Connor sat there in awe. His jaw hung open in shock at what he just witnessed.
'Did that pony... Just talk?'
'No way. That's impossible! Ponies can't talk!'
'Well, apparently now they can! And it just asked you a question! Are you going to answer?'
'... Gimme a sec.'
'.... File know as "Logic" has been successfully deleted.'
'Alright, I'm ready.'
Connor stared at the ponies and they stared back. Tension began building up in the air again until something in Connor's mind snapped.
'GET ON WITH IT!'
He quickly shook his head to drive out his screaming thoughts and responded with a simple answer:
"What?"
Connor swore that, in his head, someone just face palmed. No, seriously, he could actually hear an audible smack inside his head. Oh... Never mind... It was the pony.
She let out a small sigh and muttered something under her breath and looked back up at Connor.
"Hi. I'm Twili-"
"Yeah. I got your name. What was the question?"
She was taken aback at the random remark made by Connor but instantly regained her composure.
"Who are you?" She asked simply.
Connor was about to respond but his thoughts kicked in.
'Wait. Why would she want to know? You don't know her. Can you trust her?'
'She's been casual with me so far...'
'Maybe humans a slaves in this world! Ponies could be the dominant race and humans are their pet's! She can't be trusted!'
'I can understand that logic I suppose... Hold on. I deleted logi-'
'SHE CAN'T BE TRUSTED!'
"Soo..." Connor was instantly brought back to... Whatever world this was, by the pony speaking up.
"Your name?" His mind instantly went back to his mental argument and thought for a second.
"Why do you want to know?" He asked cautiously.
Twilight Sparkle raised an eyebrow at this answer. Normally, anypony would respond with their name, but this pony clearly had some trust issues. She made a mental note about this before responding.
"Listen: the doctors have looked up almost every single file and have found no relatives, friends or anypony who could tell us who you are. And I'm also curious: there hasn't been a male alicorn in over five thousand years!"
'What the hell is an alicorn?'
'Why is she referring to me like I'm one of them?'
'... Wait a damn minute here...'
"I need a mirror. Now." Connor said with urgency in his voice. The doctor instantly jumped up and rushed out of the room and arrived back in a matter of minutes with a mirror in... hoof?
How does that even work?' He thought to himself, but these thoughts were instantly pushed out of his head as he saw what was in the mirror. Instead of his normal, human face, he saw a pony. He blinked, the reflection blinked. He raised a hand to his eye and saw his hands have been replaced by hooves. He even changed in colour: his once normal, tan skin had been replaced by fur which looked as if it had been ripped into two different colours: on his left, a deep purple, easily comparable to Twilights' mane and on the right, a deep, blood red.
Even his eyes weren't safe from his transformation: his once emerald green eyes had been replaced by, surprise surprise, a red on his left and purple on his right. He glanced at where his hair once was: it too had been replaced by a messy, chaotic mane which stuck out left and right and matched the exact colours of his coat. Upon the base of his head, was a horn that, as well, looked ripped in half from his colouring. On his side were a pair of wings that matched his coat, and between his legs, was a long, messy tail with the common red and purple mix.
He kept on staring at his reflection, allowing his mind to give it's own input.
'WHAT IN THE FUCK HAS HAPPENED TO ME?!'
'Dude. Calm the hell down.'
'I'M A FUCKING HORSE!'
'Dude.'
'WHAT SICK MAGIC IS THIS?!'
'Dude!'
'HOW DOES THIS EVEN WORK?!
'DUDE!'
'... Yeah?'
'Calm down.'
'How? I'm a damn horse, I have no idea where I am and I'm hearing these new voices in my head! HOW DO I CALM DOWN?!'
'I can either slap you or you can take deep breaths.'
'You can't slap me. This is my-'
'SMACK!'
'OW! How the actual fuck does that work?'
'Feel better?'
'Kinda. Yeah.'
'Okay just hear me out okay? On the bright side-'
'There's a bright side?'
'Yeah, now listen: On the bright side: your something this world has yet to see, besides the fact your a pony, you look like a total badass and you have a new beginning! Isn't that what you wanted?'
Connor rolled this thought around for a second. This new voice had a fair point: that Twilight pony did say that there hasn't been a pony like him in over five thousand years, he actually did look pretty decent, hell, he even enjoyed how the colours of his coat didn't match. And he received a new beginning: a change in his old, dull way of life. Maybe, he could enjoy this new form, maybe even this world as a whole and be who he wanted to be.
'I guess this might not be as bad as I thought...'
'Wasn't I in a conversation just now?'
'Oh! Right!'
He shook the thoughts out of his mind and glanced up at the six ponies staring at him. After about two minutes of staring, Connor decided to break the silence.
"Y'know, If you take a picture, it'll last longer." Connor said with a chuckle.
The six, unprepared for what he just said, took a step back in surprise before blushing and rubbing the back of their necks in embarrassment. Connor let out another burst of laughter before speaking up again.
"Now look: we can each just keep staring at each other awkwardly and hope for something to happen, or I can actually learn your names."
Twilight, clearly happy to get out of that awkward moment of Connor staring at himself in the mirror, spoke up first.
"You already know me: I'm Twilight Sparkle-"
"Princess Twilight Sparkle. Don't forget that darling."
"Yes I know Rarity. Any who, this is Rarity."
The white unicorn that Connor despised so much stepped up to him and spoke.
"Hello sir. It's a pleasure to meet you." She politely said before bowing slightly.
'Bowing? Why the hell is she bowing to me? Aw well. Bowing or not, I still hate the colour white.'
As she returned to her spot, the cyan pegasus raced right up to his side and greeted him.
"Hi! I'm Rainbow Dash. Fastest flyer in all of Equestria! And the first to ever perform a Sonic Rainboom!"
'There is a certain irony behind her name. And her mane is a rainbow... I like this one.'
Connor smiled and nodded his head to her in greeting. She quickly returned to her spot and the next pony, the orange one with a brown stetson hat, came up beside him and took Rainbow's place. She held out her hoof in greeting which Connor reluctantly accepted and received a hoof shake that nearly shook his entire arm off.
"Well Howdy! Ah'm Applejack. Ah own Sweet Apple Acres, the best apples in all Equestria!" She said not after giving a small wink to Rainbow.
'Is she mocking Rainbow? Well, Rainbow is a bit cocky about her abilities... I'll need to see her fly and try the best apple.' He smiled to her in acknowledgement and she returned to her spot.
Four down, two to go. Connor was already receiving constant boredom notices but tried to pull through.
He didn't expect a certain pink mare rush up right next to him and inhale deeply before saying
"HII'MPINKIEPIEAREYOUNEWHEREBECAUSEI'VENEVERSEENYOURFACEBEFORE!*gasp*!WENEEDTOTHROWYOUAPARTYONCEYOUGETOUTOFTHEHOSPITALWITHBALLOONSSTREAMERSANDCAKE!LOTSOFCAKE!YOULOOKLIKEYOULIKECAKEWHATSYOURFAVORITEFLAVOUR?"
'That was all in one breath? Holy shit... I have a new favourite here!'
The fucked up part about this: he actually knew everything Pinkie said.
"Well two can play that game..." Connor muttered ominously before inhaling sharply and responding.
"HINICETOMEETYOUTOO!YESI'MNEWHERE,IACTUALLYNEVERHEARDOFTHISPLACEUNTILNOWANDIFTHERESGONNABEAPARTYTHANTHEREBETTERBELOTSOFSTREAMERSBALLOONSCAKEANDCHEESE!CHEESEFOREVERYPONY!MYFAVOURITECAKEFLAVOURISPROBABLYCHOCOLATEWITHVANILLAICING."
Connor responded with a large grin plastered on his face.
Every mare in that room was now in a zone called the "What the fuck just happened?" zone. Well, almost every mare. Pinkie Pie was just bouncing up and down in glee.
"YAYSOMEPONYWHOCANKEEPUPWITHMYSPEAKING!INEEDTOGOPLANOUTYOURPARTYBYE!" And rushed out the door, leaving the remaining mares with a serious case of mind-fuck.
"Oookaaayy than..." Twilight said, barely capable of getting over what just happened.
"Now than, last but not least, is Fluttershy!" She moved out of the way as if she was showing something off, only to reveal a large amount of empty space.
Connor cocked his head in confusion "Twilight, is this pony a unicorn? Or were they born invisible?"
Twilight glanced at the empty space she was showcasing and groaned before storming off into the hallway, leaving Connor, Rainbow, Rarity and Applejack alone in the room.
After a couple of seconds, Rainbow seemed to get bored and tried to get a conversation going.
"Soo... How about you?"
Connor glanced up at Rainbow in confusion. "What about me?"
SMACK!
Rainbows hoof instantly connected with her face and she shook her head. "Your name! Twilight asked for it but you weaselled your way out of it! And since we are making introductions, might as well tell us who you actually are!" Rainbow exclaimed.
Connor thought about it. Judging from the fact that these mares had two parts to their names, Connor must not be a common name. As much as he would like it, he couldn't keep his old name, so he needed a new one.
'Gentlemen? I need you again.'
'What's up?'
'We need a new name. It needs to be cool, make sense and swagtastic. Any ideas?'
'Little Tim?'
'No. I'm not using the name of the toymakers son. Next!'
'Asshole?'
'You dick.'
'That's a good one as well.'
'Who hired you?'
'I did sir: he's my cousin.'
'Dammit tell me these things next time! Oh, and your fired. Next!'
'You know what? All these pony names sound like two words mashed together. So we should just mash two words together to make a name!'
'Creative thinkers like you make us go far. Alright, two words people!'
'How about "Mad?"'
'Like crazy?'
'Basically. I mean, you already have mental arguments and bored meetings so it'd make some sense.'
'You have a point. Any other word?'
'"Mind?"'
'... Seriously?'
'Well, do you have any other ideas?'
'... Logic! How'd you get back here? You were deleted!'
'I'm always here.'
'As much as I hate to admit it: he does have a decent point.'
'Okay so we have "Mad Mind." That is our new name. Good work gentlemen.'
Connor was brought back down to Equestria (From what he heard, thats what this place was called) and was greeted by an impatient Rainbow Dash.
"Well? I'm waiting." Dash said impatiently
"Mad Mind." Connor muttered.
"Sorry, what was that? I didn't quiet catch that."
"My name is Mad Mind." Connor said a bit louder.
"Mad Mind?" She asked curiously. She stared at him intently expecting him to say something else and kept staring him down for roughly a minute. Connor than realized: She didn't buy it.
'Shit she didn't buy it. New plan, new plan!'
"I like it." She said with a small smile on her face.
'Phew! False alarm everyone! were good!'
'Hold up. Did she just compliment you?'
"Umm... Thanks." Connor replied cautiously. "But why did you stare me down?"
Dash looked him in the eye "Pressure test." She responded simply.
Connor face hoofed(?) and sighed "Well played Dash. Well played."
She let out a small chuckle before landing next to him. "So, how fast are you?"
"How fast am I? It depends." Connor responded.
"Like, how good are you with your wings?"
"My wings?" Connor gave this a lot of thought and drew to one conclusion: tell the truth.
"I've never used them before." Connor admitted.
Rainbow simply stared at him as if he just transformed into a demon than began to laugh. And laugh. And laugh some more, making Connor sigh and stare down at his hooves in embarrassment.
Rainbow than noticed Connors expression and stopped laughing. "Wait. You're serious?"
"No, I told you that so you could have a good laugh." Connor said, the sarcasm literally dripping out of his voice.
Rainbow rubbed the back of her neck in embarrassment. "Sorry." She said with a sheepish smile.
"It's cool. You didn't know so I can't really blame you." Connor responded with a smile of his own.
"RAINBOW!" A voice from behind boomed out with a thick southern accent. Connor glanced over and saw Applejack making her way over to the cyan pegasus. Rainbow began slowly flying backwards in fear as the farmer made her way up to her.
"What did we say about makin' a nuisance of yerself?" Rainbow flinched at the harshness found in AJ's voice.
"To not to." She responded weakly.
"Exactly. Now stop pressurin' the fella. He's had a long day, and the last thing he needs is somepony annoyin' 'im! Ya hear?"
The look on Rainbow Dash's face would've been pretty funny if Connor didn't feel bad for her. But, right now, he couldn't help but feel a little bit bad for her: I mean, she only wanted to start up a conversation, there's no harm in that.
"Applejack," Connor began, but just before he could, Twilight returned with a mare with a butter yellow coat and pink mane.
"Thirty minutes Twilight? She couldn't have gotten that far." Connor asked, head cocked in utter confusion.
"I had to get the almost all the staff to help me look for her and we couldn't find her," Twilight explained.
"We found her in a broom closet and she still tried to resist getting to meet you."
Connor's look of confusion was still upon his face. "I'm not that ugly am I? Or did I say something?"
"No darling: Fluttershy is just awfully... Well, shy. I suppose her name reflects it." Rarity explained with a sigh.
Said pegasus slowly brought her way up beside Connor.
"Um... Hello, my name is... Fluttershy." She managed to squeak out but not after hiding behind her mane.
Connor smiled to Fluttershy as she quickly moved away to the back of the group.
"Now than," Twilight began, drawing in everyponies attention. "Now that we've introduced ourselves to you, how about you introduce yourself?" She asked looking up at him in anticipation.
Before Connor could even speak, Rainbow cut him off "He told me his name!" She said, apparently proud that she was the first to know. All of them glanced between Dash and Connor for a brief amount of time.
"Why would ya tell her first?" Applejack asked Connor, slightly enraged by this fact.
"Good question. When I asked you for your name, you got out of the question. But you told Rainbow out of all ponies? Why her?" Twilight asked in a similar tone to Applejack's.
Connor was about to respond but Dash cut him off again "I guess he trusts me more than you guys."
'Bitch, I just met you. I like your style, but I don't fully trust you!' Connors mind went into a protest which resulted in one of the most wicked migraines of all time. He rubbed his temples with his hooves as the girls argued.
"I introduced my self first! He should trust me more than you!"
"Why would he put more trust into yah instead of us?"
"I actually got to know him!"
"Darling, that is not fair! How could he trust you if he only had one more conversation with you?"
With the constant protest within his mind and the girls arguing outside was enough to drive him into one of the most powerful rages that he ever mixed up.
'Alright I've had enough. Can I do something?'
'If you can shut them up, than do it now.'
'With pleasure.'
"But I don't see why-"
"ENOUGH!" Connor bellowed loud enough to cause every pony to stop and look up at him.
"DOES IT REALLY MATTER THAT FUCKING MUCH ON WHO I TELL MY NAME TO??!! DO YOU WANT THE TRUTH?? MY NAME IS MAD MIND, AND FOR THE RECORD, I DONT TRUST ANY ONE OF YOU MARES!!"
All the ponies in the room stared up at him in shock at this outburst. Twilight looked up at Connor
"Mad Mind right? Calm down..."
Connor gave Twilight a glare that could kill a dragon. "I'M NOT EVEN DONE YET! HOW IS IT POSSIBLE THAT YOU GIRLS CAN ARGUE SOMETHING THAT SMALL?? WHATS THE MOTHER FUCKING POINT??!! I BARLEY KNEW YOU GIRLS FOR MORE THAN TWO FUCKING HOURS AND YOU HONESTLY THINK I CAN TRUST YOU AT ALL??!!" Connor barked, his rage seeming to have no end.
All five mares were standing backs against the wall in fear of facing Connors fury. Rainbow decided this to be a good time to ask questions "So... Why did you tell me first?"
Connor glared at her "I WAS ACTUALLY BEGINNING TO TRUST YOU! I CAN'T BELIEVE I'D LET MYSELF DO THAT! I THOUGHT YOU COULD ACTUALLY KEEP IT A SECRET THAT I TOLD YOU FIRST TO AVOID THIS BUT SOMEPONY,"
Connor shouted as his glare continued to Applejack "DECIDED TO BURST IN TO OUR CONVERSATION!"
'Hold up: did you just say "somepony"?'
'Yeah thats how it's, apparently, pronounced in this world.'
'Seems legit.'
Connor's gaze went over all five mares: about half of them looked ready to burst into tears and the other half looked to shocked to say anything.
"This could've been avoided," Connor growled. "If we weren't interrupted, than none of this would've ever happen. But now, whatever trust I had for you girls is now gone." He finished with a frightening glare to all the mares in the room.
They were completely silent for what seemed like hours before (surprise surprise) Twilight spoke up.
"Mad Mind... Were so sorry we made you feel that way. We didn't mean to upset you in any way or disrupt your trust for us," The look in Twilights eyes was one of pleading as she finished her thought. "Could you ever forgive us?"
Connor thought about it for a couple seconds and responded. "Yes I forgive you. But my trust for you is not redeemed. You'll need to earn it again."
Twilight seemed a bit more cheery by this response. "Great! Now than, for our next order of business: you said that you've never been to Ponyville right?"
'Ponyville? Seriously?' "...No. I've never been here all my life."
Twilights smile increased in size. "Than we'll have to give you the tour! We'll get you signed out and we'll show you around!"
Connor didn't need to tread on this thought for long, he needed to know where he was anyway, and decided to agree.
"Alright I'll come." He replied as a smile began to make his way onto his face.
'Maybe this won't be so bad after all...'
CHAPTER 2 IS DONE! GO CHECK IT OUT!
So...yeah. I believe this guy is supposed to be insane. I really, really do. And not just because he had to consult all of the voices in his head just to decide something, though that really helps.
Let the sky fill with balloons, let the ground be covered in Ruin,
Let it rain Marshmallows, let there be fire,
For the Mad God has come!!! HAHAHAHA..........ha
I have bad feeling this fic is going to be another pony friending adventure.
uehueheu
2771653
Holy fuck guys.
i.imgur.com/yFzkzf7.png
I'm getting a Sheogorath vibe from this guy
2774817 Thats part of what I was going for
2774852 yeah most definitely
2774949 CHEESE FOR EVERYPONY!
2774847 AAAAAAAAWWWWW YAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!
Wow, 3000+ words. You need a break and a SMORE.
Anyway great chapter I really enjoyed it
Hope to see more soon
2775033 As much as I want to take your advice, I honestly can't. Actually, I'm taking a break right now but I dont have any marshmallows
I'm finding it hard to relax really: I love writing this story a lot. But I think I'll keep it 1000 to 2000 words now (3000 takes to long )
2775059 You don't have marshmallows? Next your gonna tell me you don't have chocolate
Your insane
P.S Glad your having fun with the story, because I'm having fun reading it
Its a win win situation
2775085 No I have loads of chocolate. My mom works for a chocolate company so... lots of chocolate!
glad you love reading the story as much as I do writing it
2774847 Looks like the fucking Empire State Building turned upside down, JESUS CHRIST!
2775103 Huzzah a derp scout... but still: I enjoy replying to comments. takes a load off my mind.
2775106 I know the feeling. And so, as a spot of encouragement; I say keep going. Great story so far.
Do you know where you're going with this story ? Any plans ?
Firstly, always use three dots, never two or four.
'File KNOW as logic'
should be Known.
I'll get back to reading now :)
Okey i'm really tolerant for things, Commander Ice, But are you sure Human Alicorn in Equestria is a good way to go? Sure it makes him extrodinary, but change his body like I did in my story to match it up later :)
And then this guy meets Discord...
Yes, it was indeed a great chapter.
But there wasn't much confusion from the mares at the word 'Fucking' which dosen't exist in Equestria since they use the term 'Bucking' instead.
I'll write something into chapter 4 to relate to this.
k Thanks see ya :)
Commander Ice, I like how the subtle parts of insanity gripping him, well not very subtle I guess, But there's one thing to remember: Just because he's the mad god himself, dosen't mean everything he does is complete insanity.
So even if his mad, he still have his free will.
I'm sorry. I really tried to read this. I really wanted to read it, it's premise is really good and it's actually quite humorous, but your character is a Gary Stu.
I can already tell. Characters not reacting realistically to his outburst? Check.
Bi-polar/multicolored coat/alicorn?
Check.
Angsty character who hates life?
Check.
Virtually a God (or in this case, he actually is a God)?
Check.
I'll keep it favorited since I really want to see this concept work, it's a really good idea and I don't want to see it killed.
Tentatively yours~
Stikchan3
My only real peeve so far is 'than' vs. 'then', especially when coming from the mouth of Twilight
2775353 Meh, don't be so quick to judge, I agree, it's quite cliché, But i've seen stories 10,000 times worse, I've written stories worse than this myself.
How should I explain this without spoiling anything?
I'm unsure if Commander Ice'll agree with me on this, but like Discord: It's very likely that his body will not remain the same and he'll end up being a creature of Insanity.
Also, everyone in the room really SHOULD be awkward and quiet after a multi-colored alicorn named Mad Mind had a bucking outburst that would scare most of us shitless.
Not to mention he used the word 'Fucking' which holds no meaning in this world.
2775323 Oh, i'm the one that's out in that task, i've already established Mad Minds and Discord's relationship :).
Perhaps he'll take a similiar path, I think it's one of the better and not so obvious paths for a story like this.
2775281 As a matter of fact: I do. And trust me, I know what I'm doing... I think
2775286 I hardly recognized that... Sorry
2775291 I'll respond to your question with a famous quote of a mad man: I HAVE NO IDEA!
And I'll make sure he get's the body change. It'll take a while, but you'll get it.
2775353 Thanks for the ideas! I'm really trying my hardest on this one but looks like I'll need to try even harder but leave it to me. I will get it done.
2776144 Dude, a moderator contacted me about my story and said something something, but that's not important, what's important is that he said that some 12 year old tried to post a Clopfic under the 'Everyone' Rating!
I don't think i've laughed this hard all month!
2776144 A german mad man even :D
2775736 your support is appreciated my friend .
Now than... Since NOBODY is planning on shutting up about the fact that him becoming the first male alicorn is interesting, here are some facts/spoilers.
Mad Mind is a god of insanity making him (as said in chapter 1) a creative thinker. This will result in him being capable of pulling off extremely powerful magic and able to allow him to make spells of his own (Transformation? Anyone?)
Secondly, for the form Mad Mind takes in your story, I'll make him (in a sense) die in an epic fight I had planned out at the end of the story. This will grant him the chance to take on a "True form" and thusly take the form of how you described him.
How's that?
2776179 Hehe, Two mad minds think alike!
I LIKE IT! WRITE MOAR :D
Also, The first chapter of Insanity should be up, just got approved.
2776179 Yes, I like it too, the fact that he's to die...
Just a little thing, if he's to die, make him die doing sominthing COMPLETLY ludacrious, so insane that crazy that Discord thought he was crazy.
By the way, about how long will this story be, and in how many Years will he... 'Die'?
I need to know this.
2776166 ...
any guess on when new chapter,or am i getting to excited?
2775325 Hehehe... I have plans for Connors grammar in chapter 3 (hopefully. might not be able to fit it in so maybe chapter 4)
2777646 I'm gonna say... Two or three days. tops. I'll try and get it done fast but school's not entirely done for me yet sooo... I'll try and get it done and keep detail.
2776155 Thanks for reacting so calmly, I've had people go off at me before and it's not pretty. I do apologise for being so harsh. Sometimes you need to be harsh to get the point across. I don't want to see this fic go under, it has so much promise that I don't want to see wasted.
Anyways happy writing!
Apologetically yours~
Stikchan3
2777984 Like I said: any and all criticism welcome. No need for me to flip out at you for giving your opinion. I'm thankful for it and I'm glad you dont want to see my fic get dragged under. Makes me feel good and I understand that you have to be harsh in order for me to understand that. So, all in all, I see no need to get mad at you.
No real need to apologize. I'm just glad you show your concerned.
You jinxed it. Don't ever say it can't be so bad... Never. Nice work.
Couldn't he just've stayed human
2778014 Not minding.criticism EH?
Well then read this long comment on the Should's and shouldn't on your story ( trust me, on this one you will get a brainstorm of ideas once you have read this )
Well first of all,
What I didnt like about this so far is;
The sudden mood change, when he got pissed. Because he was having a migraine and the girls was arguing. Well you haven't really explain much of his attitude. I felt it was UNesscery for him to yell at them that much. It would had of been better if what he said; Will you all shut the fuck up?!.
Why? Well he appeared to be more calm when he just got transported to an alien world of mythological creatures. So I thought his reply at them would had of been much shorter.
Also. He used the word FUCK. I still don't know whether or not this is a much more mature version of Equestria. If not, then you need to have them gasp at his "vulgar" shout. Also I don't know whether or not you did this on purpose.
Well, I think they should had all of been a bit more polite. Mostly twilight, she should had of told everyone to stay quiet. Since, (knowing what kind of pony twilight is) she would had of probably thought he was some kind of long lost cousins of the princesses.
And then this is the trap that MANY authors fall into.
Being immediately friends with the mane 6!!!! -_-
You should had of explained what kind of person he is.
Right now, he completeled all first contact objectives
Be peaceful CHECK
Be polite CHECK
Im sorry but this is too boring for a god of insanity. I would had of liked it if he was panicking.
For a much more interesting intro ( if your even gonna change it D; ) He was the type of person who gets into trouble he didn't ask for. And just wants to live a normal life.
But he was PAINFULLY ripped from that. And the process of turning him into a god. Was horribly mind breakingly painful.
Also it would had of been cooler if he was ALEARDY a little bit insane BEFORE he got turn into an alicorn.
Ahh. The alicorn. I hope you do something to make up for this >_>.
Would had of been much better if he was a human :D
I dont really want to produce anymore ideas since I don't see much of a plot yet.
Keep going Allons-y!
2779211 He could've. But I have plans
2779793 Thanks for your ideas! But just so you know: Connor still doesn't entirely trust the mane 6 yet. I had good reason to use the word "fuck" instead of "buck" but that's in chapter 3.
He's not starting out insane because, in truth, I didn't want him to be insane at the beginning: I'm allowing his insanity to build up over time with a small twist I'm adding into the story.
Also, wasn't Connor looking for a new way of life? This is an important thing to remember as well, but nonetheless, I see your point.
And for the Alicorn part of things: I'm making up for it. There is another comment I posted about this.
All in all, I enjoy your criticism, most of these problems are going to be solved in chapter 3, but it's good to know the facts your throwing at me. Thanks!
2779140 Thanks my friend. And, soon enough, shits gonna hit the fan. Hard.