“I don't know about you, Twilight, but something about this storm ain't right.”
Twilight joined Applejack in peering out the library window. The sky was slowly but steadily being covered over by a massive wall of roiling black clouds, constantly lit from within by unseen lighting flashes.
“I wouldn't worry too much,” Twilight said. “It's just a storm. We've had them before.”
“Yeah, but not ones like this.”
Turning from the window, Twilight walked to her desk. “It's probably just a stray storm that slipped out from Cloudsdale. I'm sure Rainbow Dash and the other Pegasus ponies are on it.”
Applejack fidgeted. “They'd better. Last time Ponyville got a storm this big, all our apple trees were scattered across the countryside!”
Twilight picked up one of the apple fritters Applejack had brought over, only to be cut off as Spike bounded down the stairs, a pair of binoculars clutched between his fingers. "Twilight!”
“Spike? What is it?”
“You'd better come see this, and fast!”
Dropping the fritter, Twilight ran up the stairs after Spike, with Applejack close behind her. They emerged onto the library's highest balcony, and were nearly blown off by a strong wind. Taking Spike's binnoculars, Twilight peered through and gasped.
“Twilight?” Applejack asked. “What's wrong?!”
“Oh no! We've got another storm coming in!”
“What?!” Pushing Twilight aside, Applejack looked through the binoculars. Creeping over distant mountain ranges was another storm, this one twice as large as the one already en-route to Ponyville.
“Spike, we need to get a letter to Celestia right away!” Twilight said. “She has to be warned about these two storms!”
“Uhhh... Twilight?” Spike said. “Don't you mean three storms?”
“Three?!”
Spike pointed west. Turning the binoculars in that direction, Applejack caught sight of another mammoth storm heading towards Ponyville.
“Sweet mother of Celestia...” Applejack whispered.
Three storms?!" Twilight shook her head. "How could three storms get past the Pegasus ponies? It's not possible!”
“Then write your dang letter to Celestia and have her send out the cavalry!” Applejack said.
Twilight shook her head. “Not even all of Cloudsdale could handle a storm this big. One yes, two possibly, but not three of them, not all at once. They're to hit, combine, and create a... a... a perfect storm.”
Spike backed away from the railing. “Then what do we do?!”
Twilight didn't answer. Weather patterns weren't her specialty, but she knew this was bad: never before in all of Equestria's history had Ponyville and the surrounding areas been hit by three storms at once. The resulting deluge, thunder, and winds could cause catastrophic damage, especially to the more fragile stores and dwellings in the area. Sugarcube corner, in particular, would practically melt into tasty goo.
“Twilight?” Spike shook Twilight's leg. “Twilight! What do we do?!”
Twilight shook her head. “We've got to prepare! We've got to get everyone ready before it's too late!”
“Open your eyes, Twilight!” Applejack said. “There ain't no gettin' ready for storms like these! You've got to get everyone out of town, and pronto!”
“But that's well over a thousand ponies! And at the rate the storm is coming on, we'll never get everyone out!”
Applejack tossed the binoculars aside. “Well, that's your problem!” She ran back inside.
“Applejack?! Wait!” Twilight chased Applejack down into the library, caught her as she was running out the front door. “Applejack, where are you going?!”
“To the farm! I gotta save my trees!”
“But I need you here! We'll need all the hooves we can get to—”
“Twilight, I wanna help you, I really do, but if all my trees go, then there goes the Apple family's livelihood! When we get everything tied down, I'll come back and help as best I can. Besides, I know you can handle this.” She put a hoof on Twilight's shoulder. “I believe in you.”
Then she ran out the door and into the first drops of rain that fell from above.
Spike clutched Twilight's leg. “Twilight...I'm scared.”
Twilight put a hoof around him. “So am I, Spike. But there's a lot of ponies out there who need our help. Take a message to Princess Celestia: Tell her we're bracing for a big storm, and could use any help she can provide.”
Eager to help, Spike ran to the desk, scribbled down the note, and sent it. “Done!”
“Good. Now grab your coat; we need to head out there and coordinate rescue efforts with the mayor.”
***
Five minutes later, and Twilight was flying towards the mayor's office, Spike riding on her back. Already the rain was coming down harder as the storm fronts sped up. It wouldn't be long before they hit. Hopefully, Ponyville would be ready in time.
But Twilight couldn't shake the deep, nagging feeling that something was terribly wrong, like this storm wasn't going to be her only problem for the day. But what could be worse than one of the strongest storms ever seen? Shaking her head, Twilight turned her focus back to the matter at hand. If there was going to be another problem besides the storm, it would probably involve animals, perhaps a stampede of panicked beasts from the Everfree forest. But that was easily amended by having Fluttershy work with the animals to avoid a destructive stampede.
Besides, compared to the storm, how bad could some panicked animals be?
This is going in my favorites
THIS IS F@#%$^& AWESOME (Voice In The Background) Mister Torque Get Away From The Keyboard NO!!1!!!!1!11!! Sorry About That Mr Torque Found The Keyboard But This Does Sound Awesome
Pacing sucks, the introduction is shoddy at best, the way Twilight reacts is breaking any sort of immersion, Applejack seems pretty OOC too, and the fact that no one has noticed the storms until Spike did breaks any suspension of disbelief.
Oh, God, this is bad. I have no idea how the hell you got this featured on Equestria Daily, but whoever let you on should be fired and legally banned from being within 500M of literature. How do I put this?
You have mechanical issues, particularly with commas, scattered everywhere. You really need to go over a manual of style and get a proofreader, or several.
Your syntax is crappy. You've got so much tell that it's painful. Everything feels absolutely flat and lifeless. There is minimal atmosphere. The mood might as well be permeable by an esepcially aggressive dandelion seed. You have so much x <verbed> y, that I felt like I was reading an overly-long synopsis. The kind of sentences and constructions you use are incredibly clunky. Honestly, I expected to hear iron gears clanking against each other as I went through the sentences. It feels like reading something written by a seventh grader. The short chapter lengths really break the already weak flow of the story.
The characters behave more like plot devices. The dialogue is worthy of a bad direct to video Hong Kong martial arts film dub. The plot is silly by necessity, so I'm letting that slide. And yet, it is labeled comedy, but it just isn't funny. Weird and random are not automatically funny.
None of this is personal, author. Now here's the sad thing: your story is subpar, possibly a little bit so bad it's good. There's nothing especially harmful about it. It admittedly wouldn't be a bad fic to riff, or even just skin through while drunk. However, it got onto Equestria Daily, which means that it is supposedly among the best stories that the fandom has to offer. But when it's judged by any sort of discerning eye, it disintegrates. It simply just does not deserve to be listed on Equestria Daily, with so many amazing stories of legend. Because it is in that context, I have to be harsh on it. That all said, it's a passing curiosity at best, and a flimsy sin at worst.
Holy crap, you timed this chapter and the music perfectly I read the last line and the music stopped. You are awesome at timing!
I'm laughing right now at all the ponies taking this seriously and pointing out grammar errors.
I do agree with 'TheGenuineMaelstrom' there.
Dear gods, these people below ... At this point, I would say that it's not the story that has a problem; It's them.
Yes, the grammar is bad, and so is the pacing. But you know what? Who the fuck cares? It's sharknado, It doesn't have to be good.
In fact, it's probably better because it's so bad.