Will She Love Me Too?

by Liechtenstein

Modern Guilt

Not even gonna try and hide the source for the chapter name. Listened to a lot of Beck while writing this, just do yourself a favor and listen to this, preferably on repeat while reading the story.

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A forlorn figure lay, splayed out across her bed. Lost both to herself and the world, she festered in her anger, annoyed at everyone and everything. The anger, annoyance and rage would build up inside Twilight, before dissipating; giving way to depression, sadness and hopelessness. The anger, nor the depression, was aimed at anything specific, or particular. Whenever Twilight assessed herself she, too, was unable to find the root cause of the negative feelings. Yes, the reaction of my friends wasn't all positive, but they also weren't definitely displeased; they may have just been shocked or confused. I mean even I was confused about the... 'situation', in a way I still am. Though it is perfectly reasonable to infer that at least one of my friends hates me, that is what the clear inference of that situation is. I may not be an expert in these sort of social situations, but even I am not foolish enough to believe that everything is perfectly fine. But what am I angry at? Am I angry at them? At me? I could be angry at the ambiguity of the situation in general?

The light around was waning, fading; the sun was giving way to the moon, day becoming night. The hour of twilight was upon Equestria, and Twilight was no more closer to answering the cacophony of questions that clashed in her mind. After trying to find what it was she was angry at, she then turned to focusing her attention on the next, obvious, standout question. What do I do now? Yesterday the very notion of admitting her feelings to her friends seemed absurd; that would require meticulous planning and sufficient buildup of inertia, at least she had thought. Rarity sped that up though, like a catalyst in a social reaction. Twilight had yet to decide whether that was necessarily a good thing. Truthfully Twilight could pay no notice to any of this, and just let Rarity setting up chances for Twilight to do what it is she needed to do, keep letting Rarity push her to face her fate. That is not, however, what Twilight necessarily wanted. She wanted to at least know what, if anything, it is she wanted to do next.

Two major choices seem more obvious. Choice one, confront my friends, one on one, about how they feel about me, the way I am. Or choice two, pretend as if none of this has happened, continue as normal and live in constant paranoia about what my friends truly thing about me, unless someone brings it up. The second choice certainly is 'easier', in a way. I don't have to confront anyone and we can all just pretend that we have all forgot about it... until it inevitably blows up in my face, resulting in a split of my group of friends. Although choice one admittedly has the potential to split us up, albeit much faster. At least if that happens I wouldn't have to live in constant fear and paranoia. No. Then I'd just be left to wallow in depression and sadness, and then I'd have to return to the Princess and face judgement off of her.

Twilight was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she didn't notice herself slipping off to sleep. Luckily this night sleep provided respite from the agonizing thoughts that plagued Twilight's mind. This night her dream was simple, no nuance, no hidden meaning. All there was was Twilight falling into an abyss. A calm, dark blue eternity stretched before Twilight, nothing around her changed, she just kept falling. No sound, no feeling, none of her senses disturbed as she fell deeper and deeper into the dark blue vacuum. It was peaceful here, it was simple. Twilight had no doubt that there was some deeper meaning, but she didn't care. She felt safe in this eternity of serenity, devoid of any nuance whatsoever. For Twilight this sensation was pure bliss.

Eventually the peace had to end, broken by the harsh reality of a waking world. She woke as dawn broke; it was still mainly dark, and Twilight was tired. Nevertheless she used the extra few hours she had been granted to her by an erratic pattern to continue her soliloquy, so rudely interrupted last night by sleep. Strangely she had a more determined attitude in the morning than she did the previous night. I will find out what my friends think! I will. I will. I will! I need to approach this with conviction... I should probably start with Fluttershy though, just like a warm up. She may even know what Rainbow Dash thinks, which is always a bonus. Applejack is too honest, as is Rainbow Dash. No, no point in going straight to them, build it up slowly. I want to act with conviction, but there's no need to rush into potentially dangerous waters. Fluttershy is relatively safe, much to kind, and shy, to say anything too bad. And with these thoughts, finally Twilight knew what to do, at least for the next few hours.

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These truly are the best chapters to write, just Twilight and her overactive mind. I am quite tired, so I'm just pleased I was able to finish the chapter tonight; it has been a long week. Incidentally if you got some GCSE exam results this week (like I did) then I wish you the very best, because I am basically as kind and well meaning Seebhom Rowntree.

The song thing was put at the front of the chapter because, listen to it, that's why.

Comments

[Ehrlichkeit]

Meh

[0956]

307552
again
1.bp.blogspot.com/-uXNUjdBbgBs/TnkCkqsRNcI/AAAAAAAAA_E/wnMoglmZafg/s1600/problem.png

[Ehrlichkeit]

308085

Nope.

[Cunt_Crusader]

I love this story and I demand MOAR!

[hisinzeran]

I can't wait to see how this turns out.

[NobleShield]

My Noble eyes wants more of this!!! I Shall keep reading this Fic

[phillipphoenix]

Some nice chapters added lately.
You have a sense for ending the chapters at the exact moment, you want to read more

Just... Move along!

[fim1231331]

Heh... it's getting late and I really want to read it all before I go to sleep...
Need to pick up the pace, and my grammar-nazi side will not keep up
Let's do this!