This Can Only End Well for Everypony. Really.
Chapter 5: This Can Only End Well for Everypony. Really.
Tavi was gone, I was back in my apartment, and I was thoroughly confused.
We both were. “What just happened?” Spitfire looked almost as dazed as I did. And she wasn’t even IN the room at the time.
“I, have no idea. I think... no, I’m pretty damn sure that was hate sex.”
“...wow. Who knew she was that kind of pony?” Spitfire seemed to be contemplating something.
“Heck, I don’t know if SHE knew. Did you see how much she apologized? And not to be mean (ok, totally to be mean), she was completely amateur the first time.” I rolled me eyes. “You could tell she hadn’t had much, if at all-”
“Wait, wait, wait. The first time?!” Her eyes got wide.
“OH yeah. When she found out she’d just thrown me against a wall in front of the Captain of the Wonderbolts it was like watching Jekyll and Hoof. She did a total 180 and went at me again.”
“...so how was it the second time?”
I still couldn’t believe the first one had happened. It was like telling a science fiction story around a campfire. “Totally much better. The first time, I swear, she had no idea what she wanted. I think she just thought sex was sex and that was it. But when we actually got down to it it was like she didn’t know whether or not she wanted to punish me or satisfy herself. Awkward.”
“So what did she settle on?”
“Just gettin’ her jollies on. I can’ pretty much guarantee she doesn’t know enough about sex to properly punish someone, but EVERYPONY knows enough to have fun.”
Spitfire laughed at that. “Ok, look, the rehearsal thingy is in like, an hour and a half or something. I’m pretty sure they need you there early. And besides, my team’s probably freaking out without me there. Either that or they’re doing Field Day again.”
“Gonna go rain on their parade?”
“Like a badass.”
I grinned at her, and gave her a hug. “Keep in touch. Something tells me I’ll need somepony with their head on straight to survive this place.”
“Then you are truly and thoroughly screwed. I’ll see you later, Vinyl,” she squeezed one last time, and flew out the window.
Alright, time for rehearsal. Time to get busy.
Time. To be AWESOME.
----------
“Frederick, I swear to Luna, if you talk about this to anypony I will string you up with piano wire and play the theme to Titanic with your teeth.” That came out in more of a growl than I’d like, but it had the desires effect. He obviously wasn’t going to tell anyone.
We made our way backstage, meeting up with the other half of the quartet, and everypony else who was filing in for the rehearsal. I recognized a couple of big names, but didn’t see Vinyl yet.
Beauty Brass took one look at me and was about to say something, when I shoved a hoof in her mouth. “One word. ONE. And you will live in that sousaphone. And how does everypony know, anyway?” Beauty Brass muffled through my hoof. “Oh, sorry.”
“Pah! It’s you’re bowtie.” She pointed at my neck.
“Hey, bowties are cool!” I argued, looking down. “They’re also... on... upside down. Oh, dammit.”
I took a moment to correct my fashion error, and looked myself over in the mirror. I hadn’t had a chance to fix my mane, so it was down around my eyes a little, and looking a little shaggy. Not like it’s usual pomf on the top of my head. “Oh, for the- I don’t have time to fix this!”
Frederick grinned. “I like it better this way.”
“Oh shut up. I’ll be in the dressing room, doing what I can to save it.”
I trotted my way down a hallway off to the side, and found a large dressing room that, as of current, was absolutely packed. A stylist walked by me with part of a glance, then froze and rushed back. “Oh, my, darling! What happened to you?!”
I tried to think of a good excuse. I couldn’t. “Um... it’s... sex hair. I had sex.”
She cheered up a little. Curious, where had I seen her before? “Oh, well that’s all well and good, darling. Celestia knows even the best of us need to relieve some stress before a big shindig like this. Here, let me help you.” Before I could argue, she dragged me off and threw me into a chair. “Now, how shall we do this?”
“Um, I’m a cellist in a quartet, so-”
“OH! Say no more! I have the perfect thing!” And she rushed off. She came back with a little wooden box and some mane care products, she went to work. And she was done faster than I could believe.
I loved it. Instead of my usual poof of hair up top, she’d tied the whole thing into a little oriental bun, with two little sticks pointing out of it. I don’t remember what they’re called. But it looked perfect.
“That... that is wonderful. Thank you so much.” I marveled at my reflection.
“Absolutely. Now, let me get you some literature.... here!” She dropped a magazine in my lap, the cover of which featured a mare with the same hairstyle. “You can keep those pins, and if you ever want to do it yourself, just read up in there. It takes a little styling product, but it’s very effective.”
I got up and shook her hoof. “Well thank you very much, Ms...”
“Rarity! Ms. Rarity! Please do tell everypony you feel like about me!” I knew it. I KNEW I’d seen her.
“Thank you, Ms. Rarity, I will.”
I trotted politely out of the room, then made a little more haste than usual returning to the group. The less exposure I had to any of the Element Bearers the better. They were all, by reputation and experience, completely insane.
The group at least seemed to approve of my new style. “Oh, that looks great!” Beauty Brass cheered. Harpo and Frederick just nodded knowingly.
About that time, a coordinator called for attention, and we all started getting to work.
---------
I hadn’t been at the rehearsal for more than twenty minutes before a hundred ponies were talking to me all at once. Well, really, it was like three, but they didn’t shut up.
There was this coordinator that was running me through the schedule like I didn’t know how to run my own equipment, this A/V guy who kept asking questions about the specs on my rig, and this reporter mare who’d snuck in and was badgering me with questions.
Probably because I still had that after-sex look.
I somehow wriggled past all of them and got to my battlestation. Good. Nopony had touched anything. Everything was on, working properly, and I had all my records.
This one stage stylist walked by and gave me a look, sighing heavily. She didn’t like the glasses. “Well, at least you did something about the spiky in your hair.” She huffed, and trotted on.
Wait, what? My spikes? I didn’t have my spikes?! This. Was. Awful. I tore my way down the hall, and rushed into the dressing room. I grabbed the first stylist I could, and told her (more like yelled in her direction) “I NEED MY SPIKES.”
She seemed a little dazed, but shook out of it in no time. Then she seemed to recognize me. And I her.
“Vinyl!”
“RARARA!”
“... I HATE that name.” She grumbled.
“Listen, no time to chat. My spikes are gone. Long story. Can you fix it?!”
She pulled out some styling gel and a pair of scissors. “Oh, it. Is. ON.”
(insert manecare montage here)
Rarity spun me around in the mirror, and BAM. Just like new. “Excellent, thanks, Rara- I mean Rarity.” Hey, she still had scissors in her hoof.
“So what happened to you?” She asked. Ever the gossip. I figured I’d feed her something.
“Ok, I’m not telling who, or details, cause I gotta go, but I totally had sex like an hour ago. Twice. Later!” And I ran back to my battlestation.
---------
I probably should do something about how much I like to gossip. Even back in Ponyville I was notorious for it. But it’s so much FUN. And Vinyl?! Well, I knew she liked a little bit of fun more than other ponies, but right before a big rehearsal? That would make two ponies I get to gossip about! That had sex! ...at about the same time.
“Oh. MY. GOD!”
----------
We had just finished our performance, about halfway into the rehearsal, when it happened.
Up to that point, nothing bit had occurred. Everypony knew their place, and was doing their job. Even Vinyl was doing remarkably better than I’d have given her credit for. Of course, she WAS DJ Pon-3. Even Frederick had admitted, “Ok, now I can see it.”
But after my performance, we were still all expected to hang around in the audience. A courtesy to the other musicians. Even if we weren’t nominated. Oh well. You can’t win at everything.
We were sitting at our table when somepony I think I should have known, a lead singer for a rock band or something like that, walked by our table. He winked at me. I didn’t think much of it at first. I’d been getting approving looks and comments on my mane randomly throughout the night. I would have to keep it like this. Then Beauty Brass chimed in, “Ooh, that stallion was giving you a look, Octavia! You should go talk to him.”
“A look? Please. A wink, yes. That did happen. But it wasn’t that kind of look.” The thing about denial is that you usually deny being in denial. “Besides, he... wasn’t my type.”
“Oh, right, right. I forgot, you-OOF.” I kicked her under the table. “Ok, ok.”
And I thought that was the end of that. But throughout the night, I would get looks, comments, and some rather unladylike gestures from all sorts of people. I had no idea what was going on. And it was getting very annoying.
Nothing really major occurred, however, until after the rehearsal. Ponies got they’re awards, gave their speeches, and played their pieces, just like usual. It was when everypony was filling out of the building at the end of the night did I finally put together what had happened. Or rather, somepony else told me.
Namely, a reporter. I hadn’t gotten more than ten paces out the front door when somepony shoved a camera and microphone in my face, and bombarded me with questions. At first it was all lights and noise. Then I heard Vinyl’s name mentioned, and I snapped my head around to look at the reporter. “What? Could you repeat that?”
“I SAID, what’s it like dating the infamous DJ Pon-3?!”
What. She did NOT just ask that. I haven’t told ANYONE here about that. And the few who guessed I threatened violently.
...except Vinyl. I never told Vinyl not to tell anypony. “Rrrrrrrr.......” I started to growl. I felt like an engine revving up.
“Miss Octavia, what was it like bedding the most voracious DJ in Equestria?”
“Is this a continued relationship, or has Octavia Melody become another conquest of the infamous Vinyl Scratch?”
They just kept throwing questions at me, until I finally snapped. “rrrrrRRRRRRR VINYL SCRATCH!” I roared. I felt righteous. Furious. Filled with a violent passion like nothing I’d ever been privy to. I charged through the audience, knocking over some rather unfortunate souls on the way out. I tore down the streets of Canterlot, right up to my apartment. I didn’t even wait for the elevator. I took the stairs two at a time.
I got to our floor just in time. She was just putting the key in the lock. “VINYL!”
“Huh? Wuh-oh!” She tried to run, but I had some much momentum at that point I tackled her just as she turned around. Then, the tried and true method of getting her attention, I pinned her to the wall. “WHAT is your problem! Telling everypony we had sex! I look like an absolute TRAMP! ON NATIONAL TELEVISION!”
Then she had the gall to get defensive. “Hey, I didn’t tell anypony about you! The only ponies that know I had sex are Spitifre, you (duh), and Rarity. And ol’ Rarara doesn’t even know who it was I had sex with!”
“Why you... you... you know Rarity?” I was so confused all the wind had gone out of my sails. “And you... told her... you had sex...”
“Yeah, duh. She loves gossip. But I didn’t tell her your name! I mean, come on. Even I’M not THAT petty.... most of the time.”
“Oh... oh my god. And I told her I’d had sex. She’d put that together in a heartbeat. Oh my god. We just told the worst gossip in Equestria all about our sex life!” I wanted to cry. I let go of Vinyl and sat down in the middle of the hall.
“Wait, so this is YOUR fault, too?! AWESOME!”
I was starting to recognize a pattern. There were certain moments when I would just get so angry, and so frustrated, that there was only one thing I could think about. I... well, the best word for it is that I snapped. I grabbed her by the collar in one hoof and pinned her to the wall again. She must have seen something in my eyes, because she said “... hate sex?”
“Hate sex.”
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Well, you don't have to worry about any sharp words from me. I really enjoy your work! Octavia's troubles with anger management remaind me of... me.
And I think it is actually a good thing that you excluded the sex scenes. In this particular story they would just hinder the comedy and slow this down.
Oh man,I don't know if you're ready for this but...here we go...
(Takes deep breath)
I like. Is funny. Watch your pacing. Proofread just a little bit more. Faved and liked.
s3.amazonaws.com/kym-assets/photos/images/original/000/139/111/Angry%20sex.jpg?1308834074
I do agree with Corwin on this one. Sex scenes would ruin the pace of the comedy.
However... I'm not saying that it wouldn't be entertaining to read the hate sex scenes in a side story... just saying.
“Hey, bowties are cool!”
yes, so are cardigans and scarves, and bomber jackets... and other stuff
Now I have this image in my head of Octavia with a total rage face stomping on Vinyl's horn and Vinyl squirming on the ground looking like she's lovin it.
Up to that point, nothing big had occurred.
Well shit