Don't Birds eat Bees?
Twilight was happy, so very, very happy. She got letters! Petitions and Questions from their dear subjects had started coming in! It wasn’t the flood of issues that she had spent two weeks prepping the postal services for but, still... LETTERS! Twilight and the other princesses would be able to give their two bits on any of these weighted subjects, potentially alter entire life courses!
Squee!... she couldn’t help it she had to squee, also there was this cute little dance.. anyway! Twilight was happy when she called The CEP together.
“My fellow Princesses, thank you for coming to this the second CEP! I know you all must be as excited as me about this, and I don’t intend to disappoint! The response to my call was enthusiastic, and we have collected quite a few issues to discuss, so let’s get started!” Twilight proudly proclaimed.
There was a disturbingly familiar moment of silence and looks between the three older alicorns.
Finally, Celestia smiled sweetly at the youngest princess, and broke the silence,“Twilight, what are you talking about?”
The happiness that twilight had been feeling, threatened to crumble.”Umm, you know.. The Council, ponies problems, my letter to the public!”
“Twilight, that’s all well and good, but you forgot to tell us.” Luna replied.
Twilight stared at Luna for a moment, opened her saddlebags, and tore a scroll out. Scanning her checklist she found that there was infact one box, hidden at the bottom, that remained unchecked.“Oh.” But I checked! I triple checked! That’s why triple checks exist! So that this kind of thing doesn’t happen! I remember specifically checking it while.. oh. Oh! NO! Okay they cannot know about this! Think Twilight, think!
“Umm.. I cut down to double checks? And I’m still getting used to it?” Twilight smiled broadly.
“So you want to have another Council? Even after last time?” Cadance asked.
“Yes! Despite the ‘Teapot’ incident I felt it was a success. I have letters from ponies all over Equestria wanting to know what we think of various topics, and I’d love to try answering them with you.”
“Alright Twilight, we will give it a try.” Celestia said encouragingly.
“Yes!.. Uh I mean, thank you kindly. Alright here’s the first letter!”
Some pony's in Equestria claim that two mares can have a foal together. If this is true, does the council have any plans to discourage or encourage this happening; as well as any ways to keep stallions from becoming irrelevant?
Squee-chi
Once more silence reigned.
“... You didn’t screen these did you Twilight.” Cadance looked knowingly at her sister-in-law.
“I thought it would taint our Council with bias! I didn’t think ponies would write in about such things!”
“One of us is the embodiment of Love in Equestria. How could you have dismissed the idea?” Celestia questioned smiling.
“Well we’ll just skip this one..”
“No Twilight, you promised our subjects our insight into these issues. We cannot abandon them! We must press on through, even should the topic be awkward!” Luna Declared.
“Says ‘The Moon Maiden’” Celestia teased. “Luna, you’ve always been bashful when it has come to the ‘intimate’ topics.”
Luna sputtered a moment trying, and failing, to counter her sister. Finally, blushing deeply, she strode next to twilight. Taking her under her wing she gave the only response she could think of. “I was merely trying to help Twilight steel her nerves is all. That we might bolster each other in the midst of.. uncomfortable situations... Uh, so I was not aware of such a development, any thoughts anypony?”
Smirking at Lunas feint, Celestia explained. “Yes, I remember this being brought up in The Solar Court, however it was a long affair and I’ve forgotten much of the details. But the summary of it was that, with the proper medical procedure along with magic, two mares without a stallion involved in anyway, could produce a foal together.”
“Why would that make stallions irrelevant though?! Ugh! Some ponies! And another thing! I tell you the day ponies abandon the ‘personal touch’ is the day I do become The Lustful Seductress Cadenza! Love between two ponies(I don’t care what gender) is a beautiful thing! And nopony can tell me there will come a day when no mare will desire a good stallions company! And I’m not making much sense am I!?”
Everypony stared at Cadance. Apparently this was something she felt rather strongly about.
“Umm, anything you want to talk about Cadance?”
“Uhh... It’s just.. this has come up a few times, and I have no problem with two mares having a foal together. But then come the crazies. Talking about how I must be so happy that stallions could be made ‘obsolete’ or ‘irrelevant’ in just a few hundred years because stallions aren’t loving or something. Don’t get me wrong, mares are pretty but I prefer Shining. Oh yeah! When he and I get together..”
“And that’s enough of that! Thank you Cadance but I’d rather not hear about my brother that way! So I think we can agree with Cadance, Two mares together is fine, this will be a great advancement both medically and magically, but it doesn’t make stallions any less important as husbands, fathers, or as subjects in our society. In fact we all have males in our lives very dear to us, or at least our friends. They are hard workers, and despite what many mares may think, they are not all just overgrown colts.” Twilight finished her speech.
Then some kind of bomb materialized in front of Celestia and exploded.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Earlier...
“Come on Shining! I’m so bored and we never get to see each other! Can’t we do something fun?” Spike pleaded.
“Sorry Spike but I’ve got to check up with Hard Helm, you know, see how the new captain is doing and discussing guard stuff.” Shining explained to his young friend as he walked off toward the barracks.
Spike huffed and sulked in the other direction.
“Never get to hang with Shining, nothing to eat, nothing to do. Ugh. Worst castle visit ever.” He mumbled.
“Why, is that the sound of a bored Spike I hear?” A new voice came from around the corner of the hall spike just passed making the small dragon jump a little.
“Agh! Oh, Discord it’s just you, what are you doing?”
“Just me? Just a few weeks ago you’d be running off to little star butt if I showed up, and now I’m just another face in the day?... Oh well. At least I got something out of you, some of these ponies are so stone faced I’d swear Cely animated some statues, and believe me I know statuary.” Discord sighed, “Well, to answer your question, the same thing as you, being bored bonkers.”
“Yeah, those guards never change, I don’t get why Shining needs to check in with them when he could spend time with me.” Spike poked a claw to his chest.
The wiry draconequus quirked an eyebrow at the baby dragon, when a sudden realisation hit him in the face. Taking the paper pile that smacked his snout, entitled ‘Da Script’, Discord opened it to a random page and began to read aloud.
“Spike, I (Discord), have had the sudden realisation that I do not know you very well, and that we should get to know one another by engaging in friendly activities together, such as a board game, or perhaps an outdoor sport... Who wrote this drivel? That doesn’t sound anything like me! At least it gave me an idea. Wanna go prank Shining, Helm, and the guards?”
“Aww I don’t know, Shining’s alright, he works hard and I don’t want to hurt him.”
“Spike! How could you! I am a reformed Draconequus, any pranks would be harmless and in the friendliest of spirits! No harm or permanent effects, I promise. Please?” The chimera smiled sweetly.
Spike looked his companion in the face gauging his intent. “Nothing mean?”
“Nothing mean.”
“Nothing that lasts more than a day?”
“Well I would have gone with a week, but sure, one day at the most.”
“...Alright I’m in.”
“YES! I swear spike you won’t regret it! Now, to battle!”
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Things escalated quickly.
Shining and three guards had taken defensive positions behind flipped table, shining taking pot shots with his stun spell at their attackers. Soon they were joined by a pegasus guard who came swooping dodging the cotton candy fluff balls that had immobilized three other guards already.
“Report!” Shining ordered the newest arrival. Despite the situation keeping him from more serious duties, Shining had to admit, this was fun, also good practise for the guards. Not that he would admit this to anyone, of course.
“Sir, Spike is armed with a CCC and covering for Discord who is cooking something up behind the column.”
“CCC?”
“Cotton Candy Cannon sir. Also the cooking thing is literal, there’s an oven and everything.”
Shining thought this all over. They had to move soon. If they could stop Discord before he finished cooking they could put an end to this. “Right, here’s what we do, we take the table and charge them, you two take out the cannon, my magic can’t affect it, the rest of us will disable Discord. Ready?...GO!”
On the other side.
“Discord! They’re making their move!”
“Haha! It’s done! Spike quickly fire this!” Discord tossed a basketball sized blue bomb at his small friend. At first things were rough, but now they were brothers, bonds forged in the fires of combat. Their battle against the guards had been epic, and now, his masterpiece. The Poison Joke Paper Popper(PJPP), he would have added the jalapenos but they were low on time. Their victory was assured!
Spike fumbled.
The guards dog piled them.
An errant pegasus feather tickled spikes nose.
“Ah..Ah!......CHOO!”
Enchanted dragon fire engulfed the PJPP, simultaneously lighting it and sending it on its way to Celestia.
Everyone stared at the now empty floor, then there was an explosion.
“That’s not good.” Everyone said at the same time.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Celestia sat in her standard regal pose, maybe with a bit of intimidation added, observing the perpetrators of this.. prank. Well, she sat as regally and imposingly as she could looking like a foal.
Looking her fellow princesses over, she decided they were a bit better off, especially twilight, but honestly she was a bit biased when it came to that look. Twilight looked like a copy of her, uncursed of course, and Cadance was covered in black and grey nose to tail. All of her regalia was transformed into spiky leather pieces and her eyeliner was running in a creepy crying pattern, Celestia wasn’t a fan of Cadance’s new goth(or was it emo? who cares.) look in the slightest. Yes both of the other princesses had it better, but not by much.
One thing was certain though, she wasn’t going to be the one to lead the coming conversation. She just knew that there would be a lisp, if she could even talk, and she didn’t want to have to deal with that. Catching Twilights attention, Celestia made a series of subtle head nods and gestures to indicate that she should take the lead.
“Umm, I think maybe Celestia needs to be changed. I bet you’d love the practice, right Cadance?” A tiny hoof connected with a tiny face resulting in more pain than was anticipated.
“Twiwight, I was twying to teww you to stawt the disipwanawy heawing.” Celestia explained.
“Why not me?”
Everypony looked around in confusion for the voice that spoke, but no one found anything.
“Who said that?” Twilight demanded.
“Me.”
“Me who?”
“Me Luna, who else would I be?”
Luna was not invisible, but she was less noticeable than the air no one was thinking about when breathing.
Twilight looked at Luna, this went on for a bit. Half a minute of intense staring is what it took for Twilight to see Luna. “Oh Luna. When did you get here? And why are you whispering?”
“I’ve been here the whole time. And I’m not whispering, I’m using the whole power of The Royal Canterlot Voice.” At least that’s what it seemed like someone said, I don’t know it got really hard to pay attention.
“Wait why am I staring at a corner? Right, so Shining please explain what happened.” Twilight said regaly.
“Well at approximately Fourteen Thirty Hours Discord and Spike engaged the Day Guard Barracks with a CCC(Cotton Candy Cannon), two glasses of chocolate milk, PC(Pop Corn) grenades, and a WWIAFTM(Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm Flailing Tube Man), while screaming ‘opposable digits rule’. Fortunately the majority of the off guard were engaged in practice drills elsewhere. There were twelve of us when the attack began, both Slow Poke and Cold Molasses went down in seconds but then..”
“Yes, thank you very much captain, but I don’t need the play by play. Now you two. Explain yourselves!” Twilight was getting a little into this whole ‘in charge’ thing.
Both Spike and Discord hadn’t been paying much attention, being too busy with their current endeavor.
“Okay so Foalestia and Cely-Light are good, but what can we do with Cadance?” Spike questioned his partner.
“Hmm... I’ve got nothing. Isn’t that always the way? You just know we’ll think of something clever later and then it will be too late.” Discord lamented their plight while stroking his beard.
“What about me? What funny things can you do with my name.” Some voice, somewhere asked hopefully, apparently wanting to get in the fun.
“Not now See-Thru-Lulu.” I think I heard a squeal of delight but I don’t know I wasn’t paying attention, or something.
“Spike! Discord! I’m talking to you! What were you thinking when you attacked the guards and Shining.. Shining! Cadance! Stop or get a room!”
The couple disengaged from their make out session sheepishly, Shining returning to his place besides the guards lined up next to the accused.
Spike took the opportunity to work up his nerve. “We were bored! So bored! Shining was busy with the guards, and you were busy here. So we decided since we couldn’t come up here and do girly princess stuff with you, we’d have some cool guy fun with the guards and play battle.”
Twilight stared at Spike for a moment, then a sweet motherly smile shone on her face, a pretty good imitation of Celestia’s really.
“I’m sorry Spike, I didn’t consider you or Discord in this at all did I? Here, let me make it up to you.” Then, purple magic blasted their side of the room.
Both the Draconequus and the Dragon were distinctly female now, also, so were the guards.
“Now the two of you.. uh, seven of you... sorry, can enjoy a nice girly day with us at the royal spa while we get this poison joke taken care of.”
“What about me princess?” A distinctly male voice asked from one of the guards.
“Sure you can come if you like Quick Quill, a spa day should still be pretty nice even as a colt, and Shining! Cadance! Really, get a room! Also, seriously Cadance? What about that whole thing earlier about preferences?”
“What? She’s still my Hubby.”
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The second Discord came into play is around the time the plot went out the window.
That's not a bad thing, mind you...
~Skeeter The Lurker
gifrific.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/Boy-That-Escalated-Quickly-Anchorman.gif
Oh man princess poison joke bomb...
The Lustful Seductress Cadenza just loves her Aegis Shield
Very nice, this Cadance is so much fun.
3059484
Plot can survive against Discord? Never knew that.
3061142
Not really. But it happens on occasion.
~Skeeter The Lurker
3061155 Actually I ran out of plot and Discord just happened to be available. Now if he would just stick to the script..
3061162
Yeaahhhhhh.....
Not likely.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Well, things took an interesting turn, there.