Discord's Very First Faithful Student

by Pokonic

Students To Be Stupefied

Within the Golden Oaks library, Diamond Tiara was staring at her notes from last year, which were currently in a salad bowl and covered in ranch dressing.

Discord, apparently, enjoyed a good word salad now and then. Diamond was more upset at the fact she was reminded that she hadn't eaten anything for breakfast than seeing her notes from last year being smothered with croutons and smelly dressing, because she really didn't consider that any of that stuff was going to help her, given what she was doing.

She had written down what she needed to do on a single piece of paper, because she accidently threw away the original copy of what Miss Cheerilee gave to her the first day of school and had to ask Silver Spoon for her copy. It was pretty clear on what she had to do, though.

* Write a summery of the events before the period, and what caused it.

* Three things that happened in it.

* Biography about important pony who lived there

* Some crap about how the period effects me today.

In hindsight, Diamond counted herself lucky that she was doing her project on the Age of Discord, because the last two would have probably been really hard if she did, say, the Post-Migration period, because then she would basically either have to do Star Swirl the Bearded or somepony else who was boring, like Clover the Clever or Private Pansy.

In her opinion, if your name actually included the words 'the Clever' in it and you were not actually ruling the country you were in, then you were probably doing it wrong. If Clever Clover, also known as Clover the Clever, for some reason, was so, well, clever, then she probably should have convinced that one noble she was serving to free her from serfdom, which only happened when Unicornia disintegrated. And if your parents named you Pansy for some reason and you ended up being elected as the commander of the pegasi after the last one flew into the mouth of a hydra while drunk and on fire, it would probably would have been a good idea to change your name so history wouldn't remember you as the pony whose full title was The Great Pansy, Commander of Cloudsdale.

Diamond had a dim view of history, because it generally got boring after the few years where the Princesses went around Equestria and blasting evil guys with the Elements of Harmony. It basically went into a big mess of dates and treaties and discoveries of things like running water and stuff like that. Out of the six pony leaders everyone had to know, the only one Diamond enjoyed reading about was Chancellor Puddinghead, because he was completely and utterly insane.

Really, if history just had more ponies who abused their power in funny ways, like making ballot polls that only had their names on them or appointing their imaginary friend to a position in parliament or even attempting to raise a baby dragon in secret so he could conquer Equestria on dragonback, then maybe it would be easier to remember.

At least the Age of Discord was easy enough to remember, because her notes she copied out of her textbook looked a bit like this:

* Discord took over Equestria.

* A really long time happened.

* The Princesses came in and turned him into a statue.

* Equestria was saved! Go ponies!

Really, for a book that spent three pages on how many titles one of the Bluebloods had, it was almost a little upsetting that the whole era was basically a footnote because nothing provable really happened during it, because of how time got wonky and almost nopony really accomplished anything during it. Really, it just seemed to consider Discord's rule to be more of a natural distaster, like a big earthquake or a tornado than anything else, because it just made a note that it happened and moved on to more boring stuff, like rebuilding Canterlot.

Diamond knew that Silver Spoon was doing her project on the time where ponies were starting to connect with outside countries, which was smart because there were plenty of things she could put in there, like when ponies stopped calling griffons monsters and stuff. But Diamond thought she was in a better position, because the guy that the chunk of history she was looking up was named after was sloppily eating in front of her with his hands and looking like a complete spaz.

She had it made, really.

---

"So, uh, can we get started with this?"

Diamond phrased her question as polite as she could be, so she didn't expect Discord to blow off her request, as if it didn't matter.

"Oh, bah, why do you need to do this silly project, anyhow?" said Discord, who was somehow balancing a large bowl on a yellow claw. It made Diamond's head hurt slightly, to look at a obvious breach of the natural laws of nature, so she did her best to look directly into Discord's ugly face.

"I told you that I need to do this for school, or I will start the year with a F." Diamond said slowly and with great stress on the syllables, as if she was talking to Snips or Snails or Scootaloo.

"So what?" said Discord, plucking out a piece of shredded paper out of the bowl and dropping it in his mouth, "You don't need to do it."

"Yes I do." Diamond repeated, with no small amount of spite, "Or I'll never get a good grade in any of my subjects."

"Now, why on earth do you need to do that when your daddy has all that money?" Discord drawled, making a funny face at her.

Diamond stared at Discord, wondering if she really could get away with throwing something at him or something.

"I need to pass it because I need to pass it."

"Why do you wish to pass your classes, my little pony?"

Diamond, because she wasn't used to arguing with adults, almost sounded hesitant when she replied.

"Because if I don't get good grades, my dad said he will give his company to somepony else."

The room was quiet for a few moments, before Discord began to clap, with both hands.

The salad bowl hung in the air, like the temporal anomaly it was.

"Now, was that so hard?" said Discord, looking a little smug as he teleported closer to where the filly was sitting, and looked at the book on the table.

Diamond, feeling something between confusion and wrath, a combination she was starting to become tragically familiar with, scowled at the draconequis, but did nothing as he picked up the book she was just about to open.

"Huh? What was hard?"

Discord, putting the book under a armpit and making a chiding noise, hovered closer to the table, a few feet away from Diamond.

"Child, you must understand the reasoning behind your goals before you can even try to approach the issue of completing them." so sayith the draconequis, voice slightly nasally, as if he was mocking someone.

Diamond processed what her alleged tutor had said, and decided on a proper response while he was in the middle of reading the cover of the book.

"Do you think I'm stupid, I mean, for someone so old your really d-"

"'A Guide to the Lands Cervidae?' What in the world is a 'Cervid'? Is that some sort of rodent?" Discord said lowly, reading the cover of the hefty tomb as if it was a especially confusing riddle. He turned the book upside down, as if that was to help him understand what it was, and stared intently at the cover, squinting lightly. Then, he closed his eyes and licked the cover, as if feeling the words with his suddenly huge tongue would grant him some higher wisdom.

Diamond thought the display shown by the creature was shameful, but she rather enjoyed being the most emotionally mature person in the room.

"It's another word for deer." Diamond said, sounding smug and with her chin turned up slightly, "The deer used to have a bunch of kingdoms and stuff, but now they live in forests and don't really build anything. They were the ones who created the first modern government and civilizations, and helped the other sp-"

Diamond found herself interrupted again, by the laughter of Discord.

For whatever reason, the Draconequis found her words unreasonably funny, rocking back and forth on his back and wiggling his front limbs uncontrollably.

"That's priceless!" wheezed the spirit of chaos, wiping a happy tear from his eyes, "Priceless!"

Diamond wasn't sure what she could say to get a straight answer out of Discord right then, so she waited for his main bout of lung-straining laughter to subside before she questioned him, limbs folded.

"What's so funny?" she asked, taking a quick look at the salad bowl, which was still floating in mid-air.

"Oh, Celesta!" Discord said; as a swear or a actual statement Diamond didn't know, and couldn't begin to guess. "Really, that's it? That's ha-larious. Why are you reading about those things, anyway?"

Diamond, still without a true answer, huffed impatiently.

"I thought I could get something to write about them, because there used to be a bunch of deer in Whitetail Woods and-"

Diamond's words died in the back of her throat when Discord flipped through the pages of the book quickly and, after finishing the book in less than a few moments, ripped the huge tome into little papery shreds with his too-skinny limbs and threw them in the word salad.

She wasn't upset because of he books destruction -it was Twilight Sparkle's, anyway, and there were more copies of it in the library- but she was upset that Discord destroyed something that took her twenty minutes to find and ten more to reach the shelf, and he did it all with a big smile on his face.

"I have a idea for you, Diamond Tiara," Discord said jubilantly, making Diamond even more unnerved than unusual, "I will do this 'project', " he paused, making the word 'project' sound almost mysterious, "for you, every single bit of it, if you listen to every word I say."

Diamond, both delighted at the idea that she didn't have to work and confused by her alleged teacher's words, shrugged.

"Sure, I guess. But why would you want to do that?"

Discord cackled.

"You little ponies don't know anything at all. Of course, it's probably for the best," he paused again, grinning at Diamond, "but if you are going to be my student I believe I have the right to tell you things that would help you succeed."

Diamond blinked.

"Huh?"

Discord stood up on both legs, suddenly dressed in blue robes and a fancy scholars cap, took a few brisk steps around to the other end of the table, and began to write something on a chalkboard that had appeared on his whim. After a few minutes of drawing and exaggerated pondering from the draconequis, the board was absolutely covered in tangles of webs and lines, with the actual words on it written so small she couldn't have hoped to make them all out even if she wasn't sitting on the other side of the room. The fact that it was written in chalk of many different colors, some of which Diamond didn't know the names of, didn't help her confusion.

Discord waited a few moments to speak, looking utterly triumphant as he held a ruler and a stick of chalk like they were proud signs of royalty.

"This, my student, is a brief history of the world, from the very start to this very hour."

Diamond considered what that implied. She was mildly interested in the true history of the universe, and ponies in general, but she had more pressing matters to think about.

"So, uh, your going to do the project for me, right?"

Discord rolled his eyes, but the smile he usually wore quickly found itself back on his face.

"Oh, on the same conditions I have already made clear," Discord said, his giddy mood apparent in his voice, "but I wish to make it clear that this all has a point to it, for you."

"What, to make me fall asleep?" Diamond snapped, not unreasonably.

Discord sighed in desperation, waved a hand, and Diamond Tiara found herself feeling left out on something incredibly important.

"You need to be taught lessons, and you must also learn your history, isn't that right? Well, I am under the impression, as your teacher, that we can combine the two, as we just did."

Diamond raised a eyebrow.

"Okay, I guess. I mean, you are the teacher."

Diamond was beginning to experiment with allotting the draconequis some amount of compliments, in the hopes that he wouldn't pick her up or change the nature of her existence whenever he felt like it.

It was working, because he beamed at her and nodded his head.

"Indeed! I think we should start with the deer, and work our way up." Discord said, "Especially because they are very relevant to you."

"How?" Diamond asked, baffled.

"Why, that's for you to figure out!" Discord replied, still sounding cheerful as ever.

Diamond, while moderately happy that she didn't have to slog through a book older than she was, still lowered her head to the table and groaned in disbelief.

Comments

[Seether00]

Road trip!

[JBGrim]

Get on the magic school bus!

[howard035]

Oh God, I think we can guess the reason for the collapse of deer civilization and their reversion to basically animal status. I wonder if this story deserves a sad tag. Not for what Discord does, but for the brilliant but unsettling and moderately depressing things this story reveals to us about Diamond Tiara.
Considering the history between Diamond Tiara's mom and Cheerilee, I would really love to see Cheerilee taking DT under her wing and acting as a positive female role model. Not only is it the right thing to do, it would be Cheerilee's best possible revenge against her high school bully.

[keaton-furman-prower]

I'd love to have Discord as my mentor

[Pokonic]

4716431 i.imgur.com/vg7o0Zb.png

[howard035]

4722165 ...'kayyyyyyyy.

[Sind]

Oh man, please tell me this is going where I think it is

Always awesome to see this story update, btw; it's my favorite ongoing DT story

I did however find a bunch of grammatical errors and such in this chapter. Feel free to PM me if you want editing help.

[Eater-of-Worlds Smooze]

because she really consider that any of that stuff was going to help her

???