Wish upon a Supernova

by Hyper Atomic

Chapter 3: Cognitive Dissonance or: How I Learned to Start Worrying and Hate my Brain

Cognitive Dissonance or: How I Learned to Start Worrying and Hate my Brain

There was no dream.

I didn't know when I woke up, or where. The last thing I wanted to do was open my eyes and find out. I knew on some level that I was going to have to eventually, but that didn't stop me from trying to avoid it.

What are you afraid of? A few notes from an unfamiliar birdsong entered through an obviously open window while the curtains fluttered lightly.

Vociferous equines? My eyes shut tighter, a reflex that did nothing to stifle the gnawing questions.

Not knowing where you are? Muscles clenched as they ignored the still throbbing discomfort of my skin. I could feel a bead of sweat pooling above my eyebrow.

...or what you are?

Are we really doing this, brain? I shot back while a frown halfway between a grimace and a scowl played across my features. FINE! Have it your way.

What are you afraid of?

I'm not afraid of anything.

Bullshit.

...I'm terrified, not afraid.

Semantics. If it isn't the horses, the where, or the possible new you, what are you afraid of?

I was keenly aware that my heart had picked up the pace. Adrenaline had already started to flow, triggering that all too familiar fight or flight response. I needed to calm down. I must not fear, fear is the mind killer, fear is the little death that brings-

Seriously?

Hey! It helps!

You know what else helps? Addressing the issue at hand. What. Are. You. Afraid of?

The words caught in my throat, even though I wasn't speaking aloud.

...That I'm insane...

My breathing calmed down instantly. What was before an almost primal fear was now an abject mental terror. Not resolved in the slightest, but at least it was no longer in a position to compromise my faculties.

It's a good thing you started talking to yourself or we would never have figured that out.

Yeah, not easing my fears at all, brain. THANKS!

Alright, sorry. Let's take this one step at a time, every problem has a solution. What are the possibilities we're looking at?

If I really was crazy, I needed to find out where my malfunction was occurring. Since the contention was between my memories before the flare, and my senses afterward, that narrowed it down to 4 possible situations:

Scenario A: Memories True, Senses Deceived

Conclusion: I was still human, but somehow I was perceiving the world through a warped filter. The apparent self-consistency of the distortion leads to the possibility that my own actions would be seen as normal to those around me if they were normal in the perceived world's rules. Although that would be a jury-rigged solution at best, it would allow me to function, albeit uncomfortably.

Course of Action: Play along, freak out internally.

Scenario B: Memories False, Senses True

Conclusion: The world has never been how I remembered. If everything I had experienced before was at best partially fictitious, then how could I trust myself? New memories seem to be consistent with perception, which leaves the possibility of rebuilding 'correct' memories in the future.

Course of Action: Ignore past, freak out internally.

Scenario C: Memories True, Senses True

Conclusion: This doesn't even seem possible in the slightest. Mental breakdown is much more likely than a combined physical transformation and extreme relocation to a potentially alternate reality. However, since this scenario shifts all blame away from a possible problem with the subject it makes sense that this would be the preferred belief for many victims of mental disorders.

Course of Action: Freak out internally.

Scenario D: Memories False, Senses Deceived

Conclusion: Herein lies madness.

Course of Action: Freak out externally.

Well, that's a rather comprehensive list.

Thank you, I like to be thorough.

So what would you say is the optimal solution based on these possibilities?

Given that the last two are either astoundingly impossible or too terrible to consider, then staying calm, acting friendly, and … admitting to having a mental problem would be the best. I sighed. The last thing anyone wants to do is label themselves crazy by their own admission, but with any luck it would trigger a catch 22. If I think I might be insane, then I can't be … right?

The key will be to remain calm. Do you think you can handle that?

What makes you think that I can't?

Oh, I don't know, maybe the fainting at seeing your own hoof?

I shivered at the thought. I had almost forgotten about that. It felt especially wrong referring to it as mine. Whether due to a distortion of my senses or a radical shift in my mental continuity, I was going to have to adjust to my new reality.

That's what it was. My reality.

I cast my senses out, trying to acclimate myself to my surroundings before I finally lifted the veil on my sight. What greeted me was equal parts familiar and alien. The first thing I registered was that I could see just fine, thankful that my eyeglasses were still on my head. The second was my new position. I was laying on my back, with my upper torso slightly raised making it easy to look around. I had the feeling I wasn't in the same room as before. There was an open window to my right, letting in a refreshing breeze. The sterile white curtains matched the décor of a hospital to the letter. To my immediate left was a small square table, where a few violet flowers rested in a vase on top. On the furthest left wall was a row of cabinets, undoubtedly filled with blankets, sheets, and other necessities. Two doors completed the circuit of features the room had to offer. All in all a rather normal looking patient recovery area, even if everything seemed closer to the ground.

Normal. That word was going to lose its meaning very quickly. I started taking deep and controlled breaths, urging my pulse to remain calm as I slowly looked down at myself. Laying there, past what must have been my muzzle was me. I was wrapped in cotton bandages nearly everywhere, in between I could see patches of dark green. I could feel the soft wrappings and something that reminded me of aloe pressing against my … fur, now that I was concentrating on it. I raised my arms, or forelegs now I suppose, turning them around only to be shocked at their range of motion. Although perhaps I shouldn't have been if this was all a trick of my mind. Carefully I brought my hooves up to my face, exploring its new dimensions through the tactile sense of equine appendages. I found my ears resting on the top corners of my head, at which point they promptly twitched at the contact, sending all new feelings down my spine.

Ok, now that's strange. I wasn't expecting any new sensations, only remapped ones. An unsettling hollow began to form in the pit of my stomach, wherever that happened to be in my new anatomy. I let my forelegs down to rest on the bed. They still hurt when I moved them too much. I was staring down at my chest/body, noting how it wasn't as wide as before, though much more vertically pronounced.

There was a knock at the door.

“Hello? Mr. Glass, are you awake?” came a warm masculine voice I wasn't familiar with. The door was gently pushed open, and in walked a … stallion to use the correct term. “I'm Dr. Trotson. How are you feeling?” He wore a smile as well as a stethoscope around his neck and a lab coat over his back. His brown fur and deep auburn mane weren't what I was staring at however. He seemed to confuse my not so subtle look of shock for something else. “Oh, how rude of me,” he continued, shifting to the side so that I had a better look at the lavender colored mare standing next to him. “This is-”

“Twilight Sparkle.” She introduced herself, “I'm glad to see you're alright after how Pinkie said she found you.” Her tone was one of relief but tempered with curiosity.

I blinked.

The bright purple unicorn was still there.

Oh, you might want to say something before they think you're crazy-er than you're about to say you are.

“… hi?”

Smooth.

Comments

[SeventhBrony]

you got to do, what you got to do to keep a hold of yourself.. I guess

Nice chapter, looking forward to the laughs from the upcoming chapter

[GameHunter]

Oh how it pains me to reach the end of the newest chapter of a great story...

Eagerly awaiting next chapter!!!!

[my_little_medic]

Good work! Keep em' coming!

[Hyper Atomic]

3108396
Thanks! I'll do my best.

3111210
Surety of self is the most fundamental. Without it, where would we be?
Thanks for reading!

3111594
It can't be great yet! I've only just started!

3112023
Thank you! You can bet I will.

I do have one question for any readers: Is it actually funny? I seem chronically unable to laugh at my own jokes, and I've been so nervous about living up to the comedy tag.

[eddyminer]

Good job probs one of the best really funny can't hold down the.excitement for the rest

[fractalman]

I must not fear, fear is the mind killer, fear is the little death that brings-
Seriously?

nice one.

[Cerulean Rush]

Refernce in the title to 'Dr. Strangelove' or 'I stop caring and come to love the bomb'