So... I think someone have stolen your separations, because all I can see here is a big wall of text, and that is not inviting at all. Or was it meant to look like this? Because then can I just give up in advance to read it
I think you could elaberate on what happened to Rainbow Dash, it say's that all the traitors were called Dashite's. So does that mean Rainbow Dash was a traitor? I just think that you could expand on that a little like...
'All the traitors to the pegisi tribe were called Dashite's after the first pony to leave the clouds, the element of Loyalty, Rainbow Dash.'
And then you could go into how she convinced a large group to leave with her, because one pony leaving wouldn't earn a name for herself even if she was the first to go. Do you see what I mean by that? Anyway, it's just a suggestion. I just think it would be better with a bit more of a backstory on why she left and all that.
nice
2562579 Why thank you my friend. Nice to see someone likes my first attempt
2563203
Always happy to help a fellow writer!
Well... that's the start. When the next chapter will be?
2563352 Whenever I get an idea of how to start it lol
So... I think someone have stolen your separations, because all I can see here is a big wall of text, and that is not inviting at all. Or was it meant to look like this? Because then can I just give up in advance to read it
I think you could elaberate on what happened to Rainbow Dash, it say's that all the traitors were called Dashite's. So does that mean Rainbow Dash was a traitor? I just think that you could expand on that a little like...
'All the traitors to the pegisi tribe were called Dashite's after the first pony to leave the clouds, the element of Loyalty, Rainbow Dash.'
And then you could go into how she convinced a large group to leave with her, because one pony leaving wouldn't earn a name for herself even if she was the first to go. Do you see what I mean by that? Anyway, it's just a suggestion. I just think it would be better with a bit more of a backstory on why she left and all that.