The Ponion

by CartsBeforeHorses

"'It's What My Cutie Mark Was Telling Me,' Accused Murderer Pleads"

June 7th, 2013
"It's What My Cutie Mark Was Telling Me," Accused Murderer Pleads

Courtroom sketch of the defendant

HORSERA, CLOPORADO--Accused mass murderer James Pones has entered a plea of Cutie Mark insanity, saying that he could not be held responsible for his actions at a movie theater last summer when he killed a dozen ponies at a midnight showing of Batmare Rises, because it's what his cutie mark was telling him to do. Therefore, it had to be his destiny.

A judge has accepted the plea, meaning that the burden now rests on the prosecution to prove that Pones is, in fact, sane.

However, the chances of his plea being successful are very slim, Cloporado University law professor Legalese notes.

"If I had a bit for every time I've seen a pony say that he only did what he did because it was his destiny, and it was what his cutie mark was telling him, I'd be a rich mare," Legalese said.

"But only about 1% of cutie mark pleas are successful. It's very hard to prove that your cutie mark urged you to do something criminal. I mean, look at my cutie mark. It's a picture of a law book. If I assault somepony with a law book, do I get a free pass? I don't think so," she added.

If Pones is found guilty, he could face the death penalty. Death for Pones is theoretically possible in the same way that a pony getting struck by lightning twice is theoretically possible. Yes, if the governor doesn't pardon him like he pardoned that one stallion who killed four people, and the legislature doesn't vote to abolish the death penalty in the years it would take to actually send Pones to his grave, and he doesn't get killed in prison by another inmate, he could conceivably end up with a needle in his arm. In the same way, you could conceivably drop dead of a heart attack right after reading this sentence.

Though it is still a longshot, Pones' insanity plea is helped somewhat by the fact that his cutie mark is a picture of several young fillies and colts running in what appears to be terror. Ω

Comments

[terrycloth]

I'm in love with random murder but my friends all have concerns,
because my clothes are bloodstained and my hooves have powder burns.

And of course,
"Pinkie Pie, Rarity's trying to be a mass murderer!" "A true true friend helps a friend in need..."

[Skeeter The Lurker]

Cloperado?

Seems Legit.

~Skeeter The Lurker

[The Read Later List]

Very clever.

[staples]

Cute idea.

[Diamond Sparkle]

I like this.