Equestria: A History Revealed

by Hoofry_Poneigher

Chapter 31: The Royal Couple – Love, Secrets, and Lies

So the pegasi were pleased for now, with the ascension of one of their own who they didn’t even know existed a day ago. Hey, whatever floats your boat I suppose.

And Celestia was satisfied with this outcome too, right? No, of course she wasn’t. She’s never satisfied with anything. That’s why she has such an insatiable hunger. For food and stallions.

Yes, this ascension was all well and good. The Pegasi Spring was stopped in its tracks, and it seemed that no further revolts would occur for a while yet. After all, it was a point of pride for the pegasi (and as you know, the pegasi really, really have a problem with that) to have a member of their own race ascend into the highly sought after alicorn status. A supposed sign of genetic purity and power. They thought this meant their pegasi brethren were closest to gods (keep in mind they thought Celestia and Luna were born alicorns thanks to their alterations of history, nopony else knew the truth that they had ascended as well. Until now) and deserved to rise up to the same level as their god-princesses. Probably rubbed it into us earth ponies’ faces too, the pricks. Well, little do they know they were all playing into Celestia’s hooves, and alicornification is nothing but having to deal with sheening a new horn. And having new, stronger wings. And that coat, oh god, that luxurious coat. Just to know that you’re special. You’re someone.

No! Fuck that noise. I’m sexy enough as it is. I don’t need any of Celestia’s alicorn shit. #overit

But there was another way to ensure greater unity. To truly “lock-in” the bonds between unicorn and pegasus. If the newly appointed Princess Cadence was to marry a unicorn.

After all, apparently all the pegasi were infatuated with her (probably had to do with her whole love magic, which is another word for whore magic, something she must’ve picked up from Celestia) and supported her every move. So if she was to have a strong marriage with a unicorn, it could possibly inspire better relations between the two species. What, and us earth ponies just look on from the sidelines? Whatever.

Obviously Celestia had some marriage preparations to make. But she couldn’t choose just any joe unicorn off the street,[544] it had to be someone of political and strategic significance. One who could be a big player in the game of politics. And who better than the future captain of the Royal Guard? But more significantly, a pony who is Twilight’s older brother as well, Shining Armor.

What could be more perfect? Twilight’s own brother becoming a prince would pave the road to her own royalty. And it would make it seem that Twilight was a worthy candidate for her own ascension, at least in the public eye.

It would say, hey, this Twilight’s important enough to be ascended too! Yeah, I know it’s a unicorn ascending, but she’s the brother of that Shining Armor. You know, the one married to your pegasi princess, Princess Cadence? In fact, she’s best buddies with Princess Cadence! The Princess you knew probably for like half a day! Ignoring all the times Twilight saved your lives too y’know. Mostly that Cadence relationship thing.

So Cadence was immediately set up to marry Shining Armor. Isn’t that rather convenient! Sure, it wasn’t an arranged marriage or anything; that would probably piss off the pegasi even more, as that would make it seem like Celestia was forcing them together. No, apparently Cadence went to “pony high school”, Canterlot Academy, the dream of every little filly. High schools truly are the best setting for an epic pony fantasy adventure, right?

Here was where Cadence supposedly met Shining Armor and they both fell in love. Which of course was all according to plan. For even if it didn’t have the appearance of an arranged marriage, it might as well should have been. For once again, everything was planned by The Echelon. In fact, Celestia was perhaps too overzealous in her efforts, as seen in her attempts at quickly establishing a bond between Cadence and the young Twilight as well by manipulating her into becoming her foalsitter. Sheesh Celestia, you couldn’t be more predictable if you tried.

Of course, Shining Armor wasn’t the captain of the Royal Guard just yet, but give it time. Never underestimate the lengths Celestia will go to in order to get what she wants. And with his acceptance into the Equestrian Military School, his fate, like the mane six’s, was already sealed. As the captain of the Royal Guard, he would command the respect of the other unicorns, and be seen as a worthy piece in the game of national relations Celestia played.

In fact, Cadence’s drop-off point at the year 1985 was chosen because that’s when Shining Armor was born, set up so they would be the same age. In fact, they shared the exact same birthday (or found-date for Cadence, because she was found as an infant by the earth ponies instead, which became her unofficial birthday); evidence that the marriage was preplanned and Shining Armor was pre-picked. Heck, Celestia probably didn’t even do that as another hint to us smart historians or anything, she was probably just trying to making it easy for herself so she would only have to throw one birthday party for the both of them in the future, instead of having to go to the effort of throwing two. Celestia really did think of everything beforehand. And her foul preparations are just another reason why I hate her so.

Once everything was set up, Shining Armor and Cadence’s example of such a happy love would prove to all of Equestria that the pegasi and unicorn system way of life could coincide.[545] And as long as their love seemed to be strong, the pegasi would be happily satisfied with this turn of events. It was the perfect topping to the “Ending the Pegasi Spring” Cake.

So all Celestia had to do now had to make their love seem unbreakable, to prove this unity between pegasus[546] and unicorn. And as their wedding day approached, a certain discovery would provide her the very means to do so. It’s like the Nightmare Moon crisis all over again. No, scratch that, it’s exactly like the Nightmare Moon crisis all over again. I’ve said it once,[547] and I’ll say it again. Celestia really is predictable. Learn some new tricks already!

Some of you may be wondering how exactly I know how Celestia thinks. It seems as though every one of my predictions rings true. And that is correct, I know Celestia better than she may even know herself.

I have the most experience out of anypony in Equestria when it comes to understanding the princess. After all, I saw her that one time at the Summer Sun Celebration seven years ago behind a crowd of ponies. Didn’t even get to talk to her or anything, but I saw her. Slightly. I saw a section of her at least. It might’ve been her flank,[548] or maybe a different white colored pony. But it was probably her.

And in that one glance, I suddenly understood everything that needed to be understood. How she thought, how she would act, how she ruled. And that experience alone gives me a greater advantage that any other experience any of those other historians may boast.

So as the only one around here with any balls (and I’m a mare; although Larry has ‘em too but I’m speaking on the historian front here), it seems I’m forced to be the one who will keep wading through this cesspool of the rotten excuse we call history. Time to separate the lies from the chaff, the wheat from the truth.

Comments

[ZealousChristian24]

Just to know that you’re special. You’re someone.

You are amongst friends Loose-y. You are loved here.

[Dorath]

High schools truly are the best setting for an epic pony fantasy adventure, right?

Maybe Loose could "accidentally" fall through the mirror to Canterlot High? Sounds like a dream come true for her ...