Losing my mind, and proud of it!
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An alicorn and her enemy fight. Her enemy, Black Lightning, wipes her memory, grabbed a few of her special feathers, and knocked her out cold. He then turned her into a filly, and teleported her a long way from her home, Los Pegasus. Will she ever gain back her memories, or live an empty existance, in an unfamiliar world???
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Is this past moderation because it doesn't show up on your stories list, but it's here. Is it published yet?
That is all. Equestria is ours.
3174428 no, i tried yesterday. they said it was... to violent...
3174432
If you copy and paste what they said and send it to via pm I can probably tell you why it didn't pass.
That is all. Equestria is ours.
3174442
?
though i did fix it...
3174450
I'm looking right now dude, you need to fix the dialogue separation, and just grammar overall
Since you fixed the teen all you need to do is fix all the grammatical errors.
That is all. Equestria is ours.
3174474 i just did.
3174476
She took a defensive pose, and shouted,"you shall not terrorize this town no more!!!"
Tis needs to be its own paragraph, the y in you should be capitalized, and though it is not incorrect it is frowned upon to use multiple punctuation marks at the end of a sentence.
Black Lightning laughed, as he approached.
"Sill ambitious as ever, i see. I don't think you ever learn."
Either put an enter between the two lines or put them side by side.
"who said you had to? i'll make a way in there!" he growled as he charged forward.
The w in who should be capitalized as well as the i in I'll. the h in he after the ! Should be capitalized too.
Stargazer moved to block his path, and bucked the changeling in the face.
No comma is necessary, in fact it is incorrect.
The changeling snarled as he stepped back, wiping a small amount of blood fron his face.
From not fron
his green compound eyes were full of loathing, as he stared at the alicorn
H in his should new capitalized.
These are the first of many. I can help you to correct them later if you want but right now I'm kinda busy
That is all. Equestria is ours.
3174522 okay... can you help me? it was written at midnight, for a week.
3174529
Yes, later. I'm really busy right now but later I will be available....
That is all. Equestria is ours.
3174538 yes, and i will be here
3174809 Buck-- to kick him in the face with both back hooves. is there another word for it? Glad you like it... there's a reason it's under comedy
Mighty fine story pardner!
3175926
3175932
Didn't expect that response stranger...
Still, good luck to you
3175940 Sable- of course. thanks for the favorite, you are the second, after all.
Star- we're gonna need it for a journey in the Everfree. Flame's friend is..... i think she's hurt.
Flames has some sort of connection with Ebony... but she's in no state to rescue Ebony.
You really need to find and editor for this story.
3176833 yes, i do. it sucks, right?
3176833 how did you find me?
3179288
I was browsing the new stories list.
3181009 interesting... l like your style, kid.
11 dislikes?? Oh jeez...
lol I can certainly feel how much fun you're having writing this. Keep writing!
It's important to just keep that flow going, don't let it stop ya.
Small tip, try and keep only one character speaking/thinking per paragraph. Put a single, or double space between them. You can also write your Dialogue to be it's own line:
---------------------------
Stargazer awoke with a freight, not fully aware of her surroundings as she tries hastily to make sense of all the strange new smells and ponies, and lizard? Surrounding her as she wakes from what felt like a really bad dream. This purple one seems to be staring intently, almost excitedly, at her. She seems to signal to the little lizard pet to fetch for something...
"Oh my!" Twilight lets out, "I'm so glad you're finally awake. We were so worried. But you're safe now, so please, don't strain yourself and try to take it easy. I just sent Spike to retrieve the soup we prepared to for you. You must be famished."
"I... , um, thank you." Stargazer was finally starting to see straight again, the fuzziness in her eyes clearing away. She points a hoof towards the purple mare, "Who are y—"
It was about that moment that Stargazer noticed noticed her tiny hoof. Sudden realization and memories flooding back of her most recent encounter. The now, Filly Stargazer, only had one thing to say to all this...
..."EEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"
-------------------------
Haha, sorry, I really did think it is a cute story. Keep practicing and don't let silly bars ruin your fun. Improve where you can, when you can, but first and foremost, just be sure to put it all down first.
Good luck!
3226410 Wow.. i'm glad i followed you!
I will take your suggestions happilly, though Stargazer has really no memory of anything... untill much later. Thank you so much!!
3226424 haha, yeah, I know. I just needed to come up with a decent example, and I ended up having a bit too much fun with the it.
And you're welcome, and thanks. I'm flattered you would choose to follow
, best of luck!
3227083 Thanks!
very good story so far.
can't wait for the next chapter.
3227415 Man' thank you! it'll be done soon, okay?
Now that's what i like! More likes than Dislikes!
3227683 work on the grammar and the sentences. Dont make things take part after another action. Try to describe everything with more detail.
I have no idea about what you are writing but I like it so far xD
3227763
3227591 ok.
3228083 Thanks!
Though to be fair, it was written at some unethical hour.
Um... the characters seem a little flat. There's also not enough context in the chapter.
Sorry to say that.
3230163 Flames- Any criticism is okay, Note.
And I'm getting someone to edit it, okay? 
3174809 Fixed, my dear.
3233494 Thanks!
you're such a good friend.
Well, you're my friend and everything, but I have to be honest here:
This story isn't too good. The chapters are way too short, there are some grammar/capitalization (Would those be the same thing?) problems, some punctuation issues...
I feel bad for saying all this, but it's the truth. Sowwy...
3244742 That's fine. You see, it was written at a very early hour,
and at a wrong time. Thanks for you speaking your mind.
And I am currently thinking of just re-doing the entire story. Sugestions? 
They might be in the re-write!
Your faithful changeling friend,
Black Flames
To be honest, the grammar in this one is not bad. A couple uncapitalized proper nouns, a few mix-ups with punctuation, and maybe a few misspellings. As for story development, its pretty good.
3266027 Dear my fellow friend-
Thank you.
I edited it earlier, but i still need help. Later on, i'll be releasing the story, Loneliness and Friendship, when i get done with it.
400 words to go, and an aproval.. and you'll see it on the site. Thanks again for your feedback, and you're am awesome friend.
Sincerly
Black Flames
3230163 Flames- Working on that.
3266027
Good to hear.
Los Pegasus should be capitalized. The first Lightning in Black Lightning is not capitalized. "His green compound" sentences first word is not capitalized. Then you have a couple I's to fix. Last you have a double period between unconscious and as.
3322482 Fixed!
and this is just now that i see that i had put the like but i've forgot to fav the story
if Dust and i share something , it must be our stupidity
3388800 and there's something one forgets about the countless OC's I create. For one, go ahead, Favorite it.
And Two.... you share this with one of my OC's..... she's not very bright.
Her name is Amethyst Shadows.
static.fjcdn.com/comments/8+_ae517bb7b5d233f9c6b9fff103f2bc0a.jpg
The likers... I love ya guys!! (And mares)