The truth is revealed! From award* winning writer of such academic essays as “Soylent Green is Ponies” and “An Abhorrent Offense: Princess Luna and the Invasion of Privacy”, third year University of Canterlot student, Loose Change, has finished her magnum opus, uncovering the secrets of Equestrian history, spanning from the Pre-Equestrian Age to the rise of Princess Twilight Sparkle.
Famously noted for causing her professor to laugh so hard he broke a wing while marking it, this revisionist abuse of history reveals the true lies and untold lie-truths behind the reign of Celestia, and Equestria as a whole.
Chapters (37)
This is wonderful. Making something so simple so different
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Nice idea, making that story a research paper. It obviously turns out great, as Loose Change is arrogant in her opinions, biased towards earth ponies and revolutionary in her theories. Definitely a good read, I'm looking forward to see how she uncovers the truth behind, say, Changeling invasion? Also, your bibliography ideas are hilarious, perhaps it would be better to put them as footnotes within the chapters?
However, character tags are misleading: I expected actual Celestia, Luna and Discord to speak up, but it's more like an OC monologue. So you might want to change that.
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I tried thinking of ways to incorporate the sources into the chapters, but I found that it would disrupt the flow. I thought about using footnotes, but I think that would work better if the story was actually printed, so the citations could be at the bottom of each page like normal essays. So I guess a bibliography will just have to do for now. I pictured a reader opening the bibliography in a separate window while reading, so he could look up the citation at his own leisure.
And thanks for the suggestions! I'll definitely be making some changes in the tags.
is this kid supposed to think that her 'history' is to be taken seriously? none of her evidence makes any sense, her writing is sloppy and her conclusions r highly questionable in their validity...
This is amazing
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That's the whole point! It's a COMEDY, it's not supposed to be taken seriously!
It turns out this story might be read on Radio is Magic! It would be Friday from 6PM – 7:30PM (CST). I'll throw down the link if any of you readers out there want to hear a live reading of this fanfic! It would be read on the show, Show Stoppers, which is a livestream show that features original fanfictions from the fandom, and original mini-plays and radio dramas.
Look forward to it!
Huh
This is too gud mate. too gud
Ah, headcanon. So great, so terrible.
I love how disturbing this pone is.
This is gold. Serious gold.
Well that's actually a good explanation for that.
Again with the orgies. He probably wasn't held enough as a foal.
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Thanks for all your support man! It really means a lot to me.
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I think that there's no possible way this story's theories could ever be taken seriously. If you see the over-the-top methods that Loose Change uses to reach her conclusions, and the overall ridiculousness of the theories themselves, you'll see that this story is definitely parodying the irrationalities of conspiracy theorists as a whole. So that might explain some of Loose Change's humongous leaps in logic to reach her "truths".
It's just meant to be a fun take on what Equestrian history would be like through the eyes of an excessively illogical pony, who is clearly not all there. It's a comedy, so it's anything but serious.
Fun fic, but can I ask when we'll get to the 'present day' stuff? I'm looking forward to Loose Change's explanation of the elements of harmony.
Best part of the chapter.
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Thanks!
Loose Change's theory on the Elements was already kinda explained in Chapter 10 (which is one of my favorite chapters btw), but the details on the show's events will be covered soon! I'll really be getting into it in a chapter or two; the Millennial Stagnation just needs to get wrapped up first.
Believe me, I'm looking forward to releasing the present day stuff too! I think there's gonna be a ton of new opportunities that open up once Loose Change gets her hooves on the show's events, and I've got all sorts of things planned! I hope you enjoy it!
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Thanks! That was one of my favorite parts to write in this chapter!
Just FYI, this has a TVTropes page.
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Huh! Thanks for telling me!
She's crazy. I love it. All the markings of your traditional conspiracy nut.
Because heavens forbid people try and get along after not getting along nearly froze the world.
She's gotta reach rock bottom eventually... nope, she just broke through rock bottom. She's... she's swimming in lava now.
Ignoring the '1.5' I love how she says just 1 a day is too much, but Discord got to 5 different ponies within an hour.
On a more sombre note
remember there really are people out there like this. Jumping at shadows, filled with irrational fear and hatred for those who only want to aid them. It must be a terrible, terrible way to live.
BWAAHAHAHA! How do you keep making this so funny?
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Thanks for all the comments and kind words!
That was one of the ideas I was trying to get across in this story. Loose Change acts all high and uppity, but inside, she's not exactly happy with her life. Seeing the world as she sees it is not very healthy. And that'll come up in some of the later chapters as well.
But I always try to keep the humor intact! That's really the core of the story, a funny take on Equestria's history.
Whaaaaaaaaaat.
Came for the "was this really filed under four different folders in the Footnotes Of Awesome group?". Think I might have to read it.
I really cannot wait to see the marking that the proffesor gives for this
(I know it 0 but I want to see the writen coments)
This caught me completely off guard and I couldn't stop laughing.
I wonder what crazy conspiracies will come next.
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As soon as I came across that quote, I knew that it sounded like something Loose Change would say.
And don't worry, there aren't any brakes on the crazy train yet!
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That is all.
Relegated to the purgatory that is my favorites list.
What's truly frightening is that I think Loose Change actually has a point now and then, in between loads and loads of bullsh*t. Like a nugget of gold that accidentally made its way into her essay.
I've personally never considered Celestia or Luna gods either, but I'm no pony historian^^
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I'm so glad you noticed it! In the fic's "actual" history, Loose Change does stumble upon some good observations and points from time to time. But when you consider the essay as a whole, there are tons of missteps that outweigh any kind of good point she made. I think of it like a broken clock is still right twice a day, right?
Certain aspects of this version of Equestria's history are somewhat questionable and you can draw your own conclusions. Are the princesses really gods? Did Celestia possibly manipulate history for her own gain? Of course, the majority of Loose Change's crazy conspiracies are still complete nonsense, but there may be an inkling of truth behind certain things. It's all for you to decide.
God help me, but I actually feel bad for them. Loose and Larry both.
Larry is a crazy homeless dude, that kinda sucks. Worse, the girl crushing on him isn't 'just' crazy, she's certifiably insane and more than ready to make him a target of her delusions.
As for Loose Change... hoh boy, where to start? She's insane. Literally. She has syphilis, among many, many additional problems. Plus, she's so bitter, you can't help but feel a bit for her. Her tribalist fetishising of Unicorns doesn't exactly help her, either.
Oooh! Can I try this conspiracy thing? I've got a few!
-Unicorns tend to build towers because of an innate phallic obsession, shared by each and every Unicorn. They get it from staring at a phallic shape from the day they're born: Their horns.
-'Being horny' was originally a slur against Unicorns, who are notably lusty. The saying about them being drawn to virgins has the same roots.
-Starswirl and Scorpan were totally gay for one another, but Starswirl didn't want to admit it in public. So he hired a female 'apprentice' to dispell any rumours (as he knew the other Unicorns would immediately believe him to keep her around just for easy sex). However, his detractors weren't fooled at all. They knew he just kept Smart Cookie as a beard; and that's where his namesake came from, "Starswirl the Bearded".
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You're just hitting all the right notes, huh? You're catching everything! Loose Change isn't exactly the most morally sound or a pony you might want to be around, but there is kind of a sad quality to her. And Crazy Larry too. There's a sort of method to their madness.
And nice theories! That Starswirl in particular really made me laugh!
It really is fun making these conspiracies up, huh? In the end that's really where the heart of the story is, and one of my favorite parts of writing it. The funnier and more over-the-top-ridiculous they are, the better!
Having read it all the way through, I think that this is a pretty good story, overall. It feels like it's satirising not just conspiracy theorists in general, but a lot of the early fanon about Celestia, and all the depictions of her as a great evil and Nightmare Moon or Discord as great heroes trying to stop her. Celestia's character is one I've always felt is more open to darker reinterpretations, but a lot of those almost border on character-derailment, and I think this fic kind of highlights why, leaps of logic included. I don't know if that was your intention or not, but it fits nicely.
As well, I like how it's presented as an essay, and I think it uses its format well. I do consistently get at least chuckle out of it every chapter, and there are some real stand-out moments sprinkled through (I think the intergalactic orgy was my favourite part). And I especially like how you integrated canon from the comics into it all, as well as some of the books (except for Journal of the Two Sisters for some reason. I'm guessing because it came out after you'd already started the story?).
But it's not without weak points. The fourth-wall leaning gets a little excessive at times, which is not so bad in the bibliography, but is really distracting in the main text. I think the jokes are starting to feel a little repetitive after so long; most of them can be boiled down to insults towards the other pony races, Celestia being evil and/or stupid, or Loose Change acknowledging her own illogical behaviour. I also think that Loose Change's constant referencing of her own hackery at this history thing kind of ruins it somewhat. She comes off as a lot more self-aware than I think she's intended to be, and the effect is that it feels less like an essay written by a crazy person acting as satire, and more as Loose Change writing self-satire, if you get my meaning.
And on a final note, some of the real history behind the wall of crazy does kind of take me out of it, too. Specifically, I'm talking about the dream-walking thing being treated as an invasion of privacy somehow. I really cannot for the life of me picturing anyone in Equestria actually having such concerns, especially not to the point of massive public outrage and lawsuits. Luna's whole role in the kingdom is meant to be about how she protects her subjects by night, both by fighting monsters in reality and fighting monsters in their dreams. That's what she does. She saves them from nightmares. It's a service provided for their benefit. Maybe this particular complaint is more a case of >muh headcanons than my other ones, but it still bugs me, and I felt it worth mentioning.
But otherwise, I think what you've got here is solid, and I intend to follow it to the end.
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I think this is my first full-length critique! I'm very honored!
Nice catch on that Celestia thing! I remember people always complaining about Celestia, how she was some kind of "secret evil", and this fic does address that sort of thinking in some regard, especially in the show-related chapters with how people theorized that "Celestia was behind it all!" When writing the fic, I was always afraid that people would think Loose Change's opinions were my own, and that I was just Celestia-bashing for the fun of it, but I think most people were able to make the separation. I'm actually a fan of Celestia myself!
I wanted to try to include all kinds of sources that reference Equestrian history, but like you said, The Journal of the Two Sisters came out too late. I made a sort of historical outline of every event/point I wanted to cover, and while I didn't read the book yet myself, I'm certain that it contradicts far too many things that the fic had already established to be properly placed into the fic. And I think I was more than halfway through writing the story when it came out.
And I fully agree with you on the weak points. There were undoubtedly some times when writing the fic when I thought some of the jokes were getting a bit stale. Loose Change only has so many reactions that fit with her character, and she's sort of consistent in that regard. But yeah, while I do try to put some different spins on some jokes, but I do agree that some of the jokes were getting repetitive. As you said, I think the length of the story might have been a factor, and I may have used those jokes as a crutch a little too often. I am trying to shake it up on that front a bit more now.
And thanks for the fourth-wall/awareness advice! I'll try to make some changes in the later chapters.
As for the dream-walking thing, I justified it (in my own mind, maybe not as strongly in-text), that Luna was still an unknown to most of the population. She wasn't that well-liked, especially in the face of her sister's strong cult of personality, and while she may have had good intentions in mind when entering their dreams, most ponies' reactions would be how they react to most unknowns; with fear and anger. Kinda like a parallel to the first few scenes of Luna Eclipsed; even when Luna was trying to help, not everybody saw it that way and remained afraid of her. But yeah, I guess it is one of the more questionable aspects of the fic.
Thanks for the support and for continuing to follow the story! I really do appreciate that you put the time and effort into making this critique! It really does help me understand what I'm doing right and what needs improvement, and it's always great to get feedback! I'll try not to let you down!
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For some reason I never received a notification for this comment, so I apologise for the late reply, but I'm glad to hear that my critique was of use, and I have even higher hopes for the rest of the fic now. Good luck with it, Mr. Poneigher!
Heh, just started reading. This is going to be good. Methinks I will leave a comment after each chapter to give my thoughts as it progresses. So far, humorous and intriguing. A great start.
5299233 I'd love it if you do! I always enjoy hearing reader's thoughts and reactions to a chapter!
And thanks for your kind words! I hope the fic lives up to your expectations!
I find this conspiracy theorist to be absolutely one hundred percent correct. Obviously, Celestia is lying to us.
Ah of course. This makes oh so much sense.
I... Uh... I have no words
Who is this person and was she dropped on her head as a filly. Or, more likely, she ran into a tree as a filly. Numerous times.
I'm interested in what she says next
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Yeah, this pony obviously hasn't paid any attention to what the Mane Six are doing (she probably thinks they're in on it.) and if she does, ignores it completely. I pity anyone like this in real life.
I laugh at thee, O author. More people should see this