponyville and then ignore the obvious solution that Luna was never in Ponyville at all? Obviously Celestia masqueraded as Luna with her dark magicks and had her chosen six chase Fake Luna to where she needed them to be therefore making sure the six were never in any real danger so she could manage her behind-the-scenes Element Attack when Luna actually arrived. The glorious Nightmare Moon would never concede to such a silly bet, she's far too clever for that, hail the Nightmare!
...Dammit Loose, your conspiracy mindset is infectious
All things considered, I'd say the strawpony makes some good points.
Huh, Loose Change actually makes another good point. Ignoring Nightmare Moons general incompetence against the Mane Six, she had absolutely no reason to ever go to Ponyville in the first place!
She may be a racist nut-bag, but Loose is on to a few things.
Oh my CELESTIA Loosey.
Dear sweet Celestia it isn't. It truly isn't.
Stop leaning on the fourth wall. it's gonna get loose.