Chapter 4: Boring! I chill out during the aftermath!
One hour later...
ding
The bartender glanced up from the mug was he washing to see a scarlet unicorn enter his bar. He wasn’t expecting any customers so early in the day, considering it was several hours before happy hour. He put down the mug and washrag and trotted up to the counter, propping his arms atop it. The unicorn walked toward him, sat down on the padded stool and began rubbing his temples.
“Long day?” the bartender inquired, raising an eyebrow. There were only three reasons a pony would come to drink already sporting a headache: magical exhaustion, they were new to town, or her name was Berry Punch. The bartender placed his bits on the second option as the unicorn sighed.
“You have no idea…” the unicorn sighed as he placed a few bits on the counter. “Give me strongest thing you’ve got.” The bartender raised an eyebrow, but didn’t probe any further. A mixture of fermented grape juice, apple cider, several spices, and an olive was mixed together by the bartender and shaken rather than stirred for maximum effect. The result was the most intoxicating drink he served. The secret was in the spice. A secret spice.
“Try me,” the bartender challenged. “I’ve got folk from all over Equestria to tell me their woes, from a cheating wife to a failed invasion in Canterlot. What makes you any different?” he asked, leaning forward on the counter. He didn’t enjoy prying into a customer’s private life, but his boredom was reaching its peak. Today was one of the few holidays he was required to stay open during daylight, rather than night when all the ponies were out partying. The unicorn scoffed.
“Trust me, this is a first,” the unicorn sighed as he lifted the shot glass to his lips and sipped his mixed drink. The taste burnt his tongue as the bitter fluid streamed down his throat. The rush of alcohol helped dull the throbbing in his head. The bartender was about to retort when another customer set off the bell.
ding
A sulking melon-coated pegasus dragged his hooves across the floor, approaching the unicorn and parked into the seat to his right. The pegasus flipped his highlighted brown mane and asked for the “same as he’s having.”
“Nice to see ya, Skates,” the unicorn greeted as he sipped his second shot. The pegasus lapped his drink, testing the alcohol level, before gulping it down and replying.
“Yep, howdy do Zee?” he replied, rolling his eyes and tapping on the counter. His wings, rather than plastered to his sides, were slowly flapping behind him.
“Quite well, if I may so myself,” Zeno answered as he set down his drink. He rested his cheek on his left hoof as his right tapped on the counter in unison with Skate. The synchronization caught the bartender off-guard, but didn’t quite shock him. He’s seen stranger things from drunks, especially Berry.
“I knocked out Pinkie Pie with a rock,” Skates whispered, starting to get tipsy. The bartender recognized the beginning symptoms. After all, pegasi could not hold their liquor as well as the other two races.
“And why did you do that?”
“She was singing.”
“Well that’s not so bad, considering she and Dust nearly destroyed a building or two.”
“She was singing backwards while riding a flying timberwolf. I think it was on fire too.”
“And she deserved the rock for that?”
“Well no. She was trying to wish me an early birthday and was singing at warp speed. Oh, and she was chasing me on the timberwolf.”
“Why’d you run away in the first place?”
“She said the timberwolf wanted a hug.” This comment caused Zeno to involuntarily shiver. You don’t mess with timberwolves.
“Point taken. Just don’t hit ponies for singing next time, ok? Anyway, did anything else weird happen to you?” Zeno’s question caused Skates to glance at his friend. Skates noticed one of Zeno’s ears flicking in a familiar fashion, signifying anxiety. His gaze drifted lower to the face. Zeno’s cheeks were pale, and blotchy. His blue eyes pierced into space, unfocused. On closer observation, Skates noticed Zeno’s glass hoof was shaking ever so slightly.
“Well, yeah. The weirdest thing ever. So I was by that fountain we were at earlier, doing awesome tricks on my board and impressing mares. You know, the usual?” Zeno nodded in mutual understanding, having been Skate’s number one confident in romantic endeavors. “Then this pegasus crashes in front of me, forcing me to stop and nearly bail. She got up and apologized and everything, but that’s not the problem. She looked just like my mom! Cutie mark, mane, and even her eyes were all… googly! I tried talking to her, but she didn’t recognize me! Either my mom’s forgotten about me, or she has a doppleganger!” Skates banged his head on the counter, causing Zeno to jump up. His ears perked up as his brain fired on every neuron.
“So… you saw your mom? You know nopony has the same cutie mark. Are you sure?” Zeno probed as he rubbed a hoof on Skates’ stressed shoulder. The tipsy pegasus hiccupped.
“You’re right. I saw my mom. And she didn’t know me!” Skates sobbed, nearly crying. This threw Zeno off-guard, no knowing what to do. This was common in his country in the younger generation, but not for Skates’. This was the final straw for the anxious unicorn.
“Skates, I think you have the wrong idea,” Zeno suggested as he gave a final pat on Skates’ shoulder. The sobbing ceased as Skates looked up from his slouch, curious. “You said you saw your mom, right?”
“Well yeah, I suppose. That’s the only possible explanation, right?” Skates agreed.
“Did you notice anything… off? I don’t know, maybe her mane was shorter, she’s shorter, or maybe she’s taken a few pounds off?” Zeno listed off, thinking of any tip-offs. Skates tapped his chin as he recalled the details of the mare he met. The bartender, watching the spectacle, nearly dropped the new mug he was holding when a lightbulb sprung out of nowhere above the pegasus’s head and turned on.
“Dude, she looked like she lost like, ten pounds! And her wings were much smaller. And she was eating a cheap bran muffin!” Skates confidently banged the counter with his hoof, grinning. Zeno’s response was to droop his ears to the side and stare at his drink. “Yo Zee, what’s the matter?”
Zeno picked himself up and regained his posture. “That’s not the only thing that’s weird. Pinkie Pie isn’t at her tour, Miss Heartstrings didn’t even recognize me despite me sharing dinner at her house a week ago. Oh! And don’t forget the wrong princess is coming to visit a celebration for her sister.” Skates couldn’t help but whistle at the last one. “Oh, did I mention that Dust is getting all cozy with her right now?”
“What?!” Skates cried, slamming down his hooves and spilling his drink in a bout of jealousy. Apparently all the pegasi had the hots for the lunar princess. Zeno, already lifting his final shot, swigged it with one greedy gulp. He needed a buzz before the last bit.
“Oh, and did I mention you weren’t the only one?” Zeno whispered to Skates. One of his eyes were twitching, a sure sign of stress. Skates had no idea what could set him off like this. Only on their scheduled drinking dates did Zeno ever get buzzed.
“Only one for what?” Skates dared to ask, a sense of foreboding creeping down his spine. Zeno responded by shoving his face toward Skates’, pressing their noses together. Hot blood rushed to his face as a slight blush tinged his cheeks. Zeno captivated him with eyes before whispering cryptically.
“I saw her too,” Zeno whispered, closing his eyes in drunken bliss. The mare from earlier flew into Skates’ mind initially, but he thought about Zeno’s words more carefully. The only other connation could be… impossible!
“You don’t mean..?” Skates trailed off, trying not to enter forbidden territory. Zeno merely laughed it off nervously and nodded as his body let off a small shiver.
“Skates, I think I figured it out. Remember that hot tub you and Lu built last summer?” Zeno opened a single eye and aimed it at Skates. The melon pegasus gulped, remember his ambitious scheme.
“Uh, yeah. The one that blew up.” Skate’s comment caused Zeno to giggle like a filly.
“Funny how everything around us seems to blow up, huh?” Zeno snickered, his drunken state reaching his flushed cheeks. “Well Skates, we did it! We’re time tr-“ His declaration was cut short by the door.
ding
The bartender looked up from the drink he was currently mixing to see another unicorn enter his bar. The lavender mare trotted up to the other side of the scarlet unicorn and sat down, ordering “Whatever she’s having.” Rather than reprimand her, Zeno settled with a mere grunt.
Twilight sipped her bitter liquid and addressed Zeno. “You think you’re having a bad day? Princess Luna will be here within the hour and Ponyville is in an absolute mess thanks to you and your friends,” She muttered as her eyes twitched maniacally. Her eyes had the dull shine of somepony who’s given up on life.
“Oh Princess Luna? You mean the alicorn that’s cozying up with my disaster-driven friend?” Zeno spat unsympathetically, a drop of drool hanging off his muzzle. Twilight let a small gasp, and then slammed her head onto the counter. Her horn pierced the wooden counter and created a sizeable crack. The bartender paused his cleaning to view their exchange. It was much more interesting than cleaning clean glasses.
“Ugh… I am so going back to magic kindergarten…” she groaned, rubbing her aching head with her two hooves. Zeno, as smooth as a stallion could be, leaned over and wrapped a hoof around her shoulders. Twilight looked up and was about to shout out the stallion, but her attempt was rudely interrupted by a single hoof hushing her.
“Don’t worry Twilight, it’ll be okay. Every time a bell rings, an angel gets her wings. You’ll get yours too someday, so don’t worry. Okay, Princess?” Zeno comforted the mare with the non-sequitur. Twilight, slightly tipsy from the alcohol, merely nodded and laid her head upon the counter rather than process his words. Living around Pinkie Pie for so long has done wonders to her sanity.
Twilight’s eyes snapped open. Her back snapped straight and her teeth bit into her lip.
“Pinkie Pie! You! You did that to her!” Twilight accused as she tapped the previously ignored Skates on the chest. His eyes widened as he threw his hooves up in surrender.
“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! I had to or I would’ve died!” Skates sobbed as he apologized, throwing his arms around Twilight and began crying deeply. The lavender unicorn couldn’t help but pity the pegasus as his wings buzzed nervously. Zeno sneezed. Before long she joined him in a duet of despair and tears. How they were able to stretch so far behind him was Zeno’s guess as he finished Twilight’s next shot. His eyes made contact with the bartender, garnering his attention.
“While your mates are busy, mind telling me what you were talking about? It seemed pretty interesting. Time, eh?” the bartender asked. Unicorns were often getting into magical mishaps and their exploits could get quite fascinating. Zeno rolled his eyes as the sobs behind him jumped in volume before dying down.
“Well, I suppose it can’t hurt. Get this, I’m a time traveler,” Zeno declared anti-climatically. The bartender raised his eyebrow without losing his poise. It was unlikely, but completely possible.
“Well, wher-when are you from?” the bartender asked, applying tact to his words. Zeno giggled.
“Twenty years. I’m from twenty years later. I’m not even born yet!” Zeno shouted, raising his hooves toward the ceiling.
“Um, miss. Are you sure you should be drinking?” The bartender slowly lowered the large jug he had prepared to satisfy the drinkers. Zeno shook his head frantically.
“Yes, darn straight I should be! Where I’m from, the legal age is fifteen!” Zeno hollered, punching the ceiling.
“That’s not what I’m worried about. It’s the fact you’re floating six feet above your seat,” the bartender commented as he shrugged and placed the jug back on the counter. Zeno, embarrassed at his behavior, shamefully lowered back onto his seat. He mumbled an apology as he gulped down another burning shot. He had lost count after his tenth.
“Heh. If you keep drinking like that, you’ll kill your liver,” the bartender jested as he poured another round of drinks for the drunk trio.
“Trust me, I’ve tried,” Zeno slurred. “Last time, my liver got upset and took out a switchblade. Gave me a nasty scar that wouldn’t go away for a good five minutes. Didn’t help that my kidney was sleeping with his wife.” The bartender couldn’t tell if he was serious or seriously drunk.
“So what’s it like in the future, if I may ask?” The bartender leaned onto the counter to rest his cleansing arms.
“Meh. Technology’s improved a little. Jetpacks are the new popular form of transportation. World peace has been achieved. One sixth of the population was quarantined and confined into a small country near the north border for nearly ripping reality apart with magical powers that defy all logic and reasoning. Otherwise, completely fine. Why do you ask?” Zeno supplied the information with a completely straight face. The bartender stood wide-eyed at the young unicorn. Skates and Twilight ceased their sobbing and spat out their drinks.
“WHAT?!” The two drunks shouted in unison. Zeno shrugged.
“Dude! That’s supposed to be cla-cla-clamified!” Skates stuttered and swayed as the alcohol inhibited his balance. Twilight, suffering the same dilemma, provided support as she leaned onto him.
“I think you mean ‘classified,’ “ Twilight corrected. Despite being drunk, she was still quite knowledgeable. “And what was that last part?”
“I told you, nationwide quarantine.” Zeno shrugged.
“Why in Equestria would Princess Celestia do that? I’m sure she could handle anything in the future!” Twilight challenged. Skates couldn’t help but mutter something about changelings, earning a glare from the lavender unicorn.
“Achoo!” Zeno sneezed again. “She didn't, don’t be silly.” Twilight relaxed, her grandeur image of the solar princess remaining intact.
“Phew. For a minute-“
“You did.” This caused a spark of alarm to surge through Twilight’s spine, causing her coat to tingle.
“What?! I’m no princess! I can’t make decisions like that!”
“Well you are. And you did. And personally, I hate you for it.”
“Hey! That’s not fair! Hey, you, help me out here!” Twilight shoved Skates off her and ordered him to assist her.
Skates gave a meek shrug. “To be fair, you did do that. Something about ending the end of the world as we know it and other junk. You’re a fair princess from what I’ve heard, but you have a low popularity rating in our country. What was it again?” Skates tapped the damaged counter with his hoof in deep thought. “Zeno?”
The mysterious lightbulb floated above Zeno’s head and lit up. “Oh yeah, the rating is one!” Twilight’s ears drooped.
“One… percent?” She whispered, terrified. Princess Celestia would be completely downfallen if she heard of her student’s failure.
“Nope! Just one citizen,” Zeno cheerfully chirped as he downed his twentieth glass. The bartender’s brow began to sweat small beads, feeling as if he was getting a workout trying to keep up with the unicorn.
“…” Twilight’s mouth hung open as she tried to process the new knowledge. One citizen out of… millions liked her?
“Oh yeah. To be fair he IS your son after all,” Zeno added, proving more fuel to the fire. Twilight, unable to handle the level of failure she was destined to sink to, abruptly grabbed the new jug the bartender prepared and chugged the contents. The bartender, having knowledge of Twilight’s importance and role in Ponyville and the rest of Equestria, was finding this spectacle hard to believe. Two time travelers and a future princess were currently getting slammed in his bar, and it wasn’t even five o’clock yet. The bartender sighed as he reached down under the counter, coming to a decision.
They were all going to need stronger stuff.
“Um, excuse me? What’s this?” Zeno asked as he prodded the glowing green liquid in a glass placed in front of him. It appeared to be in a semi-gaseous state despite being a liquid, like liquid fog. His drinking companions wore similar confused expressions as they poked their glasses as well. The bartender served up a fourth for himself before answering.
“Crystal Dream. It’s a drink for… special occasions. Apple cider, dragonfruit extract, small shards of some shiny crystals I pawned off a dragon, and a secret ingredient.” The bartender listed off a few spices added as well. Zeno poked at the liquid before looking back at the bartender.
“So… how much do we owe ya?”
The bartender waved him off. “No charge. I save this for the best company. You three are by far the most interesting passerby’s I’ve seen, so enjoy.”
Twilight prodded at the drink with her horn, testing it with her magic. “Um, what is the secret ingredient, if you don’t mind me asking?”
“Let’s just say it involves changelings.”
“…” Any further discussion ceased as the quartet lifted their drinks and clinked them together. With a single gulp, the four were thrust were no drunk has been thrust before.
After a couple hours, Princess Luna and Dust Fall walked into the bar.
"Ouch," Dust whined, rubbing his sore head. The lunar princess looked down at him and smiled, patting his shoulder with her wing. The awestruck pegasus looked up and smiled back, content to spend the day with his hero. The moment was ruined however once they turned their gaze to the bar's interior.
The bar itself was rather average for a bar. Wooden tables, wooden counter, wooden stools with a red cushion. A few paintings of Princess Celestia was hung up on the walls for decor.
Atop one table sat a red unicorn in a bonnet and monocle while wearing a green summer dress. Her legs and arms were crossed as she lectured a sulking pegasus wearing a leather jacket and sporting a brown and blue mullet. On the other table sat a lavender unicorn wearing a white shirt and tie while feeding a grown pony wearing a bib and sitting on a high chair. The red unicorn sneezed as Dust and Luna exchanged confused expressions before approaching the odd ponies.
"Son, your mother and I are very disappointed in you," the scarlet unicorn scolded the pegasus. The tan punk sighed and flipped his mane nonchalantly.
"Pf whatever dad! I do what I want!" he huffed, crossing his arms and lifting his nose toward the air. Dust pawed the ground nervously, recognizing his own brother. Dust didn't feel like interfering, considering he had been rescued and cleaned up by the princess. Why she had taken an interest in him was anypony's guess. Whatever the reason, it apparently caused Zeno enough grief to get slammed in the afternoon. The sober two approached Twilight in her drunken state.
"Who's a nondescript pony? You are, you are!" Twilight cooed as she lifted a spoon and fed the nondescript bartender. The bartender giggled and laughed, pounding the high chair as he did so. Dust scratched his ear before turning to the tall princess.
"Um, Miss Moon. Would you excuse me for a moment?" Dust politely excused himself as the princess waved him off. He flew behind the counter in search of something. He opened a few cupboards, removed a few bottles from their storage, and opened the storage room in the back. "Aha!"
Princess Luna bit back the rising question at the tip of her tongue as Dust dragged a large vanity mirror from the storage room. It was dusty and unkempt and the pink decor created a very generic girly image. Dust felt his masculinity slipping as he placed the mirror in the middle of the bar. He wiped his brow from the effort and flew up to his two friends. Skates ignored him in favor of his angst-induced pout. Zeno, on the other hoof, shrugged and allowed himself to be led to the mirror.
"I'll be back in a moment Princess. I just have to wash him up, okay?" Dust apologized with a small bow. Luna nodded and gave her permission. Curiously enough, Dust did not head to the bathroom as she first thought. Rather, he took Zeno's arm and wrapped it over his shoulder, then fluttered atop the vanity mirror's counter. Luna took a step back as the two ponies stepped inside the mirror and walked out of sight. It had just occurred to her that the two didn't have reflections. She turned her head toward Twilight Sparkles and the bartender. The two were still at their silly feeding game with Twilight playing the 'mommy.' The tan pegasus wasn't paying attention to any of the ponies in the bar in favor of messing with his mane with a comb.
A small smirk spread upon her lips. She walked up to the mirror and turned around as her horn began glowing. With a small flash, a grey earth pony appeared in front of her. He was unconscious and tied up, just like she had left him. Before she had noticed the curious pegasus, she encountered the earth pony challenging another in a battle of strength. The unusual, destructive, and familiar magic he contained had compelled her to kidnap him. She was a princess after all, it was her right. At least it had been a thousand years ago.
Her horn glowed again as she levitated the unconscious pony into the mirror, assuming the same properties would apply. Her magic cut off when he was fully submerged in the rippling mirror, but no matter. She trotted up to the mirror and faced her reflection. Staring back was another dark alicorn, except she was wearing royal regalia. Recognizing her old persona, the two alicorns smiled.
"There's one last strange pegasus to take care. I will see to it, personally," Luna declared, smirking in unison with her reflection.
"Excellent. I will capture the other two. I assume you are..?" The reflection asked. Luna nodded.
"Yes, this one seems to be more impressionable. The other three are much more powerful, and should be drained in case they ever become a threat." Her report caused the reflection to cackle.
"Excellent. And once we're done with our little ponies, 'Tia will never stand a chance," the armored mare declared. Their old magic had been banished long ago, but their chance at revival had arrived in the shape of the four new arrivals. The two turned their backs on each other and left toward their targets. Princess Luna skirted past Twilight and approached the sulking Skates. He looked up as the princess scooted toward him after taking a seat. His jaw dropped as she drooped an affectionate wing over him.
"Ni-Ni-Nightmare Moon?" Skates stuttered, awestruck. All the pegasi were in love with her. The Princess closed her eyes and smiled, giving off a smug impression. Skates didn't notice in favor of admiring her well groomed feathers caressing him. His gaze was brought upwards as a hoof lifted his chin.
"Yes, my little pony," Princess Luna whispered as she brought his lips to her own, bringing him into a deep kiss. Skates melted into the kiss and closed his eyes after the initial shock. The kiss deepened as Princess Luna's horn began to glow. Skates stiffened, remembering the time period and realizing what was happening. Nightmare Moon didn't exist yet! He tried to pull back, to no avail. He struggled as the glow intensified and he snapped back, his eyes glowing blue.
"Hello, are you ready to serve us?" Princess Luna asked, a corrupt cloud of shadows passing through her eyes. The brainwashed pegasus was mesmerized by the sight, but answered.
"Yes, my princess."
"Good. Carry that mirror. We're going on a journey."
The two left the bar without another sound, leaving Twilight and the bartender to their game. Unbeknownst to Luna, a single feather dropped from her wing, landing on the floor outside the shadows. The light dimly reflected off the midnight blue feather as it lay there, forgotten.
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Too confusing, for the most part. I mean, the last 3 chapters they acted like they didn't know they were in the past.
2947193
time passed. *shrug.* Any suggestions? I thought one of them recognizing their mom was good enough, but if not...
This story seems good, but I am confused and lost in 5 different dimensions about what is happening. Lets see how this goes....
3061427
so are the characters. *ba dum dum tiss*
Because of the plans I have, I can't change some of what I've already written, but I'm working on it making more sense. However, the other shoe is about to drop and the plot will really begin, and it'll be easier to follow.
However, thanks for giving this a read. I really appreciate it!
3061788 Shoe...? Ponies have shoes now?? (... I'm so sorry)
3062086
... you've got me there.
When the other horseshoe drops
3062104 No Sergio. The joke has gone too far. Don't. Calm down. Calm down. This joke is too long now. Caaaalm doo... Which one of the other 3?
Damn it.
3062120
Probably the front right one, especially if punches get thrown
or the back left, if Applejack hits first
3062149 *sigh* This implies SOOOO many things that will rip apart time-space... But I'll let it pass... Just this one...
Also, I've always wondered what happens if I do this
3062151
Edit: Sorry, ponylovingdragon, I didn't mean it D:
3062162
you have nooooooooo idea
I'd recommend a movie, but that would give away the