Equestria: A History Revealed

by Hoofry_Poneigher

Chapter 2: The Great Play – The Drawing of Curtains

The history of the founding of Equestria is said to have taken place before the wide-spread use of the written word, and therefore was mainly passed down through spoken legends, much like how those filthy pie-eating buffalo communicated their early history with each other.[1] However, us hygienic equines differed in that we eventually discovered how history could be used as a tool in our favor. It was the Celestia administration that quickly took advantage of the lack of true academic standing revolving around our early history, and created a national play to be held annually on the holiday of Hearth’s Warming Eve, which was said to be the date of which Equestria was formed. Of course, the real date of the founding of Equestria is still largely uncertain; there is no true evidence supporting the validity of the date except for the facts presented by scholars, which is generally accepted as fact by most other scholars. The date itself was most likely chosen to coincide with the Winter Solstice and to create a celebratory holiday for the occasion. While it is true that records that have recorded the exact date of when Equestria was founded exist, it must be understood that such a date could have easily been fabricated by the Celestia administration as well. Is it not a coincidence that Equestria happened to be founded on the date celebrating the founding of Equestria? It seems a little too convenient for this scholar, which is why this issue must be addressed.

While the play is presented as the official government’s account of the founding of Equestria, the play itself is rife with historical errors, once cross-examined with what little written records have survived across history. Nonetheless, it is my theory that Celestia has hidden these delicious nuggets of history within her performance of lies; possibly to relieve her hidden guilt and reveal the truth to us ponies (who were smart enough to read between the lines). If this retelling of the founding of Equestria is reviewed in a symbolic light such as this, one can appreciate it on a much greater level.

As any school filly can tell you, preceding the founding of Equestria, ponies were fiercely divided among themselves by race.[2] According to the words of the Hearth’s Warming Eve pageant, it was the inherently flawed system of pre-Equestrian life and the intervention of some naughty windigos that prompted the discovery of Equestria. But once this claim is reviewed by an expert eye such as myself, the truth that is revealed may shock you in a similar manner to my reaction when my doctor revealed my affliction with stage two syphilis. Regrettably, in my professional experience, neither of these revelations have helped me pick up any stallions as of yet.

In one of the play’s comedic moments, it is made clear that the establishment of the three nations; Unicornia, Pegasopolis, and Earth, was little more than a one-off gag. However, the existence of these nations is not only not-false, it is true. In fact, I would be so daring to make the claim that ponies had already settled on Equestria before its "discovery", and only later did the three nations unify to form Equestria. This can be proven once analyzed with the following source.

It was Clover the Clever who had wrote in her biography,

“The establishment of Unicornia and the other nations led to difficult international relations. The nations would quarrel over things such as borders and obtrusive rocks. Due to this and the hubris of my superior, many a skirmish occurred in that dark cave. It was through this escalation of tensions that I realized the continuation of such a foreign policy would not be self-sustainable…”[3]

Most historians agree that the aforementioned cave coincides with the cave seen in the Hearth's Warming Eve pageant. But I am not one of those historians who rely on such faulty facts or logic. I rely on cold hard conjecture. What if the cave is actually a hidden metaphor, twisted in an allegory, and hidden in another metaphor? It would not be unreasonable to identify this as a literary allusion, tied to the work of famed philosopher Ponyto's (not to be confused with Ponyta, the fiery temptress of fire), "The Cave". In this literary work, the cave represents ignorance, and the ponies in the darkness of the cave have their reality blinded by the constraints of what they have learned to perceive as the truth. Remind you of anything? This is Equestrian society in a nutshell!

Clover's use of the word "dark", instead of a different adjective strengthens this connection even further. After all, the cave from “The Cave” was also described to be dark, and had darkness and shadows dominate its main themes. While the word "dark" in this case was meant to act as a descriptive word alone, her vocabulary was not limited to such a simple definition. For example, the words "blackish" and "notwhite" (which I might add are very uncommonly used if not imaginary words all-together), could have been used instead to showcase her academic prowess. But the use of the word "dark" is intriguing, and provokes further study.

Perhaps the whole passage is simply a metaphor? The scene of the play in question, with the six ponies in the cave could have simply been a compression of history by Celestia's administration. But it is up to me to stretch it out like an old accordion, no matter how rusty and out of tune it may be. When the three nations were drawing up lines in the sand, perhaps this was added to represent the actual drawing of borders. Looking at a map of present-day Equestria,[4] the remnants of these nations' borders can still be identified.

Pegasopolis had become Western Equestria, as it possessed the openest skies and the ghastliest of gorges, while Eastern Equestria used to be Earth, with its fertile lands and wide plains. Through process of elimination, we can assume the nation of Unicornia laid directly in the middle, with a few mountainous regions, without a clear advantageous position. This claim is further backed up by a recent population census, in which Canterlot, which would have been part of Unicornia, possessed more unicorns than any of the other races, while Cloudsdale which lied in the west, possessed more pegasi.[5] While in the case of Cloudsdale, one might attribute this to the fact that the city was built upon clouds, but they would be wrong and they should feel bad.

With Clover the Clever's mention of "escalation of tensions" in the passage, and the frequent invasions of territory that occurred in the play (most likely symbolizing full scale assaults in real life), it would not be difficult to assume that a war would likely erupt. In the event of a war between all three states, it would be increasingly likely that Unicornia would be forced to fight a two-front war with its enemies, a war it could not hope to win. This would explain Clover's realization of the unsustainability of Unicornia's foreign policy. Especially with the threat of a fully militarized Pegasopolis (demonstrated in the play through their militaristic talk and their wearing of armor), the threat of a "hot war" would be devastating to the unicorns.

It is on that note in which I must take pause and address another issue with the play. Concerning windigos, it is known that they rarely (if ever) venture out from the Arctic north in search for food,[6] immediately destroying their primary role in the play. But if it was not due to the presence of windigos, what drove the ponies to ruin? It is my theory that the windigos really represent a literal “Cold War” between the ponies, which would support Clover's statement regarding tensions, and the likelihood of a war. The windigos simply were a symbolic gesture to compress what may have been a century spanning cold war, which, due to each nation's reliance on the principles of segregation, would perpetuate racial conflicts between the three species, much like what the windigos fed upon in the literal "cave".

What of the rocks seen in both the play and in the words of Clover? In a realistic sense, nations fighting over rocks would seem rather foolish. The coinciding nature of such a thing would surely be a flaw to my argument. And you would be right. So let's cross that out.

If you insist on an explanation, Clover may have been using the rocks as a metaphor as well. It would not be impossible to justify; we just said her whole passage was a metaphor didn't we? The rocks could represent obstacles in achieving a healthy and nutritious balanced breakfast,[7] such as arguments over the ownership of territory or social disputes.

So now we have successfully deconstructed the lies of history and reconstructed the truth from its remnants into a demented one-legged stool. "But wait", you may ask, "Clover the Clever's "Birth of a Nation" was written in 351, while Ponyto's "The Republic" was written nearly 200 years later during Equestria's Classical Era. How could Clover the Clever make an allusion to such a work before it even existed?" For an explanation to this inconsistency, please see the two points below.

A) Because shut up.

2) She's magic, I ain't gotta explain shit.

Comments

[bigMAREmac]

This is wonderful. Making something so simple so different

[Midnight-walker]

static.comicvine.com/uploads/original/6/67965/1252480-its_a_conspiracy.jpg

[Europa]

She's crazy. I love it. All the markings of your traditional conspiracy nut.

[Starburst Gleam]

I find this conspiracy theorist to be absolutely one hundred percent correct. Obviously, Celestia is lying to us.

[Zexcoiler Kingbolt]

I swear the theme of "The Cave" by Ponyto is eerily similar to that of "Animal Farm" and "1984."

Good job though. This crazy collage of conspiracy and deceit has me on the floor- wait, are you avin a giggle m8?

Nuff said.

[ZealousChristian24]

how those filthy pie-eating buffalo communicated their early history with each other

There's the crazed bigot I've inexplicably cone to love!

except for the facts presented by scholars, which is generally accepted as fact by most other scholars.

And yep, my eyes are bleeding!

2. Sweetie Belle, A School Filly. 19 Mar. 2013.

... why does she have access to this?!

Ponyta, the fiery temptress of fire

I'm still confused wether this is an actual Equestrian mythological figure if it's just Change being... Change.

[at least I amuse myself]

5332132
it's a pokemon

(and Change has inspired me to draw this fiery temptress)

[nightcrawlerfan]

....wow, first page and Loose Change has already revealed her own rampant racism. This is gonna be one heck of a ride.

[bobbananaville]

Even within the universe, I think she's a satirist. There's just too much unfounded shit going down, and a cereal box is sourced somewhere in the back!
I bet that this paper is actually for a creative writing class. I bet she got an A+.

[CrystalWaters]

Is it not a coincidence that Equestria happened to be founded on the date celebrating the founding of Equestria?

Pfwap!

Oh dear. She's going to get worse before the end, isn't she?

[Cayar]

At the start, I thought she was crazy.
In the middle, her ideas began to sound plausible.
But at the end, she reverts to crazy.

[Samraku]

5317944

It's meant to reference Plato's allegory of the cave.

[Ytak]

I never thought I'd come across any reference to "The Cave" allegory. I haven't seen anything about it since my political philosophy class more than ten years ago!
I think I'm going to have to read this story slowly, to savor the nuances properly.

[Coyotek4]

What of the rocks seen in both the play and in the words of Clover? In a realistic sense, nations fighting over rocks would seem rather foolish. The coinciding nature of such a thing would surely be a flaw to my argument. And you would be right. So let's cross that out.

If the facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of.

The rocks could represent obstacles in achieving a healthy and nutritious balanced breakfast,[7] such as arguments over the ownership of territory or social disputes.

Now I have a hankering for a big, brimmin' bowl of 'Quarry'. (Better tasting, 'cause it's mined.)

[Carnation83]

Well, she is right in that the play has big plotholes. that's why I consider "A Brief History of Equestria" by K9Thefirst1 to be canon.

A) Because shut up.

Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged shout out? Or wishful thinking on my part?

[Dashie04]

This is a wonderful Take That to these kinds of people.