• Member Since 13th Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen Jun 1st, 2013

Liechtenstein


T

Twilight doesn't understand why she can't get Dash out of her head, she thinks about her, even dreams about her, but she doesn't know why. First ever fanfic, written because I got bored one night.

Chapters (15)
Comments ( 181 )

Not good at pointing out flaws really so.... I like.

Seems interesting, please continue, you're doing a fine job:pinkiehappy:

I like it so far. Way to short, but defiantly a good Proluge.

Best shipping ever btw.
:twilightblush::rainbowwild:

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I concur.

Nothing hateable sticks out for me either. Good job, guy.

And of course some gay ass shipping haters that disagreed with this shipping probably did a lowest rating because their assholes.

What's that other short story you mentioned? And what English level would you consider this one? Oh and it's a great start, perfect at the moment. :raritywink:

Nice prologue! Nice try for a first timer :twilightsmile:! Keep it up, you have a good start so far.

not bad! looking forward to seeing more when it comes :twilightsheepish:

Confound these emotions, they drive Twilight to drink!

tracked for reading later because TwiDash

My first impression of Twilight here is she's rather insecure--maybe more insecure than the "Lesson Zero" incident. It got me thinking: "Twilight, y u no stop asking questions?" or something like that for the first few minutes.

Tracking...

218936
It's just a 3 page political fantasy, done in the style of George R.R. Martin's "A Clash of Kings". I don't know what level this would be but the other work, based on GCSE and previous grades would be around a B, maybe an A, but it is an early entry A level, so its alll g ood really :D also thanks for the support, it was mo:twilightsmile:st suprising :twilightsmile:

You're definitely on the right track. This is some high quality stuff your putting out. Keep it up!

Oh snap, Rares! Be considerate with your question! Say "Who is the lucky colt? Or perhaps, filly?"

God damn Rarity. That's why she's my 5th favourite of the mane six.

Quick note, for anyone who cares. The reason the other two chapters were small, and this on is comparatively larger is because the other two chapters had a way of "completing themselves" at around the 600 word mark, and at that point it seemed pointless continuing on a chapter, despite me thinking that the "continued" part of the chapter is worthy of an other, separate chapter. Luckily this chapter brought itself to a natural end around the 1000 word mark, which is much more substantial, which is what I Pinkie promised... and I never break a Pinkie promise :pinkiecrazy:

I still think that these aren't chapters in the truest sense. These chapters are scenes that should be connected to each other, I feel.

230052 In which case you may dislike her even more after the beast that is chapter four, depending on how I decide to write it, for it is I who holds the supreme power of deciding just how bitchy or nice Rarity will be! :raritydespair:

Who's the lucky colt? Why it's Rainbow Dash, of course--wait, she's a she. :pinkiehappy:

Leave it to Rarity to settle matters with the heart. After all, she's, in my opinion, the most expressive pony among the Mane Six. :raritywink: But I'm more concerned how Rainbow Dash will take this, coming from Twilight and all.

Uhmmm.
But ass Twilight had started to make herself comfortable, and began to plan out her dialogue, she heard a stirring
I think 'ass Twilight' was a typo. I loled though.

This is a really nice story :twilightsmile:
There are some minor typos like Anonymo said.

It is very well written though!
Please do continue and good luck with it (for all the readers sakes :raritywink: )

i must say, this is better than I can do, WHY? cause i never have written a FanFic before:fluttercry:. Keep it up though doing great for a new writer!:twilightsmile:

Short but sweet. Good writing.

Really good, but my one demand is for you to MAKE IT LONGER. RAWR.

Good chapter. I wouldn't object to mares liking mares like the southern belle Applejack would (possibly, not ruling it out). But I see the next chapter is up! will be reading this one now! :twilightsmile:

Good lord, I find this story finally and THIS is where you leave me off at? Why? WHY!!! WHYY!!!!!!!

Nice work so far, it's good to see more Twilight being the one infatuated rather than Dash and so far you've done a great job telling it. By all means continue.

That was too short

I can't say I like the short blurb style of writing, but it does give the story a different feel from others. All of the chapters written to be as short as they are, and indeed a few few like the introductions to chapters rather than what we usually see as chapters in their own right, but they're so condensed and presented to us in the beginning and ending chapter format so that we're intended to take them as such, the slight modifications necessary in making such small events in the plot actual chapters creating--almost certainly unintentionally--a strange style. A lot of times it feels like the story is simply too short, but there are other times, about half, actually, where it feels like it almost fits.

I don't quite know if it is benefiting to a legitimate story to have this structure instead of keeping it to works such as Candide (forgive me, the only one I can remember at this time of night that uses the same short chapters--actually, perhaps a little longer, but I digress), ones that aren't focused on delivering what you're trying to here, but I like the experimentation going on, unintentional as it may be.

I know this is overthinking it to the extreme, given that this was probably purely accidental, but you might want to think about using your short chapter lengths to your advantage. On to the merits of the story that're there on purpose"

Despite the undoubtably generic premise that comfortably fits many TwiDash and even shipping cliches, I'm pleased to see that you've made changes that make this fun to read. The first and most obvious is that this story follows Twilight. That's unusual in itself, but then you have us spend a lot of our time inside Twilight's head. Some of the things she thinks about is standard, and I feel like you could have punched it up a bit, but it's still enough to hold the reader's attention, for the most part. I like how Rarity tries to convince Twilight that while she feels no different, her friends might not feel the same way. It's odd, but it's different, and the effect on Twilight was fun to see.

...

It's weird, because after going back through to write this, I see that what I've recapped is much of the story. But that's pretty much how to best sum up the story: weird. It has a weird style due to the chapter length and the almost formal style, and going along generic paths with some twists along the way. It's not Shakespeare, but it's totally up my alley, and I hope you continue to deliver the same quality in future chapters as in the previous.

oh you son of a gun you leave me at that......i new applejack was going to think badly about this but rainbow too......keelah twilights doomed

Oh shit, Twi. Rainbow Dash and Applejack may or may not be homophobes.

Omg. Is Rainbow Dash not a lesbian? Maybe shes just confused. Maybe Applejack is just mad. Maybe its vise-versa for that. IDK OMFG MOAR.

So. I don't suppose the title is a reference to the Carry On films? The title, at least, reminds me of Carry On Up The Khyber. Which I still need to see in full...

I love this story and I demand MOAR!

I can't wait to see how this turns out. :twilightsheepish:

My Noble eyes wants more of this!!! I Shall keep reading this Fic :heart:

Some nice chapters added lately.
You have a sense for ending the chapters at the exact moment, you want to read more :rainbowlaugh:

Just... Move along! :twilightsmile:

Oh shit I don't see to many ways to fix this unless Twilight may somehow teach Rainbow some lesson, or all her other friends are okay with it, and they all tell her its alright.

-_-

Oof, this isn't looking good.
Regardless of how you choose to end it though, it's been a fun ride!

Also, you've turned me on to a ton of bands in the process, so thanks for that too! :v

Nice chapter once more, but you had a small mistake in the second paragraph :applejackunsure:

You say the time is half nine in the first line, and later says a half hour later, which is nine o' clock.
Earlier you said that Twilight wanted to go to Fluttershy at 10 o' clock, which is an hour later.

Not any mistake, that in any possible way ruins this great piece of fiction, but it's just a small detail, which cought my eye :twilightsmile:

327750 half nine, at least in good ol' Blighty, is 9:30, half nine meaning nine add half an hour, as opposed to half way to nine, 8:30

327966

Ahh Okay :twilightsmile:
Here in Denmark half nine is 8:30.
We don't have a half past nine, but that would be how we would say it that way around! :twilightsmile:

garrr another chiffhanger wish you writers would stop that

any way was good but found it a tad short for my liking :pinkiesad2:

another cliff hanger -_-
but i like where this is going; this is so far a pretty unique take to the whole twidash ship and I've read a lot of twidash.

332100>>332778 Yeah, sorry about that, its bad writing really; and spawns out of me needing a "jumping onto point", so i can continue the story basically from where I left it :twilightblush:

This brief episodic style with cliffhangers everywhere is killing me...

That being said, I like this at the same time. And without presuming the further length of this fic I hope you have plenty more in store for us. But if you don't then that's fine too.

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