There was a loud crash outside Twilight Sparkle's house. Twilight woke up with a start, and looked around.
"Spike did you hear that?"
The baby dragon ignored Twilight, so she decided to investigate to what made such a loud sound. She passed a clock, that read 4:30am, and stared out the balcony at the stars winking in the sky above. what could make such a loud sound? she wondered as she looked around on the balcony. She spotted something small and blue in her tree, and she rubbed her eyes. could i be seeing things? she wondered, as she levitated the object out of her tree. When she caught sight of the object, she gasped.
It was a unicorn filly, her dark-blue mane a total mess. Her coat was saturated with dirt, and she was pretty beat up. She was unconscious, and hung limply in Twilight's magic. How'd a filly get in my tree? she pondered, as she carefully went back in, and placed the filly on a big pillow near her bed. She placed a blanket over the filly, and then promptly fell asleep back on her bed.
The next morning, Twilight got up, and brushed her mane. Afterwards, she checked on the little filly. The unicorn filly was still sleeping soundly, just like spike was. Okay, i've got to get a few things done, she thought, but i'll hurry back here, in case she wakes up. I've got a bunch of questions to ask her. Twilight put on her saddlebag, and promptly left.
It was some time later that Stargazer woke from her sleep. She rubbed her eyes, and looked around. Where the hay am I?? she thought, as she quickly got off the pillow. man, there's a bunch of books here.... Did i end up in a libary ar something?? Her head pounded, and she soon found that she had her side banaged. Twilight had cleaned and bandaged the filly, before she had headed out. Stargazer's thoughts were fuzzy, as she tried to remember how she got here, but the only awnser that popped up was her name: Stargazer. Stargazer got to her hooves, and began to explore the libary. She causiously looked at a window outside, staring at the number of ponies roaming about the town. Gee, that's a lot of ponies. she thought.
Suddenly, there was a pink flash of light, that slowly dissapeared, followed by a gasp of suprise from Stargazer. Twilight was back home.
Twilight was more than suprised. "Oh, you're awake!" she said with a tone of suprise, as she set her groceries down with magic in the other room.
"Are you okay?"
"Who areyou???" Stargazer asked confused.
Twilight's hoof went to her face. "Sorry there. My name's Twilight sparkle, and i am a princess, but it doesn't mean much to me. heh, now i've got wings, big deal." she quickly got back to topic."Who are you, may i ask, and how'd you get in my tree?"
lol I can certainly feel how much fun you're having writing this. Keep writing!
It's important to just keep that flow going, don't let it stop ya.
Small tip, try and keep only one character speaking/thinking per paragraph. Put a single, or double space between them. You can also write your Dialogue to be it's own line:
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Stargazer awoke with a freight, not fully aware of her surroundings as she tries hastily to make sense of all the strange new smells and ponies, and lizard? Surrounding her as she wakes from what felt like a really bad dream. This purple one seems to be staring intently, almost excitedly, at her. She seems to signal to the little lizard pet to fetch for something...
"Oh my!" Twilight lets out, "I'm so glad you're finally awake. We were so worried. But you're safe now, so please, don't strain yourself and try to take it easy. I just sent Spike to retrieve the soup we prepared to for you. You must be famished."
"I... , um, thank you." Stargazer was finally starting to see straight again, the fuzziness in her eyes clearing away. She points a hoof towards the purple mare, "Who are y—"
It was about that moment that Stargazer noticed noticed her tiny hoof. Sudden realization and memories flooding back of her most recent encounter. The now, Filly Stargazer, only had one thing to say to all this...
..."EEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"
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Haha, sorry, I really did think it is a cute story. Keep practicing and don't let silly bars ruin your fun. Improve where you can, when you can, but first and foremost, just be sure to put it all down first.
Good luck!