Inventing Happiness

by Octorocktopus

Chapter I - Tinker Gearclank

When I finally parked at the immigration station, I got a number of looks: some annoyed, some curious, and they weren't just at my mode of transportation. Sure, my Crab-Like Locomotive Device (I've never really been good with names. Though some have suggested I just call it a 'Crab Walker') was pretty strange, as in Equestria, from what I've heard, most vehicles powered by 'magic' or steam seem to make use of wheels. The same wasn't true with goblins, however.

I think the real reason I caught their attention was because of me. I don't know why, really. Haven't they ever seen a goblin before? True, our nation was somewhat far away, but it was like I was completely alien to them. Then again, they pretty much were to me as well, I suppose. Quadpedal versus bipedal, furry versus scaly, cute versus... scary looking, I suppose? Goblins did have sharper teeth than most, but it isn't our fault we eat meat. However, I'd like to think I'm a bit cuter looking than the whole of our species. Perhaps I'm just being narcissistic, though.

It didn't matter, they would get used to me in time, and vice versa. It had to be that way: who else was I going to sell to? I had a plan, and gaining their trust was a part of it. However, first I had to gain the trust of the immigration officer, and if I've learned one thing in my time, the best way to gain someone's, or somepony's trust was with...

---

"...Two thousand Gringot's Nuggets," I said, smiling proudly. I sat in the waiting room of the station, a chilly (to me at least - no fur), wooden little place, waiting for the immigration officer to call me to his office. The chairs were the right height for me, I suppose, though some of the Saddle Arabian ponies I saw there sat with their hind legs on the benches. I suppose it was what they were made for, but to me, it was a strange, but amusing sight, to say the least.

There, I had found another unusual hopeful Equestrian. He was a changeling, in natural form with those cute little insect wings and all. I didn't know how he expected to obtain citizenship: the news of the attack on Canterlob- or was it Canterlute - whatever - traveled fast: all the way to the Goblin Alliance. However, it wasn't really my business to pry.

"Woah!" the changeling chuckled. "You're just asking to get robbed, you know."

My eyes widened, as a shiver ran down my back. "Hey! D-Don't get any ideas!" I cried nervously, hugging my sack of coins defensively.

He gave a slight chuckle, rolling his eyes. "Easy, there. I wouldn't rob you - well, not in the immigration office..."

I let loose an 'EEP', hugging the sack tighter. "Please don't try, this is all I have and I don't want to have to use-"

"I'm kidding! I'm kidding!" the changeling laughed. "Man, you're pretty wound tight, you know that?"

I blinked, taking a deep breath, before giving him an apologetic smile. "Yeah- sorry. G-Guess I'm just nervous about getting into Equestria."

Truthfully though, I can get... agitated in social situations - sometimes. Actually - make that all the time. My best friends were a wrench, hammer and a good book on electronics, not other... entities. Luckily, the changeling had more patients than my family ever did when it came to my... anxiety. Yet still, how far would it get me otherwise?

By the Treasure of Gringot, I am so screwed... I thought.

He put on a smirk. "Just take it easy - if a changeling can get in, you definitely can."

"Speaking of which..." I said, trying to sound as neutral as possible.

His smirk turned into an inviting smile. "That's alright - really, I'd think the same thing in your...-" He blinked, glancing at my feet. "Um- what are those things?"

I glanced down, smiling as well. On my feet were two boots completely made of metal.

"They're my own invention!" I said proudly. "I call them Feet Warmers!"

The changeling raised an eyebrow.

I smiled sheepishly. "Alright - I really need to work on naming things... but at least the name tells it as it is! There is an electrical current running through them powered by a buffer that collects static electricity that warms them, though I won't burn my feet because of heat-absorbing alchemically enhanced Terasnell lacing the interior of it. Pretty neat, huh?!"

The changeling nodded slowly. "Yeah... I have no idea what anything you just said means."

"Er, yeah- heh," I said, blushing slightly while hoping to god the changeling didn't think I was an idiot. I had completely forgotten that electrical circuits and wiring was something brand new to the world, and somewhat crude even in the Goblin Alliance. "A-Anyway - sorry for interrupting. Go ahead and continue."

"No sweat," he smiled. "Anyway - so yeah: turns out that Princess Celestia is more forgiving than anyone could have guessed. I think she realizes that we have a crappy leader, and that we're not all just bad little bugs that go bump in the night, ya know?"

"Yeah," I sighed. Goblins sort of had a bad rep because of certain... circumstances. I can get into that later, though. "A little bit. So what did she do that was so forgiving? Er - not that you need to be forgiven. I'm sorry if I sound racis-"

"You need to invent a chill pill next," he said, sticking his tongue out. "It's cool - really. Just don't call me 'Swish Cheese Legs', I hate when people do that. But anyway- where was I?"

"Um - the part about Princess Celestia being forgiving," I blinked.

"Oh, duh-" the changeling said, chuckling nervously while scratching the back of his head. "Yeah... I sort of have-" He blushed, before shutting down the subject before it began.

"What's up?" I asked. "I mean uh - unless it's a personal matter. I don't mean to pry-"

"It's nothing, and it's alright, I just uh - have some memory issues," he sighed. "So yeah- Princess Celestia's has offered all changelings the same right to be given citizenship as any other species. You just have to have enough gold, enough guts, and enough willpower to see it through! And I have over four-hundred nuggets saved up! I uh- I think they're worth two Equestrian bits, right? You need eight-hundred of those to get in..."

"I'm- I'm not sure," I said, gazing at him sympathetically. He really did seem to have memory issues. I really hoped he had enough to get in...

Oh no, don't you start getting ideas. You need all the money you have and more! Don't start getting charitable! You start doing that and you'll never bloody stop!

I then coughed slightly, before changing the subject with: "Um... I just had one question, though."

"Shoot!" he said, smiling brightly.

"Who's Princess Celestia?"

...

A beat.

The changeling gave me a deadpan look. This time I was sure he was thinking 'what an idiot. What an idiot. What a bloody stupid, green idiot...' "Hoooo boy..." he said.

I cringed slightly.

The changeling gave me a reassuring look. "Well, hey - I didn't mean to make it sound like it was that bad. I'm sure you'll get in, anyway! But uh - in case they ask, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna are the nation's leaders. They're also responsible for raising the sun and the moon each day and night- for the entire planet, I think."

Immediately, my eyes widened. "You mean - P-Princess Celestia is Solstus?!"

"Who?" he asked.

"Solstus!" I said, bouncing excitedly, before noticing that the ponies around me were giving me looks. I quickly cleared my throat, before whispering: "Solstus is the name my people have for the Sun Alicorn. Most goblins don't believe in her, though, and the word that Equestria is home to Solstus, and her sister, Naragog, is considered nothing but fairy tale. But my family is sort of religious..."

"So wait - goblins don't believe that Princess Celestia has any power?"

I shook my head. "The Sun and Moon Alicorns are supposed to be above politics and mortal dealings."

The changeling giggled yet again. "Oh man - aren't you in for a surprise..."

I rolled my eyes, before quickly apologizing with a sheepish chuckle. "S-Sorry, I don't mean to insult your beliefs-"

"Nothing you've said so far has insulted me," he sighed.

"-But I never said I believed in that nonsense. Sure, 'magic' is real, but there are scientific theories as to how it's possible. The idea that celestial beings even exist - and have the capacity to move stellar objects?! That's beyond what any theory can explain! It's ludicrous!"

The changeling smirked slightly. "Then how do you explain the day without a sun that happened three years back? I-it was three years back, right? Or maybe it was two... whatever! But yeah - right when the rumors that Nightmare Moon - Luna's evil form, if you don't know, returned?"

"I think I know what you're talking about," I said, though with a rational tone building. "But the Goblin Science Academy already has an explanation for it - sunspot activity."

"Sun... what?" the changeling said.

"Sunspots! You know- spots on the sun," I groaned. "My gosh, you people are primitive - er, scientifically speaking!"

"Alright, now that's kind of offensive," the changeling groaned.

My eyes widened in horror. I had done it again - I had given into my habit of being condescending to those who weren't as... advanced scientifically as us goblins were. It was the third time the trip, and it never turned out well... if I kept this up, I'd have no customers in no time. "I'm so-so-so sorry!" I squeaked. "I didn't mean to sound so arrogant. Primitive was a bad word to use."

The changeling chuckled. "It's alright - I know you didn't mean any offense by it. But man - you need to work on your social skills a bit."

"T-Tell me about it," I sighed.

He gave a shrug. "We all have our quirks," the changeling said, offering me a forgiving smile. "I know I do..."

Before he could continue, the door to the immigration officer's office swung open, and a tearful looking donkey sauntered out of it. Without a word, or a glance, he gathered his belongings, including a traveler's hat, before leaving the station.

"Tinker... Gearclank?" an overworked, tired voice called. "Sorry about the wait - you're good to come in."

"L-Let's just hope those quirks won't screw me over," I gulped, before lifting myself off the seat.

The changeling nodded. "Hey, same here." He then held out a hole-filled hoof. "Good luck in there, alright?"

"Thanks, you too," I said, forcing a smile his way, before shaking the hoof.

"Just hope I didn't do the math wrong with these golden nuggets," he said, before shrugging with a hopeful smile. "Ah well - I'm sure it'll be alright, right?"

"I'm sure it will," I smiled, before cringing at the greedy voice running through my head as I made my way to the door.

Don't you even think about it. That changeling should have double-checked. You're here to run a business, not to make friends...

At that, I shook my head, before walking into the office. It was a shaded place, with a beam of dust-speckled light shining through its only window. On the wall were a few framed pictures, one of the station first being built, another of what I assumed was one of the first families moving in: a group of unicorns. It was strange: for such a primiti- ahem - scientifically inadequate nation, the Equestrians knew how to make a moment capturing device.

They made use of it in many ways, more ways than goblins did. Goblins never took photographs of their families: such as what lay on the officer's desk. He was a stern looking unicorn, his eyes tired and sagging, but nevertheless, he offered me a smile.

"Please, have a seat," he said, nodding towards the chair in front of his desk, before walking over to the other side of the room and grabbing a cup of a strange, green liquid with his concentrated matter manipulation energy (our word for 'magic). "Tea?" he asked.

I blinked. "I'm sorry? I'm not familiar with local slang..."

Why did he just randomly say a letter?

He smirked slightly, glancing down at the cup. "I forgot goblins drank coffee."

My eyes widened like a schoolgirl's at a Daft Funk concert.

Caffienated. Goodness. Give! NOW!.!.!

"Give me the brain juice," I said hypnotically, practically drooling in anticipation.

He did a double take. "I'm sorry?"

I snapped out of it, blinking rapidly. My withdraw from caffeine had taken a toll on me. I didn't have any room to pack it.

"I mean -" I said, grinning sheepishly. "I would gladly enjoy your caffeinated letter - I mean, tea."

At this point, I was practically sweating as I thought He probably thinks you're weird even for a goblin... be ready to make it up!

"Heh, well than you're welcome to it," he smiled, setting the cup down next to me. To my surprise, there was actually a handle to the cup, despite the fact ponies didn't have fingers.

I'm not even going to try to explain that.... not without the precious...

I took a sip of tea, as the officer sat down, sorting through a few papers.

"Mph... this may take a second to find," he chuckled. "I'm afraid today's been a busy day. I know I saw your form in the mail... but while I look, how was your trip?"

I froze up. My trip was horrible. It rained and rained and rained... and I almost got attacked by a vampire rabbit. Yeah - vampire rabbits. This continent was insane...

So I did what any good goblin would do in this situation: lie.

"It was um- nice," I said.

Just... nice?! Come on, you can come up with more than that! Twist this to your advantage. Say how excited you are to be near Equestrian soil!

I then coughed, gaining another weird look from the officer. "I mean- it was nice... until I got here! Then it was awesome! Equestria is so beautiful, with its rolling mountains and um- freedom of... speech?"

He nodded slowly, as I sunk back into my chair.

Good Gringot, why am I even here? You just had to give into your goblin greed... I just hope I brought enough sunflower oil to get home..., I don't think hitchhiking is an option in these parts.

"Ah - here it is," he said, smiling as he sat a brown folder on his desk. "But yeah - why don't we get the hardest part out of the way? Sound good? I promise - I judge everyone fairly."

"Um... sure," I squeaked, shifting in my seat.

He then nodded, a serious look coming over his face. "Equestria is a nation of good will, miss. A nation of charity, and a nation of peace. Though we are also a land of forgiveness and tolerance, we won't let just anyone into our borders who would disrupt this." He narrowed his eyes. "So... I want you to relax and think for five or so minutes, however long it takes, and then tell me: Why do you want to be an Equestrian citizen?"

My sweat nearly began pouring like a river...

Comments

[Jacker]

First fic? Looking alright so far. Keep it up! Oh, and I vote that she tells the truth.

[Dirty Durge]

Not too bad: I like Tinker, even if she's a bit too similar to Twilight. I'll follow, though. However, I'm not sure about the whole interactive thing... so I'll just leave my answer blank for now.

[Inclinedtoserve]

C

For science. You monster

[Garrus D Vakarian]

I'm Garrus Vakarian and this is my favorite Warcraft Reference goblin in Equestria.

As for the vote, can it wait a minute? I'm in the middle of some calibrations.

[The Goblin King]

2914076

I'm the god damned Goblin King and I approve of your message.

Vote C, you sell-out!

[Evowizard25]

Eh, A or C will do. (They are pretty much the same, except A is less self-embellishing and C is more show offy.) Which matters on what you want to do with this character. Do you want her to be show-offy or more of an honest salesgoblin? (It seems, from what I've seen, she's not mean-spirited or super greedy like most goblins.)

Which reminds me. There is a nation of goblins in this world of yours? So does mine.I've been thinking over the nations of my world, and a goblin nation fits right in. We geniuses think alike.

Also, this is the first story I know that centers around a goblin. Can't wait to see more.

[green oni]

Hmm interactive..... you are lucky I love goblins or the interactive part would have made me skip this story. Anyway go with a.

[Octorocktopus]

2913954>>2913988>>2914050>>2914076>>2914097>>2914247>>2914152

Heyo, thank you for taking the time to vote, everyone, but I've decided that I'm going to take the interactive part out of this tale. I have a path I want to take this character and story.

[General Patton]

Not bad.

[Skalula7]

i vote that she says that shes wants to start a buisiness to help better equestria

[Skalula7]

oh ya. how often do you think you'll be posting?

[doctor_n]

Only read the description, and I can already tell that you are good just by how you wrote that.
But I will withhold judgement until I read the chapter.

[matangadijolachanga]

this is well refreshing.. do keep on.

[501st Party Brigade]

I am the leader of the Party Brigade and i support this fic.....

DAMN IT Garrus!!!!! You done calibrating the orbital party cannon yet?!?!?

[Octorocktopus]

2914696

Hopefully every day this week :). It depends on how good my creativity flows. After that, maybe every other day? Not sure.

[Ninja Kraken]

inb4 feature and Regidar.

Got that out of my system. Now to read.

[TheBigNerd]

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Loving iiiiiiiiitttt

[coldfang66]

Well this is certainly original. Hope you update soon