Fluttershy has a little secret keeping it from her special somepony, or should I say special somebody.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Good job. This is catching my interest.
Im gonna go rest my sour headaches.
Hmmm, I wonder how naughty this Fluttershy can get? Did she can create a certain well know princess? You know depth down, you would love to know what is a royal meange a troa
Where do I begin?
The dialogue is AWFUL... beyond words...
We are expected to believe that Fluttershy is suddenly this sex crazed dominatrix person without any sort of explanation aside from "Oh.. she's horny".
The story itself is cringeworthy at best.
The "writer" (I use that term lightly) is obviously shoehorning themselves into this story as the protagonist (who in all honesty is amazingly flat with no defining characteristics)
The "erotic" parts are incredibly generic and horribly written (much like the entire story) and consist of "dick" "flower" "moans" and the usual words used in "stories" like this.
And the dialogue (which was already bad) is made WORSE by having two characters talking in the SAME PARAGRAPH...
Please oh please oh please oh please.. don't continue this...
Sorry, but I don't really listen to people like you. I ain't perfect and so are you.
So talk bad all you want.
2683268
Really? Of course no one is perfect, but that's no excuse to not improve. If I posted stories here I'd take all the critique I could get. I want to be the best person I can be, why don't you?
As for the story, I have to agree with MilkshakeCadenza. Fluttershy seems pretty out of character to me, there's barely any description or variety in the words, and it's very confusing when two characters talk in the same paragraph.
2683320 Of course I'm gonna try to improve, I just don't like being talked/messaged that way. And yeah, Fluttershy is out of character, just trying a little experiment, doesn't hurt. And besides, these are just fictional characters and I'm sorry if any of you readers aren't satisfied with this. Similar things happened with characters like Cupcakes with Pinkie, Molestia and Lunaughty.
I will try to improve on making stories, it'll just take time, that's all. Giving me a few tips won't hurt as well.
Yar,I have a question.Who in the seven seas is Winter?Is he made up or something?
OOOHHHHH SWEET CALESTRIA!!!! *WING BONER*
Badly written, lightning-fast paced, many punctuation, spelling and grammar mistakes, flat, not much of a transition (if any) from normal Fluttershy to in-heat Fluttershy, not to mention she is completely out of character, dull scenes, this What's-his-face human OC... Shall I go on?
In short, this story? Was heinous.
At least you tried.
And I'm still on the first chapter!