Twilight gets stung by a bee (and other short stories)

by GrouchoMarxDisciple

This chapter will be banned

As the doors of the Carousel Boutique closed for the final time that day, the fashion-freak owner sighed and closed her eyes. Closing time, finally. It had been a long, hard day, and although the fashionista loved her work, it sometimes became a chore. Such as today, when one of her clients demanded her dress be re-sown, with the buttons mismatched (Apparently, that was in style in Stalliongrad), or yesterday when the cyan-colored model (who is not appearing in this story) threw up all over Rarity's newest dress1.

It had been a long day, certainly. Rarity was rather glad that Sweetie Belle was at a CMC sleepover... somewhere else. Tonight would just be peace and...

Scratch scratch scratch...

Ahem. Like I said, peace and...

Scratch scratch scratch...

Ugh. That noise isn't going to let Rarity get any sleep, is it?

Scratch scratch scratch...

Nope. None. Rarity opened her eyes, rather angrily I might add, and got up off her cry-couch. Time to investigate.

To be honest, this wasn't how the story was supposed to go. I was originally about to write about Rarity's nightmare, and how she would be awoken by Sweetie Belle (Who was supposed to be appearing in this story eventually), because she had forgotten her favorite stuffed animal. It all had a really clever punchline, I'm sure, but I can't hear myself think over that incessant Scratch scratch scratching.

So, I think we shall follow Rarity, as the search for the sound leads her to the kitchen. Perhaps she left the water running? No, that would be more of a "drip drip" sound, unless that water happened to be laced with metal shavings. Even then, it would be more of a grinding noise, which would be even more annoying, not to mention causing some property damage.

No, this was a scratching noise, certainly. It was almost as if Opal was scratching at the door. In fact, that was almost exactly what it sounded like. Opal just needed to be let in. That must be the source of the noise. There is no other explanation. Rarity, go to the door where...

The scratching isn't coming from the door? Then where in the name of sweet Celestia is it? As Rarity follows her ears, they lead her directly to-

The cupboard?

WHAT THE #@$%?

---

Sorry about that. It's late, I'm tired, and I want to get on with my story. Apparently it is being derailed by some persistent noisemaker currently located inside Rarity's cupboard.

Hopefully this will all end soon. I promise I will get to the real story in just a little. I will make sure this story goes correctly from here..

Creeeeeaaaaak...

As Rarity opened the cupboard, she warily looked inside. Let's see, the contents of her cupboard are... Some who hash... some more who hash... It looks pretty standard, if you ask me.

Rarity suddenly shrieked, in the most unladylike way. She quickly turned tail and ran. Does she have some phobia of Who Hash, or something?

Scratch scratch scratch...

Alright. Enough is enough. What is that MOTHER$#@%ING sound?

---

Rarity slowly approached the cupboard, holding Opal up.

"Alright, Opal. This is it. Time to prove to me you are a cat. I need you to scare that mouse out of the cupboard."

Mouse? What mouse? I didn't write about any mouse! Alright, what's going on here? There is no mouse in this story, and that is...

Scratch scratch scratch...

Ahem. Like I said, there is no...

Scratch scratch scratch...

Ther-

Scratch scratch scratch...

You know what? FINE. I'm not even going to argue. Rarity can have whatever the heck adventure she wants. I'm done. Goodnight.

1: This day happened to be the same day as the "baked bads" incident.

---

Oh, hey! It's me, Sweetie Belle!

So, when I walked in the door, Rarity was like, on the ground. I thought she was throwing another one of her tantrums, but as it turns out the narrator of her story had quit. She said something about "being stuck in limbo for all eternity without my collection of French mane products", so I offered to narrate the story for her!

WON'T THIS BE GREAT? MAYBE I CAN GET MY CUTIE MARK!

Sweetie Belle: Ace Narrator, at your service!

Okay, so back to the story. I think I will pick up where I just used a trick Pinkie Pie showed me to begin narrating. Okay, so what happened after that was that I saw MeesterBob (I think that's the guy's name) asleep next to his computer. I decided not to wake him, so I'll just write.

Rarity was picking up Opal again, so she could try to get the mouse out. I wonder how the mouse got in there in the first place? Hmm... Well, we did try to get mouse-feeding Cutie Marks once, and I think one of them got loose... But he didn't look anything like this mouse! He was cute and cuddly, and this mouse looks angry and violent...

Anyway, Rarity decided she was going to try to use Opal to scare the mouse, because Opal is a cat, I guess. I don't think Opal is really that scary though, I mean when she was little she used to cough up hairballs whenever she got mad, instead of scratching or hissing like most cats. I guess that worked though, 'cause whenever Rarity saw one she would get really mad and stuff, so I quickly learned not to make Opal mad.

So Rarity opens the cupboard and there is the mouse, sitting there like a mouse does, and eating from one of her cans. She lifts up Opal and...

Wait. That doesn't make sense. A mouse can't open a can, you do that with a can opener! Maybe the mouse has a can-opener? Or, maybe, this is a super-mutant mouse, like in Scootaloo's comic books! Like, maybe she can use her super-strong claws to jar open the can, or maybe uses her x-ray eyes to melt the lid off! That would be so cool!

"MREWWWW!" Screams Opal. She looks just as scared of the mouse as Rarity was. Well, I guess I expected that. Opal takes after Rarity, and wouldn't want to get dirty or involved with a mouse at all. Like, I could have told her that. Duh.

So anyway, the mouse is still there, still eating the Who Hash. Hey, you wanna know why Rarity has so much hash in her cupboard?

Why are you laughing so hard?

Anyway, it's because she HATES it, but a lot of ponies are convinced she loves it. So she gets a lot of it, but she never cooks or eats it. I guess she just keeps all of it in that cupboard. Which, if you think about it, makes the mouse actually a good thing, I mean he's eating something that would have never been eaten otherwise.

Try telling Rarity that, though.

Anyway, after that Rarity begins pacing. OOH OOH OOH! I get to narrate dialogue! I get to write what Rarity is saying! This is where I use quotation marks, and have to narrate while scribing! It's like, the best part of every book ever! This will be so cool!

"...And that's what I shall do." Rarity finishes, giving finality to her sentence.

Sorry, I was so busy gushing over writing dialogue, I mighta-sorta missed what she said.

Rarity gathers a broom, two bricks, a piece of cheese, a velvet painting of Mayor Mare, three boxes of fireworks Trixie left, two potatoes and a green crayon. Wow, I really missed a lot. I'm sorry guys.

She begins tying the picture to the bricks, setting the broom against the fireworks, lighting the fuse, and running like mad, when-

OH NO! MeesterBob is waking up! Sorry guys, gotta go before he sees me! Stuff is exploding, but I don't have time to tell you! BYE!

---

Sorry guys. What I did back there was really unprofessional and rude. I won't do that to you anymore. I promise to round out this story as rationally as possible. Ahem.

With half of her house gone and her mane singed, Rarity pokes out of the makeshift bunker she made with her cry-couch. Looking out, she sees her entire kitchen blown away, except for that cupboard. The mouse peeks out, and squeak-laughs at her.

You know what, on second thought, I'm going back to sleep.

Author's Note:

As a footnote, I can verify that Rarity got the mouse out with some help with Fluttershy.

I can also promise Sweetie Belle was not narrating. It had to have been a prank.

Comments

[Regidar]

oh dear
well played

[Reeve]

Brilliant

[Slslslfkfjgnngjf]

Nice

[Steelstream]

Do you write these half-asleep?

[GrouchoMarxDisciple]

4598774 No. What on earth would make you think that?

Okay, maybe only half-asleep...