> Zeno's Paradox: A Fluttershy Effect
>  by Flint Sparks
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Chapter 1: Help! I didn't volunteer as tribute!
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	I struggled against my bonds, the ropes tearing into my sides. Trying to escape rope was much harder than it looks, especially considering the fact I was dangling upside down from the ceiling above a boiling black pot of… something boiling and pulsing yellow. If it weren’t for the fact my life could be at forfeit, I’d point out the lack of creativity to my captor, but I liked my solid state of matter. Times like these were when I wish I could just teleport my way out of things.

Please don’t look at me like that. Yes, I’m a unicorn, but not all unicorns have vast reservoirs of power and skill.

An increase in pressure began hurting my backside as one of my companions began to stir. His tan wings were average sized, but the lack of space was making the situation unbearable as the ropes burned on my sides. Fortunately my other companion was still unconscious, otherwise things would get awkward.

A single pegasus danced in circles around the boiling pot chanting gibberish while wearing some old-fashioned regal masquerade mask. I wish he was just some primitive forest-dweller I could outwit and escape. Well, he was primitive in a sense. But no matter, the fact being he was brainwashed by a pony of incredibly high magical caliber and no less-than-average pony like me could break that enchantment. At least he didn’t have a stick to poke us with.

My arms strained as I used all of my frail unicorn strength to pull it from my sides. My grey earth pony companion was still peacefully oblivious to the situation in his slumber; otherwise he could probably snap these ropes like pieces of hay. And then he would brag about it and try to hit on me. Again. Having some magic right now would be pretty useful. Cancelling out a knockout spell is easier than a brainwashing spell, right?

A mumbling interrupted my train of thought. My pegasus friend tried opening his wings frantically as he struggled against the ropes, apparently semi-conscious. I bit my tongue and debated on the help I could offer. If he was having a night terror, I could only make things worse. Well, things couldn’t get much worse, could they?

“Dust, hey, wake up buddy.” I nudged my best friend. He blinked a few times in the darkness and smacked his lips. A sigh of relief escaped my own. Dust stopped struggling and turned his head toward mine. It was disorientating upside down, but at least we could see with the little moonlight we had.

“Zee, what’s going to happen?” Dust whimpered. His scared tone mirrored my emotions exactly, but I did my best to hide it. Dust looked up to me, after all, and it was my duty to keep him at ease. My shoulders shifted in a pathetic shrug.

“Well, this can go down in three ways. I suggest we escape before any of it happens,” I replied as I pulled my arms with renewed strength. Even with our combined effort, it was pointless. Somepony behind me coughed, seeking attention. My ears drooped (or slackened, considering gravity was currently reversed and they merely hung loose).

“You forgetting somepony?” A masculine voice asked. His voice was like silk, so smooth you just wanted to be wrapped up in it and carried away. Some of the mares at school harbored that secret dream, but he never paid any attention to them. Stallions too. Personally I preferred cotton so it wasn’t much of an issue to me; it made our friendship a little less awkward.

Oh, I’m going off on a tangent again. Excuse me; it’s a quirk of my species.

“Uh, no. Of course not!” I reassured him. Escaping was the priority and he was an earth pony after all. With a grunt he tugged on the ropes, to no avail. He must’ve been drugged harder than I thought. He gave a few more tugs before deciding to wiggle teasingly, trying to irritate me.

“So, what are those exactly?” He asked as he dug his shoulder into mine and began digging in. It was a teeny bit painful, but I bit my lip before I could bark at him.

“Well Lu, best case scenario we get rescued, no questions asked.” Dust and Lu nodded. Knowing who are would-be-heroes are, it was a good possibility. Unfortunately the other two options weren’t as fun and hopeful. “Second, she wins and all of Equestria is thrust into darkness. Plus we become royal concubines and live a life of servitude,” I speculated as the three of us shivered in fear. I wouldn’t be able to last five years against a horn that large. 

“Sounds great! When I’m done, I won’t be able to sit for weeks!” The chanting pegasus broke his rhythm with his rude comment. We glared at him with hatred in our eyes.

“SHUT UP SKATES!” Our combined shout reverberated through the castle room and halls. Now that I think about it, our bearings were oddly familiar. It was just like the college castle, just worn down and desolate. Probably hundreds of years since another pony set hoof in here. The archeologist major in me wanted to further observe the area, but escape was a little more important.

“So, what else?” Lu motioned me to continue. Dust was beginning to pout, expecting the worst scenario to be something terrible. It hurt for me to do this, but lying was not an option.

“Well, say things do go well. For them, not us. With Skates brainwashed, we don’t look so hot, do we? We get blasted by the Elements and Harmony and can kiss sweet Equestria goodbye,” came my morbid answer. The three of us shuddered once more in horror, fearing the elements. What sadistic freak invented such evil devices?

One of my ears perked up, detecting a faint noise. Was that… hoof steps? My eyes widened in anticipated horror as my body began a frantic flail. The other two picked up on my emotions and begun struggling as well. The rope, suspended from the ceiling, allowed us to rock back and forth but gave us no measure of slack. If we were lucky, the ceiling would crack and we would fall to the ground. Still tied up, but free from the foreboding pot. We had thirty feet or so to aim, but the hope remained.

The treacherous Skates stopped his chanting to listen to the patter of hoof steps. It was louder, and sounded like a number of ponies galloping. Not a good sign. And my companions were no closer to escaping.

A magic-less unicorn, a drugged up earth pony, and a bound pegasus do not make for a great escape. Well, technically we had magic altogether, but the situation was too dire to use it. Ironic, huh?

A heroic sextuplet of fashionable mares barged through the wooden door with a purple blast. I couldn’t help but admire their jewelry; it did match their cutie marks after all. The six iconic heroes scanned the room for anymore surprises before facing Skates, who had taken a battle stance. His wings were buzzing, ready to jump at full speed. Even with a solid brainwashing, his stunt skills were intact. His flying skills hadn’t improved since foalhood, but hey, nopony’s perfect.

“Stand down! Nightmare Moon is defeated and we won’t hesitate to defeat her minions, too!” the unicorn named Twilight declared. It was a little getting used to seeing her without the wings, but the tiara helped the resemblance.

“Yeah, you’re mean ponies!” Pinkie Pie accused as she bounced around Twilight, irritated. She had every right to speak, considering Skates and a well-aimed rock was to blame for a rising bump on her head. I had berated Skates for that, her singing did get annoying at times but that didn’t excuse his behavior. Sheesh, sometimes it’s like I’m foalsitting. 

I chuckled to myself, wondering how much I could charge. Dust and Lu chuckled along, hoping to defuse the situation with laughter. That and we were kind of going insane with fear. I felt the ropes by my leg nearest Lu grow damp. Cue Dust and I hopping on the bandwagon as we followed suit. When facing certain death it was best to have an empty bladder.

The group of six debated on their course of actions before slowly rising into the air. Oh boy. Dear Princess Cadenza, don’t- Oh yes they are. A rainbow formed from the light of each necklace and tiara, slowly but surely coming toward us. To a normal pony, a blast from the Elements of Harmony would purify even the most evil of enchantments. Sans Skates, that was not the case.

“Any last words?” Lu whispered to Dust and I, a quivering whimper developing in his silky voice. Dust shook his head as I nodded.

“Yeah, this.” I breathed in deeply. Lu and Dust looked at each other, nodded, and followed suit.

“ARGHH!!” We screamed as we hugged each other for our last moments on Equestria. To come so far, only to be banished into eternal night. At least I was with my friends. Lu pulled tighter, which caused a thought to stray across my mind.

“Wait a minute!” I cried, throwing up my hoofs. The elemental rainbow ceased its trajectory, five feet away from me, and politely waited for me to finish. My eyes flickered back and forth, taking in the scene. Six arms were involved in this desperate hug, plus Dust’s wings were… well to be fair he had just woken up and it WAS supposed to be morning. Anyway, besides the point, that could only mean…

The rope wasn’t holding us up anymore. The moment I realized this we began plummeting downward toward the pot of (more) doom.

“Waa I can’t use any magic!” I flailed helplessly as I fell to my death.

“I’m useless!” Lu cried, covering his eyes with his hooves as he sobbed. 

“Help! I can’t fly- Oh wait I’m a pegasus!” Dust realized as he began flapping his wings. I facehoofed as he swooped over and lifted Lu and I away from the pot. Touchdown was hard, considering Dust wasn’t the strongest pegasus around, but we had survived. Skates was frozen on the spot, half from fear and the other half in surprise.

“H-how did you that?” Twilight stuttered in shock, staring wide-eyes at the frozen rainbow. I shrugged, deciding explaining again was pointless. Lu walked up to Skates and chopped the back of his head, knocking him out. His ears flicked toward him and he jerked his head, waiting for me.

“Here, let me get this,” I ordered as I picked up Skates. My energies were beginning to return so I decided to have a little fun. I tucked Skates’ head in and wrapped his tail around his body. A few more squeezes here and there and BAM! Pony basketball! I bounced him a couple times to test his personal reality before throwing him at the rainbow. He bounced off with barely a few sparks right into my arms. 

“Gra… what happened bro?” Skates mumbled as he came to, the enchantment broken by Harmony. A grin slowly grew into the corners of my muzzle, happy to see my friend again. A little exposure to Harmony wouldn’t hurt, but a full-on blast would’ve killed us. His orange eyes twinkled at my blue, our happiness growing together. A certain purple unicorn coughed, interrupting our moment.

“Yes, oh great and powerful Sparkles?” I curtsied, hoping not to offend her. Apparently that had the opposite effect on her friends.

“You think this is a joke? We know you were spies!” Rainbow Dash shouted from her spot in the air, her hover becoming more of an angry buzz. I merely saluted her and rolled my eyes.

“I keep telling you, it was just a mistake,” I reasoned. Twilight and Applejack exchanged looks before Twilight returned mine.

“Alright, we’ll believe you for now. But know we’ll have to keep an eye on you,” Twilight confessed. My friends relaxed behind me, happy to escape divine punishment. Twilight turned around and faced her friends. “Well everypony, we should probably go home for the night. Applejack, do you have any room for these ponies?” She asked. Applejack raised a hoof to her chin in thought.

“Well, there’s always the guest rooms. But I can only fit the three stallions in. Is that okay?” My friends nodded frantically. We had the bits to repay her, we were just glad not to be labeled undesirables anymore. So what if we accidentally resurrected an evil deity? It was an accident!

Wait a minute. Did she say three stallions?

“That works perfectly! The mare can come with me, perhaps she could teach me that spell!” Twilight giggled at the thought. She was much more at ease than I thought. All the evidence of our innocence, now proven, must be working wonders now. But one thing bugged me…

“I. AM. NOT. A. MARE!” I screamed for the fifth time that night.

I'm a time traveler!
> Chapter 2: Cool! We mugged a guy!
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


-Twenty years later (or a week ago)-


Time and space, the constructs of the universe. Unquestionable, undeniably the fundamental foundation of existence. Both are infinitely vast; yet seem to run out as life goes on. Yet neither is definite in definition, merely only in perception. Only the few of the wise understand this concept, and thus are granted the greatest purpose in life. This is purpose has been bestowed upon our hero, the wondrous D-

Woops, wrong story.

He woke up with a start. Lying on his back, he stretched his four limbs and blinked his eyes a few times, waiting for the shock to die out. His heart rate finally slowed down to a manageable level before he rolled over to his stomach. Beneath him was a crater, where he had been unconscious for an unknown amount of time, nearby foliage completely singed. He appeared to be in a forest, full of life, now silenced by his sudden appearance. He attempted to stand to no avail as he plopped down on his butt every time.

“What the?” He questioned, trying to stand. His arms reached down to grab onto the ground to steady him, when it hit him. He lifted his arms to his face, realizing the truth. Eyes widening, he opened his mouth to scream. “Hoo-hooves?” His eyes stared at the red hooves, blank. A nearby unharmed bush rustled. His head whipped toward it. A green unicorn hopped out of the bushes and whistled.

“Wow, look at this mess! Spell gone wrong?” The mint mare smiled knowingly, not realizing the shocked expression growing on the new arrival’s face. He stuttered, trying to find the right words.

“You-you can talk!” The unicorn threw up his hooves. “A talking pony! And now I’m one too! What was in that stuff?” This remark drew the attention of the curious mare.

“Of course you’re a pony! What else would you be?” She asked, tilting her head as she rested it on one of her hooves, her eyes falling into slits. The red unicorn took a deep breath.

“I was… human.”

“CUT!!” yelled a chestnut pegasus through a megaphone, sitting on the director’s chair. The two actors glared at him. The pegasus hopped off and hovered toward them. A disapproving grimace was plastered on his face. “Look, I know you two are really into this, but you have got to take this seriously. Zeno, you may be in character, but you’re disembodied, not a bucking foal. And Lulu, more curiosity and less bedroom eyes. Seriously, it’s like you’re undressing him, and he’s not even wearing clothes! You’re creeping me out lady!” The disgruntled pegasus flew off.

The mint unicorn rubbed her dyed blue mane, chuckling nervously. “Sorry about that, I was trying to channel my mother there. I guess I took it a little far. I was going for fanatic…” Zeno rolled his eyes, laughing it off.

“Oh, no worries. You have ‘fanatic’ down,” Zeno made quotation marks with his hooves, “I wouldn’t take his words to heart though. That scene where you’re mapping out the constellations in correlation to that diagram of a human? Legendary. If this weren’t a movie I’d actually think you were crazy.” 

Lulu giggled at his compliment. “Oh, pish posh. You’re just being a gentlecolt.” A white pegasus bumped by and apologized as he dragged a sound mic off the set.

“Hey, how’s everything with Raindrops?” Zeno asked casually as the two unicorns walked outside the set onto a college campus; Zeno was merely a visitor volunteering for a student film, Lulu was an actual student. 

Lulu sighed in response. “Not so well. We had an argument last night.”

“Another one?” Zeno asked in a concern tone. It was the third one this week.

“Yeah… I’m not sure it’s going to work out. Why can’t he be more like you? Carefree and understanding, not like the mule he pretends to be! He called my mother crazy for crying out loud!” Lulu threw her head up at her yell. Her mother’s obsession was often the talk around campus, especially since she was hired as the new anthropology professor. Zeno wondered why Mrs. Heartstrings Lyra wasn't hired at his school instead.

“Whoa there sister, you know I can’t be tossing around in the hay quite yet. It might mess up with my mojo.” His eyes rolled in their sockets as he held up his twitching hooves, referring to his horn. Lulu couldn't help but laugh. They decided to take a stroll down by the University’s lake shore.

“Ha! You had your chance in high school. I asked you out like three times, but someone was too busy playing Dungeons&Humans™ to care. I mean, usually that wouldn't be such a bad thing but you could’ve been more considerate.”

“What? There was nothing I could do! Your mother was the DM! If I skipped a single game I’d be turned into a burger!” His whining made her roll her eyes.

“No ya filly. That’s when you roll a ‘1’. But-“ She yawned. “-I got some studying to do. My break’s almost over, you should probably head back to your campus. My roommate can’t stand your snoring anymore.” Zeno nodded.

“Got it, I’ll take the next train. ‘Sides, it’s drinking night. Good luck, I hear CU’s tough.” He turned around and trotted in the opposite direction. Lulu called out behind him.

“Why can’t you just teleport like everypony else?”

Zeno stopped and peered over his shoulder. “What? And end up at Saddle Arabia? Remember what happened last time? Later Heartstrings!” He laughed as he trotted off, bringing up fond memories.





Zeno, a red unicorn with a short messy green mane, was lying on his bed that very night studying the latest issue of PlayBrony. His mane and tail were dyed green, and his mane was purposely scuffled. He unkempt appearance was intended to have a masculine effect, but most ponies found it unhygienic of him. Zeno's eyebrow rose as he flipped to an interesting page  when somepony burst through his dorm door. Zeno jolted and shoved his magazine under the cheap pillow.

“DUDE! I just got the latest Pinkie CD!” A tan Pegasus dashed through the air inside the room, frightening the young unicorn caught unaware. “And it’s AmAzInGg!” he sang. Zeno facehoofed angrily, clearly upset.

“Dusty. Look, I love you. But when the sock is on the door, ol’ Zeno needs his alooone time,” the unicorn explained, gesturing with his hooves suggestively. The tan pegasus flipped his long blonde mane in ignorance, blatantly ignoring his friend’s plea for privacy. Dust flew over to the derelict stereo, popped in the CD, and started blasting new age pop music. Zeno flinched, but tolerated the squeaky voice of the popular pink idol. After all, she WAS a hero.

“Yo bro, nice post’ man!” Dust commented as he stood on the wall, gazing at Zeno’s latest poster. It depicted a familiar face to nerds everywhere.

“Hey! Hey! Don’t touch my Rarity poster! That’s limited edition!” The concerned unicorn cautioned as Dust plastered his face on the poster, taking in its scent. There was a trace of perfume, faint since the day of its application. Zeno had spent three hours in a line just to get the thing signed; damned he was if he let some pegasus get his grubby cloudy hooves all over it. The famous unicorn was even generous enough to give it a spray of her perfume, after all.

Before the unicorn could unleash his vengeance to control his friend, a knock on the door interrupted him. The door was kicked open as another pegasus, accompanied by an earth pony, walked in carrying a brown bag. The pegasus’s coat was light orange with a green tint; his mane was dark brown with distinct blue highlights. The earth pony was dark grey with a white mane, his muscles lean and toned.

“Hey Zee, brought the stuff!” The melon colored Pegasus held up his bag, revealing it to be AppleFarm’s Special Cider ™. The scarlet unicorn didn’t say anything, the grin on his face revealing his thoughts. He reached out under his bed, without a word, and grabbed tightly wrapped box. He placed it on the study desk beside his bed as his friends spread out and plopped onto the floor. Zeno joined the circle and joined his fellow ponies in their conspiracy of friendship.

Friendship, just what is friendship? Some would say it’s the force that connects all ponies in the bright land of Equestria; others say it’s just when someponies get along. Twenty years ago, the solar princess herself decreed that it would become a legitimate subject of study. Whatever it was, it had saved the land more times than Zeno could count on his two hooves.

The four pals met each other at this very school, Discord’s Academy for Unusually Gifted Youngsters (DAUGY), a school dedicated to cultivating unusual talents located just beyond Equestria's border with Discordia, a few miles northeast of Canterlot. Zeno was the oldest of the bunch, a sophomore starting to get his hooves on the ground and his life together. Majoring in Archeology with a minor in Friendship, he was the bona fide leader of the group and extremely adventurous to boot, or so he says. A horseshoe’s shadow was printed on his flank, supporting the claim.

Dust Fall and Skates Turbine are pegasus brothers, stepbrothers to be specific. Skates was a sophomore enrolled to be a stuntmen through his skating skills. His skills with the skateboard were legendary, not so much with the mares. A cutie mark with a single flaming wheel was subject both to awe of his skating, and ridicule to his romantic endeavors. Dust, on the other hoof, was a different case altogether. The tan stallion, since he was a little colt, discovered he had a knack for finding lost things (shown by a dust bunny on his flank). And losing others. Usually such a talent would go unnoticed by such a prestigious (subjectively speaking) organization, but it came to Discord’s attention after Dust arrived in Canterlot attempting to return a certain moon princess’s panties. Whether it was due to extreme luck or blatant disrespect for all laws of logic, it was anypony’s guess. 

Lu, a grey earth pony, was taking obscure classes that nopony else really neither cared about nor cared to remember. He was the most level-headed of the group; pointing out any flaws in their plans and helping Zeno make the most out of any night. His cutie mark was a red nail.

But none of that really matters, considering they were completely smashed.

“Dude, I’m telling you brony. Pi-Hic!-Pink’s got it going oonnn!” Dust hiccupped after taking a swig of his fifth cider. Lu and Skates were currently undergoing a chugging contest, creating a big mess from their competition. It would take Zeno hours to get out from the carpet. Zeno shook his head in response.

“No, Dusty. I can stand her fine and all, but Skates would never let you play her at his parties! Famous or not, it ain’t happening,” Zeno replied, speaking about an upcoming surprise birthday party next week. The background music and sounds of chugging drowned it out, leaving Skates ignorant of his party plans. Dust sighed and put down his mug. “Dusty, what’s the matter?”

“Ah just been wonderin’,” Dust slurred, “what if-hic-we went to Ponyville?” Zeno stared at him, his jaw dropping. He got it back together and furious shook his head.

“Dude, are you kidding me? Are you serious? We live across the entire country, not to mention that’s a tourist attraction! Train tickets would cost our entire college tuition! And what would we do there? There’s a crowd for every one of them, we’ll have to camp out for weeks just to catch a glimpse! Are you insane?!” Zeno ranted. He huffed and put a hoof on his friend’s tan shoulder.

“I wasn’t serious, just sayin’,” Dusty whimpered sofly. “Can’t you just use your magic?” Zeno shook his head slowly, his green bangs covering the somber look in his eyes.

“No man, you know it doesn’t work like that. Who knows what would happen?” Zeno answered, knowing how wacky his magic could act. He stared at the ground, drunk and depressed. They were their idols after all; without them there'd be no reformed Discord, no Discordia, no school, no home. Not even Zeno's magic would let them meet the heroes of Equestria. Unicorns only got into this exclusive academy if their magic was crazy enough, his being no exception. He was definitely not the greatest at magic or the most powerful, but his talent was unique enough to pass the entrance exams. But using it for such a trivial wish would most likely end up in magical mayhem like last time. Doing so would be incredibly irresponsible, foolish, and probably risk everything they’ve been working for-

“Eh, why not?” Zeno shrugged. The two chugging ponies immediately stopped and stared at him, joining Dust’s look of shock and awe. Zeno rarely used his talent, but whenever he did… something was bound to happen.

“You sure about that? Last time you did we lost our manes for a week,” Lu cautioned, holding a hoof to his precious white mane. Zeno blushed, remembering all the snickers from the mares as they walked across campus every day.

“What about when you turned my board into a blow-“ Skates was hushed by a blushing grey earth pony. The red unicorn’s head dropped in shame.

“I know, I’m a failure. But it’s worked before, it has to work now! We have no choice!” His hooves stomped the floor in emphasis. Before anypony could object, he closed his eyes in drunken concentration as his horn shined with a mystical scarlet glow. The three stallions in the room held their breath.

A few minutes passed and nothing happened. Lu relaxed.

“Phew, I thought we were going to be turned into fillies or something. Hey Zee, is it working?” Lu waved at Zeno, his eyes still closed. A moment passed. Zeno opened his eyes to reveal glowing yellow eyes, a drastic difference than their usual blue. A manic grin widened and reached both ears.

“Bronies, I think we’re in business. Now here’s the plan,” Zeno motioned as he levitated paper and a pencil to write. The other three ponies huddled with him, curious to see what the unicorn had in mind. Several minutes were spent chattering and speculating.

“A screwdriver? Why would I need that?” Lu scratched his head. Zeno slapped his head in response.

“Stop asking questions! Also, we’re going to need a flux capacitor…”

“I lost my shades months ago. Guess I can go buy one.”

“Dude, nopony touches my board!” Whack! “Okay, okay… Ouch!”

“My grannie’s what now?”

“Done!” Zeno announced, after writing what seemed like a full novella. This was an exaggeration of course, but everypony felt he might as well have. The four sat back on their plots and each yawned contemplatively; each hoping something good would come out of all this work.  The group disbanded and went their separate ways, scheduled to meet up in a week’s time for another round of drinks.





“Zeno! I want to see your plot in the air! NOW!” screamed Professor Screwball as she smacked Zeno’s plot with her yardstick. The struggling unicorn yelped and redoubled his efforts to keep up with the rest of class. Physics was the hardest class on campus; most ponies waited another year before taking it. Zeno studied hard, but no amount of reading could prepare him for the harsh physical effort the class demanded; midair sit-ups were no exception. Lu, on the other hand, hadn’t even broken a sweat.

“I knew you should’ve waited a year,” Lu commented as he pulled up faster than Zeno could blink. Being an earth pony granted him with nearly unlimited stamina, making him the envy of every pegasus on campus (despite the fact that breaking the laws of physics came naturally to them). Zeno struggled valiantly behind him. Physical tasks weren’t too difficult with practice, neither was ignoring Physics; both in combination proved to be a daunting task.

“Oh shut up. *Huff* I can do this,” Zeno grunted. Lu finished in a record five minutes, Zeno took the entire class period. As Professor Screwball dismissed the class, Lu bounced up to Zeno as he dried himself off with a towel.
Lu placed his shoulder on Zeno’s shoulder. “You alright, Zee? You must be exhausted after casting so many spells.” Unfortunately for the unicorn, his Physics class took place after his rudimentary magic classes.

“Yeah, I suppose. Just a little tired. At least summer break starts tomorrow, right?” Lu grinned in response. Finals this year was difficult, but it seemed like everypony would pass! The two friends glowed at each other, positive that tomorrow would go off without a hitch. It had been six days since their last drinking night, and they had gathered the supplies they were in charge of retrieving.

Zeno stood up and began trotting. “We should probably pick up Dust. He’s probably done with his last class anyway.” Lu followed obediently. 

True to his word, Dust was nearly done with his Communications final. A few unoriginal ponies had decided to use filly toys to call the professor (the task in question), but Dust had opted for a different approach. Holding a banana to his ear, Dust tapped his desk impatiently. Professor Cell raised an eyebrow at this peculiar pegasus. After teaching for several years, he’s never seen so much promise in a pegasus. Only a few minutes passed before something vibrated in the professor’s pocket. Cell reached into his polo’s pocket and answered his cell phone.

“Hello?” He asked, hoping it was one of his students. It was awkward sitting in silence as each student tried in vain to violate reason. However…

“Ring ring ring!” Dust called out. “Bana-“

“Congratulations, you’re the first to pass. Go on home Mr. Fall,” Professor Cell waved him away, interrupting an incredibly obvious reference unbeknownst to the rest of the class. Dust happily flew out, only to fly into Zeno and Lu. The two had patiently waited for him, knowing he wouldn’t take long. In his excitement, Dust couldn’t help but embrace the two. They laughed and hugged back, enjoying Dust’s victory.

Skates wasn’t hard to retrieve. He only took morning classes and was already skateboarding at the park. Noticing the trio set out to pick him up, he nodded and showed them his latest trick. He used his wings to gather speed as he sped toward a ramp. He launched up in the air and flipped over, grabbing the board in his mouth. Right before he landed, he pushed off with his tongue and flipped over, landing on his back hooves. His friends applauded at his nonsensical front flip. Skates performed a victory tail flip.

“Did you guys get the stuff?” Zeno asked the group after everypony had settled in his dorm room. The other three nodded and threw their saddlebags in the middle of the circle after Zeno. Some of the items were completely random, others were various beverages and travel necessities. The nature of their journey demanded they bring some of their collectables as well, including a few items begging to be signed by their idols. The four stallions shuffled their hooves, nervously daydreaming about the possibilities.

“Okay Zee, what’s the plan?” Lu probed. They had gone over the details Zeno had given out, but nopony knew exactly what was going on. Zeno’s ears drooped as he shrugged.

“Well, all I know is that we have to go…” The unicorn reached into his bag and flattened a map on the floor. “There.” His hoof pointed to the forest at the edge of the mountain range Canterlot was located. It was a day’s journey at best, perfect timing for the adventurous quartet. Each pony memorized the location just in case before checking their supplies. Satisfied that every need was taken care of, they set out.

Nopony minded them as they trotted their way across campus, arriving at the gate. The gate, conjured by Discord himself, was made of enchanted crystal roses. The gate would only open for somepony with chaos in their heart; anypony else attempting to open it would only be scratched by the thorns. However, sitting atop it was Discord himself. The reformed king of Chaos appeared to be in a light nap, only stirring to scratch himself. The four worried that the omniscient dean would try to foil their plans, being friendly with the Elements of Harmony and all. The brave quartet tiptoed past, making sure not to snap a single twig as they gingerly closed the gate behind them. 

As soon as they were out of earshot, they galloped as fast as their hooves could carry them. Discord opened a single eye as he lay upon the gate, curious to what chaos his students were out to spread. 





“Eh, now what?” Dust asked, tilting his head adorably. He was the highest scoring student in his year, yet acted as the group’s airhead at times. They were currently hiding in a bush for unknown reasons as Zeno’s horn had begun glowing. The unicorn reached up and pulled the blonde pegasus’s head down into the bush to avoid being spotted by any wildlife. He was not going to waste a whole day travelling just to lose his opportunity to meet his idols in their hometown.

“Shh, now we wait,” Zeno ordered as he smeared mud streaks on his cheeks. It had already been an hour since their wait had begun, and someponies were getting anxious. Skates, in particular, was fidgeting like a windigo during summer.

“Come on man! Skatey has to go wee wee,” Skates whined, trying to hold it in. 

“Five. More. Minutes,” Zeno finally announced. Everypony immediately shut up and waited. Five minutes passed without incident. Just when everypony was ready to give up…

*Insert space sound effect here*

“Lazy!” Dust cried out. Zeno hushed him as a mysterious tear in space appeared in the clearing they had been observing for the better of an hour. The spacial rend dissipated as a blue box took its place. It resembled a police box, a common sight in television lately. The door opened and a brown earth pony wearing a tie walked out. The earth pony rubbed his dark mane with his hoof in absolute glee.

“Golly! I’ve invented time travel! Or at least I think I have. Even if I didn’t, I’ve already traveled for who knows how many miles! Wait until everypony at the university hears of this! Even without time involved, my machine can travel immense distances in mere minutes!” The earth pony excitably cheered. 

Zeno smiled. “Bingo.” His three loyal friends looked at him with skepticism. What were they going to do, mug him?

“Here’s what we’re going to do.” Zeno whispered. “Just follow my lead. As long as we return it eventually, it’s not stealing. Right?” The other three looked at him and shrugged. They’ve gotten away with worse. The earth pony approached a nearby bush and nibbled at some of the berries growing. Zeno waited until he had closed his eyes to relish the flavor before charging.

Slam! The police box’s door closed with a slam. The earth pony jumped around and shouted, running toward the police box.

“Whoa, it’s bigger on the inside!” Lu commented as he studied the instruments and appliances featured inside the machine. “Either somepony had been studying under HammerSpace Technologies© or that pony is something else!” 

Zeno fiddled with the controls as his horn flared a bright yellow glare. His hooves moved faster than he could keep track of as he tuned out the sounds of the earth pony bucking the door. One last step was needed before they could travel, but for some reason his hooves had stopped moving. He slammed the console in frustration.

“Blast! I forgot a screwdriver!” Zeno muttered. Fortunately for him, Dust flew over and handed him one. “Thanks Dusty, where’d ya find this?” 

Dust shrugged. “I dunno, it was just… there.” Zeno nodded, expecting nothing less from Dust. The scarlet pony brought the screwdriver down into the console’s sole slot and turned it ninety degrees counterclockwise. The machine finally began humming in response. Zeno lightly pushed a red knob forward, causing the humming to intensify. The pounding on the door stopped as the police box left reality entirely.

Lu and Skates wandered the police box in curiosity, peering at the wiring and various machinery built inside. Lu experimentally pushed a button. Everypony in the room jumped as what appeared to be shutters opened, revealing a window on one wall. The four trotted over and peered outside it. 

“Whoa, is this hyperspace?” Zeno muttered as he gazed upon the blue stream outside. Stars appeared to be flitting by as the machine traveled through space itself.

“Dude, was that the sun?!” Skates cried as he pointed at a warped yellow orb, which did appear to be the sun. Everypony else just shrugged. A few more celestial bodies appeared fleetingly as the machine passed by. Something came into view and caused Dust to panic.

“Stop the machine! Stop it!” Dust cried out desperately. Zeno’s horn obliged as he used magic to pull a mysterious blue lever. The machine stopped in the spacial warp zone, but didn’t materialize in the material plane. The four ponies pushed their faces onto the glass to peer at the object of Dust’s desperation. It appeared to be a giant glass screen with a black plastic border. It was bigger than their machine.

“Hey, that seems familiar…” Zeno commented. Dust shouted out again.

“Yeah! That’s the fourth wall! I remember when Pinkie visited my class and lectured about it! Then she sang a song about breakingstuffandbroughtoutthepartycannonandpartiedand-“Zeno interrupted with a single hoof to Dust’s mouth.

“So that’s what it looks like. Hm… wait. IS that what I think it is?!” Zeno shoved his face as close as possible. There appeared to be scribbles on the floating wall. Dust squealed and opened the window to fly out. Zeno tried to order him back inside, then remembered physics weren’t much of an issue to them. The three less rash ponies shrugged and followed him, utilizing the lack of gravity.

Engraved on the fourth wall was the signature of the pop idol herself! 

“Wait, one second,” Zeno muttered as he blew on the signature. It was a little dusty, a little hoof wipe was enough to clear out. “Ah, much better!”

Pinkie Pie And Discord Was Here! <3

“Well, that’s not exactly surprising, now is it?” Lu commented as they floated back into the machine. Dust had tried tapping on it and waving, but it didn’t appear to be active today. Theories suggested it only activated once a week, in particular on Saturday, but nopony could be absolute sure.

“Well, that was weird. What’s next? Poptart cats?” Zeno laughed as he started the machine again. Dust had finally gotten comfortable by sticking his head out the window. The space wind blew back his facial features, his tongue sticking out. Dust reminded Zeno of a dog riding in a carriage drawn by pegasi.

“Yo, bro! How long do I hafta wait? I can’t hold it longer!” Skates whined as he shook in agony. He would’ve relieved himself at the forest, but it could’ve blown their cover.

“Not much, maybe five minutes? Hey, why is the ground getting wet? SKATES!” Zeno shouted at the orange pegasus who had finally relieved himself. Fortunately the machine’s carpet absorbed it to negligible levels, leaving only a faint odor. Still, Zeno thought it was rather gross. Skates merely grinned lazily as his eyes drooped. Before he could punish the insufferable pegasus, the machine began rocking.

“Ah! Everypony grab something!” Zeno shouted as he grabbed onto a console. The machine rocked violently and threw Lu (the only one unlucky enough to not have heard Zeno) around the walls, smacking him onto the ceiling and floor repeatedly. Dust tried to grab him, but only managed to throw him harder against the wall. Zeno used magic to steady himself as he fiddled with several instruments. The machine began rocking harder. Dust held onto a support beam as several items flew out of his saddlebag.

“Ow ow ow!” Lu screamed as he was hit by several objects. A hairbrush hit his eye, causing it to bruise. A brick flew over and hit his head, knocking him out. A dirty sock landed on his nose and revived him. He tried to dodge the last object to no avail.

“Down Nyan, down!” Dust commanded his pet as the toaster strudel scratched a struggling Lu and meowed. Zeno continued to adjust the machine’s controls. Dust gasped as an anvil slipped out of his saddlebag and began falling toward Lu, pinned on the opposite wall.

Lu, an intellect with a vocabulary rivaling the previous Princess, Celestia, managed to utter one last phrase of wisdom as he faced his impending doom. “Eep.”

“Yes! We’re here!” Zeno shouted as he punched a red button. Gravity immediately turned to normal and Lu fell with a light thud. He rubbed his head in relief right before the hairbrush returned from above for seconds. Lu laughed in appreciation, cut short by the brick knocking him out. The three other ponies stared at the spectacle.

“Um, where the sock?” Skates asked, having seen the entire thing. On cue, the dirty gym sock fell from the ceiling onto Skate’s face, causing him to faint. Zeno shook his head.

“Dust, you need to learn what a washing machine is. No matter, come on. We’re in Ponyville!” Zeno’s cheer managed to rouse Skates and Lu from unconsciousness. Happy and cheerful, the quartet exited the machine to face the outside world. The machine had landed just inside the Everfree Forest, outside the view of any passing villager. The four snickered, finally achieving their dream. They trotted toward Ponyville, wondering what they could get signed first. A few ponies of various colors passed by, most likely attending to random duties. Something inside Zeno stirred his curiosity.

“Hey, why are there so few ponies? I thought this was a tourist hotspot,” he questioned, rubbing his head. No matter, less wait time to meet their heroes! The four walked around, taking in the sights. An apron-wearing stallion sweeping the front of a bakery waved at them as they passed by. As he waved back, Zeno’s stomach rumbled. Deciding they could spare a few bits, the group followed the stallion into the bakery store. Managing the counter was a pink mare.

“Hello Miss. I’d like a cupca-“ Zeno started, but was interrupted by a loud gasp. The pink mare was staring at the four in shock as she jumped into the air, slightly defying gravity. Before anypony could say anything, she dashed out faster than ponily possible. She was faster than Dust on a sugar high! Everypony in the group scratched their head. It couldn’t be..?

“Dude. I think that was Pinkie Pie,” Dust drooled dreamily. Zeno shook his head.

“That doesn’t make sense. You should know this, but isn’t she supposed to be in Fillydelphia on tour?” Dust’s tan ears perked up in interest.

“You know, you’re right. Maybe she’s on break!”

“Um, she just started a week ago.”

“Excuse me sirs, but are you talking about my employee?” The stallion tending to the store asked as he walked up to the younger stallions. Zeno approached him and answered. The older stallion cocked his head in curiosity.

“You must be new to town. Pinkie knows everypony here, and every new pony gets a party!” His declaration caused a simultaneous squee from the quartet of fanboys, even the one who hated her music. “Wow, you must have heard of her.” 

“Well duh! She’s like, amaaazing!” Dust cried out as he stood on his hind legs, wings flapping. “She’s pretty, has a great voice, and throws the most epic of parties EVER!” The store owner couldn’t help but chuckle jollily at Dust’s excitement.

“Looks like somepony has a crush. Not sure if Pinkie is looking for a special somepony, but you seem like a nice fellow. I’m Mr. Cake, nice to meet you.” The stallion shook hooves with the blushing pegasus. The other three continued with their introductions as well.

“Well, I expected more ponies to be around. Things seem pretty slow today,” Zeno commented as he shook hooves with the kind Mr. Cake. Mr. Cake laughed.

“Slow? This is the busiest day of the year! Not to mention the princess herself is visiting this year!” Mr. Cake grinned. Zeno’s left ear perked up and twitched.

“Princess Twilight is coming?! I thought she had business with the griffins?” He said, confused. Mr. Cake frowned in response.

“Princess Twilight? Never heard of her. But if you mean Princess Celestia, she should be raising the sun at the next dawn, here in Ponyville!” Mr. Cake raised his hoof toward the ceiling as he put his other on Zeno’s shoulder. Zeno sputtered.

“Princess Celestia? What the hay is going on around here?!” Zeno demanded to know. Mr. Cake raised an eyebrow in alarm.

“Well, my dear. It’s the Summer Sun Celebration!”

> Chapter 3: Crap! We're destroying Ponyville!
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	The four friends left the bakery, puzzled at Mr. Cake’s declaration. Sure, Ponyville celebrated the Summer Sun Celebration once a year, but the princess wasn’t scheduled to visit this year for the public celebration. Regardless, summer had only just begun. The celebration was supposed to take place a week after term let out, leaving the four unusual ponies further confused. They discussed for a several minutes on the whereabouts of their idols and their current situation.

“Wait, I think I have it!” Zeno declared, feeling intelligent. As a unicorn, he was naturally inclined to read more than his hornless counterparts, and therefore increasingly book smart. Turning the page, however, was harder for him considering he had to use his hooves rather than magic. Regardless, his friends often looked up to him for the ‘egghead stuff.’

“Hm, I’m curious as well. What is it, Zee?” Lu asked as he ran a hoof through his white mane. He wasn’t vain, but his mane still stunk of Dust’s hooves. Zeno opened his mouth and-
splash

Zeno and his companions froze in their places, completely damp as their manes and tails drooped. A single cloud had wandered above them as they were distracted, and some pegasus had just dumped its contents. Zeno sighed, his patience honed after several years of practice. Skates and Dust sat down and began preening their wings, drying them off. Lu, the only earth pony, completely lost his patience.

“Hey! Watch it, would ya?” Lu shook a hoof at the passing cloud. A cyan head peeked over the edge. The mane seemed multicolored and short. Zeno scratched his head, it seemed awfully familiar.

“Sorry!” The mare waved back meekly. She sounded like this had happened before, a guilty consciousness weighed on her. Lu put his hoof down and rolled his eyes.

“Sorry doesn’t cut it, we’re soaking!” Lu shouted back. He was supposed to be the most level-headed of the group, but it came with an anger streak. A sigh sounded from the cloud.

“Don’t wooorry about. I’ll take care of it,” the pegasus reassured, gesturing with her hoof casually. Before Lu could reply, the pegasus zipped out from her cloud and circled the group in a blur, creating a localized rainbow-hued tornado. In less than ten seconds the four were completely dry, albeit a little unkempt. The pegasus laughed and dashed off into the air, off to search for a new cloud to nap on.

“Well, at least my mane doesn’t stink anymore.” Lu performed a hair flip and with a sharp crack, his hair whipped back into shape. It was like nothing had happened to it. “Speaking of manes, how do you do it?” Lu asked as he pointed at Zeno’s messy green mane. It was only slightly unkempt as always, but the rainbow tornado hadn’t any other effect beyond drying. Dust shook his head in a dog-like manner as Skates slicked his hair back. The boys were immature, but they still cared about their appearance.

Zeno shrugged. “I guess it’s already at its limit. Anyway, as I was saying, I think Ponyville is having a private celebration,” he explained as he walked toward the town square. A fountain of a rearing earth pony seemed like a good place as any to him as he sat his plot on top of the concrete, facing his followers. “It makes sense, if you think about it. The princess making a private visit, Pinkie Pie running around without everypony knowing. I guess our idols value their privacy more than we thought.” Zeno shrugged.

“Does that mean we don’t get to meet them?” Dust whimpered as his tan wings and head lowered in shame. He idolized the Princess of Pop more than anypony else, losing this once in a chance lifetime weighed heavy on his heart. Zeno’s heart nearly broke in two as he gazed upon the downtrodden pegasus. Skates, his brotherly instincts taking over, laid an orange hoof upon his shoulder and gave rubbed a small circle comfortingly. 

“Dusty, it’ll be okay,” Skates reassured his stepbrother using his nickname. Only close friends were allowed to use it. Skate’s warmth slowly took effect as Dust’s ears slowly rose to their natural position. “Even if we don’t get to meet Pinkie, at least we made it, right?” 

“Yeah…” Dust agreed, giving a meek grin. “I guess we have to go home now.”

“Screw that! I’m out!” Lu cried out at the tender moment. The other three turned their gaze to him. Lu began pacing and his nostrils flared. “Today I stole a teleportation box, been knocked out twice, and had to suffer that wretched stench you call a sock. We’ve worshipped these ponies our. entire. lives.” He stomped his hoof with each word. “Great. We made it, we’re here. If we turn back now, that just makes us cowards.” 

“Whoa Lu,” Zeno cautioned as he jumped off the fountain and onto his fours. “You’re being a little hasty. Look, these girls are heroes. One flip of their manes and we get our plots hauled off to Canterlot prison. I don’t know about you hot shot, but I’m too pretty for prison.” Zeno fiercely stared into Lu’s eyes.

“That sure is something. Of all ponies I know, I never figured you’d be the one to wimp out, Mr. Adventurous,” Lu scoffed as he poked Zeno’s chest with a powerful hoof. Zeno winced as it dug into his chest, but he refused to budge.

“Look, Alucard,” Zeno spat Lu’s given name with venom. A snicker interrupted his rebuttal. His tongue stumbled and before he knew it, he was watching two laughing mares pass by. One seemed familiar… the mint unicorn, to be exact. Zeno turned back to Lu, and sighed. In the brief moment he had looked away, his mute-hued friends had dashed off. Even Dust had joined in on the Lu’s lobby. It was the easiest trick to pull off, and had a high success rate. Zeno felt sympathy for all the past foalsitters who’ve watched over him. No matter, Zeno thought as he trotted off to search for the chaotic stallions.

“Let’s see... what’s the best way to find an apprentice of Chaos?” Zeno muttered to himself as he stared at the ground while walking. He conjured memories of his professors’ lectures when it hit him! Zeno got off the ground and rubbed his head, a side effect of instant memory retrieval, regretting the pain but remembering the information he needed. “To find the apprentice,” Zeno recited as he lifted his muzzle to the air.

BOOM
The ground shook as the air vibrated in a violent shockwave. A few ponies ran screaming the opposite direction. Zeno had widened his stance to avoid being blown back, having experienced this event several times. He smirked and began trotting at an even pace toward the source. “Just follow the explosions.”



The colorful wooden door was blown ajar, still intact but scorched. Zeno poked his head back into Cupcake Corner, taking in the site. The scarlet unicorn had heard legends of the miraculous party cannon, but had never seen its effects firsthoof. Banners and streamers littered the entire store; it seemed that every possible surface was either covered in confetti or glitter. Malformed balloons littered the ceiling as they bounced off each other. Scorch marks were seemingly painted on the walls. A rattling noise emanating from behind the counter drew Zeno’s attentions. 

The yellow-orange stallion from earlier was in fetal position, his teeth chattering, crying. Zeno gingerly stepped forward and nudged the stallion’s shoulder with his muzzle. Mr. Cake sniffed and opened a single eye, making eye contact with the new arrival. He tried to stand up, but stumbled on his own hooves. Zeno grabbed his shoulder strap with teeth and tenderly helped the elder up. The stallion fixed his crooked hat with a hoof.

“What happened here?” Zeno asked, looking around the bakery as he spoke. Mr. Cake involuntarily shivered. “Seriously sir, talk to me.” Mr. Cake’s whole body merely quivered in response.

“I-i-i-i-“ Mr. Cake stuttered, words unable to form. Zeno placed his front red hooves on the older stallion and gently caressed his shoulders.

“Come on Mr. Cake, just tell me what happened,” Zeno cooed. His blues eyes refused to blink as they made contact with green. The shoulders lost tension as they relaxed under his gentle hooves. Zeno persisted, he wouldn’t let go until the stallion was completely was completely. Mr. Cake opened his square jaw once more.

“She-sh-s…” he trailed off. Zeno rolled his eyes. A shoulder rub and comforting words were not working, so he had to resort to less than honorable methods. Zeno resumed eye contact and slowly raised a single hoof.

smack!

“Hey! What was that fo-“ 

“GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF COLT!” Zeno violently shook the older stallion. Mr. Cake became a blur as Zeno shook him until he could hear his eyeballs rattling in their sockets. Zeno slowly stopped his unruly method, as to avoid giving the stallion vertigo, until only Mr. Cakes eyes were rolling.
smack!

“Wha-what happened?” Mr. Cake asked as his eyes began to focus again. Zeno clicked his tongue.

“You tell me sir. What happened here?” Zeno waved a hoof, pointing around the store. Mr. Cake’s ears drooped as his voice dropped to a whisper.

“Sh-she happened,” Mr. Cake whispered as he ducked underneath the counter. Zeno bent down on all fours and joined him. Mr. Cake looked around, making sure they were alone. Mr. Cake leaned in and whispered in Zeno’s attentive ear. “He c-came in and they started talking. I don’t know what was going on until he handed her a blue can.” This caught Zeno’s attention.

Zeno’s eyes widened. “Oh, no he didn’t,” Zeno whispered. He turned to face Mr. Cake. “What was in the can?” Mr. Cake stared at the floor and drew a pattern in the fallen confetti.

“I’m not sure. Something about bulls?” Mr. Cake shrugged. A gasp escaped Zeno’s lips.

“Oh no. This is not good, not good at all,” Zeno whispered as he began fidgeting in place. His left hoof twitched as his right ear began flicking at an invisible fly. Dust must have snuck it in his saddlebag!  Mr. Cake watched this strange spectacle before speaking.

“Do you have any idea what it was?” Mr. Cake whispered. Zeno stopped his twitching and answered.

“Blue Bulls. It’s a drink in my country. It’s caffeinated. Extremely caffeinated. I take it Pinkie drank it?” Zeno whispered back. Mr. Cake nodded.

“Yes, and then they… partied. It was horrible, it was as if Princess Celestia herself puked a rainbow and left confetti everywhere.” Mr. Cake shuddered at the thought. Zeno’s ear began flicking again, to his annoyance. What was the deal with Ponyville and Celestia, anyway? Wasn’t it time to forget the previous ruler?

“Alright, thank you for your time.” Zeno stood up and began walking out from the counter and toward the door. There was no point in asking where they went, he would just follow the trail of destruction. As he stepped out the door, he was stopped by Mr. Cake.

“Wait! Miss! I never got your name,” Mr. Cake shouted from behind the counter. Zeno sighed, ran a hoof through his dyed green mane, and turned around.

“My name is Zeno. And I am a stallion, thank you very much,” Zeno huffed as he turned around. Before the older stallion could answer, he whipped around and galloped out.

Several of the houses Zeno passed were several different colors and shapes, very much like home. He couldn’t help but feel a little nostalgic. After the Elements of Harmony had become famous, the Mayor of Ponyville decreed that the village would remain a historical site and would retain its classical design. Other than the occasional reconstruction of damaged buildings, there were few renovations made to the town. 

One particular building caught his attention as he galloped past some mares. Zeno slowed down to a trot and looked up at the building. He remembered visiting it as a foal with his foalhood friend, Lulu, on a field trip. It was the home of her mother Lyra, one of the various citizens of Ponyville. As he recalled, she sold the house to move to Discordia after her daughter began showing early signs of magic. Despite being the splitting image of her unicorn mother, Lulu had a different form of magic and there was only one teacher in all of Equestria who could help her: Discord. Zeno, in a bout of reminiscence, crept forward and laid a hoof on the pink door. Somepony coughed behind him.

“Ahem, can I help you?” A mint mare asked Zeno as he whipped around in surprise. It was that mint mare he saw earlier! A unicorn, to be exact. Closer examination revealed her eyes to be a warm, familiar amber color. The unicorn snorted as they touched snouts, the red one had accidentally scooted closer.  Zeno shook his head and hastly scooted back, rubbing his head nervously.

“Uh, sorry! You look like somepony I know,” Zeno commented, trying to save himself. The unicorn scoffed, pointing her nose to the air. Zeno couldn’t help but roll his eyes at the snobbish act. Deciding to take the cue, he held out a red hoof. “Hi, I’m Zeno. Just a visitor from town.” The unicorn took his hoof on her own and began shaking.

“Zeno…?” She asked. The scarlet unicorn shook his head, his green mane covering his eyes.

“Just Zeno. I don’t use my last name,” he replied. “What’s yours?”

“Lyra. Lyra Heartstrings. Nice to meet you!” Lyra greeted, excited to meet a new pony. Zeno’s eyes widened in surprise as their shake refused to end. There were posers in Ponyville? Well, it’s been a few years since he last saw her. Perhaps she bought her house back after her daughter got accepted into Canterlot University. She looks really young, Zeno thought.

“Yeah… likewise,” Zeno replied. “I’m sorry, but have you seen any of my friends?” Zeno briefly gave a description of his three comrades. Lyra put a hoof on her chin and scratched, deep in thought. Her eyes twinkled as she raised her hoof to answer, but rescinded as she brought it back to her chin to ponder more. Zeno impatiently tapped his hoof; his patience threshold was wearing thin after being tested the entire day.

“Well, I did see an earth pony gallop by earlier. Gray, you say?” Lyra asked after ample consideration. Zeno sighed.

“Well, technically he’s grey,” he explained.

“Yes, that’s what I said: gray.,” she replied.

“No, he’s grey.”

“Gray?”

“No, grey!”

“Gray!”

“Grey!”

“Are you two going to make out already or can I enter my home?” a female voice inquired nearby. The two arguing unicorns, horns crossed and creating multicolored sparks, looked at the source of the voice. A cream colored mare with a dual colored mane sat in front of them sorting through a key ring for her house key. The blue and pink colors of her mane looked like candy, enough to make Zeno’s stomach growl. Lyra giggled.

“Yeah, that happens to me too. Say, Zeno, want to eat with us?” Lyra offered. Zeno thought about accepting the offer, having not eaten lunch yet, when he felt a small tremor underneath his hooves. Zeno squinted and stared in the direction he suspected it came from before dashing toward the source. Lyra and Bonbon looked at each other and shrugged.

“You silly fillyfooler, I just can’t leave you alone, can I?” Bonbon giggled as she trotted to the door and unlocked it. Lyra followed close behind. Bonbon made sure to smack her muzzle with her tail, teasing her.

“Whatever Bons, you know you’re the only mare for a silly filly like me!” Lyra snickered as they slammed the door behind them. Many shenanigans ensued.

Zeno galloped as fast as his hooves could carry him, hoping to minimize the damage his friends were causing. If only they had listened to him! Well, at the very least everypony on campus will hear about their exploits and invite them to the good parties. He hadn’t been to a proper party since that one time Skates drained the pool and used it for some air tricks. Which wouldn’t have been so horrible if there weren’t sea ponies swimming in it.  Shame too, some of them were quite cute. The images of writhing bodies were still burned in his retinas, haunting his dreams. The fact nopony would ever let them forget it only served to further annoy him.

Despite all his resistance put forth, boredom began settling inside Zeno. Zeno shook his green mane, trying to dispel the malignity. The last thing a pony aligned with chaos need was boredom. A bored pony was a dangerous pony. The red unicorn stopped moving and shook his head. Boredom was a snake inside his mind, eating away at the thoughts he tried to focus on. A tendril of shadows reached into his mind, trickling around his neurons and reaching the hypothalamus. A single touch drove Zeno to insanity.

“Oh my! Are you okay, mister?” a young, soothing voice called from beyond the darkness. Zeno’s ears perked up to the sound of musical bells, as if an angel was speaking to him. He couldn’t see at the moment, not that he would want to. Zeno was lying on his back, hooves convulsing in each direction, as foam frothed from his mouth. He felt a small hoof lye on his stomach and shake, as if somepony was attempting to awake him. A few more cries pierced the darkness before he realized a concerned foal was crying for him.

Zeno opened his eyes. A small, white unicorn filly with a fluffy pink mane was staring down at him, a tear at the corner of her eye. Crap, he thought. He had just broken the first rule of Chaos. He needed to rectify the situation fast, or the crying filly would forever weigh upon his soul. As much fun as his faux seizure was, making anypony cry was despicable. He hadn’t meant to have any witnesses on the rural dirt road he was on, but the filly must have been passing by. Quick, what do I do? He questioned himself.

He abruptly leaped onto all fours, surprising the unicorn filly. He pulled out a toothbrush (don’t ask), and began brushing his teeth. The unicorn tilted her head, plopping down onto her plot. Zeno tapped his other hoof ten times, making sure to brush for the appropriate time (to set a good example for the young filly). When he was done, he lifted his head up, sloshed his own spit in his mouth, and spat out the foam to the side of the road.

A few miles away, a blue unicorn cheered for absolutely no reason.

“There, all better,” Zeno announced as he wiped his mouth. The filly continued to stare at him after the spectacle.
“What were you doing?” The unicorn asked, curious. Zeno scratched behind his ear, unsure on how to answer. Chaos was hard to explain to anyone aligned with Order, especially unicorns. The filly only radiated a small amount of Chaos that was present in everypony, meaning she had no potential whatsoever to learn the branch of magic. 

“Silly filly, I was just brushing my teeth!” Zeno beamed, revealing his pearly whites. The filly sniffed and wiped a stray tear, unconvinced. She stared at him with her wide green eyes. Green met blue, unblinking. Zeno stared, unable to look away. Her eyes widened; her iris and pupils enlarging on her pristine face. Her fluffy mane and big eyes combined to make what may be the most adorable filly Zeno had laid eyes on. His willpower finally drained when she scrunched up her lips and sniffed. His head drooped.

“I’m sorry, I was just bored and wanted to have a little fun,” he admitted, drawing a line in the dirt with his hoof. The filly perked up and bounced around him excitedly.

“Wow mister, how’d you do that? Are you an actor? Oh oh are you from Manehatten? Hi, I’m Sweetie Belle!” The filly bounced in front of him, her smile widening each second. Zeno couldn’t help but return the smile. He absolutely loved foals. Thanks to his androgynous appearance and experience with chaos, he made several bits as a foalsitter.

“Well…” He tapped his chin with his hoof, unsure how to respond. A small wisp of smoke snaked over to the unsuspecting unicorn and touched his nose. Zeno sniffed, taking in the scent. “Well, that’s not good.”

“What’s not good?” Sweetie Belle asked, tilting her head in confusion. Zeno put his nose on the ground and sniffed frantically. He got a faint scent of earth, cider, and cologne. Catching the scent he needed, he raised his muzzle into the air and searched for the source. It seemed to deviate only a small degree off the path, meaning he could continue on the dirt road without missing anypony.

“Smoke, I smell smoke,” Zeno admitted as he began trotting down the path. The filly gasped and jumped in front of him, forcing him to stop.

“Smoke? There’s a fire at Sweet Apple Acres? I have to go help Applebloom!” Sweetie Belle squealed and began circling the older unicorn in a blur. Zeno nervously bit his lip. If Lu had damaged the legendary orchard in any way, not even Discord himself could save him from the corporate hell of a lawsuit coming his way. If he recalled correctly from the newspaper Discordian Duration , Applebloom was Applejack’s daughter. Perhaps if he brought her friend with him, Applebloom would be grateful and it would help with appearances. The power of the press might save them.

“Come on, let’s go!” Zeno suddenly ordered. Before the filly could respond, he leaned down and bit the scruff of her neck and threw her onto his back. He reared up and whinnied, kicking out his hooves, before touching back down and galloping toward the farm. Sweetie Belle gave a short squeak, but didn’t complain. For a unicorn, Zeno was decently fit and fast. He wasn’t an athlete, but his ineptitude with magic forced him to move around the library more than he’d like to.

The dirt road slightly curved to the left ahead of Zeno. As he took the turn, Sweetie Belle noticed his left ear tilted to left. Her curiosity gnawed at her as she adjusted her seating so her hind legs, keeping a secure grip on Zeno’s sides. Before he could ask what she was doing, Sweetie Belle poked his right ear.

“Hey! That’s not funny!” Zeno complained as his trajectory strayed to the right, causing his right shoulder to grind against a wooden fence. A nice green pasture was beyond it, the sun beginning to descend toward the horizon. Sweetie Belle giggled. 

The ground trembled, causing Zeno to full stop.

“Uh, that’s not good,” he said, plastering his ears to his head. The tremor was louder this time, coming from the direction of the farm. He was closer, but it would take some time to get there. The road was beginning to snake around in contrast to how straightforward it was earlier. Unless he hopped the fence, it might be too late before he’d make it. “Hey Sweetie, mind doing me a favor?”

“What?” Sweetie Belle asked, wincing from the tremor.

“Steer,” Zeno ordered as he pawed the ground with a single hoof, preparing to charge. If he did a full charge, she could steer and they could make good time. He was beginning to tire, but the time it’d save might be enough to save his neck.

“Alright mister! I don’t suppose you could get a cutie mark from steering, could you?” The filly pondered this thought. Without her more hyperactive friends around, there was nopony to blow it out of proportion. Sweetie Belle shook her head, that’d mean riding cows or something and she hated having Rarity bathe her if she got too dirty.

“You ready, squirt?” Zeno asked. Sweetie Belle kicked his side with her back hooves, bringing him to a trot. Zeno began picking up the pace as Sweetie Belle grabbed onto his mane. Zeno reared once more.

“Yeehaw!” Sweetie Belle shouted as Zeno whinnied. He dropped down into a full gallop, the scenery beginning to blur together. Sweetie Belle squinted, watching the dirt road ahead of her. She pushed down the corresponding ear to each turn they came across, guiding Zeno on the path. Because of how naturally playful she was as a filly, Sweetie Belle did not understand the significance of the trust Zeno had placed in her. Underneath her, his eyes were completely closed as he breathed erratically. 

Zeno felt a tug on his mane, causing his hooves to halt all momentum. Exhausted, he fell forward on his face. Sweetie Belle hopped off and shook his head to wake him.

“Come on, mister. We’re here,” she told him. Zeno rested for a moment, and then stood up. He took the opportunity to examine the legendary orchard. Apple trees were planted as far as the eye could see; in the middle of the farm were a single house and a barn. 

Wow, I wasn’t expecting something so… normal, Zeno thought as he panted. While Ponyville was a historical site, he assumed Applejack had expanded the original farm before becoming the cider tycoon she was today. Then again, she probably valued her home more than a few bits. She was voted “Most Honest Businessmare” for reason.

The damage wasn’t as bad as he thought, so Zeno relaxed. Other than a few small craters scattered across the field, only one tree was on fire. One lone mare was sitting by the barn, so the two unicorns trotted over. It was an orange earth mare: blonde braids and a farmer’s hat. So this must be Applebloom.

“Uh, hello miss,” Zeno greeted nervously to the side of the mare. The mare slowly turned to face him, her teeth chattering. Oh no, not again. “Is everything alright?” The mare took in a deep breath and let it out slowly.

“Mah brother. Ah’ve never seen him go full out before,” she whispered. Zeno whistled. At least she hadn’t faced “Pinkie party time.” The Apple family was famous for their strength, especially Big Macintosh quite a few years ago. Big Macintosh was voted “Most Eligible Bachelor” on one of Zeno’s favorite gossip magazines after he built an entire orphanage himself on Discord’s request. Even in middle age he was quite the brute. “Was that your friend?”

Zeno nodded. “Yeah, I think so. How was he?” ‘Applebloom’ pondered for a moment before answering.

“He ain’t no match for mah big brother, that’s for sure. He doesn’t seem all that tough, but he can take quite the lickin’,” she answered truthfully. Zeno agreed. Blocking out pain with the rubber body technique was foal’s play. Though that didn’t explain all the craters the two had left behind. As much as he could remember, nopony in the Apple Family was aligned with Chaos. Honesty ran through the blood too thick to allow it, perhaps it was Lu’s doing?

“They don’t seem to be nearby, and the tremors have stopped,” Zeno observed as he pawed the ground. “However… are you alright?” His question took the farmer off guard.

“Yes sir, never been better. Just a little surprised, that’s all,” she answered with a nod.

“So, uh… need any help with that tree?” Zeno asked, pointing toward the flaming apple tree. The instant he called attention to it, the fire contracted stage fright and ceased to exist in an act of desperation. “Oh, well that takes care of it. Guess Lu got a little carried away,” Zeno laughed as he began trotting off in a random direction.

“Guess so. Ya seem new to town, are ya missing a few friends?” she asked earnestly, trotting after him alongside Sweetie Belle. One of Zeno’s ears perked up at ‘few.’ He turned his head and made eye contact.

“Yeah, I am. You’ve already seen Lu, but have you seen two pegasi running around? High strung, kind of obnoxious, and a few straws short of a haystack?” Zeno motioned with his hooves. The mare considered his description for a moment before answering.

“Well, I saw a pegasus earlier, kinda hyper. He had a brownish coat,” she commented. 

“Was he flying or not?”

“Well yeah. Most pegasus do, what of it?” she asked, surprised. Zeno didn’t bother to answer as he stepped closer.

“Mind showing me where he is?” Zeno asked earnestly, giving his best pleading look in the eyes. The mare took a step back, maintaining eye contact. The scarlet unicorn and tangerine mare locked eyes in a struggle of wills. A sigh was let loose as she finally relented.

“Alright partner. Don’t blame me if you can’t handle ‘im,” she warned, tipping her hat. Zeno nodded, motioning her to take the lead. Rather than set down the path, she walked up to the barn’s wall. Zeno merely stood watch as she turned around, lifted her hindquarters, and bucked the wall.

Whump

A tan mass of feathers and fur fell from the roof onto the ground before Zeno. Zeno shuffled his hooves nervously as Dust sat up and rubbed his head in agony. His blonde mane was disheveled, his wings had loose feathers in desperate need of preening, and his coat was stricken with frosting and glitter. The poor pegasus glanced at Zeno for a brief second before rearing up and retching. Sweetie Belle tried not to lose her lunch at the disgusting sight. Zeno strode over and held his luscious blonde locks as Dust puked rainbows.

“Dust, I know this is a terrible time to remind you, but isn’t giving caffeine to Pinkie Pie, ya know, illegal?” Zeno asked. Indeed, it was illegal. Ever since the invention of Blue Bull, the famous pop star was banned in twenty countries from ever consuming the beverage, or any similar drink, ever again. In fact, the drink itself was facing a nationwide ban because of the peculiar aftereffects. Rainbow puke was rather hard to clean up, after all.

“See what Ah mean?” The orange mare approached Zeno’s side, holding her hat to her chest in apology. Lacking any magical finesse to do it himself, Zeno resolved to herd Dust to the nearest bathroom to wash off. Sweetie Belle, intrigued, followed at a safe distance. The poor pegasus’s wings were twitching in agony. 

“Yeah,” Zeno replied. He moved a green lock out of his face. “If you see my friend, tell him to haul his plot off to the town center, okay? Sorry for the trouble,” he apologized. The mare understood and nodded. He felt as if he was getting off easy, but at least he was sincere. He then began hauling Dust off back to town with Sweetie Belle trailing after him.

“Ugh…” Dust moaned. Zeno wished he could scold the pegasus, but his injuries would have to speak for themselves. Nopony could help but pity the fool who’d face the essence of partying herself. Giving Pinkie Pie caffeine was the equivalent of a thousand parties. With cannons. On the sun.

“Achoo!” Zeno sneezed, stopping the two’s progress. The scarlet unicorn wrinkled his nose, feeling ticklish. Something between his eyes fell off toward the ground. He picked up the object with his hoof and held it in front of him. “Huh, that’s strange.”

“Wha..?” Dust moaned semi-conscious. Zeno shook his head. That’s impossible! She rarely visited Ponyville from what he heard, being Princess Twilight’s left-hoof mare and fellow princess. Still, having somepony familiar around might make things less hectic. As wistful the thought may be, it probably wasn’t hers. Zeno sighed, tossed the small object, and continued on his journey.

The midnight blue feather slowly floated to the ground, as if it was sinking in water rather than air. As it touched down onto the fence’s shadow, dark vapors poured out of the feather until no evidence remained.

> Chapter 4: Boring! I chill out during the aftermath!
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


One hour later...


ding

The bartender glanced up from the mug was he washing to see a scarlet unicorn enter his bar. He wasn’t expecting any customers so early in the day, considering it was several hours before happy hour. He put down the mug and washrag and trotted up to the counter, propping his arms atop it. The unicorn walked toward him, sat down on the padded stool and began rubbing his temples. 

“Long day?” the bartender inquired, raising an eyebrow. There were only three reasons a pony would come to drink already sporting a headache: magical exhaustion, they were new to town, or her name was Berry Punch. The bartender placed his bits on the second option as the unicorn sighed.

“You have no idea…” the unicorn sighed as he placed a few bits on the counter. “Give me strongest thing you’ve got.” The bartender raised an eyebrow, but didn’t probe any further. A mixture of fermented grape juice, apple cider, several spices, and an olive was mixed together by the bartender and shaken rather than stirred for maximum effect. The result was the most intoxicating drink he served. The secret was in the spice. A secret spice.

“Try me,” the bartender challenged. “I’ve got folk from all over Equestria to tell me their woes, from a cheating wife to a failed invasion in Canterlot. What makes you any different?” he asked, leaning forward on the counter. He didn’t enjoy prying into a customer’s private life, but his boredom was reaching its peak. Today was one of the few holidays he was required to stay open during daylight, rather than night when all the ponies were out partying. The unicorn scoffed.

“Trust me, this is a first,” the unicorn sighed as he lifted the shot glass to his lips and sipped his mixed drink. The taste burnt his tongue as the bitter fluid streamed down his throat. The rush of alcohol helped dull the throbbing in his head. The bartender was about to retort when another customer set off the bell.

ding

A sulking melon-coated pegasus dragged his hooves across the floor, approaching the unicorn and parked into the seat to his right. The pegasus flipped his highlighted brown mane and asked for the “same as he’s having.” 

“Nice to see ya, Skates,” the unicorn greeted as he sipped his second shot. The pegasus lapped his drink, testing the alcohol level, before gulping it down and replying.

“Yep, howdy do Zee?” he replied, rolling his eyes and tapping on the counter. His wings, rather than plastered to his sides, were slowly flapping behind him.

“Quite well, if I may so myself,” Zeno answered as he set down his drink. He rested his cheek on his left hoof as his right tapped on the counter in unison with Skate. The synchronization caught the bartender off-guard, but didn’t quite shock him. He’s seen stranger things from drunks, especially Berry.

“I knocked out Pinkie Pie with a rock,” Skates whispered, starting to get tipsy. The bartender recognized the beginning symptoms. After all, pegasi could not hold their liquor as well as the other two races.

“And why did you do that?”

“She was singing.”

“Well that’s not so bad, considering she and Dust nearly destroyed a building or two.”

“She was singing backwards while riding a flying timberwolf. I think it was on fire too.”

“And she deserved the rock for that?”

“Well no. She was trying to wish me an early birthday and was singing at warp speed. Oh, and she was chasing me on the timberwolf.”

“Why’d you run away in the first place?”

“She said the timberwolf wanted a hug.” This comment caused Zeno to involuntarily shiver. You don’t mess with timberwolves.

“Point taken. Just don’t hit ponies for singing next time, ok? Anyway, did anything else weird happen to you?” Zeno’s question caused Skates to glance at his friend. Skates noticed one of Zeno’s ears flicking in a familiar fashion, signifying anxiety. His gaze drifted lower to the face. Zeno’s cheeks were pale, and blotchy. His blue eyes pierced into space, unfocused. On closer observation, Skates noticed Zeno’s glass hoof was shaking ever so slightly.

“Well, yeah. The weirdest thing ever. So I was by that fountain we were at earlier, doing awesome tricks on my board and impressing mares. You know, the usual?” Zeno nodded in mutual understanding, having been Skate’s number one confident in romantic endeavors. “Then this pegasus crashes in front of me, forcing me to stop and nearly bail. She got up and apologized and everything, but that’s not the problem. She looked just like my mom! Cutie mark, mane, and even her eyes were all… googly! I tried talking to her, but she didn’t recognize me! Either my mom’s forgotten about me, or she has a doppleganger!” Skates banged his head on the counter, causing Zeno to jump up. His ears perked up as his brain fired on every neuron.

“So… you saw your mom? You know nopony has the same cutie mark. Are you sure?” Zeno probed as he rubbed a hoof on Skates’ stressed shoulder. The tipsy pegasus hiccupped.

“You’re right. I saw my mom. And she didn’t know me!” Skates sobbed, nearly crying. This threw Zeno off-guard, no knowing what to do. This was common in his country in the younger generation, but not for Skates’. This was the final straw for the anxious unicorn.

“Skates, I think you have the wrong idea,” Zeno suggested as he gave a final pat on Skates’ shoulder. The sobbing ceased as Skates looked up from his slouch, curious. “You said you saw your mom, right?”

“Well yeah, I suppose. That’s the only possible explanation, right?” Skates agreed.

“Did you notice anything… off? I don’t know, maybe her mane was shorter, she’s shorter, or maybe she’s taken a few pounds off?” Zeno listed off, thinking of any tip-offs. Skates tapped his chin as he recalled the details of the mare he met. The bartender, watching the spectacle, nearly dropped the new mug he was holding when a lightbulb sprung out of nowhere above the pegasus’s head and turned on.

“Dude, she looked like she lost like, ten pounds! And her wings were much smaller. And she was eating a cheap bran muffin!” Skates confidently banged the counter with his hoof, grinning. Zeno’s response was to droop his ears to the side and stare at his drink. “Yo Zee, what’s the matter?”

Zeno picked himself up and regained his posture. “That’s not the only thing that’s weird. Pinkie Pie isn’t at her tour, Miss Heartstrings didn’t even recognize me despite me sharing dinner at her house a week ago. Oh! And don’t forget the wrong princess is coming to visit a celebration for her sister.” Skates couldn’t help but whistle at the last one. “Oh, did I mention that Dust is getting all cozy with her right now?”

“What?!” Skates cried, slamming down his hooves and spilling his drink in a bout of jealousy. Apparently all the pegasi had the hots for the lunar princess. Zeno, already lifting his final shot, swigged it with one greedy gulp. He needed a buzz before the last bit.

“Oh, and did I mention you weren’t the only one?” Zeno whispered to Skates. One of his eyes were twitching, a sure sign of stress. Skates had no idea what could set him off like this. Only on their scheduled drinking dates did Zeno ever get buzzed.

“Only one for what?” Skates dared to ask, a sense of foreboding creeping down his spine. Zeno responded by shoving his face toward Skates’, pressing their noses together. Hot blood rushed to his face as a slight blush tinged his cheeks. Zeno captivated him with eyes before whispering cryptically.

“I saw her too,” Zeno whispered, closing his eyes in drunken bliss. The mare from earlier flew into Skates’ mind initially, but he thought about Zeno’s words more carefully. The only other connation could be… impossible! 

“You don’t mean..?” Skates trailed off, trying not to enter forbidden territory. Zeno merely laughed it off nervously and nodded as his body let off a small shiver.

“Skates, I think I figured it out. Remember that hot tub you and Lu built last summer?” Zeno opened a single eye and aimed it at Skates. The melon pegasus gulped, remember his ambitious scheme.

“Uh, yeah. The one that blew up.” Skate’s comment caused Zeno to giggle like a filly.

“Funny how everything around us seems to blow up, huh?” Zeno snickered, his drunken state reaching his flushed cheeks. “Well Skates, we did it! We’re time tr-“ His declaration was cut short by the door.

ding

The bartender looked up from the drink he was currently mixing to see another unicorn enter his bar. The lavender mare trotted up to the other side of the scarlet unicorn and sat down, ordering “Whatever she’s having.” Rather than reprimand her, Zeno settled with a mere grunt.

Twilight sipped her bitter liquid and addressed Zeno. “You think you’re having a bad day? Princess Luna will be here within the hour and Ponyville is in an absolute mess thanks to you and your friends,” She muttered as her eyes twitched maniacally. Her eyes had the dull shine of somepony who’s given up on life.	

“Oh Princess Luna? You mean the alicorn that’s cozying up with my disaster-driven friend?” Zeno spat unsympathetically, a drop of drool hanging off his muzzle. Twilight let a small gasp, and then slammed her head onto the counter. Her horn pierced the wooden counter and created a sizeable crack. The bartender paused his cleaning to view their exchange. It was much more interesting than cleaning clean glasses.

“Ugh… I am so going back to magic kindergarten…” she groaned, rubbing her aching head with her two hooves. Zeno, as smooth as a stallion could be, leaned over and wrapped a hoof around her shoulders. Twilight looked up and was about to shout out the stallion, but her attempt was rudely interrupted by a single hoof hushing her.

“Don’t worry Twilight, it’ll be okay. Every time a bell rings, an angel gets her wings. You’ll get yours too someday, so don’t worry. Okay, Princess?” Zeno comforted the mare with the non-sequitur. Twilight, slightly tipsy from the alcohol, merely nodded and laid her head upon the counter rather than process his words. Living around Pinkie Pie for so long has done wonders to her sanity. 

Twilight’s eyes snapped open. Her back snapped straight and her teeth bit into her lip. 

“Pinkie Pie! You! You did that to her!” Twilight accused as she tapped the previously ignored Skates on the chest. His eyes widened as he threw his hooves up in surrender.

“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! I had to or I would’ve died!” Skates sobbed as he apologized, throwing his arms around Twilight and began crying deeply. The lavender unicorn couldn’t help but pity the pegasus as his wings buzzed nervously. Zeno sneezed. Before long she joined him in a duet of despair and tears. How they were able to stretch so far behind him was Zeno’s guess as he finished Twilight’s next shot. His eyes made contact with the bartender, garnering his attention.

“While your mates are busy, mind telling me what you were talking about? It seemed pretty interesting. Time, eh?” the bartender asked. Unicorns were often getting into magical mishaps and their exploits could get quite fascinating. Zeno rolled his eyes as the sobs behind him jumped in volume before dying down. 

“Well, I suppose it can’t hurt. Get this, I’m a time traveler,” Zeno declared anti-climatically. The bartender raised his eyebrow without losing his poise. It was unlikely, but completely possible.

“Well, wher-when are you from?” the bartender asked, applying tact to his words. Zeno giggled.

“Twenty years. I’m from twenty years later. I’m not even born yet!” Zeno shouted, raising his hooves toward the ceiling.

“Um, miss. Are you sure you should be drinking?” The bartender slowly lowered the large jug he had prepared to satisfy the drinkers. Zeno shook his head frantically.

“Yes, darn straight I should be! Where I’m from, the legal age is fifteen!” Zeno hollered, punching the ceiling.

“That’s not what I’m worried about. It’s the fact you’re floating six feet above your seat,” the bartender commented as he shrugged and placed the jug back on the counter. Zeno, embarrassed at his behavior, shamefully lowered back onto his seat. He mumbled an apology as he gulped down another burning shot. He had lost count after his tenth.

“Heh. If you keep drinking like that, you’ll kill your liver,” the bartender jested as he poured another round of drinks for the drunk trio.

“Trust me, I’ve tried,” Zeno slurred. “Last time, my liver got upset and took out a switchblade. Gave me a nasty scar that wouldn’t go away for a good five minutes. Didn’t help that my kidney was sleeping with his wife.” The bartender couldn’t tell if he was serious or seriously drunk.

“So what’s it like in the future, if I may ask?” The bartender leaned onto the counter to rest his cleansing arms.

“Meh. Technology’s improved a little. Jetpacks are the new popular form of transportation. World peace has been achieved. One sixth of the population was quarantined and confined into a small country near the north border for nearly ripping reality apart with magical powers that defy all logic and reasoning. Otherwise, completely fine. Why do you ask?” Zeno supplied the information with a completely straight face. The bartender stood wide-eyed at the young unicorn. Skates and Twilight ceased their sobbing and spat out their drinks.

“WHAT?!” The two drunks shouted in unison. Zeno shrugged.

“Dude! That’s supposed to be cla-cla-clamified!” Skates stuttered and swayed as the alcohol inhibited his balance. Twilight, suffering the same dilemma, provided support as she leaned onto him.

“I think you mean ‘classified,’ “ Twilight corrected. Despite being drunk, she was still quite knowledgeable. “And what was that last part?”

“I told you, nationwide quarantine.” Zeno shrugged.

“Why in Equestria would Princess Celestia do that? I’m sure she could handle anything in the future!” Twilight challenged. Skates couldn’t help but mutter something about changelings, earning a glare from the lavender unicorn.

“Achoo!” Zeno sneezed again. “She didn't, don’t be silly.” Twilight relaxed, her grandeur image of the solar princess remaining intact. 

“Phew. For a minute-“

“You did.” This caused a spark of alarm to surge through Twilight’s spine, causing her coat to tingle.

“What?! I’m no princess! I can’t make decisions like that!”

“Well you are. And you did. And personally, I hate you for it.”

“Hey! That’s not fair! Hey, you, help me out here!” Twilight shoved Skates off her and ordered him to assist her. 
Skates gave a meek shrug. “To be fair, you did do that. Something about ending the end of the world as we know it and other junk. You’re a fair princess from what I’ve heard, but you have a low popularity rating in our country. What was it again?” Skates tapped the damaged counter with his hoof in deep thought. “Zeno?”

The mysterious lightbulb floated above Zeno’s head and lit up. “Oh yeah, the rating is one!” Twilight’s ears drooped.

“One… percent?” She whispered, terrified. Princess Celestia would be completely downfallen if she heard of her student’s failure.

“Nope! Just one citizen,” Zeno cheerfully chirped as he downed his twentieth glass. The bartender’s brow began to sweat small beads, feeling as if he was getting a workout trying to keep up with the unicorn.

“…” Twilight’s mouth hung open as she tried to process the new knowledge. One citizen out of… millions liked her?

“Oh yeah. To be fair he IS your son after all,” Zeno added, proving more fuel to the fire. Twilight, unable to handle the level of failure she was destined to sink to, abruptly grabbed the new jug the bartender prepared and chugged the contents. The bartender, having knowledge of Twilight’s importance and role in Ponyville and the rest of Equestria, was finding this spectacle hard to believe. Two time travelers and a future princess were currently getting slammed in his bar, and it wasn’t even five o’clock yet. The bartender sighed as he reached down under the counter, coming to a decision.

They were all going to need stronger stuff.

“Um, excuse me? What’s this?” Zeno asked as he prodded the glowing green liquid in a glass placed in front of him. It appeared to be in a semi-gaseous state despite being a liquid, like liquid fog. His drinking companions wore similar confused expressions as they poked their glasses as well. The bartender served up a fourth for himself before answering.

“Crystal Dream. It’s a drink for… special occasions. Apple cider, dragonfruit extract, small shards of some shiny crystals I pawned off a dragon, and a secret ingredient.” The bartender listed off a few spices added as well. Zeno poked at the liquid before looking back at the bartender.

“So… how much do we owe ya?”

The bartender waved him off. “No charge. I save this for the best company. You three are by far the most interesting passerby’s I’ve seen, so enjoy.”

Twilight prodded at the drink with her horn, testing it with her magic. “Um, what is the secret ingredient, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Let’s just say it involves changelings.”

“…” Any further discussion ceased as the quartet lifted their drinks and clinked them together. With a single gulp, the four were thrust were no drunk has been thrust before.





After a couple hours, Princess Luna and Dust Fall walked into the bar.

"Ouch," Dust whined, rubbing his sore head. The lunar princess looked down at him and smiled, patting his shoulder with her wing. The awestruck pegasus looked up and smiled back, content to spend the day with his hero. The moment was ruined however once they turned their gaze to the bar's interior.

The bar itself was rather average for a bar. Wooden tables, wooden counter, wooden stools with a red cushion. A few paintings of Princess Celestia was hung up on the walls for decor. 

Atop one table sat a red unicorn in a bonnet and monocle while wearing a green summer dress. Her legs and arms were crossed as she lectured a sulking pegasus wearing a leather jacket and sporting a brown and blue mullet. On the other table sat a lavender unicorn wearing a white shirt and tie while feeding a grown pony wearing a bib and sitting on a high chair. The red unicorn sneezed as Dust and Luna exchanged confused expressions before approaching the odd ponies.

"Son, your mother and I are very disappointed in you," the scarlet unicorn scolded the pegasus. The tan punk sighed and flipped his mane nonchalantly.

"Pf whatever dad! I do what I want!" he huffed, crossing his arms and lifting his nose toward the air. Dust pawed the ground nervously, recognizing his own brother. Dust didn't feel like interfering, considering he had been rescued and cleaned up by the princess. Why she had taken an interest in him was anypony's guess. Whatever the reason, it apparently caused Zeno enough grief to get slammed in the afternoon. The sober two approached Twilight in her drunken state.

"Who's a nondescript pony? You are, you are!" Twilight cooed as she lifted a spoon and fed the nondescript bartender. The bartender giggled and laughed, pounding the high chair as he did so. Dust scratched his ear before turning to the tall princess.

"Um, Miss Moon. Would you excuse me for a moment?" Dust politely excused himself as the princess waved him off. He flew behind the counter in search of something. He opened a few cupboards, removed a few bottles from their storage, and opened the storage room in the back. "Aha!"

Princess Luna bit back the rising question at the tip of her tongue as Dust dragged a large vanity mirror from the storage room. It was dusty and unkempt and the pink decor created a very generic girly image. Dust felt his masculinity slipping as he placed the mirror in the middle of the bar. He wiped his brow from the effort and flew up to his two friends. Skates ignored him in favor of his angst-induced pout. Zeno, on the other hoof, shrugged and allowed himself to be led to the mirror.

"I'll be back in a moment Princess. I just have to wash him up, okay?" Dust apologized with a small bow. Luna nodded and gave her permission. Curiously enough, Dust did not head to the bathroom as she first thought. Rather, he took Zeno's arm and wrapped it over his shoulder, then fluttered atop the vanity mirror's counter. Luna took a step back as the two ponies stepped inside the mirror and walked out of sight. It had just occurred to her that the two didn't have reflections. She turned her head toward Twilight Sparkles and the bartender. The two were still at their silly feeding game with Twilight playing the 'mommy.' The tan pegasus wasn't paying attention to any of the ponies in the bar in favor of messing with his mane with a comb. 

A small smirk spread upon her lips. She walked up to the mirror and turned around as her horn began glowing. With a small flash, a grey earth pony appeared in front of her. He was unconscious and tied up, just like she had left him. Before she had noticed the curious pegasus, she encountered the earth pony challenging another in a battle of strength. The unusual, destructive, and familiar magic he contained had compelled her to kidnap him. She was a princess after all, it was her right. At least it had been a thousand years ago.

Her horn glowed again as she levitated the unconscious pony into the mirror, assuming the same properties would apply. Her magic cut off when he was fully submerged in the rippling mirror, but no matter. She trotted up to the mirror and faced her reflection. Staring back was another dark alicorn, except she was wearing royal regalia. Recognizing her old persona, the two alicorns smiled.

"There's one last strange pegasus to take care. I will see to it, personally," Luna declared, smirking in unison with her reflection. 

"Excellent. I will capture the other two. I assume you are..?" The reflection asked. Luna nodded.

"Yes, this one seems to be more impressionable. The other three are much more powerful, and should be drained in case they ever become a threat." Her report caused the reflection to cackle.

"Excellent. And once we're done with our little ponies, 'Tia will never stand a chance," the armored mare declared. Their old magic had been banished long ago, but their chance at revival had arrived in the shape of the four new arrivals. The two turned their backs on each other and left toward their targets. Princess Luna skirted past Twilight and approached the sulking Skates. He looked up as the princess scooted toward him after taking a seat. His jaw dropped as she drooped an affectionate wing over him.

"Ni-Ni-Nightmare Moon?" Skates stuttered, awestruck. All the pegasi were in love with her. The Princess closed her eyes and smiled, giving off a smug impression. Skates didn't notice in favor of admiring her well groomed feathers caressing him. His gaze was brought upwards as a hoof lifted his chin.

"Yes, my little pony," Princess Luna whispered as she brought his lips to her own, bringing him into a deep kiss. Skates melted into the kiss and closed his eyes after the initial shock. The kiss deepened as Princess Luna's horn began to glow. Skates stiffened, remembering the time period and realizing what was happening. Nightmare Moon didn't exist yet! He tried to pull back, to no avail. He struggled as the glow intensified and he snapped back, his eyes glowing blue.

"Hello, are you ready to serve us?" Princess Luna asked, a corrupt cloud of shadows passing through her eyes. The brainwashed pegasus was mesmerized by the sight, but answered.

"Yes, my princess."

"Good. Carry that mirror. We're going on a journey."

The two left the bar without another sound, leaving Twilight and the bartender to their game. Unbeknownst to Luna, a single feather dropped from her wing, landing on the floor outside the shadows. The light dimly reflected off the midnight blue feather as it lay there, forgotten.
> Chapter 5: Magic sucks!
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	“The last thing I remember after blacking out is waking up in the old castle, tied up and left behind,” I finish my story, recounting the last events leading to me spending the night at the home of a (future) princess. It was a bit of a cop-out, leaving out the explanation of our awesome mirror magic and how the buck Nightmare Moon and Princess Luna existed at the same time, but that was beyond my knowledge and it was getting late.

Twilight was brushing her mane, trying to remove the last remnants of her stressful day before going to bed while I read one of the many books lying around. I’d prefer to have waited until morning, but Twilight had insisted on getting details. The only reason I had consented was exchanging information could prove to be useful, plus I did kind of owe her after such a hectic day.

“One question,” Twilight asked as she raised a hoof. I was a tad jealous of her ability to brush with her horn. “How exactly did you figure out that you were a time traveler? I understand skipping part of your story, but that sounds awfully important.”

I scratch my chin to formulate a proper response. “That’s… personal. The point is we saw ponies that weren’t supposed to be here, and were too young to be the ones we know. Besides, Chaos reigns wherever we go; time travel was bound to happen eventually. We even have rules about it!”

Twilight stopped brushing and turned her head to face me. “You have… rules? The students of Discord have rules?”

“Well yeah!” I defend my poor professor. “I keep telling you, he’s a good guy now! I can’t exactly tell you why, because well…”

“Yeah, I get it. You can’t give any details because you’ll form a paradox, right?” Twilight recaps as lightning cracks outside her window, causing an ominous boom. I nod.

“Exactly! Look, the best thing to do right now is just get us home. We got to see Ponyville, so we can leave in peace. Better do it in the morning and get out of your mane before we cause any (more) temporal problems.” Having said that, I look up from my interesting novel. “That reminds me, how exactly did you get Applejack to agree to host my friends at her place?”

Twilight just blinked at me. “Well, you’ve proven you’re friendly enough. Applejack is a kind pony; she wouldn’t have left them in the rain. Plus I hear your friend was looking for lodging and had placed a bet. I think he won.” I suppose she makes a good point, though Lu actually winning surprised me. She was probably being nice. Anyway, she finishes her brushing, puts down the brush, and trots up to me. “A lot of your story didn’t make sense; I have a hard time believing half the things you say.”

I shrug. “What can I say? It’s a completely different type of magic. It’s bound to not make sense.” As I open my eyes (it’s habit to close them when I shrug, what can I say?), Twilight’s muzzle is nearly touching mine, her breathe touching my nose as her eyes stare into my soul.

“Um, Twi? A little personal space please?” She grunts in response, not breaking eye contact.

“Can you… can you teach me?” she gasps. I back up a foot and facehoof. Of course. Magic and Twilight are like peanut butter and jelly. It was her talent after all. I shake my head.

“You’ll learn in the future. Besides, you’re much too orderly to be able to perform Chaos magic yet,” I explain while tracing circles on the wooden floor. Twilight scoffs.

“Magic is my talent! How hard can it be?” She’s really excited now. What happened to the nerdy and uncomfortable bookworm from before? She was starting to get cocky. Maybe it was my ambient magic…

“Twilight, calm down.” I place my hoof on her chest and feel for any loose magic. I detect a thread and push it out of her, instantly calming her. She takes a deep breath and begins pouting, quivering her lip and slouching.

“Please?” Her eyes begin to wet, a single tear forms.

“Come on!” I stomp the ground with my hoof, my ears twitching and the heat in my face rises. Twilight wasn’t the greatest mare to be around, but she could still act cute.

She refused to stop and began to whimper. My heart begins to enter cardiac arrest at the cuteness overload. Rather than give in to the life-threatening condition, I decide to stand strong.

And cave.

“Fine…” I sigh as I give her a half-bow of submission. “But!” I hold up a hoof of warning. “Tell me something. After you and the Elements took care of Nightmare Moon, what happened to the princess?”

Twilight cocks her head to the side at my statement. “Princess Celestia retrieved her. We’re still not sure what happened, but the Princess is going to take care of her for a few days. Why do you care?” she asks.

“Well my friends and I happen to care about the lunar princess. She is a hero after all.” Not to mention it was probably our fault for Nightmare Moon's sudden appearance. I didn't feel like explaining that to Twilight about that anytime soon. I'd like to get home safely.

Twilight’s ears shot up. “A hero? Of what sort?” I bleat like a goat, realizing my mistake too late. Twilight further approaches me as I try to nervously shuffle backwards on my plot. I sigh again. She’d only use that face to weasel the information out of me. One of many things I don’t like about her.

“Alright, I’ll tell you. But only because it has nothing to do with you in the present!” Twilight raises an eyebrow. I look around to make sure the library is empty before continuing. “You see, Nightmare Moon ISN’T Princess Luna possessed by jealousy,” I whisper as I lean forward. The lavender unicorn follows suit, but immediately backs up as I sneeze inexplicably. “She’s actually a superhero version of her!”

“What?!” Twilight backs up from me, completely nonplussed. One of her eyes are half-lidded, the other rose. Her ears are lowered as well, a sign of defensive thinking. I acted quickly to calm the situation.

“Well, I mean, yes she is! Sort of. It’s um… a corruption of sorts!”

Twilight blankly stares at me. “Really.”

I facehoof again. Idiot! And this is why I could not score with the mares! That and the fact Lu keeps scaring them off, the brute. “No, er, ugh! It’s hard to explain! Nightmare Moon is a part of Princess Luna and always will be! Just like Discord, someday she will be good again!” Oh boy, she had no idea. Again, I could not explain any further without causing complications.

“Again?” Twilight looks really confused right now. I suppose that was a slip of the tongue. Quick, how do I distract her? Oh yeah!

“Magic. You want to learn that, right?” I ask, pleading to the love goddess that Twilight would take the bait. Fortunately, she gets the hint and stops breathing down my neck as she sits down comfortably. It was decided then. I was to teach her the first lesson all the foals in my country had to learn before even being taught a snippet of magic. I reach for my bag and shuffle through its contents, eventually finding what I need. I place in front of Twilight a glass, and trot toward her kitchen.

“Alright, this lesson is simple,” I explain as I place a small container of oil and a glass of water in front of her. I gesture toward the small arrangement. “I want you to mix these together.”

“But that’s impossible! Water and oil don’t mix!” Twilight protests as merely stares at the objects in front of her. I smirk; the fun was only beginning.

“Oh really then? Explain.” My challenge reached her knowledgeable core and her inner nerd awoken.

“Water is a polar molecule while oil is nonpolar. Polar and nonpolar liquids cannot mix because of their opposite polarity, which is the reason using water smears oil rather than being absorbed,” she lectures as she looks up toward the ceiling. It’s as if I’m talking to a walking encyclopedia. Some ponies never change. I couldn’t change her, but I could outright blow her mind!

I grab the oil and glass of water. “You’re pretty smart, but can you explain this?” I grin as I poured an equal amount of oil and water into the empty glass, making sure the tiny cascading waterfalls collide. The two liquids separate, as expected, in the glass as the lavender unicorn watched attentively.

“Why do you keep doing that?” Twilight asks as I wipe my runny nose and shrug. I must be coming down with something.

I bite my lip in total concentration as I gingerly place my hoof on the top of the filled glass. My red, furry, and very well-described hoof is barely bigger than the rim and the perfect shape. As carefully as I could muster, I lift the glass and shake it, making sure the water doesn’t spill. The oil and water begin to mix, becoming a somewhat copper liquid. I place the glass in front of Twilight again.

“How did you do that? I didn’t even see your horn glow,” Twilight asks as she pokes the glass. As soon as she does, the two liquids separate once more.

“Like I said: magic. Now you try.” She lifts the glass and copies my motion. She shakes roughly, trying to get every drop to mix. When she stops shaking it, the two liquids separate once more. I click my tongue and shake my head. “Try again.”

After her third attempt, Twilight sets down the glass. “I’m not sure what I should be doing. How do I cast magic without using my horn?” I smile at her reassuringly. A simple question with a simple answer.

“You see, you’re not ‘casting’ magic. This magic is more like how a pegasus walks on a cloud or an earth pony farms. It’s tougher for unicorns, but possible,” I explain as I take the glass from her and demonstrate the trick once more. I ponder for a moment, holding the glass between my hooves. What’s the best way to explain magic to one whose talent IS magic?

Ding!

“How did you do that?” Twilight asks as her eyes widen. It takes me a moment to realize what she’s talking about as my eyes wander up to what she’s looking at. Oh, there you are light bulb. How that keeps popping up, I’ll never know. Magic is weird like that.

“Anyway,” I say as I hold the glass up to her with one hoof so she could look at the contents. “In order to use Chaos, you have to think like Chaos. Being one of the bearers of Harmony, that’s probably a little difficult, but I think you can do it.” I give it a small shake, causing the two liquids to merge. Twilight’s eye twitches as she attempts to make sense of my feat.

“That just doesn’t make sense!” she complains. I set down the glass and shrug, giving up on the lesson.

“Well that’s kind of the point. It’s Chaos, what are you going to do?” I yawn, more than ready to go to bed. Fortunately Twilight had a spare bed for me to sleep in. The alternative would’ve been unimaginably horrible. However, she did not seem as eager to tuck in like I did.  She continues to stare at me with her magenta eyes, a curious spark in them. I could tell she was debating on if her question was rude or not, but I decided to take the bait. “What is it?” I snapped.

“You cast a spell earlier. I’ve never heard of a spell like that before, what does it do?” she finally asks, referencing to my tale earlier. She was a good listener; she didn’t interrupt my story until it was finished. I was still surprised she didn’t just ask earlier. Was talent-specific spells taboo in unicorn culture? I had an inkling it might be personal, but I wasn’t accustomed to hiding it. There weren’t many unicorns in my country, so it was hard to tell. A thought strayed into my mind. Her talent was magic and she’d probably have an easier time using her horn, plus I did kind of wonder what would happen…

“It’s an odd spell. It's not exactly aligned with Chaos, but it's not with Order either so I can cast it. I’m not sure how to explain it exactly, it’s some sort of intuition spell,” I explain to her. “When I cast it, I have a good idea of what to do and feel driven to do something. It’s useful for planning, but it can be used in the spur of the moment. I like avoiding those situations though…” I trail off as my ear flicks irritatingly, remembering a few times in the past I’ve gotten in trouble. Twilight must’ve caught on, because she decided to bite.

“What situations? Something about losing your mane?” Twilight asks, running a hoof through her mane. Wow, she has a good memory. And a well-groomed mane. I look up while tenderly biting my lip and shrug.

“Well I don’t like using it when I’m not planning something. If I do, it tells me what to do now. If I ignore it, something silly happens. Probably some sort of karmic balance.”

She rubs her chin with her hoof, pondering. “Does it have to do with your cutie mark, if you don’t mind me asking?” Well that possibly answers my question. Somewhat personal, but not too intimate. Eh, why not? I don’t mind sharing.

“In fact, yes-“ I stop, trying to stifle a yawn. I struggle for a moment, trying to regain cognition. Thanks to my meager vitality, fatigue was rampant in every muscle. I stretch briefly, raising my tail into the air like a cat, and smack my lips a few times after finishing. Deciding bed was a necessity, I chose to skip the backstory and go straight to the demonstration. I ask Twilight to step back and watch, knowing she wouldn’t turn down the chance to learn a spell that hasn’t been invented yet. With a whinny and a frolic, I charge up my horn.

Magenta, nice. I always enjoy seeing the different colors my horn takes whenever I cast the spell. I wonder if there’s a pattern to it. Twilight watches me attentively, analyzing the spell. Laying my plot on the ground, I wait patiently for the effect to kick in.

And keep waiting. My brow scrunches as I tap my horn, trying to get the spell to activate already. It’s charged, but not performing. Huh, interesting.

Go to sleep.

Wait, nevermind. Better follow my own advice. I stretch my arms out once more and yawn as the magic dispels. “Alright Twilight, it’s bedtime. I need some shut-eye.” At last Twilight agrees and allows me to hit the sack rather than attempt the spell herself. I could tell she wanted to give it a try, but even the Element of Magic needed her sleep. Fortunately she has a guest bed, which I find comforting after I drag myself up the creaky oak stairs and collapse on the enticing covers. Twilight soon follows, resting on her own bed and snuggling underneath the covers. I’m forced to listen to her rustle through the fabric, attempting to get comfortable. Despite my feelings toward her, sleeping in the same room as a mare was odd for me.

I wait a few minutes, lying on my bed and lightly breathing. I stare at the wooden designs on the ceiling, wondering how a library could be carved inside a live tree. Another part of me wondered how many books were made that day, and if any remained here. The library was silent at this time of night. Too silent. I sigh, remember home. Due to the nature of most of its residents, the city I lived in was always bustling with business, laughter, and fun. Ever since I got here it was just all work and no play, rounding up my friends.

When do I get to have some fun?

I roll over to my side and peer over the side of my bed toward my saddlebag. Twilight thankfully didn’t notice, but a small beam of moonshine was reflecting off the tiny piece of metal sticking out. I don’t know how Dust did it, but he found the Elements of Harmony’s spoils of battle after our rescue, Nightmare Moon’s reagent. During our departure, he had secretly slipped it to me, thinking that I would make the right decision. On one hoof giving it to Twilight (and by extension, Celestia) would probably create a paradox. Giving it back to the lunar princess would give her lasting trauma and possibly cause a curse relapse. Keeping it with me and going forward in time would definitely cause a paradox. The only thing I could really do was find a nice, secret place and dump it.

My curious finally got the better as me as Twilight began snoring. Loudly. I slip out of my bed and land on the floor, allowing all four hooves to equally disperse the kinetic energy to minimize the sound. I check all directions, making sure there wasn’t any hidden surprises. My energies hadn’t completely returned after such a hectic day (Hey, I have limits!), but my mind was completely awake at this point. I reach into my bag and touch the helmet...

tap tap tap

My body freezes as my ears pick up noises from the window. My head slowly turns as I hear. Outside the window is Dust, tapping the window and looking directly at me. I turn around and check on Twilight, making sure she’s well and asleep. Her snoring lullaby is pretty reassuring. As carefully and quietly as I can manage, I reach up and open the window. Dust, in all his subtlety, zips through the opening and tackles me mid flight, landing on me atop of the bed.

Being the best friends we are, this isn’t awkward at all. Not one bit. Dust breathed silently as he looked down at me as I lie on my back, my arms thrown up behind my head and barely touching the headboard. His back was toward the window, shielding my eyes from the moonlight, and his from mine. It reflected off his blonde mane and illuminated it, forcing me to touch it with a hoof in wonder. His tan coat absorbed the moonlight and cast an ethereal glow. I knew he was a pegasus (and alive), but he looked like an angel.

As I stare at him, I couldn’t help but start feeling awkward. This felt like a scene from one of the animare shows I secretly enjoy. 

Dust smiled weakly and leaned down. I’m feeling appreciative right now, so I tilt my head and touch my horn to his forehead. He closes his eyes and savors the moment. Poor Dusty, he’s had a tough day. I reach up with my hooves and touch the muscles that connect his wings to his body, feeling the tension. Dust leans back and stares down into my eyes. I wrap my arms around his neck and pull down his head to nuzzle him. Comforted by this, he returns my gesture and nuzzles back with heated cheeks.

Somepony coughed behind us. I lean over to the side and from my vantage point I see a figure leaning halfway inside the window. Skates is leaning in, his hooves tucked underneath the window sill to hold him, with a bemused grin plastered on his face. Twilight is still snoring away happily in dreamland, so I blow him a raspberry. Part of me was wondering how he even got up there, but then again we’ve done stranger things. 

He had a point though, albeit uncommunicated. We had to get out of here. I nod to Dust, my ears gesturing rapidly. He gets the message and grabs my saddlebag on the floor. I wrap my arms around his neck tightly and wait for him to scoop me up like a princess. Thankfully a pegasus didn’t have to risk stepping on a creaky floorboard.

Dust’s wings lift from his sides and begin to flap...

Skates shakes his head as his hoof pins down one of his brother’s wings. I lean back from my bridle hold to stare at him, perplexed. My raised eyebrow had little effect on him. He flicks his ears toward my saddlebag and grins, a twinkle in his eye. Oh, tough call.

On one hoof we had to get out of town as fast as our hooves (and wings) could carry us, but then again there were still hours until dawn... 

I grin back and nod eagerly. This was too good of an opportunity to pass up. Skates lets go and Dust begins to hover, carrying me. Skates slips a hoof into my bag and pulls out the reagent, the light blue ebony shining in the moonlight. The helm glows dimly for a moment at his touch, but the light fades soon enough. We slowly approach sleeping Twilight and Skates holds out the helm.

The reagent flashes brightly, as if the moon itself was illuminating the room. It dulls back to a slight ethereal glow as Skates’ blue highlights begin glowing. He wrinkles his brow and waves the reagent over Twilight, scattering small blue particles on her. Her nose scrunched as she turns in her restlessly in her sleep, obviously in discomfort. The moonlight dust sinks into her fur and disappears, taking hold of her.

Twilight moans in anguish as her coat begins glowing. The fun has just begun.

“Princess Celestia? What do you mean I’m a princess now? All I did was learn friendship...” Twilight mumbled her in sleep. The three of us grin mischievously. It worked! Skates slowly turns the helm a few degrees in his hooves, causing the light’s power to flux.

“Yes, make me your princess. I’ll be your princess! ...Excuse me? But I &!*# from there!” Twilight whines, folding her arms over her chest. Skates and I look up in confusion, sharing raised eyebrows. Did she just get... censored? Huh. We never knew Ponyville had such a silly Order enchantment. So much for our plans for getting laid.

A thought hits me, although a little more gently this time. I rub my head softly as I reach out with my other hoof. Skates looks at me for a moment and stretches his arms out so I can take it while Dust politely flies closer. As it touches my hooves, the helm briefly flashes a daisy color as my mane and tail begin glowing the same. I give the reagent a quick shake over Twilight to take control.

Once more she moans, but this time it’s more... delighted.

“Oh, you’ve brought Princess Luna! How are yo- what’s that? Please don’t! Be careful! Oh it’s hot, so hot! More, I need more!” Twilight screams in agony, demanding something in her dream. Whatever it was, she wasn’t getting enough. Twilight screams and begins pounding the bed with her hooves in pain. Uh...

Skates leans over the bedside wide-eyed, but that’s quickly cured with a smack to his head, courtesy of yours truly. Dust pokes me with his muzzle, interrupting my punishment of his brother. He nods his head erratically, quite excited. I smile back and hand him the reagent and wrap my four legs around him securely as he lets go and takes the reagent. With a golden shake...

“Princess Celestia, I never should have doubted you. Princess Luna’s tea is the best!”

“...” Skates stares at Dust and I in disappointment. What did he think the dream was about? Pervert. Anyway, it was time to go. We secured the reagent in my saddlebag and Dust adjusted his hold on me. Skates turned around and started walking to the window. As he’s walking, my eyes adjust and see a forgotten book shrouded in darkness. I throw up a hoof and try to motion him to stop, but it’s too late.

“Wah!” Skates trips on the book, landing his face on the wall. Part of me snickers, but everypony tenses. Between using the reagent, Dust’s wings flapping, and Skates clumsiness, we’ve made a lot of noise. The tension in the air is so thick, I was tempted to take out a knife and cut it. Freshly cut tension is a considered a delicacy from where I’m from. The moment lifts when Twilight gives out a hearty snore. 

I wipe the sweat off my brow. “Phew. Twilight sure is a heavy sleeper.”

“Who said that?!” Twilight jumps up from her sleeping position, holding the blanket to her chin. Before her mind can register the three ponies at her bedside, we all dash through her window. 

Falling down two stories wasn’t daunting for my pegasus friend. Dust calmly floated downwards and set me down as Skates landed on all fours, his legs barely absorbing all that kinetic energy. We give each other several looks, communicating panicked thought, and gallop as fast as our hooves could carry us. Our journey through nightlife Ponyville did not conjure any complications; a drunk stallion whistled at me but that was pretty much it.

The blue box that originally took us here was still standing where we left it, very blue-hued and box-shaped. Lu was pacing around the machine as we approached it. If he hadn't been moving so, his grey coat would’ve blended in the darkness. Not even moonlight reflected off of him. 

I step up and move to nuzzle him, as is my standard greeting. However, he pulls back when I approach. Strange.

“Hey, what’s the matter?” I ask, concerned. Lu turns his head back to me. His eyes are filled with worry.

“There’s too much temporal energy, the machine won’t open,” he answers, his voice filled with panic. I remember taking Quantum Physics 101 back at high school, so that means...

“It’s a fixed point in time?” I answer, trying to decipher his implications. Surprisingly, he shakes his head.

“Worse. It’s not exactly time it’s stuck in. It’s hard to explain. Do you think you could..?” He motions with his hoof toward my forehead. Usually I’d be offended to be asked so casually by my closest friends, but it’s safe to say getting home was more important. Time, after all, was of the essence.

I approach the machine and touch it with a  hoof, feeling the waves of temporal energy radiating off of it. Sweet honey ice tea, this was enough power to fuel a city! As powerful as some ponies could grow to be, nothing could ever compare to the raw power of the universe and nature. I set my hoof down, lower my head, and charge the spell.

As my horn glows black, so does my vision...
> Chapter 6: Coincidental Encounter
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	...mainly because I was now hurtling down a dark abyss, dragged down by the cruel mistress of gravity. I wave my arms frantically and let out a high pitch scream; my spell isn’t telling me anything. Sometimes not even intuition can save you. The large hole that the ground sunk into was getting smaller and smaller as I fell, and I could barely see the pegasus diving down toward me. 

Dust, in his bravery, had apparently grabbed Skates and Lu during their descent and was now reaching toward me with his arms. I reach out with my hoof and try to grab his, but we wave around and only manage to briefly brush against each other. Before I realize what’s about to happen, I feel impact.

The wind is knocked out of me and my head is spinning. I groan, every muscle in my body screaming in pain. Usually falling two stories wasn’t much for my kind, but for some reason I really, really hurt. As I lie on top of the strange minerals beneath me, my hide begins itching and adds to the pain. It’s a burning itch, one you can ignore but incredibly difficult to do so. A warm, irritating fire burns just under the skin, far from where my scratch can reach. My hooves try with all their might, but to no avail. Just behind me I hear Dust make a soft touchdown with our friends. From their irritated whines I can tell they feel the itching too.

I let out another groan and slowly roll over to stand up. I take a moment to shake the dizzying sensation from my head as my friends regroup with me. Lu circles around me for a moment, inspecting my body for injuries. He pokes and prods here and there, eliciting a sensitive shudder or a painful yelp from me. Other than a bruise or two, nothing is seriously injured. I notice a tiny limp in my front left hoof, but it’s not serious enough to worry about. All I was worrying about right now was getting the buck out of here and back to the future before we have the honor of meeting Princess Celestia.

The moonlight that’s poking into the cavern we’re in seems to be absorbed by the crystals we were standing on. We can only stare as the light spreads and intensifies until the entire chamber is illuminated in moonlight. Each crystal is a perfect hexagon, crystal clear, and reflecting light in every direction. However, the light is being magically amplified, which can only mean...

“We must be in a ceremonial chamber of sorts,” I declare, finishing my thought as I begin walking across the chamber and examining the walls. It’s very subtle, but I can make out colored designs in the crystal walls. The crystals with a slight burn are most likely magically crafted by natural forces, which explains why they’re perfectly shaped. Concentrated magic can crystalize, meaning we were standing on crystallized Order magic that was burning away at our magic essence. Fortunately we were merely ponies, so it was only our innate magic affected. If any of us were a nature spirit, we’d probably disintegrate.

“Really?” Lu asks skeptically as he follows close behind, his grey coat illuminated by the luminous room. He seems a little hesitant to take in that information, considering part of his history classes studied ancient pony sacrifice. “How do you know?”

“First off, I’m an Archeology Major, remember? Anyway, look at these walls. They’re murals,” I explain, pointing a hoof at the most colorful one I can find. It takes a minute for Lu to see it, but he finds the right angle and gasps.

“Dude. Is this what I think it is?” he asks as eyes widen in realization. His head turns toward me, and we share starstruck grins. In our haste to escape the past, we’ve stumbled upon one of the greatest discoveries in history.

“A filtering chamber,” I answer. Lu and I jump up and high-hoof each other in glee. If we took a few pictures and crystals, we’d have more than enough bits for quite awhile. Maybe enough to get filthy rich! During our celebration, Skates trots over and pokes me on the shoulder.

“Hey, I don’t mean to be a dumbass but what’s a filtering chamber?” he asks, scratching his blonde, blue-highlighted mane. Lu and I exchange a few more looks, our rapid squints and scowls determining who had to face the music. After an intense struggle, I manage to win with a well-timed guilt glare. Lu sighs and drops down to Skates’ level.

“Remember the fourth wall we passed on our way here?” Lu asks as he scratches one front hoof with the other. Skates nods with a wince, remember his painful arrival here. “Filtering chambers seem to be closely related to the fourth wall. Inside each chamber is a sacred well, filled with concentrated Order magic. Right now we’re standing on the by-products of said well, or some sort of magical condensation. I’m not quite sure. Anyway, filtering wells are kind of a double-edged sword. On one hoof they suppress the power, attitude, and lethality of any living object within its proximity. If my calculations are correct, this well’s influence should extend to the old castle of the Solar and Lunar Princesses.” 

Lu stops, realizing he’s been pacing like the professor. He turns around and makes eye contact with Skates this time. “However, on the other hoof, many ponies find filtering chambers to be annoying, intrusive, and sometimes even a hindrance to everyday life! Whenever a pony subconsciously curses or says anything lewd, a strange beeping noise censors it. Consciously, however, most ponies are unable to even conjure the thought of such things!”

Skates gasps and grabs his cheeks with his hooves. “That’s horrible! Then how do they..?” He bumps his hooves together, representing something quite inappropriate. Lu shakes his head.

“They don’t.” Skates screams and collapses, twitching. Boy does he need to get laid. “As for foals being born, for some reason married couples will just give birth without being pregnant in the first place. To this day nopony has ever seen the filtered birth. One day the couple is alone, and the next day there’s a baby in the hospital waiting for them.”

“That’s pretty frickin’ weird,” Skates grunts as he stands up. “So, are we going to look for this well or we going to get out of here?” Huh, usually it’s Dust or Lu asking to go to places that could probably kill us.

Lu shrugs. “Might as well. I mean, the time machine is stuck right now. Not much else to do.”

Dust pipes up. “We could wait for morning and meet Princess Celestia!”

“Ha, and get banished to the moon?” I scoff, rudely. Dust flinches, poor thing, but it had to be said. “We accidentally resurrected her sister’s other persona just by existing! Remember how her sister was trapped for a thousand years? Imagine how she feels, facing the fact she almost had to banish her again! I bet she’s plotting our torture right now!” I scream as I stand up and fall on my back dramatically, holding my hoof to my forehead.. Lu catches me like a true gentlecolt.

“Well, I think he’s right, Dust,” Lu agrees as he helps me to my hooves. Dust rubs his chin with his hoof and flutters his wings in deep thought before eventually conceding to my reasoning. Even if it wasn’t the most rational explanation, it was still very likely and I’d rather not take my chances. We take a moment to calm down and begin exploring the chamber.

The floor is like a normal trader’s road between cities, a strong bedrock of crystals lie underneath a looser layer of ‘gravel.’ It shifts and tingles underneath our feet, but we manage to ignore it for now. The walls are covered in murals, depicting abstract art and events. A few make more sense than others; one wall detailed the rise and fall of Discord and another illustrated Princess Twilight’s ascension. Filtering wells were beyond normal comprehension, so we merely shrugged the last one off.

By this time we’ve left the hole in the ceiling far beyond, but for some reason every crystal in the chamber is glowing with moonlight. We’ve traveled a good distance at this point and haven’t seen anything valuable beyond the crystals we’re walking on. For a few minutes, I notice Skates biting his lip and shifting his eyes to and fro. 

“Wait!” Skates shouts, abruptly stopping the group’s progress. “I just realized something.”

“Yeah?” I ask, curious to see what his mind had come up with. Skates wasn’t the brightest nor the most powerful, but he had his moments of glory. He circles in place, scratching his cantaloupe coat in thought.

“Alright. Sorry, but I was thinking. Whenever I play video games there’s always a pattern. You find a big chamber full of treasure and stuff. It’s pretty and massive, and there’s always an artifact of power in it, right?”

“Yeah,” I confirm, having played the same games he had. “So what’s your point exactly?”

“Well…” He paws at a few stray crystals like gravel. “If this is a treasure room, then where’s the boss?”

I facehoof. “Skates! This isn’t a video game! The closest thing these chambers had were some guardian, but that was back in ancient t-”

Boom.

“-imes...” I freeze as a heavy impact shakes the ground underneath me, nearly causing a localized earthquake. I’m afraid to turn around, my hooves are rooted to the spot. “It’s right behind me, isn’t it?”

Skates just grimaces. “What’d ya think?” Jeez, way to be rude. Despite Skates jab at my rhetorical question, I can see the fear evident in the three of them. Dust’s usually twitching wings have snapped shut to his sides, Skates’ orange eyes were shrouded with uncertainty, and even Lu’s legs were quivering in fear. I gulp, and slowly turn around.

I promptly wet myself for the second time in the last twenty-four hours. On the crystals standing, no, towering over us is the guardian. The monster looks like a turtle spliced with a cat; its stumpy legs sporting diamond-tipped razor-sharp claws, its two pairs of freakishly sharp fangs dripped with saliva. Every square inch of its skin is adorned in multicolored crystals, shining bright in the reflected moonlight. Its eyes resembling nothing but glowing sapphire orbs that illuminates the monster’s wide, taco-shaped head. Only larger than the head is the shell-like torso attached, seemingly double the size. From this angle I couldn’t see if there was a tail or not, but I hope I wouldn't have to find out. Feeling starts to creep into my hooves and I begin to turn and run…

“STOP HEATHENS!” the monster roars as our nerves fire up to run. At his command, we freeze again. An unknown force holds us in place, no matter how much we struggle. At first I thought it was Order magic, but the lack of pain and well, death, begs to differ…

“W-w-what do you want?! W-w-we were leaving!” I stutter, trying not to cry. A huge monster with magic. Binding magic. All the better to eat us with. A musky scent lifting in the air alerts me to my companions relieving themselves in the moment. Humorously enough, some of the flooring beneath us tinges yellow, basking us in a golden glow. The monster chuckles, deciding to taunt us before its meal.

“I merely wanted to speak to you four interesting individuals.”

“I swear! We don’t taste as good as we look! Trust me, I tried!” Lu screams as he begins panicking in place. He manages to break his bonds and begins galloping, but something odd happens. His legs pump in unison as he gallops, lifting from the air and planting his hooves onto the ground, but he isn’t moving! The stallion is galloping in place! The monster snorts at Lu’s attempt and stifles a rising laugh.

“Silly ponies. I’m not going to eat you!” The monster smiles at us, and I feel a strange sense of honesty radiating from it.

“Yay!” We all cheer, joyous to hear of our salvation.

“I’m going to destroy you.”

“No!!” We cry in fear.

“At a little game.”

“Yay!”

“A fighting game.”

“No!”

“Yay!”

“SHUT UP SKATES!”

“However,” the monster interrupts us as we begin chiding Skates’ stupidity. “I really do mean to talk to you. As long as you promise not to run, I’ll release you. If you do run…” The monster tears a boulder of crystals from the ground and crushes it into dust with his claws. “Well, these muscles aren’t just for show!”

We nod furiously, not eager to lose our lives in a moment of weakness.

“Before we begin, my name is Formidilosus Homoliberalis. But you can call me Cuddles. Any questions?” The monster looks down at us and smiles to our shaking heads. He turns around and begins walking, signaling with his serpentine tail to follow.

“As you know, this is the legendary filtering chamber. Inside it is a filtering well.” He speaks as he travels ahead of us. Each one of his steps leaves a resounding vibration and an indentation in the ground. “There are many hidden across the world underneath important settlements, including Ponyville and Canterlot. Each one protects important hubs of civilization from traumatizing events at the cost of…” He loses his train of thought and grunts.

“Maturity?” Lu helps. The monster snorts.

“Actually, yes. The well prevents certain levels of behavior and speech at the discretion of the metaphysical fourth wall, which you have no doubt heard of. An unusual side effect causes nearby residents to act somewhat more childish, as you have no doubt seen.” As the monster says this, his tail moves to halt us. He shifts around to face us.

“I am a guardian of the well, the greatest source of Order magic in existence. However, I am not Order myself. To be so would allow weakness and give evil a chance in obtaining ultimate power,” the monster informs with a disgusted glint in its (literal) orbs. Something tells me there’s history to this.

“Wait, you’re not?” Lu asks, scratching his ashy white mane in confusion. “Then what are you?”

The monster grunts and stares wistfully at the ceiling, reminiscing. “I am beyond time, beyond Chaos and Order. My magic is eternal, since the day of its conception. One day I will pass it on to my child, as she will to hers.”

I tilt my head, nonplussed. “That sounds kind of like…”

“Harmony, I am Harmony itself.” His declaration surprises me. I open my mouth to speak, but he interrupts. “Those trinkets your idols wear are fragments of the source that birthed my power, each coupled with a more… mischievous twin. I believe you know them as…”

“Reagents?” I ask. Cuddles nods, confirming it.

“Yes, reagents. It’s quite the interesting relationship. While the Elements of Harmony seal and dispel evil, the Reagents of Chaos merely create. Just like the balance of the universe. Order seeks to shape and control the life that Chaos creates. Both are limited, yet have so much potential. However, I am beyond those powers. As Harmony, I have the power to both create and control, but with limits. It is my duty to maintain those two, and unfortunately you four have upset that balance.”

“Uh…” I scratch my itching hooves. “Alright, I see your point. But now what?”

“Well,” the monster scratches his chin with a diamond talon. “Your very presence has ruptured time and space itself, creating a tangent. The only solutions…”

“Wait!” Lu screams, his eyes widening. “Did you just say we’re in a tangent universe?” He’s breathing rapidly and his grey eyes have become bloodshot. Thank goodness we’ve already spent our bladders.

The monster turns his head toward Lu, the sapphire orbs twinkling somberly. “Yes, unfortunately. The paradox is most likely irreparable, and only two solutions remain. I cannot risk the fate of the universe, so I must choose the uneasy one. I am sorry.” His blue orbs dim. It takes me a moment to realize he’s actually saddened by his decision, not merely pretending for our benefit.

“Hey, what’s a tangent universe?” I ask Lu, turning toward him confused. He shakes his head, mouthing the word later.

“Y-y-you’re going to kill us?” Dust whimpers, finally speaking to the giant. The monster lowers his head, apparently in shame. 

“I’m sorry little one, but you lack the power for the alternative.”

“What alternative!” I scream angrily, finally losing my cool. I walk up to the beast, stand up on two hooves, and plant one of my others on his crystalline head. “Look, I don’t know or care what you think, but I’m damn well sure we’ve got the power! We managed to stop a force that can kill us mid-shot, so I’m damn well sure we can fix an itty bitty paradox!”

Thunder booms in the distance, shaking the chamber. The guardian looks up toward the ceiling as it vibrates, and growls toward it. As I adjust my four hooves on the ground, the guardian looks back at me.

“Very well. Lady Equestria has spoken. I will give you one chance, just one chance to prove yourselves.”

I nod, confident in our abilities. My horn begins to glow scarlet, the same as my coat, from my previous spell. It warns me that Twilight is on her way, and that she’s zeroed in on my location with company. Oh, and that she’s crazy mad. 

The monster sighs and extends his claws while ruby and emerald spikes jut out of his spine. His crystal scales shift and start reflecting every color of the rainbow as he slowly stands up on his back two feet.

“See if you can defeat a Kaiji in battle.”

“Well… shit.”

> Chapter 7: My name is Skates Turbine!
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Warning:	the following chapter is merely filler and hardly important. If you're waiting for the Mane 6 to show up, press ctrl+f and search "Rainbow" to skip to the important part. Seriously, this was painful to write. I can't believe I published it. I mean, I wrote it in the middle of the night under the influence of caffeinated tea. Just skip it, please.


“Indeed Zeno, indeed.” Lu places a grey hoof on my shoulder as I deadpan in shock. The Kaiji leans back and roars as auric energy glows around his body, the light reflecting off his crystal scales. He finishes his roar, stomps one of his clawed feet, and raises his fists above his head to strike.

“Wait! Just one second!” A voice cries out, causing Cuddles to falter in his attack. Surprisingly enough, Skates had taken the initiative. He pushes past Dust with a wing and walks in front of me, taking charge of our party. “You haven’t given us time to prepare!” 

His accusation brings a frown to Cuddle’s face. He seems apologetic. “Well, alright. What exactly do you need to prepare for?” he asks, lowering his fists. Skates a deep breath before continuing.

“Look, I’ve played enough video games to know what’s going to happen. You’re obviously incredibly powerful, with a complete moveset, guidelines, and attack pattern. Compared to us, you have ridiculous stats and equipment! Compare to you, we’re pipsqueaks! Unlike video games, we can’t just reload-”

“Um…” Lu tries to interject. Skates waves him off with a brash flick of his brown tail.

“-our save. So can you give us a few minutes to at least come up with a plan so we have a chance? I mean, come on. You’ve had who knows how long and you’re just going to throw yourself at four college students who just wet themselves? You’re supposed to be Harmony! That’s a tad impulsive for someone who’s had this long to prepare! I mean, come on! This is your first battle in a long time, so even if you win you might as well make it a good one!”

I hear the dull clinks of jaws hitting crystal floor as I follow suit.

Cuddles scratches his chin, actually considering Skates’ proposal. He sighs and slouches his shoulders. “You make a good point, young one. Very well, you may prepare whatever plans and equipment you might have. In fact, your talk of games interest me. Enough to entice me to offer you a little wager.”

Skates flinches back and flaps his wings, confused. “Eh? I mean, what else can we offer you? I mean, this is kind of a fight to the death, right?” 

Cuddles chuckles. “I never said death, silly pony. The filtering well prevents death at the hands of Order. My wa-”

“Wait.” I trot up to Cuddles. “Order? I thought you were Harmony?”

Cuddles looks down awkwardly with his sapphire orbs, rubbing one of his legs with a shaky claw. “I have very little Chaos in me at the moment, to avoid spilling it in a time where it is not abundant.” He looks back at Skates. “My wager is this. If I ‘defeat’ you, I extract your power and you all give me back rubs. Then I’ll deal with you. Deal?”

Skates just looks back at us and shrugs. He looks back and replies. “Well, sure? What do we get if we win?”

Cuddles grins. “If I am defeated, I will gladly show you the first step to getting home. It will be a long journey, but you should be more than capable.” He steps back and waved us off. “Enough talk, get planning!”

Cuddles, for some reason, decides to sit in a corner. My three friends gather around me, expecting me to have a plan. I chide them for thrusting the responsibility on my horn and the stupid spell and we get to work.

“Okay, since I play video games I should probably be the party leader,” Skates suggests as he pounds a hoof on his chest. None of us have much to say, so he continues. “First, we need to assess Cuddles’ power. Lu?”

“Right!” Lu nods as he dips a grey hoof into his saddlebag. He shuffles through it, almost going down to his elbow. I try not to make my eye-rolling obvious when I casually peek in and notice the photos and magazines he tucked in there. Never again am I betting with the stallion. Blue was not my color, especially on the beach. Eventually he finds what he’s looking for and puts it on.

“Nice glasses,” Skates snickers. Lu sticks his tongue out and blows a raspberry. He lightly pushes Skates aside as he peers at him with his new eyeglasses. They look kind of like you get in a 3D movie theatre (invented two years ago), but lacking the left blue lens. I hear a small noise, similar to a small but fast fan. 

Lu sighs and drops his head in shame. I shake his shoulder to get him out of his funk.

“Well?” Skates asks. “What’s his danger rating?”

Lu replies, but it’s laced with uncertainty. “Eleven, equal to an alicorn at full power. And that’s WITH the suppression the filtering chamber’s dampening effect is placing on him.”

“And what about ours?” Skates’ look of determination never leaves his face.

“Well, if you calculate the semi-dampening effect the chamber has on us, due to the fact it doesn’t affect us as much, and the lack of magical defense Cuddles has against Chaos due to lacking most of his original power, I’d say about… three. Two for Zeno.”

“What?” I cry in indignation. Of the entire group, I was the weakest? Lu just frowns at me.

“Well don’t blame me. You haven’t taken basic combat yet. You’re not at the same level as us.”

“Pft, whatever.”

“Hm…” Skates paces around us, muttering to himself. “Harmony with an imbalance of Order… crystal shell boosting defense… reflective scales boosting magical defense… most likely a balance elemental immunity… piercing and crushing one-hit kill attacks, not to mention game-breaking magic…  long reach... incredibly sturdy… he has to have a weakness. Speed and agility is obvious, but how can we possibly exploit that?” Skates taps a random crystal with his twitching hoof. He turns to us, a commanding expression plastered on his face. “What do we have?”

“Well, I guess I’m strong. But my strength is in weapons, and I don’t have any,” Lu answers with a shrug. Skates sighs and turns to Dust.

“I have a bunch of heavy stuff in my bag?”

Skates turns to me with a now-pleading look. I shrug. “No magic.”

“Argh!” Skates screams in frustration. “No obvious strengths on our side. Well, I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but we’re going to have to use the Shadowbolt Dagger tactic.” The three of us exchange looks, then look back at Skates. He grimaces. “Alright, our best bet is to utilize his lack of agility by decoys while the other lands critical hits. Dust,” -he points to his waiting brother- “You’re going to fly above him, dropping random crap on him. Lu,” -he turns to the two of us- “Equip Zeno and load him up with the chilly hay fries.”

Lu gasps. “The spicy hot ones?”

Skates nods. “Yes, the spicy hot ones.” I can’t help but step away from Lu to ask my own question.

“Uh, oh fearless leader? What are you going to do?” My question wasn’t supposed to sound condescending, but somehow that’s how it ended up sounding. Skates looks down at the ground and sighs.

“Well, the only thing I can do.” Skates bites off his saddlebag and throw it on the ground. He ruffles through it and brings out two objects. One is his blue skateboard with a Wonderbolt design on it, signed by his personal hero. The other is a tiny black cloud. From the corner of my eye I see Dust sigh and look down. Skates rubs the cloud on his two front of hooves until he has gloves covering them, sparkling with electricity. He pounds them together, making sure they’re secure.

“You sure about this? You’re in the most danger,” Lu inquires, worrying evident in his wrinkled brow. Skates nods, his brown mane bouncing with blue highlights.

“Yeah. Somepony has to do it, and I think it’s time I actually do something right. Think you can handle Zeno?”

Lu grins. “I don’t think anyone can handle this firebrand like I can.” Perv. Rather than lash out at him and put him in his place, I merely sigh and allow him to follow through with the plan. Lu rubs his hooves all over my body, straightening my limbs and locking my joints using his own Chaos until I’m a living, breathing mechanism. He reaches into Skates’ saddle bag and pulls out a brown bag. With a few quick shakes, he pulls out a line of hay fries that are bonded by their sides by chili. I gulp as he places the first in my mouth. It’s spicy, but my muscles are locked and I can’t spit it out.

Everypony nods, getting into their positions. Skates calls out to Cuddles, summoning the giant from his time-out. Cuddles arrives and continues to reflect luminance, making it seem as if the moon walks to battle. He stands ten paces in front of us, ready for battle.

“Are you ready, little stallion?” 

Skates stands on his skateboard, his arms stick out awkwardly as he stand on two. His wings flutter behind his back as his tail slowly rises horizontally. The brown mane begins to rotate as Skates nods. I feel a hoof slide under my belly as Lu grunts and Dust takes to the air.

“Very well. Now begins your BATTLE OF DESTINY!” Cuddles screams as he raises a hammer fist and brings it down.

Everypony was too busy to look up and notice the floating letters in the air spelling: Battle Start! I couldn’t help but facehoof as Skates’ favorite soundtrack began playing. 





Skates narrows his eyes in concentration, ready to react to Cuddles’ first attack. As a large shadow covers him (even with all the luminescence), Skates forces a fraction of his power to surge through him. His tail begins to rotate at high speeds and his wings buzz, causing him to shoot forward on his skateboard. The crystal clawed fist misses him by mere milliseconds. Skates leans back on his board into a manual to turn around as he prepares for his counterattack. Cuddles slowly shuffled and rotated to face him.

“Huh, so he is slow in battle… I’m guessing he follows the immediate threat pattern rather than greatest… Dust should be safe.” Skates nods to himself and shoots forward on his board toward Cuddles, but his counter is interrupted. The hulking beast raises his fists while forming a Charlie Human and slams down on toward Skates. The pegasus on wheels, trained to react to the slightest change in situation, ollied up and landed on Cuddles’ arm, riding up and taking the initiative to strike.

Brief as the lightning he wields, Skates zips by and punches Cuddles in the face with the force of a thunder clap……...a really really quiet one.

Lu gasps from his spot in the chamber, beside a small, flat rock where he’s placed Zeno’s arms. Zeno’s front arms are on top of the rock while his hindlegs are horizontal, making him look as if he’s in the middle of the pushup. Zeno can’t see the action, mainly because he can’t move a muscle. He whispers to the best of his ability.

“Whagh ghoshin’ awn?” Zeno asks, his mouth full of food and his lips unable to move. Lu whispers back cautiously, hoping to remain unnoticed. His glasses remains on his head as he observes the battle.

“Skates did about three damage with that critical hit. Judging by Cuddles’ health bar, I estimate about… ten thousand hit points?” Lu adjusts a few knobs on the frames of his glasses. “Yeah, somewhere in that ballpark. Alright, get ready buddy, we’re almost up!”

Skates bounces his board off Cuddles’ claw as the beast reached out to grab him. His reflexes barely saved him, otherwise he’d been crushed in the grip. He lands on the ground with barely a jolt, his lightweight frame saving him. He charges up his tail propeler and shoots forward again, barely dodging Cuddles attempt to smish him . As he passes underneath the trunks of legs and past the giant tail, Skates briefly wonders if hitting the titanic balls hanging above him would yield him a rare weapon.

Cuddles roars as he felt objects bounce off his hide. He rotates his head and looks up above his shoulder to see a flying tan pegasus dropping a variety of items on him, ranging from flower vases to anvils. Of course they don’t do any damage, but Cuddles attempts to retaliate. He reaches up with a groping claw and snatches thin air as several needle-like sensations spread throughout his side. Cuddles turns around and sees the strangest sight, something he’s never quite seen.

Lu, the flamboyant grayscale earth pony, was holding the scarlet Zeno so his hindlegs were tucked under his armpit as one arm was wrapped around his belly and the other cradling Zeno’s chest. Zeno’s head was tilted so his horn, poking between his unkempt kelp bangs, was pointing forward. Lu grinned when his gray eyes met with Cuddles’ orbs. Lu squeezed Zeno’s chest, causing two clicking sounds in sequence as an empty packet of ketchup flies out of Zeno’s ear.

Cuddles roared, spit and bad breath let loose in a wind of disgust. A fire ignited in Lu’s eyes.

Lu stepped forward and swung Zeno forward. “Say hello to my little pony!” 

Cuddles blinked as magic bullets bounced off his hide, wondering what in Equestria the purpose of that was. The gra-grey earth pony’s face was flawless.

Lu’s grin slowly sank. The muscle-piercing rounds auto-crit on Cuddles’ hide, but it still wasn’t enough. Cuddles was still at 99% health. Fortunately no healing factor had kicked in, so they still had a chance. Maybe.

Skates took another opportunity and made circles around Cuddles’ legs, punching rapidly with his lightning fists. Cuddles’ attention shifts as he began stomping, trying to crush Skates. 

“HOW ARE YOU SO FAST? THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE!” Cuddles screams in frustration. Skates was nowhere near the speed of the famous Rainbow Dash, but he was approaching the limits of an earth-bound pegasus. His roar compels Skates to zip a few paces in front of Cuddles’, just outside the range of attack.

“Because,” Skates calls out. 

“My name…” Skates charges forward, his tail rotating at high speeds.

“Is Skates…” His tail now resembles a funnel cloud, sparking with electricity. Cuddles roars and raises his fists.

“TURBINE!” Skates returns a roar, jumping several feet above the impact of the ground slam and twisting his body so his back was turned to Cuddles. As he did so, Skates channeled all of his dwindling power into one last attack. His tail rotates near the speeds of a tornado, completely covering Cuddles’ face in the impact. Skates grunts as he continues his attack. His tornado wasn’t at the same level a normal pegasus could create, but it would have to do. 

Finally, his attack ends and Skates began to fall, exhausted. Dust dived down, abandoning his ignored attack position. Cuddles tries to grab the two pegasi, to no avail. Dust weaves through Cuddles’ attacks until he can leave Cuddles’ area of reach.

Dust flies over and lands next to Lu, who’s been firing petty shots the entire time. His first three belts of hay fries are empty, leaving only one left. Dust sets down his unconscious brother and checks his pulse.

“He alright?” Lu asks, concerned. Cuddles, now fifty paces away, shuffles and rotates toward the group.

“Yeah, but he’s not going to make it if we don’t win!” Dust frantically cries, his wings flapping in anxiety. Zeno begins to struggle, making it clear he wants to be released. Lu, seeing no reason to hold Zeno in place with the approaching titan, prods a few release pressure points. 

“Well,” Zeno sighs as he spits out bits of chili. “I do have an idea.”

“What? We’re not exactly rolling in time here.” Lu waves a hoof toward the shuffling Cuddles. Zeno sighs and rolls his eyes. Rather than answer, Zeno reaches into the nearest saddlebag and rustles through it. It takes a moment, but he pulls out a familiar object.

“The reagent? Look, I’m sure you’re confident in your abilities, but that’s kind of useless,” Lu points out as he reaches out for the helmet. Zeno shakes his head, then points to Skates. “You’re joking.”

“Nope!” Zeno gleefully declared as he lifted Skates’ head and slipping the helmet on. The helmet glows a bright blue before flashing, blinding everypony for a brief second. When their eyes adjusted, Skates was gone. “See? All better.”

As if somepony flipped the switch, the entire atmosphere shifted. Cuddles shook his head and continued his approach, but with a speedier gate.





My jaw nearly dropped again, but I hold it. Lu and Dust return my shocked gape as we feel the local reality change. We hadn’t realized it earlier, but Skates was playing an act. He had actually enchanted the entire  chamber! Lu stares at Cuddles, now halfway to us, with his glasses humming. A small gasp escaped his lips.

“Amazing, he auto-crit a sacrificial attack! Cuddles is at 90%! We might have a chance!” Lu celebrates. I cough silently. Lu pauses, and then falls onto the ground. “We’re doomed! We don’t have anything like that!” 

I sigh and pat his back. In the face of death, a pony must have dignity. If not, then he must have respect for his friends in their last moments. I look back at Cuddles and try not to cry. Death was no stranger, and now it was my time to go.

As Cuddles towers over us and raises a single fist, ready to punch us to oblivious, he stopped.

I blinked, trying to process what happened. Cuddles attack failed because Cuddles wasn’t there anymore. 

In his place was a fading trail of rainbow.

Rainbow.

A resounding thud across the chamber echoed, out of sight.

I hear the wind whistle behind me as somepony zips through the air, slowing to a hovering flap.The tomboyish voice spoke.

“Now, which one of you ruined my awesome dream?”