Prologue: Cold in the warm sun
I've just been walking aimlessly. Just going wherever the wind take me, or at least I think that's how that expression goes. It was around noon now, or at least I believed so from looking at the current position of the sun. All I can remember beyond that was a scream, a flash, and...
My name is RedTails
Perspective: Twilight Sparkle
The skies of Equestria slowly had begun to lit up as sun's radiant glow slowly descended upon the small town of Ponyville. Inside Ponyville library I was peacefully sleeping. I had begun to toss and turn in my bed until I finally forced myself awake remembering that today I had many things in the morning to get done because I had a picnic with all friends later this afternoon. The usual morning routine was easy enough to get done quickly. Go downstairs, eat breakfast, go through the checklist with Spike, reorganize the top shelves of the non-fiction section, make sure all the supplies are in order. Okay it took longer than thought, but at least Spike and I got it done just around noon. Well most of it, we still hadn't reorganized the top shelves of the main non-fiction section. Luckily, Spike volunteered to finish it and meet me and the rest of the girls at the picnic. I thanked him and trotted out of library towards the usual picnic spot. However, once I got there I saw that Fluttershy was still absent.
Today was supposed to be a normal day. Myself, PinkiePie, RainbowDash, Applejack, Rarity, and Fluttershy were all so supposed to have picnic. A nice, relaxing, and most importantly peaceful, ordinary picnic. We were all supposed to meet up at the usual spot. Everything was supposed to be fine. Everything is not fine. We heard a sharp scream through the air not to far away. We knew that scream anywhere, it was Fluttershy's. The direction we heard it from didn't help but confirm our fears as it came from the direction of the Everfree Forest.
"Oh no, Fluttershy!" I said. All of us quickly galloped over at top speed to the Everfree Forest. "Fluttershy don't worry! We're coming!" I shouted. We arrived to horrifying sight. Fluttershy was cowering in fear and at the mercy of one of the largest packs of Timberwolves I've ever seen. We needed to do something and fast.
"Don't worry sugarcube we're a comin'!" said AppleJack. That's when I noticed that one of the timberwolves was getting into a crouching position. No, it wasn't crouching... it was getting ready to pounce.
"AHHH!!!" Fluttershy seeing as the timberwolf was now in mid-pounce.
"FLUTTERSHY!" we all said in unison. No no no no no no, This was bad, Think Twilight! Think! Thi-
"EXTEND!" A loud bam followed the unfamiliar voice we heard. All that I saw was something red and fast crashing into the timberwolf midair. "Look, I don't have time for this today," said the voice. That's when I saw a colt, he had a red coat the was a slightly lighter shade than BigMac's and a black tail and mane with a white streak. "You," said the colt turning to Fluttershy, "Stay put." he said rather harshly. "EXTEND!" he shouted again. That's when I saw his tail turn completely red and slam into the surrounding Timberwolves sending them some distance away. Wait, he's not a unicorn! How could he be doing this?! What's up his tail? Is he some sort of new type of pony? What if he-
My mind proceeded to stop as I noticed the remaining timberwolves beginning to retreat. We all ran over to Fluttershy to make sure she was okay and to our relief she was. "Finally, that's over," I heard the red colt say. Fluttershy carefully went over to him as did the rest of us. "Um, thank you for-" Fluttershy began to say, only to be cut off by a loud snapping noise. Things were about to get cold in the light of the warm sun.
Perspective:RedTails
After being unconscious for what felt like eternity I start to open my eyes, and I am immediately blinded the bright light of Celestia’s sun. “Ugh… my head” I groan as reach a hoof up, and rub at my forehead.
I can hear a voice say “Oh please be careful darling. You certainly took a rather nasty hit on the head.”
To me the voice sounds like one that would belong to one of those stuck up ponies in Canterlot. I shake my head loose of the cobwebs, and I squint my eyes shut, reopening them to regain my focus. When my vision becomes clear, I find myself inside a library, and I see the group of ponies from earlier. I start to sit up when one of them places a hoof on my shoulder.
“Easy there partner. Ya got to take it easy,” I look over to see the owner of that gosh awful loud country voice, and it is an orange mare with a blonde mane and tail. Her eyes had a green hue to them, and she has three apples for a cutie mark.
I push her hoof away “I… I’m fine. Thank you,” I say to her, and slowly slide off the lounge I am on. I stand up on all fours as I look around at each of the six ponies, including the one I saved from nearly being eaten by those wolves made out of wood.
“Hello there young one,” the lavender one speaks up next, and reached out a hoof to me. “My name is Twilight Sparkle, and welcome to Ponyville.” Well, that answers my first question.
“Uh… hi Twilight,” I rub at the back of my head. “W-Where am I?” I look around inside the library, which appears to be inside a tree.Twilight gives me a bright smile
“Oh forgive me. This is called the Golden Oaks Library, and it is the only library available in Ponyville.” I nod as I can tell that Twilight is an egghead for being around a lot of books.Out of nowhere a beaming pink face pops up in front of me.
"Hi there I’m Pinkie Pie! I am Ponyville’s number one pony for party throwing! I love cakes, games, candy, balloons, and most of all PARTIES!”
My eye twitches at how fast this goofy pink mare is talking, and I have to admit although I have only met a couple ponies along my travels, this one has the most annoying one of all Equestria. She has a pink coat, puffy dark pink mane and coat, which oddly enough smells like cotton candy. Her bulging blue eyes can give any pony a heart attack, and on her flank are three balloons. No wonder why she loves parties I think to myself.
I watch as she bounces off like a beach ball, and just shake my head. Next to trot up is a white mare with a purple mane, and matching tail. For her cutie mark, she has three diamonds
“Hello there darling. My name is Rarity Belle, and I am Ponyville’s top fashionista.” She gives me a smile, and winks.
She is the pony I heard speak up first. Gosh, she really does seem stuck up I think to myself as I just respond with a simple nod. I see a cyan Pegasus lower down in front of me. She looks cool with a rainbow mane and tail, magenta eyes, and on her flank she bares a cloud with a rainbow colored lightning bolt. She gives me a salute
“Hey there squirt. The name is Rainbow Dash, the coolest, most awesome, and fastest flyer in all of Equestria! She gives me a smirk. Squirt?! She called me a squirt. Why that no good, brash, and cocky idiot for a Pegasus. I take a deep breath to try and calm down. I give her a nod as the last pony to come up to me is the pony I saved from those timberwolves.
She is a cream colored Pegasus, with a flowing pink mane and tail, and has three butterflies as her cutie mark.
“Um… hi there… my name is… Fluttershy, “she speaks with the softest of tones that I can barely hear her say Fluttershy. She looks at me with her pouty sky blue eyes “Um… I just wanted to thank you for saving me from those vicious timberwolves.” I wave a hoof slightly at her
“Eh… you don’t need to thank me. It was just something I felt I needed to do.” I give her a slight smile, and I trot to over to the door.
“Wait!” I hear Twilight say as I stop, and turn around. “You never told us your name,” her along with the others looked at me curiously. I just let out an aggravated sigh.
“My name…is… Redtails,” I replied hesitantly as I turn to leave again.
“Redtails, how did you do that with your tails against the Timberwolves? You aren't a unicorn, so there no possible way you can do magic.” I face hoofed myself at that comment. Gosh she is as annoying as the pink one I thought to myself.
"Listen, I appreciate you all bringing me here, and helping bring me back from unconsciousness, but I think it is time for me to leave.” I turn and finally trot out of the library, slamming the door behind me in frustration.I take a deep breath of the air as I look at Celesita’s sun. I guess I will travel some place new now. First I am going by to see if my sister is alright. I turn to trot away from the library, and continue my journey through Equestria.
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Red Tails, eh? I didn't know I was that famous. x3 Anywho, don't give up this. I'm sure there's people who aren't going to like at first, but it will have a good end result (as long as it isn't cliche). Tata!
this is interesting. MOAR
please
Red Tails, they are just trying to help,
I need more Eyes to look at every single Story I read. But I think I can manage one more
This is a fairly good start, but I've found a few problems with this chapter, which I will now point out to you.
Okay, so Twilight is asleep, but soon forces herself to get up because she has things to prepare for her picnic with the girls.
And yet...
You've skipped a lot of time in just a few paragraphs. First Twilight is barely awake, then all of a sudden she and the others are rushing to help Fluttershy? That's rather confusing, don't you think? You need to add in the preparations (as well as the others actually arriving, or Twilight going to meet them) and then have them hear Fluttershy's panicked scream.
Either that or rewrite it so they're going to Fluttershy's house to begin with.
Should be 'unfamiliar'.
This should say 'have'.
These are the only mistakes I could find. I'm not the best at noticing them, however, so there might be more.
Other than these two grammar errors (and the gaping plothole), you have a good story going here.
2995662 Thanks, I think I fixed most of the mistakes