Turn 1: Just Another... Day?
Birds chirped as the sun rose on the horizon. Small critters ran through the open fields near the town. A low yawn came from a tree, fashioned into a house—or more accurately, a library. The alicorn glanced through the window as she rose from her bed.
“Good morning, Twilight!” greeted a young voice.
Twilight turned her head to the baby dragon. “Good morning, Spike,” she replied, removing the covers and climbing off of the mattress.
“I went ahead and made breakfast for you.” Spike smiled before dashing downstairs.
Twilight chuckled, activating her horn and effortlessly remaking her bed. “Oh, Spike. What would I ever do without you, my number one assistant?” she said to herself. She took one more glance out the window. “Today’s going to be a good day.”
“So, where are we headed?” Spike asked, following Twilight as they walked through Ponyville.
“I’m just looking for a nice open space so I could try some spells I’ve been looking at,” she replied.
“Haven’t you gone through them all already?”
“Heh. I wish. I never got to some of them.”
“Yet you have all these books with you…” Spike tapped on one side of the saddlebag carrying two or three textbooks.
Twilight chuckled nervously. “Well… I haven’t decided which I’m going to do first… and I doubt I have time to get through them all, anyway.”
“Howdy, Twilight! Hey, Spike!” said a voice.
The two turned their heads. Their friend was behind a stand that was practically made of apples.
“Hey, Applejack!” Twilight greeted.
“Where 'ya off to this mornin’?” Applejack asked.
“Oh, I’m just going to go try out some new spells I’ve been wanting to look at for a while.”
Applejack glanced at Twilight’s saddlebag. “All those… books…?”
Twilight was silent for a moment. “Well, I’m probably not going to get to all of them, at least not today. Anyway, we should get going. Good luck with the stand!”
“Thank ya kindly! Be sure to drop by if y’all are feelin’ peckish!”
“Will do!”
“That hill looks like a pretty good spot,” Twilight said.
“What’s with the gray clouds?” Spike asked. “Was there a storm scheduled today?”
“Not that I know of. I could’ve sworn the weather team said clear skies today. I wouldn’t have scheduled practice today if they hadn’t.”
A rainbow streak suddenly pierced through the gray blanket above them, causing them to vanish. The colors faded as a pegasus quickly landed in front of Twilight and Spike.
“Hey, Twilight, what’s up?” asked the pegasus.
“Rainbow Dash, what’s with all the clouds?” Twilight asked.
“That’s what I’d like to know,” Rainbow replied. “These clouds just keep coming out of nowhere. I’ve been working my flank off all morning getting rid of them!”
“That's strange. Do you need some help?”
“Nah, I can handle it. It’s not hard getting rid of them, it’s just annoying. So what are you guys up to?”
“Twilight wanted to practice some new spells and thought this hill would be perfect,” Spike answered.
Rainbow Dash glanced at Twilight’s bag. “Why are you carrying so many books…?”
Twilight placed her hoof on her face, while Spike suppressed a chuckle. “I’m not getting to all of them! I just haven’t decided what spells I’m going to actually do!” she almost shouted.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Easy there, Twilight,” Rainbow Dash chuckled.
Twilight inhaled deeply, holding her hoof near her mouth. She released the air, extending her foreleg out. Her foalsitter’s trick worked to keep her calm, as usual.
“Aw, horseapples, I should get back to it,” Rainbow said. “I see some more showing up in the sky.”
“You sure you don’t want help figuring out what’s causing this?” Twilight asked.
“I can handle it. See ya!” Rainbow burst into the sky.
“Not sure I like the idea of being under a bunch of storm clouds,” Spike commented.
“Yeah, let’s go somewhere else,” Twilight agreed.
“Maybe we should try near Fluttershy’s cottage?” Spike suggested.
“That… probably isn’t a good idea,” Twilight responded.
“Do you think she would really mind?”
“Probably not, but I wouldn’t want to disturb her critters. I’m not exactly familiar with these spells and they might have… unexpected side effects.”
“What about near Carousel Boutique? Or even better, EVEN BETTER, Sugarcube Corner? SUGARCUBE CORNER!”
“Then I’ll disturb other ponies, Pinkie—PINKIE PIE?!” Twilight jumped and turned around. “When did you get here?”
“Hiya, Twilight!” said Pinkie, grinning her usual grin.
“You shouldn’t sneak up on ponies like that,” Twilight said, catching her breath and trying to slow her pounding heart.
Spike chuckled again until he met her glare.
“I just thought you were picking random places. But still, you should totally come to Sugarcube Corner! You’ll get some yummy delicious sweets if you wanna take a break from practicing your spells!”
“That sounds great and all, but I really want an open and quiet area to—wait… how’d you know I was going to practice spells?”
“Weeeellllll…”
“Never mind!” she said quickly. “Forget I asked.”
“Okie dokie lokie!” she said as she closed her eyes and bounced.
“Anyway, we should get going. Come on, Spike.”
“Uh… why can’t I go to Sugarcube Corner?” Spike asked.
“Spike, remember what happened last time? Too much sugar is detrimental to your health,” Twilight replied.
“Detri-what?” he stared at her blankly.
“Detrimental.” He still didn’t understand. Twilight glanced at Pinkie, who mirrored Spike’s response. She wasn’t sure if Pinkie didn’t know what the word ‘detrimental’ meant, if she just felt like doing what Spike was doing, or if she was just being Pinkie Pie… or all three. What she did know, however, was that one does not simply understand Pinkie Pie, so she decided to avoid a few head injuries and not question her.
“It’s bad for you,” Twilight finally grunted.
“Aww, please?” Spike begged.
“No.”
“Please?” He inched towards Twilight.
“No.”
“Pleeeeaaaase?” Pinkie and Spike asked in unison, Pinkie leaning her head against Spike's.
Twilight’s ears drooped as she let out a heavy sigh. “Fine, we’ll go to Sugarcube Corner…” their faces lit up before reverting when she said, “…after I finish practicing.” Their faces drooped once more.
“All right...” Spike responded, with a defeated tone.
“Don’t worry, Spike! I’ll throw an extra-super-duper-special-humongous-congratulations-on-helping-Twilight-with-her-new-weirdo-spells party just for you!” Pinkie said, bending down in front of Spike so that her head was level was his.
“Aw, all right. Thanks, Pinkie Pie!”
“You’re welcome, Spike! See you both later!” her voice trailed off as she bounced away, singing a little song and leaving Twilight and Spike behind.
Spike turned towards Twilight only to find that she was wearing the blank look.
Twilight sighed. “All right… now that that’s settled, let’s get back to it,” she said.
“I’m sure there’s another open area that doesn’t have those strange storm clouds hovering over it,” Twilight said, having worn out that sentence at least three or four times since meeting up with Pinkie Pie. The duo had found their way back to the cobblestone streets of Ponyville.
“It’d be nice to know where those clouds are coming from,” Spike remarked.
“Yes, it would,” said Twilight, nodding.
“Maybe the weather team forgot to clean them up and they just drifted over town?”
“It’s a possibility.”
“Good afternoon, Twilight!” greeted an elegant voice.
Spike sighed. “There’s only one mare in Equestria with so sweet a voice.” He and Twilight turned their heads to see a light gray unicorn and a light grayish gold pegasus.
“Hey, Rarity,” Twilight replied. “Hey, Fluttershy.”
“Hello, Twilight,” replied the pegasus.
“What are you two up to?”
“Oh, nothing much,” answered Rarity. “Fluttershy and I were headed to the spa for our usual get-together. Would you care to join us?”
“Thanks, but I’m just trying to find a place so I can try some new spells, but I haven’t found an ideal spot.”
Rarity and Fluttershy stared at Twilight’s saddlebags.
“But do you really need all those books…?” asked the pegasus.
Twilight’s eye twitched at Fluttershy’s question. Spike held back a chuckle once again. “Can’t catch a break,” she sighed.
“What was that?” Rarity said.
“Nothing, nothing! Nothing at all…” Twilight let out a small nervous laugh.
“Although, darling, couldn’t you have practiced inside your library?”
“I kinda wanted to find someplace open that didn’t feel cramped. I’m not even sure what these spells are capable of,” Twilight answered.
“I see. Well, in any case, you’re free to join us if you have some time,” Rarity offered.
“Sure.”
“I’ll see you later, dear. And you, too, Spikey-wikey.” Rarity continued walking.
“Bye, Twilight. Bye, Spike,” Fluttershy followed her.
“See you girls later,” Twilight said with a wave. “Let’s go, Spike. …Spike?” She turned to see the young dragon staring into the distance.
“Isn’t she the greatest?” Spike sighed, as if in a trance.
“Come on, Romeo.” Twilight levitated Spike onto her back. She looked back once more to see a certain pink pony handing out what appeared to be invitations to her friends.
Twilight groaned as she rested her head on the table.
“Aw, cheer up, Twilight. At least we get to enjoy being at another of Pinkie’s signature parties at Sugarcube Corner!” Spike said.
“I didn’t even find a place to practice those spells, though. Those clouds were everywhere,” she complained.
“Aw, don’t worry, sugarcube, it ain’t that bad. There’s always tomorrow,” Applejack cheered.
“I guess.”
“Come on, let’s just enjoy the party for now!”
“All right…”
“Now where’s that Rainbow Dash? She’s never late for this sorta thing.”
“Last I saw, she was taking care of the storm clouds that keep appearing above Ponyville. But that was this morning.”
“Yeah, clouds can be real party poopers sometimes,” Pinkie agreed.
Thunder boomed and lightning flashed as the lights dimmed, and a scream shot through the room.
A soft whimper came from underneath a table a few seconds later. The others peered under the tablecloth.
“It’s alright, Fluttershy. It’s just a bit of lightnin’,” Applejack said softly to her trembling friend.
“Y-yes… b-b-but l-lightning scares m-me…” Fluttershy whimpered.
“It’ll be okay, darling,” Rarity replied. “Now come on out. This storm probably won’t last long.”
“Okay…” Fluttershy slowly emerged from underneath the table.
The thunder and lightning came once again. Fluttershy returned to her storm shelter of a table.
“This is weird,” Twilight said, approaching the window. “I hope Rainbow’s—” her eyes widened as they fell on a thick cluster of clouds hovering over the mountain and the city of Canterlot “—okay.”
The others stared out the windows as Twilight stepped outside.
“What is all this…?” she said to herself. She jumped as an object slammed into the ground in front of her, blasting dust into the air. “What the—Rainbow?! What happened?!”
“He happened!” Rainbow Dash pointed her hoof towards the sky, panting heavily. Confused, Twilight looked in the direction Rainbow extended her foreleg. A chuckle was heard. “He’s the reason why these clouds keep showing up!”
“You must be Princess Twilight Sparkle,” said a male voice. A figure descended in front of the two ponies. He appeared to stand upright and wore a hooded coat over his body. “Good… maybe I can get what I want from you instead. Where are the Elements of Harmony?”
“Who are you? And why do you want them?” Twilight responded. “Wait a second… aren’t you a human? What are you doing in Equestria?!”
“I’ll ask the questions,” he snapped. “Where are the Elements?”
“Like we’re going to tell you where they are!” Rainbow Dash charged at the figure.
“Foolish equine,” the figure said, raising his arm as the pegasus approached. With one swing, he had struck Rainbow on the side of her head and knocked her to the side.
“Rainbow!” Twilight shouted, taking a step towards her friend.
“I’ll ask one last time. Show me where the Elements are, or your friends will pay the price.”
Shrieks were heard from inside Sugarcube Corner.
“Girls!” Twilight yelled.
Large canines stepped out of the building, one by one, holding each of Twilight’s friends, including Spike. The creatures stood tall and bulky, wearing dark gray armor.
“P-Please… put us down…” whimpered Fluttershy.
“Let us go, you jerks!” Spike demanded.
“Well, princess?” said the hooded figure.
Twilight glared at him as her horn began to glow. The light at the tip began to burn brightly as it lit up the vicinity.
“So that’s how it’s going to be…” the figure muttered, as he saw that they had vanished as the light faded.
The seven rushed into Twilight’s home.
“Just what in tarnation is goin’ on here?” Applejack panted.
“I don’t know, but something tells me things are going to get a lot worse if we don’t stop those guys,” Twilight replied, approaching the glass case containing the Elements of Harmony.
“Spike, take a letter,” Twilight said, after placing the appropriate necklaces on each of her friends and the crown on herself.
“Yes, ma’am,” Spike quickly grabbed a quill and a piece of parchment.
“Dear Princess Celestia…” she began, only to be interrupted by the sound of the wall crashing open.
Dust filled the room. As the cloud vanished, all seven found themselves held down by an armored canine.
“You waste your time,” said the male figure. “Your precious rulers have been defeated.”
“You’re lying!” Twilight shouted. “There’s no way the likes of you could beat them!”
“Believe what you will. You’re too late.” The figure glanced around the room. “Hiding them in your own home? Such a terrible spot.”
“Just you wait,” Applejack said. “When ah break free—”
“You won’t. Rogues! Remove the Elements!”
The ponies struggled as their necklaces were taken. Twilight’s horn lit up once more as she vanished from her captor’s grip, along with her crown, and reappeared in another spot in the library.
“Let my friends go!” she demanded, her horn glowing once more.
“That won’t happen,” said a deeper male voice. Another hooded figure entered the room, lightning sparking from his hands. The newcomer extended his arm towards Twilight and shot several bolts at her, knocking her through the hole in the wall.
“Twilight!” shouted her friends.
“The Elements and their bearers belong to us now!” The figures stepped through the hole. The second extended his arm towards Twilight again. “Give up.”
Twilight rose to her hooves, her horn and the emblem on her crown glowing. “Release… my friends…!”
The second human glared at her. “Have it your way.” A large burst of lightning shot out towards Twilight. This time, she fired a burst of energy from her horn in retaliation. The blasts collided directly in between. “A strong one, aren’t you? But it’s useless.”
“I won’t… let you win…” Twilight replied, struggling to maintain her strength.
Neither she nor the human let up, and the collision of their attacks triggered an explosion of light that engulfed the vicinity.
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I really liked Yu-Gi-Oh! 5D's so I'm following this. I hope it turns out good.
You could use some help though, perhaps I can pitch in.
2588131
If you mean character-wise, yeah, I'm a little shaky on that, I'll admit.
But I certainly don't mind critique.
If you need help with this story, you might want to look up Wolfgang. With two 5D's stories already written, and a third one in progress, he's proven himself to be extremely good!
2588196
Duly noted.
2588221 No problem!
wait...Pinkie has...logic?
I take it that this is a Meta Twilight story?
First chapter down, will finish list of revisions probably tomorrow. The Pinkie thing seems like a common difficulty for writers. Thankfully, my mind can operate on her logic from time to time, so I might be able to help you there.
I like how the story starts off slow, with some elements of a Slice of Life fic. It emphasizes that this really just started off as a normal day, then it picks up whenever something unusual happens, with the final scenes suddenly accelerating.
I'll probably start watching the show tomorrow, so I'll have some background to work with. For now, I actually like the way this is going, and I think the biggest problem you had is that it was the first chapter. Trust me, I know what that's like!
Don't worry, it isn't even logic. It's hyper-matter-antimatter-non-euclidian-sugar-powered-multiverse-tearing-*head explodes from attempting to explain it*
2588239 of course she does it's just buried under the troll logic she usually uses