The Ponion

by CartsBeforeHorses

"Princess Luna Under Fire for Spying on Reporters' Dreams"

May 20, 2013
Princess Luna Under Fire for Spying on Reporters' Dreams

CANTERLOT—In the latest scandal to hit the Celestia Administration, the government has come under fire from reporters who have produced evidence that government officials have intruded into their dreams.

The Confederated Reporters, the target of the dreamwatching, is a cooperative association of journalists from various media outlets, including The Ponion. The CR has issued a press release calling for Princess Luna to face a legislative inquiry over her role in the dream spying.

“We cannot tolerate this blatant disregard for freedom of dreams and freedom of the press,” said Breaking News, the group’s Spokestallion, in a press conference on Monday. “We call upon Princess Luna to answer congressional charges that she violated the Constitution.”

Princess Luna, right-hand-mare to Princess Celestia and head of the Department of Courts, has been questioned by Congress before. In a hearing last week, she refused to answer any questions and instead yelled “WE ARE NOT AMUSED” and used her magic to cause several lightning strikes. The hearing was then cancelled.

Hundreds of newsponies confirmed that their dreams had been targeted by the overbearing princess.

“I was asleep one night, dreaming about this great story I was going to publish the next day, a story about Equestria’s intervention in the Saddle Arabian lands,” a CR news reporter, Juicy Scoop, told us, “When all of a sudden this shadowy figure walked up behind my desk and said, ‘you better not publish anything about this or I will hurt you.’ I tried to scream, and I tried to fly away, but I couldn’t.”

“Boy, don’t you just hate those dreams where you can’t scream or fly?” she added.

Most of the reporters who were targeted were working on stories related to Equestrian intervention in south Saddle Arabia, where a suspected terrorist was detained for attempting to bomb an Equestria-bound dirigible.

On Monday, it was also revealed that Princess Luna had targeted two reporters from Flamingo News in a separate incident, in which she threatened them in their dreams for speaking to confidential government sources.

“So I was having this dream about one of my sources, and then all of a sudden, he turned into a hydra and gobbled me up,” the Flamingo reporter, Free Press, revealed on Monday.

“When I woke up, at first I thought it was just a bad dream. But then I realized that it was Princess Luna deliberately trying to send me a warning against talking to this source.”

When asked how he knew that it was Princess Luna in particular, Free Press simply answered, “Well, it was a dream. You know how sometimes in a dream you just know stuff? Well, that’s how I knew.”

Princess Luna briefly responded to these allegations on Friday in what could barely be called a press conference.

“We reserve the right to investigate our subject’s dreams as appropriate. We cannot allow any terrorist elements to infiltrate Equestria,” the Princess of the Night said.

“What about the Constitution?” A reporter from the Equestria Inquirer asked.

“No more questions,” said one of Luna’s handlers, as she was escorted off stage without, in fact, answering a single question. Ω

Comments

[Romaji]

Wouldn't dream snooping be allowed under the Equestrian constitution?

[Diamond Sparkle]

Equestria is not a democracy.