• Published 6th Aug 2013
  • 2,649 Views, 136 Comments

Not My Fault - Daemon McRae



Putting two drastically different ponies with almost nothing in common across the hall from each other in an upscale apartment building. Surely nothing can go wrong, right? Oh, security deposits, we shall miss you.

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Shipping and Handling (Wink Wink Nudge Nudge)

Chapter 10: Shipping and Handling (Wink Wink Nudge Nudge)

I had never seen Vinyl so livid. “Are you insane?! You could have KILLED somepony! Not to mention my coffee table is completely trashed! Are you listening?! My security deposit is SCRAP!”

The blonde mare looked around the room, as if she were trying to process the entirety of the situation. “Um... hold on... I have something...” she muttered while digging through... something nearby. I couldn’t see her very well. Eventually, her head popped back up, and she dropped a piece of paper on top of the crate. I half expected it to fall through the floor again, and keep going till it hit the basement, in true cartoon fashion. Instead, Vinyl took a look at the paper. “Derpy Mail Customer Service Hotline? The buck am I supposed to do with this?!”

The blonde touched a hoof to her head, and all of a sudden I recognized her: Derpy Hooves. Owner of one of the few inter-city package delivery services in Equestria. Owner, of course, by virtue of being it’s ONLY employee. Nopony else wanted to deal with the liability. “Derpy?” I pointed the question at the ceiling.

“Yeah?”

“Could you be a dear and come down here, please?” I tried as soothing a voice as I could.

She shook her head. “No way. She’s gonna kill me.” She pointed a gray hoof at Vinyl, currently burying her face in the pamphlet, reading it over.

I couldn’t argue that. “Well, at least tell us what we’re supposed to do with this information,” I said, gesturing to the pamphlet she dropped.

“Huh? Oh, yeah! Just call that number, and tell them what happened, and they’ll reembarrass, I mean repurse, I mean... pay you back and stuff for the broke things.” She smiled and nodded.

Vinyl looked up at Derpy, glared for a moment, then looked back at the paper. “This better work...” She growled and walked over to her phone. Gracefully, it seems only her coffee table and ceiling had been damaged. I don’t think she really saw it that way, though. She picked up the phone, and dialed a number.

Then I heard a phone ring. “Oh, ‘scuse me a sec, I gotta take that.” I looked up just as Derpy disappeared from the hole again. “Hello?”

Now, I know it’s not very polite to say, but I very mush wanted to laugh right then. So much so that I thought I might burst. Because the expression on Vinyl’s face as she realized who exactly she was talking to could have melted steel were it so brave enough to walk into her line of sight. “DERPY!”

The gray mare poked her head into the hole again. “Exc~use me, I’m on the phone.”

I don’t remember much after that, because I think I passed out laughing. Which really wasn’t very ladylike.

--------

“And then Octavia just sits there and laughs, can you believe that?!” I was thankful once again that Vinyl’s voice wasn’t one of those that hit really high octaves when she yelled. It sounded more like primal screaming. We were in the Wonderbolt’s headquarters, in a small waiting room that led to my office.

“Hey, Vi, you know she wasn’t trying to be mean.” I tried to be placating.

Thankfully, it worked. “Yeah, your right. I’m sorry Spitfire, it’s just... I shelled out major bits for that apartment, right? And I’ve only had it a few months! You’d think a place that spendy would be a bit sturdier, at least.”

I had to ask. “Um, what was in the big box, anyway?” She’d been telling me this story for the last ten minutes or so having called me once everything settled down. They were currently cleaning her apartment out of all the rubble and stuff.

Vinyl looked up like she’d forgotten she was telling me a story in the first place. “Oh, right, the box...”

--------

I was so absolutely p.o.’ed I thought I was gonna die. This... mare comes out of nowhere and breaks my ceiling, almost destroys my sound system, and wrecks my totally new and show-offy coffee table. I hadn’t even broken it in yet!

-------

I gave Vinyl a look. “Um, what do you mean ‘broken in’?”

She waved a hoof at me matter of factly. “Oh, I was just gonna rut you over it first chance I got.”

I couldn’t help but smile. “Oh, is that all?”

“Anyway, stop interrupting me.”

-------

So the table’s trashed and there’s a hole in my ceiling. And ‘customer service’ isn’t being any help. So eventually I just hang up and wait for Derpy to do something about the box. It doesn’t take long.

“Hey, um, can I have my box back?” She asks me, like nothing happened. Well, not exactly. She’s kind of cowering behind her floor at the moment, cause I think I was shooting sparks I was so mad.

I think I remember smiling or something at that point, cause she hid a little more. “Oh, you want it back? Ok.” So I levitated the thing. Or, tried. I got it right the second time. And I lifted it up and dropped it on her floor again. In hindsight, that wasn’t the best move, because it could have caved the floor in again. But it didn’t. Instead, I see the box wobble a little bit, cause I can see partway into her apartment from where I am, right? I see it wobble a bit, and then it lifts up. And she’s carrying the thing on her back. I swear to Celestia, she’s just standing there with it.

“Oh, thanks!” She says. The thing could have killed her and she says thanks. “I thought you were gonna be mad!”

-------

I can’t believe this. “What? No way. You’re totally making that up.”

Vinyl throws her hooves in the air. “I wish I was! I’d be less confused! But, no, she bucking Tankbuster McEatsgrenades the thing onto her back, and walks off. Octavia was all passed out and stuff, but Fancy was still there. I think he’d just decided not to but in, or whatever. But then...”

------

“Miss Scratch?” The guy sounds pretty cool. Kind of prissy, but not like snobby or anything. If that makes sense. He seems ok. “Would you like help cleaning this up?”

It was like the third best thing I’d heard today. “Uh, sure, but do you know any repair spells?”

He looks at me all wide-eyed, and laughs. “Oh, goodness, no.” Then he pulls out a cell phone and dials a number. “That’s what money is for.”

------

I laughed at that. “He didn’t!”

“He totally did! Like, five really beefy unicorn dudes showed up in minutes. They’re working on the place now. I gave him your direct line so he could let us know when he’s done.”

Oh no she didn’t. “Vinyl...”

Then she busts out laughing. “Bah! Yeah, right! Like I’d give that number away for free. Nah, he’s just gonna call the front desk and let her know. Should be any-”

Just then, a knock on the waiting room door. “Come in.” The door opens, and it’s Wind Whistle. She hands a phone to Vinyl, looking both completely baffled and absolutely indignant. “It’s Fancy Pants. For you. HOW did you get FANCY PANTS to call you HERE?!”

Vinyl just smiles at her and takes the phone. “Hey, Fancy Pants. Thanks for all the help, dude! What’s up?”

Wind Whistle just shakes her head while Vinyl listens to Fancy Pants talk, and walks off. “Holy mother of Luna she’s crazy I swear to the stars...” her grumbling follows her down the hall.

I wait patiently for Vinyl to wrap up, and she’s giving little “Yeahs” and “Uh-huhs”. Then her expression drops. “...what? ...how long? ... are you sure? Yeah, ok. Thanks so much, dude. Bye. Oh, tell Octavia hi for- Oh! She wants to talk to me? ...yeah, ok. I’ll be right over.” She hangs up and puts the phone down on an end table.

“Vinyl, are you ok?” I reach a hoof out to her and pat her on the shoulder. She looks ready to cry.

She turns her face up to look at me, then throws her arms around me. “Oh Spitfire, it’s terrible! It’s just the worst!”

I reciprocate the hug, and pat her on the back. “What’s wrong? Are they kicking you out? Did they break something? Is somepony hurt?!”

“No! I... I..., they...” she tries to make a sentence, but nothing’s coming out.

“Vinyl, what is it?!” I yell, pulling her back to look her in the eye.

“...I have no POWER! Waaaaahhhhhh!!” she throws herself around me and cries.

“...what.”

-------

“Sorry about crying like a little filly back there, Spitfire.” Vinyl apologizes as we walk down the hall to her apartment. There’s still some dust and stuff in the hall being swept up by a rather masculine unicorn. Mmmmm. No, bad Spitfire.

“It’s ok. It’s nothing rally major though, right? You’ll have it back in a few days. They just need to rewire your ceiling. Just be grateful she didn’t take out and plumbing, your whole living room would have been flooded.” Vinyl stops in her tracks, and shudders.

“Jeez, talk about horror stories. My entire rig, soaked? I’d DIE.”

I just roll my eyes. “Come on, let’s go talk to Octavia. Maybe there’s SOME good news lying around here somewhere.”

She knocks on the door, and waits a moment. “Just a second!” Octavia’s voice calls out from the other side of the door. I don’t really have a lot of interaction with her, but I have to say, she’s got a pretty voice. Vinyl keeps saying mine’s the sexiest she’s ever heard. At least, when I’m not barking at recruits and stuff.

Octavia opens the door, and her eyes widen. “Miss Spitfire! I didn’t realize you’d be joining us!”

I shrug. “Just here for moral support.”

“And to look sexy.” Vinyl smiles over her shoulder at me.

“And to look sexy.”

Octavia coughs. “Yes, well, do come in.” She leads us into a rather posh, unsurprisingly music themed living room. We take seats on her couch while she props herself up on a lounge chair. “So, Vinyl, I know we haven’t been talking much lately, but the last few months have been... rather an improvement over that first week.”

Vinyl rolls her eyes. “You got that right. Hoh boy.”

Octavia blushes slightly. She’s obviously still a little sore on the subject. “Yes, well. I’ve been, working on some... issues since then, and I’ve put some thought into what I’m about to ask you, so please at least consider it before you disagree, ok?”

Vinyl looks a bit surprised. I guess I do, too. But Vinyl just motions for her to continue. “Ok, I’ll do my best.”

It’s the charcoal mare’s turn to roll her eyes. “Yes, well. Seeing as how you’re... out of power, and everything in this complex runs on electricity, including hot water, I was thinking maybe you might need someplace to stay for the next few days...”

“Yeah...” Vinyl agrees slowly.

“So I was thinking maybe you could stay here with me for the time being.”

“No.”

I hadn’t intended to say it. I wasn’t even thinking about saying it. It just happened.

This is SO not my fault.

Author's Note:

Sorry guys, didn’t mean to take so long with a new chapter for this story. It's also a shorter-than usual chapter. I try and write to a specific word count, but I thought this part was pretty well-contained. So here ya go.

Also, this story needs cover art.